It's not until I'm about to step into the classroom that I remember one small detail that had slipped my mind earlier. Lucas was in my first period History class. "Damn" I mutter under my breath as I propel myself into the room. My eyes scan the desks quickly and to my relief he's not there yet. I quickly make my way to the back of the class and sit in a vacant desk in the corner.
I pull my binder out and a pencil. I open up to a blank page and write the date on it and prepare for the ever so interesting notes on some European War, but I absentmindedly start drawing all over the page. None of the small pictures meant anything, I was just doodling really. I was really thinking about Lucas. No matter how hard I try I can't get him off my mind.
I can feel his eyes burning a hole through me as he enters the classroom and takes his seat. I refuse to look up even thought my heart is begging me to. I don't want to hurt Luke any more than I have and that's inevitable if I let things start, so I'll just avoid him at all cost. I know that eventually I'm going to have to face him, whether its something that I plan on doing or I just happen to bump into him on the street or in the halls either way I can't dodge him forever.
I look down at the now filled loose-leaf and sigh as I examine to picture I just drew of him. He really is all I think about sometimes. To me the sad part is that I can draw his portrait form memory and it will look exactly like him. I guess that what happens when you spend your day staring at someone continually. I make I mental not to myself to stop doing that, staring at him. Surprisingly I haven't looked at him at all this period, but I still have fifteen minutes left so who knows.
It hurts a lot more than I thought it would to not talk to Luke. I don't know what it is about him but he always just gets me to open up. That kind of scares me though because I feel like I have no control over anything when I'm around him, especially what comes out of my mouth. I'm not afraid to be a complete idiot in front of him and I don't have to keep an act up when I'm around him, I can just be me and I like that. But at that same time I hate the fact that he has that power over me. I like to be able to at least control my emotions and he takes that away from and that basically leaves me with nothing.
The one time I did control myself around Luke was when I told him that I wanted him to leave after he spent the whole day with me. I know I sounded like nothing more than a cold hearted bitch but when I think about everything, what's bound to happen in the long run, I know that it's best to cause the pain now and not lead him on. If I had waited and let things play out I would have wound up hurting him more than I did now and probably would have hurt a lot more people in the process.
I glance up at the clock and close my binder seeing that there is only a minute left to class. I don't want to take the chance of being cornered by Lucas again, which was just awkward last time. And than I left my drawing in here, that just makes things worse. As the bell rings I quickly shove my things into my bag and head out of the room. As I walk pass Luke's desk I see him glance up at me and start to move faster but so do I.
My legs carry me into the halls and out of that horrid classroom. I need my books for second period but that means stopping at my locker and that give Luke that chance t catch up to me. I can't take that chance so screw the books, I'll just have to transfer the notes later, that is if I actually take any this time. A period of drawing is looking better than note right now but than again it always does.
"Peyton" I hear the voice ring through my ears as I shove through the rapidly crowding halls, hoping to get lost in the mix. I just have to make it around the corner and down the hall and then I'm safe. I don't care if I'm early for class as long as I don't have to face Luke. The more I think about talking to him that more I feel guilty about things. I quickly think of all the pain I would have caused him but that only helps a little. I can feel him getting closer to me but I can't seem to push through the people any faster. "Peyton slow down, I need to talk to you." I can hear him right behind me and I know that there is no way I can get away from him. He plays basketball, he weaves through aggressive people for hours everyday, I don't know why I thought I stood a chance getting away.
"What" I say a little harsher than I intended as I turned around with my eyes shut in slight frustration. When I open them I'm shocked to find someone other than Lucas staring back at me. "Ricky" I mumbled trying to recover from my shock.
"Hey you" I watch him smile at me like I'm supposed to melt. I'm a cheerleader he's a basketball player we're meant to be I should just throw myself into his arms right now so he can carry me off into the sunset. Oh wait I dated the start basketball player and he rode me off into hell. He broke me from my thoughts what he finally removed the stupid grin form his face and started talking again. Lucas was the only one who had a smirk that I liked, well that I loved actually. "You know I've been thinking about you a lot lately."
I flash him a flirtatious smile and watch a goofy smile play on his lips, it was almost cute but nothing compared to Luke's. I stop myself from thinking as I feel Rick's arm around my shoulder. As Rick walks me to class I can feel Luke's eyes on me. I know he's watching me with those eyes I adore so much, those eyes that always seem to keep me captivated.
I want to turn around and look at Luke, I want to turn and break away from Rick and run to Lucas, right into him arms. That's out of the question though. Lucas isn't' an option to me anymore and I've made sure of that. I care about him too much to slowly rip his life apart like I do to everyone else, I want him to be happy, truly happy and I guess that's love. Giving up someone you really care about so that they can have everything they deserve, so that they can find someone to cherish other than you, someone who is going to cherish them just as much if not more.
