A/N:
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Day 2: Saturday, the Simple Reminders
Dr. Temperance Brennan awoke feeling like her old self. The person she was before…Well, just before. She kept herself focused on the tasks in front of her. Breakfast was her usual cup of coffee with two sugars and she managed to leave her apartment earlier than usual. She was one of the first of her team to arrive at the Jeffersonian. She wasn't surprised. It had only been two days since… the Incident and she knew that the others wouldn't be able to cope as well as herself. The lab, while usually bustling with noise and activity was strangely quiet. It was disconcerting because she knew few employees would have heard the news already. And most of them hadn't even spoken once to her partner in the past. He had only worked and interacted with herself and her squints, as he coined them.
Brennan settled into her office chair, arranging papers in a certain order as a distraction. Her mask was in place until she glanced at her computer and saw Jasper the pig sitting next to it. She gasped involuntarily at the sudden reminder of what was missing in her life. In a fit of anger, she grabbed the pig and threw him against the glass windows of her office. Despite the strength of the impact, Jasper landed in one piece on her floor. Brennan sighed as she realized someone was standing in her doorway. It was Cam.
"Um, good morning Dr. Brennan." She sounded unsure of herself for once. Brennan decided to help her almost-friend out and replied, "Good morning Dr. Saroyan. How are you?"
"I'm…" Cam paused as she searched for the right words. "I'll be fine. How are you?"
"I'm fine, thank you." Brennan was uncomfortable with discussing her feelings with her boss and so moved hurriedly to the next topic. "Is there anything specific you want me to work on?"
"No, not today." Cam replied slowly.
"Alright then. I'll just catalog remains from limbo then." Brennan said matter of factly.
Cam seemed surprised at her calm, unaffected tone. "Yeah that would be fine with me. I just stopped by to grab some things from my office. You're not going to see much of me this week. Or Angela and Hodgins, no doubt. It's understandable though. I didn't even have to encourage them to take off. Don't you want to take a vacation too?" Cam tilted her head slightly as she observed Dr. Brennan.
Brennan showed no emotion, however as she replied, "No, I would much rather work right now." Cam sighed as she turned to exit but hesitated before completely leaving. Brennan saw this and commented on it.
"Did you want anything else?"
Cam again seemed loss for words. "No not really. I just wanted to let you know that Sweets is making himself available-"
Brennan, sensing where this conversation was going, ended it quickly by saying, "Thanks but I'm fine. I don't need to talk to a psychologist, or anyone really." She added as an afterthought. Cam simply nodded her head in agreement and fled Brennan's coldly polite presence.
oOo
Brennan's first day of working without Booth went fairly well. She hid herself in limbo most of the day, forgetting everyone in the lab plus, both lunch and dinner. She glanced at her watch and was shocked to see it read 7:08 pm. She hadn't meant to stay in limbo all day but it worked out well in the end. Her stomach grumbled loudly and she realized she hadn't eaten since that morning. He was always around to remind her to eat or to bring her take out if she was swamped. Brennan sighed softly.
"Even the little things remind me of you. How am I going to live like this?" She muttered to herself as she boxed up several body parts. Again, her mind began providing logical arguments for her emotions but for once, she shut the small voice out. She put her hands on the examination table and simply breathed in and out for several long minutes. It was only the second day and already her mask was unsteady. She hadn't felt the need to wear it in so long. She had forgotten just how hard it was to maintain it.
As she struggled for control, she cast her mind back to her teenage years in the foster system. Although she had stayed in the same area while in the system, it hadn't helped much in terms of making friends. She was still the outsider, the freak in her high school. In those days, her mask was her only way of surviving. Every day she was ridiculed in the school hallways. She was forced to eat alone during lunch, and always sat in the back of the classrooms. She didn't speak up unless the teacher called on her. While she knew the levels of her intelligence then, she didn't want to give her peers another reason to mock her.
However, as Brennan leaned on the examination table, she understood that things had changed. No longer was she the outsider of the group. She was the leader of one of the best crime-solving teams in the country. She had made something of herself since high school. Logically, that meant that she wouldn't have to rely on her mask for support. Circumstances dictated differently though. She best dealt with loss through work. Every time a relationship ended, she would cope by flying halfway across the world for anthropology digs. She was sorely tempted to accept an offer in Brazil to identify newly discovered remains but she knew she couldn't leave her best friend. Not right now, at least.
Her cell phone ringing interrupted Brennan's thoughts. She jumped at the sudden intrusion, fumbling to find her phone in her pockets. She flipped it open.
"Brennan."
"Hey sweetie it's Ange. Where are you?" Brennan didn't want to worry Angela but neither was she comfortable with lying. She sighed as she said, "I'm in limbo. Why?"
"Bren, do you know what time it is?"
"No, I don't."
"It's almost 9 pm. You've been down there since this morning. You need to go on home and get some rest."
Brennan almost gasped as she heard the time. It seemed like only moments ago she was checking her watch but in reality, it had been two hours.
"I hadn't realized it was so late, Ange. Thanks for reminding me." Brennan's voice was even, bordering on coldly polite. Angela heard this and inwardly sighed, knowing this was her friend's way of dealing.
"Just… Make sure you go home at a decent time, okay? Do that for me."
Brennan reluctantly agreed and hung up the phone. She didn't want to go home. Everywhere she went, there were reminders. Reminders of her past life, of what she lost. She also knew that as soon as she even tried to sleep, the nightmares would begin.
oOo
She slowly packed up her last set off remains. It was a teenager, female who lived approximately five hundred years ago. The girl had been pregnant at least once, despite her young age. It was in moments like these when Brennan wished she could create a story like Dr. Goodman could. She only disapproved of conjecture during murder cases. The bones she repacked told a story of times past. The only voice the girl had left to her. Brennan walked pensively up to the lab's lounge in the balcony. She stood above her beloved home and simply looked.
She didn't see much activity because of the late hour. However there were certain scientists still squinting away at their work. She saw the guards making their rounds. She could see her office from her vantage point. The blinds were closed and the door shut. Something about the darkness of her office struck a chord within her. She knew exactly what Dr. Sweets would say about her observation. That her dark office represented her life currently. That she had shut off her emotions and all that was left was a shell. But Brennan never put much stock into psychology. She sighed as she turned to walk down the stairs, knowing she had delayed her leaving long enough. She was surprised that Angela hadn't called again to 'check up' on her. Brennan loved her friend dearly but she hated to be treated like a child, especially a sick child. That's how she felt, she realized. Or at least, that was how everyone saw her, she reasoned.
On some level, she appreciated their concern for her, but she was overwhelmed by the pressure they inadvertently pushed on her. They expected her to break down any minute. Perhaps to enter into a catatonic state when the full impact of Booth's death hit her. She had hoped that by now, her friends and colleagues would know her better than that. Recovering from the loss of her partner and best friend would be hard, yes. But not impossible. She was determined to continue living her life like she used to.
