"So, your eminence, what's the plan?" asked Ivy, as they pulled up next to the Gotham City Police Department and got out of the car.

"We need to get to the roof," Joker replied, simply. "No point in going through the station to do that. Bats never goes through the station. We get up the same way he does."

He reached into his jacket and pulled out, to Ivy's astonishment, a Batclaw. "I borrowed one of his toys a few months ago, while he was busy slapping around Harley," he explained, grinning. "Can't say that I wasn't a little jealous. A guy likes to be the only one to hit his doll, y'know?"

He shot the hook up to the roof. It latched onto a gargoyle. He made sure it was secure, then turned to Ivy, holding out his hand.

"You have got to be kidding," she retorted. "Do I look stupid? I don't trust you not to drop me as far as I can throw you."

"You and your trust issues, Pammie," chuckled Joker. "What has Dr. Leland told you about them? Small, simple steps, right? Falling backwards off a stool and trusting people not to let you fall on the ground, and gradually building up?"

"How do you know what she says to me?" growled Ivy. "Those sessions are private."

He grinned. "I make it my business to know what goes on in my court, Pammie. Anyway, this is the perfect little exercise in trust for you. Trust me not to let you fall a hundred feet to your death while we're hanging from a wire. Just like the stool, really, only higher and more lethal."

"I'm not doing it, Joker," she retorted, glaring at him. "I'm going back to the car."

"Aw, c'mon, Pammie, Bats would miss you if you didn't come," he said. "It would be so much better if we were both there to surprise him."

"Tough. There's no way in hell I'm doing that," she snapped turning to go.

"Sorry, toots, but I'm not a guy who takes no for an answer. You're coming with me," he said, seizing her arm as she tried to walk away. Before Ivy could react, he had his arm around her waist and had pressed the button that retracted the Batclaw.

She managed not to scream as she flew through the air. But she was in a complete panic until they landed on the roof. Joker released her, and she struck him a blow across the face. "What did I say about touching me?!" she shrieked, continuing to pummel him mercilessly.

"Hey, at least I didn't drop you, Pammie," he retorted, barely able to fend off her blows. "That's good news, right?"

"Don't you ever, EVER touch me again!" she screamed.

She was striking at him in blind fury, and his calm head prevailed. He hit her back, a powerful blow that knocked her to the ground. Then he held her down, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Don't alert the station yet, Pammie," he hissed. "Not until Bat-boy's on his way."

Ivy struggled to break free, but he had a powerful grip. She gradually stopped fighting and just glared up at him. He grinned. "Gee, Pammie, I'm sure glad no one can see us up here," he murmured. "Y'know, me on top of you like this. Harley would be jealous."

"Get off!" muttered Ivy, shoving him away in sudden fury. She got up and went to the other side of the roof, eyes burning in rage.

He giggled. "Can't help but think it might be just what you need, Pammie. You're wound real tight. You need some oil in those gears, as I say to my little Harley girl just before I rev her up."

Ivy shuddered in disgust, and tried to focus on something else but his mocking, irritating presence. The roof was bare save for a big circular light in the center, with the shape of a bat on it.

"How does this work, then?" she asked, going over to it.

"Can't be too hard to figure out," he said, joining her. "Gordon set it up, after all, and he ain't the brightest. Should be just a matter of…"

He trailed off, then reached for a lever next to the light. It flicked on with a loud click, sending a shaft of light up into the clouds, light surrounding the shadowed shape of a bat.

"I've always wanted to do that!" laughed Joker. "Like whistling for a dog! C'mon, Batsy! Come here! Here, boy!" he said, whistling. "Here we are! Come and get us!"

He continued to laugh to himself as Ivy studied the night sky, watching for any shadow. Looking down at the street, she saw people looking up at the roof. They hadn't noticed that it wasn't the police up here yet. They should have enough time to…

But Joker bounded over to the edge of roof and began waving. "Hello, Gotham!" he shouted, grinning. "Joker here! Just need to have a little chat with the Bat, but he's never around when you need him! You know how it is! Why is it that men are never there to listen, ladies? Always forcing you to take extreme measures, like breaking into a police station and lighting the Bat signal! Selfish bastards, the lot of them, right, Ivy?" he asked, turning to her and grinning.

"You leave me out of this!" hissed Ivy, trying to stay out of view of the gathering crowd below them. Policemen had rushed out of the building and were now shouting at each other on radios. Ivy was getting nervous. Batman needed to get here soon.

"I want a private chat just between me, Batman, and Ivy here," continued Joker, gesturing. "So if any cop tries to come up to the roof to eavesdrop, I set off that chain of explosives I've planted around Gotham hospital. Call me extreme, but I just can't stand people poking their noses into my business. It's just not polite."

"You actually have a chain of explosives planted around Gotham hospital?" asked Ivy.

He grinned at her. "Whether I do or not, Pammie, they think I do. And that's what matters. The delivery of the joke is the most important part, so your audience buys it. Almost as important as the delivery of the punchli…"

But at that moment, a dark shape slammed into him, knocking him to the ground. "Batsy, baby, there you are!" he cried, getting slowly to his feet and grinning. "I told Ivy here you wouldn't fail to turn up! See how he's always there for me, Pammie? And you say all men are bastards!"

"What's this all about, Joker?" demanded Batman. His eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at him. "You look terrible," he muttered.

"Yeah, yeah, it's been pointed out," growled Joker, trying futilely to comb his hair back again. "A couple times, in fact."

"It's because J is actually so pathetic that he can't survive for three days on his own," retorted Ivy.

"On your own?" repeated Batman, eyes narrowing again. "Where's Quinn?"

"That's what we're hoping you can tell us," replied Ivy. "She's missing. Neither of us have seen her since Joker kicked her out three days ago, and I, for one, am worried about her. She might have gotten hurt, or hurt herself, you know how crazy she gets sometimes. We can't find her, and we were hoping you could."

"You'll help us out, won't you, Batsy, old buddy, old pal?" asked Joker. "I'd help you find your girlfriend if she went missing. Y'know, if you had one. If you weren't a lonely, brooding, freakish, messed-up outcast with no social skills and no personal attachments to anyone but children."

Batman studied him. "If I help you, will you both come back quietly with me to Arkham once I've found Quinn?"

"For you, Bats, anything," replied Joker, grinning. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Ivy?" asked Batman, turning to her.

Ivy sighed. "Yeah, of couse, if that's what it takes to get Harley back."

"Do we have a deal, Batsy?" asked Joker, holding out his hand and grinning. "Shake?"

Batman glared at him, then took his hand. He leapt back as a mild electic shock shot through him. Joker was in hysterics, holding up the joy buzzer. "You keep falling for it, Bats, and it never gets old!" he laughed. "Nothing like the classics though, is there?"

"I don't have to help you," growled Batman.

"Aw, Batsy, where's your sense of humor?" asked Joker. "It was just a gag! You can't begrudge me a few laughs, not when I'm so choked up and worried over my Harley girl's absence. Laughter's the best medicine, remember?"

"You two stay here," said Batman firmly. "I'll tell the police not to try anything, and be back with Quinn's whereabouts soon."

He leapt off the roof, his cape billowing about him like wings. "Now there's a real pal," sighed Joker, staring after him and smiling. "I'm in distress and he rushes off to help. Told you he'd do anything for me, Pammie."

"What was all that coming back to Arkham quietly stuff?" demanded Ivy.

"A lie, Pammie, obviously," he retorted. "See?" he said, holding his hand up. "I had my fingers crossed. It doesn't count. Bats never checks to see if I'm crossing my fingers. Rookie mistake, but then he is pretty dense. I mean, I love the guy, but he's a couple bats short of a belfry."

"So we're just going to hang out here until he comes back?" asked Ivy, looking down at the police cars surrouding the building.

"You can hang if you want, Pammie," he replied, studying the roof. "I'll be finding our escape route for when Bat-boy returns."

He looked over the edge of the roof, studying the layout below. Time passed, and he suddenly chuckled to himself. "Found it."

"What?" asked Ivy, coming over to him.

"Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise, Pammie," he retorted, grinning at her. "You and Bats can find out at the same time. And here's the Dork Knight now!" he cried, throwing up his arms as Batman landed on the roof.

"Docks. Warehouse 18," said Batman.

"Aw, Batsy baby, you're the best!" cried Joker. "How can I ever repay you?"

Batman held out the handcuffs. "Oooh, you'll make me blush, Batsy!" laughed Joker. "Bit kinky for a first date, don't you think?"

"I'll take you to her, and then we'll all go to Blackgate until Arkham's repaired," said Batman. "No games, Joker."

"Aw, but it's no fun without games, Bats," said Joker, grinning. "You wanna know my favorite game?"

He reached into his jacket pocket and, to Ivy's surprise, pulled out an inflatable whoopie cushion. "You wouldn't believe the things you can do with this," he murmured, grinning. "And it's completely washable and non-toxic. Well, if you want it to be," he added. "But the possibilites for fun are literally endless. Think fast!" he shouted, throwing it at him.

Batman ducked and the whoopie cushion missed him, falling off the roof and onto a cop car below. To Ivy's surprise, Joker suddenly seized her hand and ran, jumping off the roof of the building. As the ground came up fast, Ivy saw that the whoopie cushion had inflated to an unusually large size, cushioning their fall as they crashed through the roof of the car.

Joker recovered himself first, shoving the dead or unconscious cops out of the car and leaping into the driver's seat, starting the ignition. They screeched off down the street, Joker laughing maniacally.

"How's that for a getaway, Pammie?" he laughed, turning back to her.

The car swerved suddenly as Ivy punched him across the face again. "What did I say about touching me?!" she shouted.

"Well, that's gratitude for you," he muttered, focusing back on the road. "Save you from the Bat and that's the thanks I get. Women, honestly! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em…"