Chapter 4: Almost There
"It's there . . . I just can't remember it."
My heart is still frozen. It rests like a block of ice in my chest, chilling my veins with icy blood. It's strange. My mind yearns for Amaterasu, the reincarnation of my beloved Shiranui, but my heart is still waiting for Shiranui herself. I play with the feathers of my wig, the one I wear to hide my golden hair that gives me away as a member of the accursed Moon Tribe, the one Shiranui herself made for me with that sole purpose in mind. The soft down feathers are pure white, and once had crimson red accents at the tips—undeniably Shiranui's touch. Now the brilliant red color has faded to a subdued pink. It is the only thing I have left of her.
But bit by bit, piece by piece, Shiranui is returning to me. However, it is a slow, taxing process for Amaterasu, recovering her memories one at a time. If she will ever completely regain all her memories, I do not know. It is all I can do to aid her in her time of confusion, helping her out with subtle hints at her future, testing her power to see how she is improving. Slowly but surely, she is reclaiming the power she once had so many years ago.
I wish for nothing more than for Amaterasu to remember her love for me. That is all I ask. It doesn't matter if she doesn't recall everything, as long as she remembers me. I know that is selfish of me, but . . . Every time I see her, knowing that she does not love me anymore, it tears me apart inside. My heart may be locked in ice, but that only makes it all the easier to shatter it.
Amaterasu is progressing well in terms of her power. She has recovered many of her Celestial Brush techniques, though there are still several left. Her memories, on the other hand, are fickle at best. She recalls an old memory, she forgets it again. There are many, many holes in her memory that have yet to be filled, and I am starting to doubt if she will ever remember whom she once was. She does not even know the fact that her former self's name was Shiranui.
What am I doing? I mustn't be so pessimistic . . . Amaterasu is doing just fine on her own. But, still . . . I must check in on her at least once more. My mind will not rest until I do.
I've already seen in another vision that Amaterasu is heading for Sei-An City, so I shall wait for her there.
Amaterasu is taking forever to get here. What is taking her so long? Well, patience is a virtue, and I really have no other choice but to wait.
At last, Amaterasu comes. "Well, well . . ." I say. "Look what the cat dragged in. What took you so long, ma chérie?"
"Traffic was killer," replies Amaterasu. "Nice to see you again . . . I guess. But, you know—"
And as usual, Amaterasu's little bouncing friend speaks up for her, in turn cutting her off. "Ack . . . Not you again!" he says, irked by my presence. "Well, you can't fool us! We're not gonna forget what you did to us back at Orochi's cave! And why do you keep popping up wherever we are, anyway? What're you up to this time?"
I'm not about to tell this little pest what I'm really here for, so I devise another reason. "Hm? Excusez-moi, but I have no time to follow you around. You see, I'm busy looking for something." It is not entirely untrue. I seek the Ark of Yamato, the vessel that will transport Amaterasu and I back to the Celestial Plain, our true home.
"Bah . . . Some prophet you are. Shouldn't you already know where to look?"
It's when he says those kinds of things that I remember why I do not like him. "Well, maybe 'look' isn't the right word. I already know where it is. It's just . . ." It's just that it is frozen in a lake somewhere in a freezing wasteland. "Getting there is proving to be a bit of a problem." Kamui, the land in which the Ark of Yamato is being held, is an isolated land. There is no possible way to get to such a secluded land. "Suffice it to say, I want it quick and easy!" I'd rather not have to work excessively to get to it. And, I just want to go home. Is that too much to ask?
"Quick and easy . . . ? Wait a sec . . . Don't tell me you're behind this funky mist!" Hm? Oh, the strange green mist that blankets the capital, making its residents fall ill. Horrible stuff, but I had absolutely nothing to do with it. "Is this part of a plan to conquer the city and take over the world? You're always up to no good, so I wouldn't be surprised . . ."
"Issun, enough with your crazy ideas!" Amaterasu reprimands him.
"The world?" I repeat, not quite believing what he's come up with now. How he jumps to conclusions! It makes me wonder what goes on in that little head of his. But, technically . . . "Not bad, my little bouncing friend. You're only half wrong . . . I seek the other world . . . I desire a path to the heavens." In other words, a path to my home.
"A path to the heavens?" Issun echoes. "Oh, stop beating around the bush and let us know what's on your mind!"
Why should I? I think with a laugh. "This path concerns you, too, ma chérie," I say to Amaterasu, hoping to get her attention. She looks like she's starting to tune me out.
"Huh?" she says, looking at me. "The path to the heavens . . ." She deliberates on that for a while, her gaze growing distant. "The path . . . to the . . . Home?"
What's this? She's recalled something! "Oui, Amaterasu. Our home. Do you remember what it is called?" I prompt her, hopefully to spark another memory or two.
"I . . . um . . ." She contemplates it for some time. Then with a sigh, she says, "I'm sorry. I . . . I can't remember. When you mentioned 'the heavens,' the word 'home' just popped into my mind. I can't recall anything else about it. I'm so sorry . . ."
"You need not be sorry, ma chérie," I say, though her lack of memory is seriously starting to concern me. "Take your time with it. They will come to you, the memories." At least, I hope they will.
" . . . Okay. Thanks, Waka."
"De rien." Oh, there I go with the French again. "It was nothing. You're welcome."
"Huh?" Amaterasu's little bouncing friend says to my previous remark about the path to the heavens concerning Amaterasu, completely oblivious to my little conversation with Amaterasu.
Guess it's time for a change of topic. Let's get back to the matter at hand. "This city is in quite a bad state, is it not? Especially this ghastly mist that torments its people . . ." Yes, that horrendous mist inflicts pain upon the citizens of Sei-An. These people are in agony, and this mist will kill them if this goes on for much longer.
"You think we're stupid?" You want me to answer that honestly? "We see right through you, pretty boy! Ha! We've got you all figured out!" And how is that so? "This funky mist and this so-called path to the heavens . . . You're in cahoots with Queen Himiko!" Ah, yes, the ever so gracious Queen Himiko, ruler of Sei-An. According to the people here, Queen Himiko is purposely condemning the people of the city, doing absolutely nothing to help them. Little do they know that she is actually praying day in and day out for the safety of her people. Her prayers require all her energy, so she remains locked in her quarters at the Royal Palace. This is part of the reason the Tao Troopers, the law enforcement/peacekeeper group that resides here, has purpose now—to protect Queen Himiko as she enacts her lifesaving prayers.
Oh, we're getting off track again. Back to the task at hand. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You must first deal with this mist. It is slowly but surely killing the people of this city. Wait too long, and it's au revoir! The damage will already be done."
"Why you—! Talking about it like it's someone else's problem! You're behind it all! Admit it already!"
Is he still hung up on that? Honestly, he needs to let that one go. I am not behind the mist or the conspiracy that little pest's dreamed up in that crazy little head of his. But enough of that. "Even if I was . . . What good would come out of arguing about it here? Methinks you should be doing something about the mist now. How about a tip this time instead of a prophecy? 'Go through the hole in the wall, little ones!'" Wait, that doesn't sound quite right . . . It might be a little too confusing for Amaterasu and her little bouncing friend. "Ahem . . . Let me put it this way . . . Even the most solid defense has a tiny gap like the eye of a needle! Or something like that . . . Understand, ma chérie?"
"No, I don't!" Issun responds sharply.
"He wasn't talking to you, idiot!" Amaterasu snaps at him. She then turns to me. "I . . . don't really understand, but I'm sure I will when the time comes. Thanks for the advice."
"No problem, Amaterasu."
"C'mon, Ammy!" her little bouncing friend says. "I'm sick of talking to this guy."
Trust me, the feeling's mutual. Amaterasu and her little friend leave. I'm sad to see Amaterasu go, but I'm glad to be rid of that pest. But now I'm wondering, what am I to do now?
o~*~o
Amaterasu
It's not over yet. I defeated that pesky Orochi, but my adventure is far from over. It seems that there's greater forces, darker forces behind all this. So, my journey continues.
And my personal quest to quell my confusion is also still ongoing. I know that these visions I'm having, and the dreams that constantly haunt me, are memories of a past life. But I still know so little. All I really know is that my past self lived in a strange, almost ethereal place and that she knew Waka. I don't even know what my former self's name was. But her memories invade my thoughts all the time. They never cease to confuse me and start me questioning everything I once thought to be true. Just who is she?
Just who was I? Who am I? I don't know anymore . . .
You are the Great Goddess.
Huh? Who was that? It . . . It's that voice . . . The same voice that whispered the word "home" in my ear when Waka mentioned "the heavens." Is she trying to tell me that I once lived in the heavens? What does she mean, "Great Goddess?"
"Who . . . Who are you?" I ask the voice. I can't seem to find where it's coming from, but I hope she can hear me.
I am you, the voice replies.
"Me . . . ?" What's she talking about? Wait! "Are you . . . Might you be . . . my past self? My previous incarnation?"
. . . Yes. Now, speak your name.
"Okami Amaterasu, the Sun Goddess." Why is she having me do this?
No. Speak your true name. It is the same as mine.
"True name?" Does she mean the name of my past self? Her name? Why is she asking for her name? I know my name! It's Amaterasu! But I don't know her name. "I don't know. Why won't you tell me?"
That, you must figure out for yourself. You must unlock the memories hidden away in your mind. Only then will you know your true name, and know your true self.
"Enough with the riddles already!" I'm getting fed up with being so confused all the time. I wish someone would just tell me something straightforward!
It is not a riddle. All I am saying is, you just have to remember.
"Remember what?" Seriously, why can't anyone just spell it out for me?
Remember your past life . . . That is all you need to do. Then all will become clear to you.
"All will become clear . . ."
Yes. Remember, Amaterasu . . . Remember your past . . .
Again, my dazed traveling takes me someplace different. And like before, Issun's voice pulls me out of my own thoughts.
"Now, then . . ." he says. "Where's this Dragonian Domain?" What? Oh, yeah, we came here to North Ryoshima Coast to search for the Dragonians, the people who can supposedly control the Water Dragon, the monster that is currently on a rampage and is dominating the waters of Ryoshima Coast. "Sounds like something that might be under the sea. But I'd rather not get wet if I could help it. And it's not because I'm afraid of that pesky Water Dragon!" Yeah, it is. I can tell by the way he's blatantly denying it. "It's just you swim so slow that you practically put me to sleep!" So I'm not a speedboat. Sue me.
Suddenly, Waka appears out of nowhere, giving me quite a shock. "Bonjour, Amaterasu!" he says casually, as if he didn't just pop in out of the blue. I trust you enjoyed your 'little' adventure through that hole? The city's air sure has cleared up thanks to you."
Oh, yes, our "little" adventure. Looking into that strange green mist, I discovered a small hole in the walls of the Imperial Palace, where the mist seemed to be originating from. With the help of the Lucky Mallet, a special tool that can shrink anyone down to the size of a flea, I was able to get into the palace through that hole. I then found out that the mist was coming from the Emperor of Sei-An, of all places. He'd taken to his bed with an illness—which was actually caused by Blight, a pestilent creature that intended on killing the citizens of the city with its mist. I defeated Blight, and thus cleared the mist that tortured the people of Sei-An.
"Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away," Issun grumbles. "C'mon, Ammy!"
"That's not very nice," I chastise him. "He's not here to fight us . . . At least, I don't think so. Are you?" I ask Waka. I can never tell with him. One minute, he attacks me, the other, he gives me helpful hints and prophecies. So what will it be this time?
"Of course not," Waka says. He turns his attentions to Issun. "Why so grumpy today? Didn't you notice the view? It used to be one big cursed zone out here. But yours truly pulled off one of those Great Divine Interventions!"
"Huh?" I say, not quite believing what he just said. He actually managed to revive the wilted Guardian Sapling here, successfully executing a Great Divine Intervention? "Well, that was very . . . kind of you." I say that, but truth is, I really like the satisfaction of carrying out the act myself. I'm a bit annoyed at the fact that he did it instead.
"What?" Issun says, reflecting my disbelief.
"I really wanted to wait for you two," Waka says, looking somewhat guilty under my withering glare. "But I couldn't stand leaving the sea in such a cursed state." Well, I know how that is, so I guess I can't blame him. He sighs contently, admiring the beautiful sight of Ryoshima Coast in all its glory. "The sea off Ryoshima Coast is back to its beautiful self. Is this what they mean by prettier than a picture, my little friend?"
I think it is, but he's addressing Issun, not me. ". . . What's that supposed to mean, pretty boy?" the Poncle in question says. Why does he always think there's some sort of hidden meaning behind everything Waka says? He's so suspicious and distrustful, it's not even funny. I'd scold him once more, but I'm not even going to bother wasting my breath on him. Issun never listens to me, so why even try?
"Oh, just a little something I overheard somewhere," Waka says, still his smug, confident self. "So, my little bouncing friend. You're a wandering artist, no?" Yeah, that's what Issun introduces himself as—a wandering artist. "I want to see how beautiful your paintings are. Just one would be fine. Pretty please?"
Hmm . . . He's up to something. I just know it. He's going to try a mind trick of sorts on Issun.
"Huh? My art's none of your business!" Issun snaps, becoming a little too defensive in my opinion. "Why should I show you anyway?"
Waka raises an eyebrow at him, somehow looking even more arrogant and self-assured than ever. "You really are in a bad mood today. You're not one of those imposters who claims to be an artist, but could not paint a picture if his life depended on it, are you?"
"What!" I get the feeling that Waka's hit the nail on the head there, judging by Issun's shocked reaction.
"Oh, nothing . . . It is just something some old man mentioned. His grandson, who was also his apprentice, ran away from home. And he took the old man's painting of a wood sprite with him. Do you think he might claim to have painted that masterpiece?" A wood sprite? Come to think of it, Issun did show me a painting of a wood sprite . . . Is that what Issun really did? Did he run away from home and take his grandfather's painting, passing it off as his own? "I mean, there are so many unscrupulous people out there. Sometimes it is hard to spot an imposter in the wide world of art. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"I don't know what the heck you're talking about! Now make like a tree and leave! Or you can stick around if you'd rather get sliced and diced!" Oh, Waka's really done it now. Issun's seriously ticked off. Like, he's about ready to kill that prophet. His glow is shining ruby red, and he's drawn his toothpick-sized sword, Denkomaru, and is swinging it around like a little madman.
Waka looks a little taken aback. I don't think he expected Issun to get this angry. "Excusez-moi! You do not have to get all hot under the collar! It would appear I have struck a raw nerve! Well, since I have no prophecies or anything for you this time, I suppose I'll just be on my merry way. Au revoir, baby!"
No prophecies? And they've always been so helpful . . . not! Well, I guess they've been a little helpful at times . . .
What's really working on my nerves, though, is the fact that I didn't recall anything else about my past life when I was with him. He usually helps me remember a memory or two. That voice keeps nagging at me to "remember my past," and it's driving me insane.
It's getting dark, and I'm feeling pretty worn out right about now, so I just lay myself down and go to sleep.
o~*~o
I see a younger version of my past self, a cub perhaps only six months old. I can sense that this is a different place than the other place of my dreams, but I still can't recall a name.
My past incarnation is playing with Waka, whom appears to be only eight years of age. Both are unaware of the man creeping up behind them, ready to snatch one of them.
I feel someone grab me from behind, scaring me. "Mommy?" I say. Mommy will help me. She can get me out of any kind of trouble. But Mommy doesn't come to help. Why doesn't she? She . . . she doesn't want me. I knew it. She hates me because I'm different, like everyone else hates me. She doesn't want to help me. She wants to let them do whatever they're going to do to me.
"What are you doing with her?" Waka says, stepping up in Mommy's place. At least he cares about me. He's the only one that does . . .
"Following orders," the man that grabbed me says.
"Let her go!"
"Orders are orders."
I fight the man's grip as I cry, "Mommy! Waka!" One of them will come to help me, I just know it. I try to get out of the man's arms, but it's impossible. He's just too strong.
"Shiranui!" Waka shouts.
I thrash and struggle, wanting more than anything to get back to Mommy and Waka. But the man just won't let go. Why won't anyone come to help me? Maybe if I cry loud enough, one of them will come for me. "MOMMY! WAKA!" I yell as loud as I can. But no one comes.
The man puts me in some strange metal thing that will probably do something bad to me. The door slams closed, and I'm trapped. I cry louder, but the strange metal makes it hard to hear what's going on outside, so no one can hear me, I think. And still, no one comes. Not Mommy, not Waka . . . Nobody.
Why, Waka? I thought you said we'd always be together . . . You said, "Forever and ever." What happened to that? Were you just lying to me, like Mommy was? Were you only pretending to care about me? Did you really hate me like everyone else?
If that's how it is, then . . . Then I'll never forgive him!
I feel the strange metal thing start to move. Is it just taking me someplace different? Well, then, that's fine by me! I don't ever want to see those liars ever again!
o~*~o
I wake to the first rays of the morning sun with residual feelings of sadness, anger, and the sense of betrayal. To think that he betrayed me all those years ago . . . I thought he was better than that. I guess I thought wrong. He didn't care about me. He never did. Even now, he's just playing with me, pretending to help me.
I shake those thoughts out my head. None of that's true. He may have just let me be taken away like that, but none of that matters now. He does care about me. He would never help me otherwise. But now new questions are springing up in my mind like flowers in the spring.
Where was I in this dream? Why was I being taken away? Exactly why didn't Waka or the person my past self knew only as "Mommy" help me back then? Where was I taken? Oh, so many questions . . . And the worst part is, it's all here somewhere in my mind. I . . . I just need to find it. I do have all the answers.
It's there . . . I just have to remember it. So that's what I'm going to try to do.
