The Introduction:
Q: Is reading this bad for my health?
A: As your friend, I am required to tell zee truth to your face. As your author and (licensed in Guatemala) doctor, I cannot lie directly to your face, but if I turn zis way, I can tell you that this fic is in no way, shape or form a negative influence on your health. –giggle-
The disclaimer: How do you know there is a God? Because I do not yet own Inuyasha. Rumiko Takahashi better pray pretty hard.
So, the movie has ended. We are left with a warm and fuzzy feeling that may or may not be a communicable disease. You can't prove anything! So, the only logical solution is to numb our minds with many filler episodes. We are sad. But we recover.
Sesshoumaru, promised unto his people many moons ago, has been reincarnated as himself… In all his demi-god, gender-confused, fear-instilling-ly sexual vampiric glory. Many fan girls have melted since this description began. I apologize to their families. Many who don't turn off Adult Swim soon enough are still trying to transmute their Sesshoumaru, but are confused as to what the 'tail-thing' is made of. We can make fun of them because they're not here. Quick, point and laugh. Shhh! They're coming back! And… we're done.
So, anyway, much like the previous two paragraphs, Sesshoumaru's arrival is filled with angel choirs and fanciness… not much more. Like cotton candy: if it wasn't for the sugar rush and rotted teeth, it never would have been there in the first place. There is thoughtful walking. Sometimes stopping and looking… mysterious. Often, musings about… swords… Sometimes… yes, if I had to pick a word "…" would describe him very well. Go me- and a vast knowledge of the English language! Hooray!
Anyway, Jaken makes annoyingly obvious observations- including the fact that Sesshoumaru is hot to all sexes and Jaken is a total closet homosexual. Oh, wait, That's the only thing he hasn't noticed. Poor self-denying toad-animal. The half of us that pity him say: awww. The other half say: dude, that thing is annoying. The other half just fell asleep and left the TV on. The other half can't do math… Where was I? Anyway, we're pretty sure at this point that Rin has the best chance of scoring with him. Gross.
Yet, as we ignore the necromancy a few chapters ago, we're ignoring the pedophilia here. See, we're cool like that.
Now it's time for Inuyasha: The Parody: The Movie: Why This Was a Bad Idea in the First Place: Part B: Red Pandas and why they should be outlawed in Missouri. Shit happens. Basically, the same shit that happened in the first part with a different villain and weakly veiled themes of friendship, love and fuzzes. Many perish. Many more are subjected to unfamiliar, prettied up animation that serves no purpose other than to distract viewers from the fact that they aren't really watching a movie, but the quality of their anime slowly decay and die. So, Sesshoumaru- right!
He's still walking. We're not sure where. We'll probably never know why. But he looks damn cool doing it. Yeah, that's just about it.
Moving on to other characters who are otherwise ineffectual to the movement of the plot… this is an insanely long list, so we're just going to check in on Kouga. Yep. Still… fast. And his buddies? Still not fast enough. We wonder why people like Kouga when he's a total prick. We're still lost.
So, anyway, Kouga shows up, Inuyasha gets defensive. Kagome is an emotional masochist who chooses to keep denying herself love because Inuyasha continues to drop lines that suggest that some day he may actually pretend to like her. Yay! You: "But… but it's cute when he gets all jealous." Me: Yeah, the same way it's cute when a raccoon kills your puppy and guards its dead body as you watch on in total emo angst. Hints: Kagome is the puppy (you know, dead… but on the inside). You're Kouga. (Suck it up, bitch.)
So, anyway, that was pretty much a waste of time. Except now Kagome has a sliver of hope. Not to worry, we'll fix that.
Next Episode: How Naraku Met Kikyo (minus "I'll have what she's having")… then killed her… then pinned it on her boyfriend. Alternatively: Flashbacks save us time and money!
Those with no sense of humor have gone into diabetic shock because this has no fluff. Flames will be used to fuel my unquenchable thirst for… chocolate milk! Oooh, scary!
Those with a sense of humor are invited to pretend that we never had that conversation. What conversation, you ask? Good… good. All is going according to plan. More is coming. BEWARE!
