Wow. This is getting insanely crazily popular... O.o
Not that I'm complaining, but... I didn't expect people to jump on it like they have.
Thankyou all sooooooooooooooooooo much for the reviews, guys. I really appreciate it!
People have mentioned hopes for things like AUS and stuff; all to come, I promise!
And Graysongirl mentioned a Raven parody, which is ironic, because...
And Then There Was Raven
"Oh, WOE!" Declared Raven. "Will my torment never end? Not only am I perceived as goth, emo, suicidal, misunderstood, lonely, socially inept, shy, jealous of Starfire and overall in need of a good shag, I am also quite possibly the most abused character in fan fiction evah!"
She paused for a moment.
"Well, outside of the Harry Potter, Naruto, Dragonball Z, Fullmetal Alchemist, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean sections," she relented.
—
Incidentally, when a contest was held to find out which character was the most abused in fan fiction evah, Raven almost won; but Sasuke got the overall prize, since he was more emo than her.
Raven became very tired of the thousands of fan girls who called themselves "ravengoth67" or "ravenchild456" or "ravenfire645" or "raexbb/robin4evah3456" or "ravenfan/luvver987"; and who scrawled all over their profiles that they were "like, her biggest fan and a total clone of her! Like seriously, I could be her twin sister! We are soooooooooo alike!!!111!"; and who inundated their DeviantART pages with Photoshopped pencil drawings (done in study hall) of her half-naked, destroying the world or in various cuddling positions with Robin or Beast Boy or Starfire (sometimes all of the above in one go…).
She brought about a second apocalypse to rid the Earth of their presence.
You go look on DeviantART and tell me if it worked…
Sometimes Raven (apparently) wrote poetry:
I look in the mirror,
I see my reflection;
I was born to destroy the world.
This scares me,
Because I love my friends
And I don't want to destroy the world
Because it is full of beauty
And good books.
My friends know nothing of what I am;
And although they would help me
If only they could,
They cannot
Because my power is a great and terrible one.
I hate myself.
Or, sometimes, she wrote diary entries (apparently):
Dear Diary,
Since I cannot confess my feelings in life because of what I am and what my terrible destiny is, I keep this diary so I can feel that someone cares about me. Today I read another gothic book while Beast Boy and Cyborg argued about tofu waffles. It was good. The book, I mean.
I think I love Beast Boy, but I don't know why, because he pisses the hell out of me.
I also think that David Hasselhoff is hot.
Raven
"Sorry," Raven said to the younger girl. "I don't have a sister."
"No, this is ridiculous," Raven said scathingly, looking down at the pristine wedding gown she was dressed in; she looked up at Beast Boy, who was dressed in a suit because he was the groom.
Robin was Best Man and Starfire was bridesmaid and Cyborg wasn't in it because the author of this stupid "What if?" fic didn't like him.
Starfire, dressed in a purple satin bridesmaid's dress decorated with tiny jewels and purple lace and ribbon and a gazillion other bits and bobs, held the twins that Raven had recently given birth to.
They had names that were significant to the author but not to anyone else.
"NO," Raven said again, ripping off her veil. "I'm sorry. I really am."
She began to walk out of the church.
"Raven, please don't be afraid of this commitment!" Beast Boy called pleadingly after her.
"Afraid?" Raven laughed hysterically. "Beast Boy, I'm sorry, but for the sanity of the readers, I have to walk out of here. There's just no way in Hell this would ever happen!"
"I know that Malchior hurt you," the stranger said, "but I promise, I will be good for you. I am from Azarath, like you, and I know what you are. I love you despite of it."
"I don't know, Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine," Raven whispered, looking into the handsome young man's dark eyes. "We've had trouble with OCs before…"
"I am not a self insert, I swear to you," Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine promised.
("I am!" Said RobinRocks. "And I still don't know what study hall is!")
"And I come with a self-destruct mechanism!" He went on.
"Sold!" Raven cried, and threw herself into his waiting arms.
—
"Wow, that was amazing," Raven panted. "Your skillz at love-making are remarkably OC-ish, yet how can I complain?"
"You were wonderful, Raven," Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine assured her. "And your powers didn't spark out of control that time. What's up?"
"I think… I love you," Raven said quietly.
Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine suddenly gasped out in pain and doubled over, clutching his chest.
"Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine!" Raven cried out in anguish. "What's wrong?"
"Those… words!" He gasped out. "They initiate the… self-destruct mechanism… within me!"
"I love you?" Raven repeated in horror. "But Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine, those words are important to any romance fic involving me! Starfire is more the lust side of things, but true love is the only way to win me around. And what we just said is an important factor in any romance fic involving me and an OC. Eventually you get me to trust you, we do the nasty, and then you say "Hey, your powers didn't spark out of control that time. What's up?", and then I say "I think… I love you", and then—"
Crow Shadow Wolf Bane Draco Eternity Blade Constantine screamed in agony and despair and burst into flames, leaving behind nothing but ash.
"Bugger," said Raven.
"AND CONTRARY TO POPULAR DEVIANTART BELIEF," Raven said loudly, whipping open her towel to reveal the hot pink halter-neck bikini she was wearing beneath it, "I DO NOT WEAR A DEMURE BLACK ONE-PIECE SWIMSUIT AT THE BEACH, THEN PROCEED TO HIDE BENEATH THE SUN UMBRELLA ALL DAY!"
