A/N: I wanted to say thank you again to everyone who has reviewed this story so far!!! It's bin amazing the amount of positive feedback that I've recieved. This is a sort of filler chapter since it's all about what happened while Jack was gone and his reaction to it, so you'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out if Ianto wakes up or not...
Ianto walked through the hub with two mugs of coffee on a tray. He walked over to Gwen's desk where she seemed to be typing something up on her computer. He placed one mug on her desk in easy reach of where she was sitting. Flashing her a small smile he continued on into Jack's office where he placed the other mug on his desk, waiting for him to come up from the cells. He walked back out of the office and went to go back down to the kitchen area but was stopped by Gwen who appeared to have finished whatever it was that she was doing.
"How are you, Ianto?" Such a simple question from the Welshwoman but it was clear that she was saying it out of true care and the worry of a friend as opposed to being courteous towards a co-worker.
"I'm fine, thank you Gwen," was Ianto's stiff reply.
"Don't bullshit me Ianto. I know you're not fine. None of us are."
"I'm fine." At this Ianto turned his back on Gwen and practically fled to the kitchen. It wasn't until he reached the coffee maker and saw the mugs that belonged to Tosh and Owen that he broke down and let the tears fall as he fell to his knees. He hadn't realised that his sobs had been as loud as they were until he felt two arms wrap around him. He just turned his head and continued sobbing into Gwen's shoulder.
After about five minutes of crying Ianto realised his death grip on Gwen's jacket and sat back a bit, "Sorry about th…"
"Don't you dare do that, Ianto. Don't bottle it all up. You've been there for me but I haven't been there for you. I just assumed that Jack…"
This caused a bitter laugh to fall from Ianto's lips. "Jack hasn't said two words to me since they… they … it happened and he won't even look at me, not in the eye at least. He's got his own pain and grief to deal with; he doesn't need mine as well." Ianto got to his feet and offered Gwen a hand to help her up.
But Gwen didn't release his hand once she was on her feet. She simply pulled him by the hand over toward the couch behind her work station and they sat in companionable silence not letting go of his hand.
"Ironic, isn't it?" said Ianto.
"What is?"
"Two of the greatest minds and hearts that Torchwood has ever seen and they are the first to die. While the bloody tea boy survives to serve those left. It's hardly fair, is it?"
"Stop it. You are so much more than just a 'tea boy'. I know Owen said it a lot but he was just pissing about. Even he knew that we would be no where if it weren't for you. Ianto, you hold us all together. You're smart, funny, caring and a thousand other things that I would love to be."
"Maybe you're right but I still sometimes wish it had been me and not them."
"I know. I sometimes think the same thing but you have to remember, if they were in our shoes they would be saying the same thing and there's always something to live for." Gwen looked over at him and said "When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" when she noticed how thin he had become.
"I don't really have the time or energy to cook anything when I get home and I've never been a big fan of eating breakfast on my own."
"So you live off whatever it is that we order here?" said an incredulous Gwen standing up. "Come on, you're coming home with me. You're staying for dinner. You're also going to sleep there tonight so I can make sure you sleep properly." At this she dragged him out of the hub, only stopping to pick up their coats and phones on the way.
Martha stopped the tape and looked over at Jack. He wasn't even trying to hide the tears that had been falling ever since he saw Ianto's break down. She just walked over, sat beside him and pulled him into a hug.
Jack let himself fall into her embrace and began sobbing in earnest. He couldn't believe that he had been so blinded by his own grief and pain to not notice what they were going through. It wasn't so bad with Gwen because she could go home and seek comfort in the arms of her husband but Ianto had no one. His parents lived outside the city but his sisters lived in Cardiff. However he could not talk to them about Torchwood and with Jack and Gwen ignoring his pain in favour of their own, he had been alone in every sense of the word.
But no more. Jack made a silent promise to himself that as soon as he was able to see his lover without the threat of Gwen and her gun he would put it all right. He would tell him everything, or rather as much as he could.
"You love him, don't you?" asked Martha. Jack just nodded into her shoulder and as time went on his sobs quieted and eventually stopped.
Pulling back from each other Martha said, "Before you say anything I can't let you see him yet. Gwen needs some time to accept your return before she'll let you visit him. She's very protective of him right now and still feels guilty for not seeing his pain before, not to mention the healing bullet wound in his chest that was meant for her. It's my turn to sit with him tonight. I relieve Gwen at 1am so I need to go and get some sleep but I'll talk to her when I go and try to convince her to talk to you."
"Thanks Martha. I just wish I had seen it before, maybe I could have done something to help him instead of pushing him away. I thought I was doing the right thing as it would mean he was safer than he would have been with me."
"How is that better? You were both miserable and you still are. Don't think the Doctor hasn't told me about your moping around the TARDIS." This drew a watery chuckle from Jack. "If you're both happy then that's all that should be important. And if that's when you're together then why not let yourselves be happy, together."
"You're right, as always. But I don't know what to say to him if I'm allowed t see him. How do I say sorry for everything I've done to him? I've abandoned him twice in favour of going with the Doctor and I doubt I'll ever be able to regain his trust. I've never even told him that I love him!"
"Well then maybe you should tell him that instead of telling me. I'll try to get Gwen to talk to you tomorrow without any yelling or punching and when she's convinced that you actually care about him and aren't planning on leaving again she'll most likely let you see him. But you had better figure out what you want to say to them before then."
They stood up and went to find the others. If any of them noticed the redness of Jack's eyes they didn't mention it.
A/N2: What do you think? Was I too mean to Ianto? And don't forget to review!
