Damsel in Distress?

"Saving Kinessa"


Fernando stopped and looked inside a barn, taking a glance at the three horses inside. The one at the far left was a black Sun Spirian stallion, the center one was a white Eastern mare, and the last one was...

A mule?

"EEE OOO!" the mule blared as it descended to eat a bale of hay.

"Which one do you want, Sir Knight?" a man asked as he chewed on a piece of straw, "All of 'em are fine stock, ya hear?"

The knight rubbed the back of his head, "I'll take the stallion." he pulled out a bag of gold.

"Alright." the farmer nodded and took the bag, "Huh?" he paused and grabbed a paper from the bag, "What's this?" he opened it up lengthwise, "HOO EE!" he cheered and whistled.

Fernando turned and gasped, "Oye!" he yelled and snatched the paper from the man's hand.

"Looks like one of the Northern gals!" the farmer chuckled, "Did you draw that yourself?"

"Er hem..." Fernando cleared his throat and put the paper in his armor.

"You drew her like one of them Frankish girls." the farmer shook his head, "But this should suffice." he held the bag and felt the gold inside.
"What happened to your last horse?" he asked, "Odd for a knight not to have one."

"Eh he he..." the knight rubbed his hands, "Welp. I found out that gorlocks like the taste of horse meat..." he informed and rolled his eyes.

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The knight rode towards a saloon in a western-style village, ever watchful of the stares he was getting from the local populous.
Of course, this did not stop him in the slightest and he continued his way after dismounting his new horse.

The saloon doors opened for Fernando, and he was immediately greeted with the leery stares of the occupants.

"Hola." the knight said as he looked around, "I am looking for the one who had complained about the crocodile gang."

The cowboys stepped aside, and one stood up.
It was the sheriff.

"Howdy." the man walked towards him, "Who has told you about our crocodile infestation?" he asked, quite surprised that such a faraway person had heard of their contract.

"I was traveling the land in order to save villages from danger when I heard through word of mouth of the lagartos that storm your lakes." Fernando responded and raised his lance, "They may not be dragons... but its close enough."

The sheriff nodded, "Well... I never expected someone from the coastal countries to come down here." he shrugged his shoulders, "But you're a tad too late. Kinny has already gone to take care of them."

"I love Kinny." one cowboy chuckled.

"Uh..." Fernando murmured, "Whatever floats your boat, village person." he shook his head.

The cowboy growled and stood up.
"Did you just call me a-" he raised his gun and aimed it at the knight.

"Enough!" the sheriff interrupted the two and raised his arm, "It's a misunderstandin'! You see, he's from different land."

"Stupid coastal liberals." the cowboy snarled and sat back down.

"Now, as I was saying." the sheriff said, "Kinny has gone to kick the gator tail, so I'm afraid we don't need that service anymore."

"Who's Kinny?" Fernando asked.

"The local bounty hunter. Born and raised out in a ranch a few clicks away." the sheriff rubbed his rotund belly, "A nice person!"

Fernando nodded, "Well, if it may not be too much to ask, where would Kinny be?"

The sheriff sighed, "I guess you really wanna kill some gators... I doubt Kinny will let you take the share of the money though, you know 'em bounty hunters." he chortled and twisted his mustache, "Anywho, Kinny's over yonder past Ol' Jenin's Farm by the Bull Lake." he pointed to a general direction that was due south.

"I will help him then, and this town." the knight responded and raised his shield, then walked out of the saloon.

"Say, boss." the deputy walked up, "Did that guy just call Kinny a he?" he asked.

"You know 'em coastal people." the sheriff murmured, "A bit too looney for our taste."

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Fernando rode down the dusty trail and caught sight of the lake, then slowed down his stallion as he saw thrashing by a small marsh area.
"Ah..." he stopped his horse and then stepped down, tying his steed to a nearby weeping willow before advancing, "I don't want you to run away and end up like my last horse."

The knight stepped forward and jumped over a rock.

"HEY!" a voice yelled, causing the man to jump up and see he had landed atop a woman.
The woman kicked the man in the shin and stood up, "What's your deal!?" she shook her fist and raised her red rifle.

Her earthen brown hair was cut to the base of her skull and she had a white stripe across her left cheek. Her red eyes shone defiantly as she placed her hands on her hips.
"Well? What is a buffoon from the Iron Age doing here?"

Fernando cleared his throat, "My sincerest apologies, my lady." he did a quick bow and pulled out a rose, "I did not see you hiding behind this stone-"

"What's up with you?" the woman grunted, "My lady? Are you old or what?" she growled, "Again, what the hell are you doing here?"

"My lady, pleas-"

"Tell me what the hell you are doing here or I swear to my scope that I will blow that helmet clean off your stupid head."

"Very well. I do not want to trouble you further." Fernando responded, "I am Sir Fernando Hernando Servando Fulano Perengano y Zutano and I have come to see the man called Kinny."

The woman scoffed.
"Are you stupid?"

"What?"

"That man called Kinny is me." the woman crossed her arms.

Fernando looked twice, "Uh... you don't look like a man..." he murmured as he inspected her, "Well the hair- DWAK!" he was kicked in the groin and sent to his knees.

"Kinny is short for Kinessa, you imbecile." the woman shook her fist as the man weakly got up, "And what are you doing looking for me!?"

Fernando groaned and rubbed his man area, "Ah... My lady... I have... just come to aid in the crocodile hunt!" he breathed in sharply, "I heard you were out here saving the village-"

"Yeah, so?" Kinessa asked, "I was doing just fine before you stepped on my ass." she sighed.

"Apologies, my lady." Fernando said and rubbed her behind, "Sana sana colita de rana."

Kinessa gasped in shock and then turned, "What the hell!?" she yelled and slapped the knight with the butt of her rifle, knocking away his helmet.
"What is your de-" she paused when she saw his face.

"Ah..." Fernando rubbed his cheek and reached for his helmet, "Apolo-" he smirked when he saw Kinessa look at him dreamily, "Hola." he brought up another rose and handed it to her.

Kinessa sighed and grabbed it, "Wow..."

"It's not polite to stare, but- OYE!" the knight called out when he saw a crocodile run straight towards them, "Watch out!" he pushed her aside.

"RAPH!" the crocodile lunged and grabbed onto Fernando's leg before the latter could raise his shield.

"ARGH!" Fernando yelled as he was brought down and then dragged toward the lake, "Alejaos de mi, lizard brain!" he tried his hardest to kick the crocodile in the head.

The large reptile was unfazed and eventually dragged him into the lake.

"No! I can't swim!" Fernando cried out.

Kinessa snapped back to reality and saw Fernando being lunged by several crocodiles at once, "Hey! Steel for brains!" she yelled and grabbed her rifle, "Stand still!"

Fernando, however, was too busy fighting the reptiles that sought to drag him deeper into the lake, "I can't do that, my lady!" he responded and punched one of the crocodiles in the maw, "RAH!" he grabbed one by the mouth and tore it apart with his bare hands.

"Oh that's so hot." Kinessa gasped and fanned herself with her hand.

"A little help here!" Fernando was finally subdued by the combined might of the reptilians and was being dragged to a deeper part of the lake, "I CAN'T SWIM!" his heavy armor started to bring him down.

Kinessa grumbled and looked down her scope.
"KAPOW!" she laughed and struck one of crocodiles with her scope, freeing the knight's left arm as it died.

"Here's another one!" she sniped the crocodile on Fernando's right arm.

"HRAH!" Fernando used his free hands to grabbed the crocodile on his back and flipped it front of him, "Take this!" he punched the monster in the stomach.

"Stop moving..." Kinessa stopped when she saw one of the crocodiles come out and run on land, "Oh please run, I love it when they run!" she laughed and fired, killing it.
"Easy mone-" she heard a snarl behind her.

A crocodile appeared from the brush and growled right by her face.

"Clever girl..." the bounty hunter gulped and closed her eyes.

"RAHHH!" the crocodile growled and lunged at the woman, tackling her down to the dirt.

Kinessa screamed, catching the attention of Fernando.
"My lady!" the knight called out and uppercutted the last crocodile, "I'm coming!" he charged out of the water and ran to get his lance and shield, which he had dropped when he was initially attacked.

"Get off!" Kinessa kicked the crocodile, only to have it bite down on her arm.
"AHHHH!" she screamed and glared at the beast, "Oh... I'll remember this..." she balled up her fist and punched it in a last effort.

"BRAHHH!" the crocodile flew off, stunning the woman for a few seconds.

"Did I do th-" Kinessa paused and saw Fernando jump over her.

"Take this, you lagarto!" Fernando kicked the reptile into a tree.

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The sheriff nodded and pulled out a bag of gold, "Here ya go, Kinny." he handed it to her, "I see you met up with this strange feller."

Kinessa nodded, "He is an oddball indeed." she laughed and slapped Fernando's back, "But he was a great help!" she reached in the bag and pulled out around half of the coins.

The deputies gasped in shock.

"K-K-Kinny!" the sheriff stammered as he saw the act, "Are- Are you ok?" he asked, "Are you sick? Did you eat hot Uncle Gin's chili again?"

"No no. Fernando has just been a great help." Kinessa responded, "In fact, he's going to be much greater help..." she grabbed his arm and dragged the knight right out.

"Hey- Kin- Kin-" the sheriff shook his head, "Them youngun's sure enjoy life." he chuckled and stepped out, then saw the two run off.