Whew, my exams are finally over and I was able to finish the chapter, yay! Things gets a bit angtsy and the end, but it's not really bad. Also, Katsuo finally appears!
Chapter 5 may take a while, because I haven't started writing it yet.
Anyway, please leave a comment if you like this chapter, I love reading what people think about my writing! :)
Chapter 4
Ritsu was on a mission today. He wasn't sure why he'd decided to do what he was doing - Yusuke certainly hadn't asked him to and he probably would be terrified if he ever learned. But Ritsu felt that he had to do something. After he'd found out that his own cousin was the person who Yusuke was in love with, he couldn't help but feel that he was even more involved than he already was.
He hadn't told Takano and Yusuke about his discovery. He didn't like hiding something so important from Yusuke, as he felt that the teen should know the truth. But he didn't want to be the one to tell him. Besides, he wanted to make certain inquiries himself first. It all depended on what Katsuo would to tell him. Then, depending on the information, he could plan his next steps.
Yusuke seemed quite certain that Katsuo hadn't noticed him, but Ritsu needed to make sure himself. After all, when he was younger, he too had believed that the person he loved didn't know he existed. But it turned out that Takano had known him, albeit under a different name. Unless he heard otherwise from Katsuo's lips, Ritsu thought that there was a chance for his cousin to actually know who Yusuke was.
Of course, that wouldn't mean that Katsuo felt the same way about Yusuke.
Ritsu knew that if he somehow helped the two teenagers get together, it would just prompt Takano to be more affectionate to him. He was willing to take that risk. After all, Yusuke's happinness was at stake here, and it was cruel of Ritsu to jeopardize a young boy's chance at love just because he couldn't handle another man's advances so well.
It all depends on how it goes ...
Ritsu wasn't very close with his cousin mainly because they had an almost 10 year age gap. That, and the fact that thir mothers didn't get along so well. Katsuo was also very different than Ritsu. He was loud, confident, and popular. He loved being around people and having fun. At this point in his life, he didn't seem too focused on his studies, though he certainly couldn't be called a bad student.
RItsu also knew that Katsuo led a very turbulent love life. In less than two years, he'd had at least seven or eight girlfriends, and that were just his serious relationships. His behaviour worried Ritsu's mother. She felt that, even though Katsuo didn't have the Onodera name, he was still behaving inappropriately and bringing shame to their family.
His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of his cousin. Ritsu had foresightedly suggested they meet away from his apartment. The last thing he wanted was for Yusuke or Takano to see them together. He could imagine how disappointed Yusuke would be if he found out Ritsu was going behind his back and meeting with Katsuo.
He hadn't seen Katsuo in a long time. They had last met during New Year's, when their families had gathered to celebrate together. Katsuo had changed a lot since then. He'd dyed and cut his hair now. He was pale blond, with the top part of his hair combed sideways, and the lower shaved almost to the skin. He didn't look so bad, Ritsu thought slightly jealous. His new haircut made him seem exciting and dangerous. Katsuo would probably look good no matter what he did with his appearance, it seemed.
Katsuo greeted him with a wide smile. Fortunately, he was outgoing enough not to suspect that Ritsu had invited him out with some particular purpose in mind. While they were walking around, searching for a place to go eat, it wasn't hard for Ritsu to turn their conversation to Katsuo's school life. After all, it wasn't unusual for teens to be asked about their studies.
"It's not so bad," Katsuo replied. He'd spotted a ramen restaurant he liked and was headed there. Ritsu could hardly keep up with his pace. "Well, I guess my parents do complain about my grades, but honestly, they're not as bad as mom and dad make them out to be. Besides," he turned to give Ritsu a smile, "I don't really spend a lot of time studying, yet my grades are average. So things aren't bad, right?"
"What do you mean they aren't?"
"Well, if I have average grades while not making much effort, then I'll have good grades if I do, right? So I can be smart if I wanted to." Katsuo smiled at him while they were sitting down at a table. "It's enough for me just to know that."
Ritsu couldn't agree with him, but he opted not to say anything. At this point in his life, Katsuo seemed to more interested in having fun rather than studying. He certainly was charming enough to manage through life with minimal effort. Ritsu wondered how a smart and hard-working boy like Yusuke could be attracted to someone like Katsuo. The two couldn't be more different. He was having a hard time imagining them as a couple.
At least Takano and I had similar interests ...
The thought reminded him of something.
"And are you participating in any school clubs?" He already knew the answer but by asking this question, he could safely navigate the conversation to the topic he was truly interested in.
"Oh, yeah!" Katsuo nodded enthusiastically. He halted his reply to order food and then turned back to Ritsu. "I'm in my school's drama club! It's so fun! And guess what - it turned out that I'm actually a good actor!"
Ritsu could easily believe that. He couldn't deny that his cousin possessed a huge ammount of charisma. He'd certainly produce a favourable impression under the spotlight.
"So you like it, huh?" He asked and Katsuo nodded again. "Do you get along well with the other students in your club?"
"Definitely! We're a very fun group," Katsuo said. "We always have a blast when we get together."
"You know ... I think the younger brother of an acquaintance of mine also goes to your school," Ritsu began cautiously, "and, if I remember corretly, he's also in the drama club?"
"Is that so? Then I must know him. I know everyone in the club." His cousin sat upright. "What's his name?"
"... Yusuke?"
Ritsu watched his cousin intently. Katsuo's expression was pensive, but he didn't shown any emotion at the mention of the name. He was silent for a while, frowning lightly.
"Are you sure that this guy goes to my school? I've never heard of him." He looked slightly confused, and his cheerfulness had diminished a bit. "What does he look like?"
"O-oh ... it doesn't matter. I'm probably mistaken or something."
Ritsu felt bad for Yusuke. The poor boy, he'd been right to think that Katsuo had no idea who he was. They'd spent a lot of time in one room each day, yet Katsuo hadn't even noticed him there.
Regardless of what he'd been hoping for, Ritsu had ended up being right. He couldn't help but feel a bit happy - he could imagine Takano's face when he told him about it. And he was intent on telling Takano - if he knew that Yusuke truly had no chance with Katsuo, he'd surely stop pestering his brother about confessing.
Unfirtuantely, Yusuke would be crushed. But, Ritsu was certain, he'd surely be able to recover and find the right person for him. He was a kind-hearted, cheerful and smart boy, and if he just opened up to people more, he'd surely find himself in a healthy and happy relationship in no time. Just … it wouldn't be with Katsuo.
"Hey, Ritsu, what going on with you? You look, like, mega depressed right now!" Katsuo poked him in the cheek with his chopsticks. His voice was loud and carefree, as if he was asking about the food and not his relative's well-being.
"It's nothing. I'm just kinda tired, that's all."
"For real? What's so tiring about reading manga all day for a living? That's like, the best job there is!"
"That's not really what my job is about," Ritsu replied, a bit annoyed at the unjust accusation. "I also need to talk with a lot of people, to arrange meetings and what-not, to convince authors to make certain changes – and most of them are very much against change, mind you! And these past weeks I've been busy organizing an autograph even for one of my authors, too!" He shut his mouth when he realized that he was defending himself in front of a 17-year-old kid. "A-anyway … it's not just reading manga, Katsuo."
"Huh … didn't know there was so much to do, to be honest. I thought that you just got the manga from the author and read through it to see if everything's okay, then you pass it along." Katsuo obviously hadn't meant to insult him and seeing his innocent smile, it was hard for Ritsu to be upset with him.
"W-well … if it were that easy, more people would do it, right?"
"I suppose. But then again, there are people that like, find themselves a tough job on purpose, coz they like having it rough, y'know?" Katsuo shrugged. "Can't really understand that, to be honest."
"Yeah, you probably can't …"
Katsuo had probably never encountered any significant difficulty in his life so far. His parents were fairly well-off, and he was handsome, in good health and with lots of friends. Socially, he'd probably achieved even more than him, Ritsu thought gloomily.
Ahh … I'm the worst … being jealous of a 17-year-old …
When he returned home, Ritsu was exhausted. There were people whose cheerfulness was contagious and made those around them feel invigorated. Katsuo didn't seem to be one of them. For some reason, whenever Ritsu spent time with him, he became painfully aware of his own flaws. The feeling that he was somehow inferior to a high-schooler sapped whatever energy he had.
Yusuke probably felt different around Katsuo, otherwise he wouldn't have these feelings for him. Or perhaps he felt like that precisely because this was the effect Katsuo had on him? As his cousin had pointed out earlier, there were people who liked to have it rough.
Well, at least I learned something useful today.
Now he knew what to do. It wouldn't be pleasant, but if Takano agreed to it, Yusuke would never have to find out the truth. He probably suspected that Katsuo didn't like him back, but even if that were the case, he'd still be heartbroken to hear it confirmed.
He'd already sent a message to Takano, inviting him over. It wasn't long until Takano appeared at his door. He looked quite surprised, which was understandable – Ritsu almost never invited him in his home willingly. He noted with some amusement that Takano's manner was quite peculiar – he was like a wild animal that had been offered food. He stepped in, his body tense, as if he were ready to react the moment something unexpected happened.
He scooped some of Ritsu's laundry off the sofa so that there wold be enough space for him to sit down. Ritsu opted to sit on the floor.
"You said you wanted to talk about Yusuke?" Takano asked.
"Y-yeah … I … it's a bit awkard to admit it, but I hid something from him …" Ritsu flushed. "You see … Yusuke showed me the boy he likes … and, as it turns out … I know him."
"Huh? You do? How?!"
"I … he's my cousin." Ritsu noticed Takano's expression and hurried to continue talking before he was interrupted. "I … I saw him today. Um … I wanted to see if he knew Yusuke …"
"And?" Takano asked. He was leaning slightly forward.
"I ..." Ritsu swallowed. For a moment he didn't want to say anything. If he said it out loud, then he couldn't remove himself from this awkward situation that Yusuke had unknowingly entangled him in. "Takano-san ... Katsuo doesn't know who Yusuke is. He ... he doesn't even know that Yusuke exists." He remembered how confidently Katsuo had claimed that he knew everyone in his club. "I'm telling you this because I think that it will be better if you stopped pressuring him to confess. Trust me, it won't lead to anything good."
Takano didn't reply at once. He looked rather worried and guilty. Ritsu felt sorry for him. He knew that Takano would never want anything bad to happen to Yusuke. He was a caring older brother. He opened his mouth to say that Takano shouldn't blame himself for anything he might have done, but he wasn't given a chance to utter a single word.
"How do you know he really doesn't know my brother?"
"I-I … he told me so." Ristu couldn't understand what Takano was getting at.
"He could have lied."
"Why would he do that?"
"He must have had a reason," Takano insisted. "I think that he knows Yusuke. Maybe he even likes him but he didn't want to tell you."
"How can you still think that?" Ritsu sighed. "Takano-san … look, I don't think that Katsuo has deceived me in any way. He just … I don't think he'd notice a quiet person like Yusuke."
"Then Yusuke must make him notice."
"No! That would be terrible!"
Takano narrowed his eyes slightly and straightened up. This was his typical battle stance and Ritsu knew he was in for trouble. He swallowed and flailed his hands about in defense.
"I … I merely meant to say that Katsuo and Yusuke aren't suited for each other! T-that's all."
"And why do you think they're not?" Takano's voice was calm, but Ritsu knew that it was just a trap.
"Because they … l-look here … Katsuo … I don't think he's even attracted to men. He's only had girlfriends so far."
"I was the same before you confessed to me."
The admission stung. He'd always guessed that Takano had had girlfriends before him. He knew that he shouldn't let it bother him but he couldn't stop the jealousy that streamed through his veins, washing all common sense away.
"Is that s-so?" He tried to speak with a calm, steady voice but he couldn't. His limbs were shaking slightly.
"Don't think about it. I was an idiot back then," Takano said quietly.
"But it wasn't just back then, was it?" Ritsu asked him. "You've been with women after we broke up, haven't you? And men too."
"How do you know this?"
"I …. Yokozawa-san told me a long time ago," he muttered. "It was when all those nasty things happened between us … b-but I had my own suspicions even before that. After all, you're man, Takano-san."
"And what's this supposed to mean?" Takano raised his voice. "If we're going to talk about the past, let's talk about yours, huh? Let's talk about the fiancée you had while we were dating, and with whom you broke up merely months ago! Let's also talk about your girlfriends after high school!"
"I-I ... those weren't serious at all! And the engagement wasn't my doing! You know that it was my parents' decision and I had nothing to do with it! It's not fair of you to bring that up right now!"
"And is it fair of you to talk about my actions during a time when I wasn't myself?" Takano stood up. "You should also be aware that at the time you're talking about, I was quite vulnerable. You'd hurt me, there were problems with my family and other things ... It was a horrible time for me and the only thing I wanted to do was forget about everything. Can you honestly blame me for acting the way I did back then?!"
"..."
Ritsu's eyes were swimming in tears. He tried to say something, but the words died in his throat. He knew that it was silly to feel so hurt. Takano's relationships meant nothing to him. They shouldn't mean anything to him. Even if Takano had slept with 100 women and 100 men, it shouldn't matter to Ritsu. It shouldn't make him feel small and insignificant, just another person Takano had slept with before moving along to a new conquest.
When he came back to reality, he found himself in Takano's arms. He tried to wriggle out weakly, but the other's hold on him proved too firm. Ritsu eventually gave up and allowed himself to relax a bit.
"Ritsu." Takano's voice was gentle, as if he were speaking to a child. "Don't you realize that you have all these misplaced feelings of jealousy because you don't want to admit that you love me? If you say it, if you accept it, and if we turn our relationship into what it should be, our past won't matter anymore. Don't you understand that?"
"I ..." Ritsu choked. "... 'm scared ..."
"Scared? Why?"
"Because ... because it's too good to be true!" Ritsu broke away from Takano. "It's unreal! Ten years ... ten whole, long years I've blamed myself for what happened between us. I blame myself for being too naive and trusting, for opening myself up to someone who didn't deserve it. I could at least find some comfort in thinking that what happened with you had been some life lesson ... and then you appear again, ten years after breaking me to pieces and turning me into nothing, and all you can say is that you want to try again? Don't you realize how absurd it all sounds?!" He laughed. His voice was laced with hysteric notes. "Sometimes I'm scared that this is all some trick you're playing on me and that the moment I say what you want to hear, you'll throw me away again."
"Ritsu ..."
"Or other times," Ritsu kept talking, not listening to Takano, "I'm scared that this is all just some dream or an illusion. That I look too much into your words and actions." He wiped some of his tears away and continued in a low, broken voice. "I'm scared that I still want something out of you and seeing you again has made me go crazy. I'm scared that you want nothing to do with me but I'm unable to accept it, so my mind makes me hear words that you've never said. I-"
Takano pulled him close and silenced him with a kiss. When he thrust his tongue into Ritsu's mouth, Ritsu could taste the saltiness of tears. His own tears, he thought, as Takano never cried.
"Tell me," Takano spoke after pulling away, "what you want me to do to prove that I'm sincere. I understand that it's hard for you to trust me. After everything that happened back then, I know I can't hope that you'll accept me with open arms. I felt like you did at first too. When I met you again, I thought it was all a coincidence and nothing more. I didn't want anything to do with you at first ... but not anymore. As time passed, I knew. Our love must be, don't you understand? We're meant to be together." He kissed him again. "I'll never hurt you again. I promise you that."
"I-I ..." Ritsu swallowed. "I don't know ..."
"Ritsu." Takano sighed. "If you can't say you love me yet ... Can you at least trust me enough to give me a chance?"
Ritsu blushed under the other's intense stare. He was a bit embarrassed and revealing so much of his fears to Takano. He wasn't used to sharing his pain with anyone. Still, the fact that Takano seemed to accept how he felt was a huge relief. Shaking lightly, Ritsu reached out and took Takano's hand in his own.
"C-can you stay here for the night?" He asked quietly, looking down at his feet.
Takano smiled and squeezed his hand.
"Of course."
