Serra and Her Army Of DOOOOOOM
A/N: Dude, I'm back with Serra! Oh, and the first part is SOOO part of the story! Kinda. Oh, and I'm just referring to myself as Kiaya in third person because... I can. I don't own Fiddler on the Roof, Fire Emblem, or really anything else besides this plot and Kiaya, and Ann's character. Yeah.
Kiaya sat at her computer, typing. She tapped her chin, and then yanked out some of her brown hair.
"Darn you, Serra! I can't think of anything for you to do!"
"Really?" Serra sat beside her in a seat, holding a therapist-like pencil and notepad. "How does that make you feel?"
"Serra, quit freaking me out and help me write this."
"..."
"You can't write, can you?"
"I can write my name!" She pouted, twirling pink hair around one finger.
"Really? Amazing." Kiaya returned to typing.
"You're a meanie."
"I'M a meanie? YOU'RE the one trying to take over the world!"
"But that's different."
"NO IT ISN'T!!"
Serra's incredibly short patience snapped.
She whacked Kiaya on the head wi
kayaa wus kidin
shes uka
noe on too stori
AMAZINN ADVNTURS OV SERRA TE BOOTIFULL AND GOREGOSS KLERRICK
serra wus preti and kindd and smrt. she wus te roler ov te werldd
iliwod and lin and hektorR al likeed her
te maan wite te bLak rappp ting worseped her and dID wut she sad
one da serra wus m
"Ahem," Kiaya said, hiding something behind her back. "I apologize for any crude misspellings or improper grammer."
Ann popped up and high-fived her for awesomeness with big words.
"Anyway, please enjoy the REAL story."
Serra scowled and began to pace. Her other plans to rule the world hadn't worked, so...
She snapped her fingers in joy, jumping up to dance (I won't describe the dance for its horribly bad moves and sad theme music).
"I know what I'll do!"
Hector sat down, looking very fat in his armor. Ann sat beside him, scowling over the "complete inadequacy of the army that I command", as she would have said. Eliwood had, thankfully, regained as much sanity as was possible for the fighting war-hater, and was sitting there calmly. Lyn sat beside him, and was being all feisty, as usual.
"So, what are we going to do about Serra this time?" The biggest lord asked, rolling his eyes.
"She requires JUSTICE!!!" Eliwood screeched, jumping up with his sword, slitting one side of Lyn's only decent-for-male-eyes dress. "JUUUUUSSSSTTTTIIIIIICCCCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" Okay, so I lied. Eliwood's got his gallant manner back, but... Er... Not quite his sanity. So sue me.
"If it was a-me, I would throw her in a pit with Cheep-cheeps and sharks and let them deal with her," Matthew suggested. Then he remembered that he was not a fat plumber in red, did not know what he was talking about, and had never heard of it before. Frankly, he shut up. Matthew, king of the crossovers. Yeeeaaaahhhh...
Hector paused to consider this absolutely brilliant idea. "No. It's not cruel enough."
"Legarla ad un albero," a mystery person piped up. "E batterlacon i bastoni."
Eliwood picked his nose, all while mumbling, "Juuuuusssssttttttiiiiicccceeeeee..."
"We need to do something that makes all the Serras of theworld want to crawl in a hole and die," Hector announced, thumping a fist in his open hand.
"Evil is never truly annihalated," the same mystery person added sadly.
"Eee hee hee hee, eee hee hee hee," Serra laughed. Well, dude. Serra can't do the evil laugh. She's not that type of girl. She's too preppy and hyper and all that.
"Sister Serra, why are we doing this?" A female-like male (MALE, MALE, MALE, MALE, SO TOTALLY MALE) monk stood behind her.
"Because if you didn't," Serra said. "I would be unhappy. And you don't want THAT, do you, Lucius?"
"W-well, I don't want you to be sad, because I love and cherish the whole world, but... If you're plotting to destroy the world, wouldn't that sadness of everyone outweigh yours?"
Serra had tuned out at about the 'because' part, because she simply doesn't have that long an attention span. So, she simply smiled and said, "Great! Now COPY ME!!!" She screeched.
"Er..." Lucius gulped. "Tee hee hee?"
Serra smacked Lucius upside the head. "NOOOOO!!!! Eee hee hee!!"
"But isn't tee hee hee more innocent...?"
"You're missing the point, Lucius. You're my vassal now. You have to do what I say whether you get the point or not!!"
"Vassal?"
"Yeah, like a lady-in-waiting."
"But..."
"But what, Lucius? You're gonna make me cry!!!" She then did the stupidest attempt at puppy dog eyes the world had ever seen. She looked more like a fish than a puppy dog. I'd describe it, but words cannot describe the horridness of what she did.
Lucius, no matter how disgusting, would not say anything cruel.
"Er... Sister Serra..."
"I've told you. We're gonna get an army of clerics together to RULE THE WORLD!!!" She pumped a fist in the air as a spinning disk-like thing appeared behind her. It looked slightly like Elibe.
"We could push her off the edge of the world," Lyn suggested.
"For... the... last... time..." Ann muttered in aggravation, "The world is a SPHERE! It is NOT flat."
For some reason, the spinning disk-thing disappeared to be replaced by a bouncing ball.
Anyhoo, Serra was feeling all proud-and-mighty, until...
"Sister Serra... I have... Two things to say," Lucius said. Serra opened her mouth, but by some strange law she couldn't speak. The heavens almost opened up and angels almost poured out, singing of blessings.
Almost.
"First of all... I am male. I am a monk, not a cleric."
Sadly, the quietness ended. "Wait a minute..." She glanced at him, as if she had a thought... If Serra had thoughts to have, ahem. "Nope, don't believe it. Now, on to planning for my ARMY OF CLERICS!!"
Lucius, who had good manners and could not interrupt a lady while speaking (once poor Lucius had endured 47 hours from his Aunt Olga, who could talk ALMOST as long as Serra), had to wait for his turn.
The sun set.
The sun rose.
Sunrise.
Sunset.
Sunrise.
Sunset.
Drifting through the years... Just kidding. But it WAS all those sun-rise/sets.
Eventually, Serra had to pause to take a breath.
"Sister Serra..."
"I KNOW it's a great plan!!"
"Clerics can't fight."
Serra's happily bouncing pigtails went limp, as she stared up at him with a look of fury and realization.
"Clerics... Can't... Fight." Suddenly, Serra was on fire, and she pulled out a stick, and chased Lucius off into the horizon.
"Frankly, I don't think it's possible to kill her," Lyn moaned, "Because she's got so much energy and evilness."
"So what should we do?"
Eliwood stood up, pointed his sword at the sky, and said, "We shall... DO NOTHING."
"But we can't just stand-"
"What if I order Jaffar to murder her? Could, perhaps, he get past her evilness and preppiness?" Ann mused.
"Not enough," Lyn moaned.
"I concur, Lyn," Ann sighed. "She's invincible. But, perhaps, Elimine can assist!!"
Just then, an army of people with the same faces appeared.
"Darn, this is NOT a good time," Hector yelled. "Half the army's off-"
And then, Pent and Jaffar appeared, and quite literally blasted away every single one. The only thing left was their charred bodies... And those were the lucky ones. Seriously, Pent and Jaffar are that awesome.
"Well," Hector said, "Darn again."
"But the bandits are gone," Lyn pointed out.
"Yeah," Hector said. "But I don't get to kick anyone's butt."
"Oh."
Serra was still chasing Lucius when she suddenly tripped. Majestically, of course. Beautifully, of course.
And it had to be tripping over a stupid dead bandit, that was slightly smoking.
Forgetting her wrath, she pointed to it and said, "Slave, take it away."
Lucius paused, then decided that his life was slightly more important than good manners, and ran.
Serra sighed. "Well, there goes my cleric army plan... Why does Elimine hate me so much?"
Elimine was scribbling on a piece of parchment.
"Reason #28839999," she stated, "Because she's an idiot."
Serra finally noticed Lucius gone. Then she noticed something HIGHLY horrible to her beauty.
HUNDREDS of burning bandits lay around her.
So, Serra did what Serra was born to do.
She screamed.
"Did you hear that?!" Hector yelled, jumping up. "Elimine! What WAS that?"
"It sounded like a human dying a horridly painful death at the end of my blade," Lyn said.
"It sounded like what nuclear fusion might theoretically sound according to the Tromson theory." You don't have to guess who that was.
"It sounded like Serra," Eliwood said, plainly. The stupidest answer was also the correct one.
"You're right," Hector mused. "But, did she have to scream so LOUD?" He pressed a hand against his ear. "That scream could wake the dead."
Serra pitifully turned around and tossed her pink hair. "WHY???!! I wanted an army SOOOO bad! And Elimine ALWAYS gives her children what they ask for!!!!!" (("You're no child of mine. I'd disowned you long ago," a voice said from the sky. Sadly, no one heard))
"I have an army," a voice behind her croaked.
Serra ALMOST screamed again, but didn't, and whipped around with a stick.
"Who's there? I've got a stick!" She threatened.
What might have once been a human stood in front of her. "I have an army."
Serra would have gaped, but she was too pretty to gape. Instead, she drooled.
"So... Who are you?" She asked suspiciously.
Then, before her very eyes, what she had thought was a dead bandit popped up from the ground beside her.
"Such a loud noise!" He yelped. "I can't be dead like that!"
Serra laughed maniacally and rubbed her hands together.
"My army has come to me!! Eee hee hee!!"
A/N: Didja enjoy it? Part two next time!! Please review!! OH, and I don't own Mario either. Wheee. Review, yay!! It makes me type faster! Well, not really.
Cheea5- You reviewed AGAIN!! AND you made me laugh again! Thank you! I hope you liked this!!
Tri17- I'm sorry it was confusing... It's hard to do spoofs, so I think I'll probably stick with weird stories like this one. I hope this one was less confusing and more funny!! Thanks for the review!!
If you need translations of what Serra's story was earlier, here it is. Just so you can have the idiocy with correct spelling.
Kiaya was kidding.
She's okay.
Now on to the story.
Amazing Adventures of Serra the Beautiful and Gorgeous Cleric
Serra was pretty and kind and smart. She was the ruler of the world.
Eliwood and Lyn and Hector liked her.
The man with the black wrap thing worshipped her and did what she said (That would be Nergal).
One day Serra was m
Well, I'll probably have the next chapter done in a week or less. Depends on how my other stories are. Bye! Review!
