Disclaimer: We own the plots and Harry's Pants, that is all

Summery: Duckies? Muggle health classes? Sex switches? Prank wars? SNAPE IN DRAG? What has happened to hogwarts? Rated M for adult humor slah and femslash. Yaoi AND Yuri

A/N: Sorry about taking so long with this chapter! The next one should be out sooner. Well read and enjoy:


Chapter Three: Balls vs. Boobs by Loki and Shae

The seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins sat in a hot, boring, potions class. They were doing the polyjuice potion. Hermione stood, quietly chopping one of the ingredients for the potion while her partner, Draco, went to ask Snape for a sharpener to whet his knife. Hermione's fingers slipped, it was really, hot in the classroom and she cut herself.

"Ouch!" she hissed and sucked on her fresh wound. "That really hurt." she mumbled, Hermione winced when the hot air hit her cut, tears welled up in her eyes, "Stupid knife!"

Ron snorted from his table nearby, "Geeze Mione it's only a cut. You girls cry over everything."

Harry rolled his eyes from beside him, "Oh great here we go."

"WHAT!" Hermione yelled, "Women do NOT cry over everything! We are strong and endearing!" She waved her hands wildly about her head.

"Yeah you do! Like right now you cry over the simplest cuts!"

"Yeah, well you guys cry when you get kicked in the balls!" Lavender said.

"I'm not siding with Ron, but that does hurt." Draco said wincing when all the girls glared at him.

"Don't you dare side with him Draco Lucius Malfoy!" Pansy screamed at him.

"Sorry ma'am." Draco said cowering in fear.

"And you say boys aren't week." Pavarti scoffed, while giving them the 'just say something back, I dare you' look.

"Be a man damn it!" Ron said to Draco, who was practically in tears from Pansy, who was pointing her wand at him.

"But she scares me." Draco whined.

"Awww. Looks like someone's PMSing." Hermione cooed at Draco.

"And that too!" Ron said, "You girls always complain about PMSing. What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? What's the big deal? Cramps! Bloating! Migraines! Loss of energy! And feeling sick! For a week, then the blood comes!" Pansy yelled, she was PMSing it seemed.

"We can handle that right boys?" Ron asked. Only a few nodded. They were all for the cause, but frankly, Pansy scared them.

"Right.." Albeit it was a scattered less than enthusiastic response.

"See! You girls don't know how lucky you are you have it so easy! We have to pay for all the food, the dates, I mean we have to think about all these 'fun' surprises just to please you!" Ron's face was red like a tomato. An unfortunate result of his Weasley blood line.

"PHH!" Pansy snorted and crossed her arms, "Oh like you DON'T know what we have to do to impress you 'men.'" The boy's stared dumbfounded.

"What? What do you differently? You shave, we shave, you shower, we shower, you change, we change. What's different between us?" Neville said, then scratched his head.

Hermione cracked, "We shave! Our arms, legs, faces, privates, toes, pits, stomaches, brows, Backs! WHAT more do you want!"

"Um.."

"We have to push up our painfully large breasts, plump our lips, straighten our hair, stick m'n'm's to the mirror and practice kissing so people don't think were lesbians! We even walk in stilettos!"

There was silence from the boys side of the room.

Draco looked mortified, "You kiss your mirror Hermione?"

Pansy waved her hands in front of Mione's face, "That's beside the point, the point is Boob's are better than Ball's."

Ron and Hermione glared, "When did that become the point of this conversation!" Then they looked at each other and said, "Stop saying what I'm saying dammit!"

Harry chuckled, "Oh look a lovers quarrel." He then, got smacked upside the head by them both.

"Class! That is enough! Shut up already it's time to begin." Snape yelled at them. There were a dozen or so grunts and moans, then the class quieted down and returned to normal. That is except for the malicious aura's that penetrated the air. You could practically see the pink and blue aura's attacking each other!

No one was concentrating on their work, they were too busy trying to out do their partners. It happened to be one boy and one girl at each table. It got as bad as Ron cutting his finger as Hermione had, to show that 'men' wouldn't cry. It's a shame that he had the potion on the knife, and ended up making his finger invisible. To which event he freaked out, and started crying. Snape had had enough, this was getting way out of hand. There was only one thing he could think of, that might make then stop.

"Quiet class," Snape roared. Everyone was silent, except Ron, who was still whimpering. Snape pointed his wand at Ron's finger and said a spell that made his finger visible again. Ron stopped crying, and all the girls in the room laughed at him. "This is out of control. I will just have to show you how wrong each side is..." The potions master paused for effect.

"I am taking matters into my own hands."

Harry held a hand to his face, "GASP!"

"DUN DUN DAAAAAA-" SLAP!

Draco scowled, "Shut the hell up Neville!"

"Ewww. His hands are yucky!" SLAP SLAP

"Shut up Ron!" Draco and Harry yelled.

"And he would know." Pansy murmured.

"SHUT UP!" Snape yelled. "And no, he would not know." That silenced the class. "Instead of regular class, we will be having a muggle sex education class." Everyone's faces clouded with horror.


"And this is the female organ. It is called the-" Snape said and pointed to the extremely large and colorful picture on the wall.

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE!" Harry screamed and jumped out of his chair in an effort to make it to the door.

"SIT DOWN MR. POTTER!" Snape bellowed and forced him to sit back down. "I'll deal with you later." Harry gulped and sat back down, really scared.

"As I was saying, this is the female organ called the-" But Snape was cut off again by a fuming McGonagall who burst into the room.

"Professor Snape, what in Merlin's beard are you doing to these children?"

"Simply educating them and correcting their sexist ways." Snape said, someone in the class magically placed a halo over his head. McGonagall took one look at the picture on the wall and shrieked.

"And why in god's bloody name do you have a picture of me on the wall. When the bloody hell did you take that? Was it last week when we-" Sh then just realized she was still in the class room. "Bloody fucking hell!" She then clasped a hand over her mouth and ran out of the room.


Snape sighed and reviewed the situation at hand. His class was in an uproar, his girlfriend had just practically dumped him in front of the whole class, and he had no idea what was going on. Again he thought over his options with his class. And once again he could come up with only solution. There would be chaos, but it was worth the risk. He would not have sexist students in his school! Okay, so it wasn't his school... technicalities. So, it was up to him to make things right. He looked up at his seventh year students, they had been through a lot but he wasn't sure they could handle the punishment he was about to give them.

Ah well. "As Punishment I am switching your sexes! ABBANARNA RESTOVARNA!" The great wizard waved his arms at his bewildered, and frightened students. White lights flashed and electric sparks crackled.

TBC


A/N: Thank's for reading! Please review! The next chapter will be written by me, Loki's next feature chapter will be chapter eight.