Report
Filed on: 12/29/13 11:01 pm
Real name: [Redacted]
Code name: "Kyon"
Today was better than two days agoi. We raided an abandoned farm and managed to get three pigs and a cow out of the deal. Fortunately, we already have a farmer by the name of Ben. Ben's a nice guy. Wouldn't give him a hard time if you paid me to.
Haruhi doesn't seem to care about him enough to devote more resources in our direction. That's a plus for me.
Speaking of Haruhi (who isn't?), she came back down out of the sky today around 3:25pm. She actually laid a price on my head. Apparently, I'm worth one million yen alive, two hundred and fifty thousand dead. I had Yuki check, and nobody seems to be willing to sell us out for money. Yet.
Thanks to Mikuru, Koizumi is getting better. He was able to give a rousing speech to the other patients, their nurses, and their doctors. Guy's a freaking show off.
One really freaky thing about leaving the safety of our bunker? No, not the Haru-dogs, or Haruhi's Wrath, though those are pretty terrible. I'm talking about what happens when you walk into a home, and you see Christmas dinner, spoiled by the Wrath, with toys from Christmas morning on the floors. It just kinda leaves you empty inside.
Wow, that's grim.
Anyway, it took me two days to write this. The reason being? I was sick. On top of the apocalypse, my name being called from the sky, and trying to save the world, I also god a bad case of the sniffles. Yuki had already been sent out on mission, so I was quarantined all day so I didn't infect our entire base. Yuki did eventually come back, but I was spewing phlem everywhere in the meantime. That reminds me, I need to disinfect the security consoles after I'm done with this report. It's not like Yuki, the only other person watching the cameras, would get sick. Hey, maybe she already disinfected it? I'll have to ask. Anyway someone here actually read Yuki's novels. After we assured her that they were as accurate as they could be, she asked what happened after my alpha and beta selves merged and I gave Haruhi her SOS brigade - 1 year present. So, here it is. Hopefully Yuki will declassify these so I don't actually have to say it to the girl. She looked like she wanted to glom onto me. I mean, I already have a girlfriend. I think.
So, Haruhi had just announced that we were going to do a comedy routine, if I remember right. Whatever it was, I barely managed to convince her that it was a horrible idea anyway, after my performance as a reindeer. Once she realized just how hopeless I was, she immediately moved on to a new venture. I mean immediately. My guess was that she was counting on me rejecting the idea, and had come up with a substitute.
"We're gonna go to the mountains and look for a yeti then!"
Somehow, I had a feeling that this couldn't end well, and that I couldn't convince her not to go through with it. I decided to try anyway.
"A yeti? Those don't exi-ow!" the ruler that whacked the back of my head was a surprise.
"What kind of attitude is that? Have you forgotten the club's reason for existing?"
I never found out in the first place!
"Anyway, I looked it up. We're gonna have a great chance to go up there in less than a week."
Daring another whack with the ruler, I raise my hand. "it's April. Isn't that a little too late to find a yeti?"
Thankfully, no ruler came. "Actually, it's the perfect time! Since there isn't anyone else skiing or hiking this time of year, the Yeti will be out and about. It normally doesn't have to dodge tourists at this time of year, so it won't be expecting us!"
The four of us that knew what Haruhi was capable of just looked at each other. I swear, if we actually encounter a yeti, I'm gonna be pissed.
"Anyways, dismissed! I don't need you to come to the club tomorrow, since I won't be here. I know you're all disappointed, but hang in there! Saturday morning is the day."
With that, we broke for the evening.
It was a grueling week, but once it finally ended, Haruhi called us all into the club room, as if we weren't headed there anyway. Once we got there, Haruhi issued last minute instructions.
"Koizumi, it's your job to pack provisions. Mikuru, you're in charge of sleeping bags. Yuki, you need to find us two tents, large enough for two in the first, and three in the second. Kyon-" she gets a nasty gleam in her eyes. "I'll tell you later. Anyway, since you all have some shopping to do, we'll dismiss early."
Yuki snaps her book closed, Koizumi puts back the go board he had literally just pulled off the shelf, and Mikuru looks down at her maid outfit, which she had just put on.
I get out of the door first, followed quickly by Haruhi. "Kyon, let's go to our secret meeting place. What I need from you is a surprise to everyone else."
I reluctantly follow at her pace to avoid her grabbing my tie. True to form, she runs the whole way there.
Finally, at the top of the staircase, I pant for breath. Haruhi isn't winded of course. "Alright, Kyon. You're in charge of the camera. You need to keep this from the others, and you need to film throughout our trip discretely. Got it?"
Not sure how discrete I can be with that camera, but I nod anyway.
Haruhi gets a faraway look in her eyes. "Also, you need to bring protection."
Now, I'm not sure what you made of that, but I know what I made of it. "Uh, I though- Er, o-ok. Do you have a preference?"
She gives me an odd look. "Huh? I want you to bring our toy pistols. The Yeti won't know they aren't real."
I'm sure my face was radiating enough energy to power the entirety of Japan at that moment. Haruhi either doesn't notice or pretends not to. "Anyway, see you tomorrow, bright and early!"
I refrain from speaking, instead waving nonchalantly. She once again gives me a look that says "What's your problem?" before she descends the stairs.
You'd think I'd have dug myself in deep enough as it is, but no.
As soon as she was completely out of earshot, I called up the only guy I could think to. "Hey, Koizumi? Got a minute?"
I proceeded to explain the situation minus the camera. I got as far as 'protection' before he audibly smirks and says "congratulations!"
It took me a good minute and a half to get him to calm his laughter down enough to tell the rest of my story.
"Oh. I thought you had finally admitted your feelings to Haruhi and are now dating." the jocular tone grates on my nerves.
"You do realize that if that that ever happens, the world will come to an end?"
Koizumi just laughs louder, then hangs up.
Asshole.
The next morning came three days too early. Of all the things I wanted to do this Saturday, climbing a mountain wasn't high on my priorities. I managed to get to the train station last, as always, but only by a couple of feet. Haruhi herself only beat me by three paces, and only them because that stupid biker got in my way. I was doomed to pay for drinks once again, and my wallet felt lighter than ever. Oh well.
Haruhi laid out a map of a nearby mountain we had somehow not yet climbed, and pointed out our route.
All of a sudden, I remembered what Haruhi had said about discrete filming. I carefully activate the camera and set it into the fake plant behind me, under the guise of going to the bathroom. As I pass by, Haruhi taps my fingers. I guess that's my good job.
Finding that I suddenly did need to use the restroom, I move into the bathroom-
And Fujiwara is waiting for me. He pins me to a wall and growls down at me. "Hey, prick. Fancy meeting you here."
"What do you want?" I put as much menace into the voice as I can, but it still sounds weak to my ears.
"I want answers. What the hell happened on the mountain?"
I stare at his ugly face (well, not really. I just didn't like him that much) for a few seconds. "Wait. The time traveller doesn't know what will happen in the future, and instead of, you know, going there, you decide to harass someone who hasn't been there yet. Bravo."
Fujiwara blinks twice. "I, for whatever convoluted reason, can't travel there. I've tried. Anyway, I thought you were the one who came back already."
"Soooo, I come back to today after we get back?"
The look on Fujiwara's face is priceless. The contortion of madness and the urge to scream twist his face to look like something out of a funhouse.
"You- I'm going to kill you. Someday, when it hasn't been predetermined you survive." he lets go and spins on his heel, entering a stall. A few seconds of silence go by before I knock on the door.
No response. Fujiwara is gone.
I return to my table to find the others getting up to go. Haruhi hands my the bill on her way out.
The ride up is completely uneventful. In fact, I could have slept through the whole thing and not missed anything. Haruhi was oddly silent. I wondered what was going through her mind, before realizing it probably wasn't anything good.
Once we finally hit the base of the mountain, I look at the peak, really far away in my opinion. Interstingly, nobody else seemed to be in low spirits due to the trek. Well, Yuki had her neutral face on, Koizumi was as hard to read as ever. Miss Asahina (I was still calling her that back then) was also cheerful. I'm pretty sure it was because Haruhi hadn't given her a costume to wear, unless you count the fact that her coat still reveal som cleavage...
Abandoning train of thought. It can only hurt my chances of survival.
Anyway, we hiked up the mountain, once again suspiciously devoid of white furred flesh eating abominations. Obviously, Haruhi had decided that no yeti would be this far down the mountain.
I call Koizumi over. "Here you go. One of the pistols. I figure I shouldn't have both."
Koizumi smirks. "I'll take good care of your protection."
I pull me pistol and fire at him. My aim is so wide that I almost wing Miss Asahina instead.
"Eeek!"
"Ah, I'm sorry! I was trying-"
Haruhi steps right up to me. "Kyon! I thoug I told you to keep our protection hidden!"
Miss Asahina goes deep red at that. Koizumi snickers. Yuki remains blank, probably not getting the joke. Probably.
I choke out a response. "Uh, Haruhi? You realize that the the way you say it implies-"
"Oh who cares! Just give me that pistol already." She proceeds to swipe the pistol out of my hand.
That was literally the only entertainment on the way up the mountain. Eventually, exhausted, we reach a cave. Koizumi hands me his pistol. "If the yeti is in there, yell loudly." He whispers in a stage whisper.
Volunteered to check the cave, and not sure if I should be more concerned about a bear or an actual yeti.
Thankfully, there wasn't either. But there was a note.
"Set up the camera before you get in, and activate it at 3:30am tomorrow morning."
Huh?
Needless to say, I did as the note instructed. Who am I to refuse the instructions of random notes?
After I gave the all clear, Haruhi and I pitched the tents. I wondered exactly why she was helping, but I was grateful nonetheless. Tents are hard to set up! I think I should have practiced once or twice before actually trying to set it up. All I did was make a laughing stock of myself while Haruhi flawlessly understood what to do.
After the tents went up, Miss Asahina started a fire. (I guess they tell you how that works in the future, at least.) she then proceeds to cook and excellent pot of something. I can't remember what it was supposed to be, but because she touched it, it tasted so good.
We broke for the night and drew watches.
Wow, it's getting late. I need to get back to monitoring the cameras in 4 and a half hours. I'll finish this story when I can. For now, I need sleep. A dose of cold medicine wouldn't be out of place either...
