TITLE: 'Where's Gilligan?' (4/10)
RATING: R
CHARACTERS: Toby and the gang
SUMMARY: The administration take a trip
DISCLAIMER: The characters used from the West Wing do not belong to me; they are the property of Aaron Sorkin.
TIMEFRAME: After Dead Irish Writers
***Eight***
The sky was becoming dark as the administration members finally began to settle down. Abbey and Jed had spent the previous hour digging Josh up from under the sand. A job that Bartlet was now beginning to regret.
"I think we should like tell scary stories or something cool like that," he suggested.
"You're whole life is a scary story Josh and we all know the boring chapters that go with it," Toby reminded the deputy chief of staff.
"A good story might do us some good," Leo agreed.
"I want to do something that allows us to get to know one another better," Abbey elected.
"We already know everything there is to know about everybody though," Josh said. "Now with story telling, you get to hear something new."
"We're not telling stories Josh so get over it," CJ snapped.
"I don't know a lot about you guys. I'm up for that," Oliver said.
"Well I do and I don't want to play some stupid game about it," Josh whined.
"What do you know Josh?" Sam dared.
"I know that you don't have clean underwear, CJ doesn't wear any and Toby here was the model for Grumpy in Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs," Josh answered pointing out each individual he had mentioned.
"Well I don't know about the rest of you but my knowledge allowance is full," Oliver joked.
Toby came to his own defense, "I am not Grumpy."
"No of course not. You've just been in a bad mood for over forty years," Bartlet announced.
While everyone laughed at Toby's expense he stood up prepared to walk away. "Ah come on Toby, play the game. It might give you something to use as bait in the future," Abbey proposed.
Toby took this into consideration and decided to stay. "What the hell, it's not like I can watch the Yankee's or anything."
"That's the spirit Toby," Donna cheered. "So Abbey, what do we do? Do we just blurt out something significant?"
"Well what my girls and I would do is we would sit around like this and take turns telling one another something private."
"No wonder they don't have anything to talk about when I get to see them. They've already spilled their gossiping guts to you," Bartlet complained to his wife.
Abbey ignored Jed. "So we can start with whoever wants to go first and we just go around and around. That's all there is to it."
"Yeah right. That is until we read about it in the paper, or even worse floating around on the internet," Josh carped.
"There is nothing about you that one would find fascinating Josh. And if there was it would only be because she's your mom," Donna told Josh who waved her off.
"I'll go first," Oliver stepped up to the plate. "I have a twin brother."
"Whoopee. I'll sleep better tonight knowing that secretive information."
"Joshua behave," Abbey warned.
"I was once expelled from grade school because I cheated on a test," Sam admitted.
"What grade?" Jed asked.
"Fourth."
"Doesn't count."
"But Sir, it was wrong."
"Did your parents punish you for it?"
"Yes. I lost my Batman and Robin privileges for a week and I wasn't allowed any sweets."
"You deceive the Board of Education and the only thing your parents can do is take away two men in tights?" Toby inquired.
"They weren't just two men in tights. They were superheroes," Sam defended.
"I used to think I was wonder woman," CJ finally said joining in with the group. "I did, I would spin and spin like she would do on TV."
"And that what?" Oliver asked.
"And then I'd pass out from dizziness. That's when I knew I wasn't special enough to be Wonder Woman and that I would spend the rest of my days instead as Cat Woman." CJ's voice dropped into a depressive tone.
"Hey we could have been friends!" Sam exclaimed with shock and excitement at the same time.
CJ started calmly into Sam's face and said, "No. No we couldn't have."
"Why not?"
"Because I spent most of my youth beating kids like you up." Sam gulped and began to fidget.
"Relax boy wonder, she's not going to beat you up now," Toby advised Sam.
"Yet," CJ drawled.
"I wanted to be an actress," Donna told the group. "I always dreamed of joining the Hardy Boys and I would be the girl that Joe Hardy would save and fall in love with."
"Who are the Hardy Boys?" Leo questioned.
"Two lame-o's from the seventies," Josh answered.
"They weren't lame," Donna stood up for her idol.
"I remember them," Abbey recalled. "Elizabeth used to drive us nuts with the television show, and the records and the books."
"These guys sing too?"
"Josh how did you ever graduate from grade school? Shaun Cassidy was the singer," CJ was getting annoyed at Josh's lack of knowledge in Shaun Cassidy.
"Okay now who's this guy. I thought we were talking about the Hardy Boys. See this is where I keep getting confused."
Donna lunged on top of Josh and held his face in her hands squeezing his cheeks out. "Shaun Cassidy was a Hardy Boy alright. How could you not have known about these guys? They were huge!"
"Maybe it's because I had a life." Donna began slapping Josh harder. "Okay okay get off of me man." Donna let go of Josh and crawled off of him while everyone sat back taking in the show. "Ah gross, you spit all over me."
"That's what you get for dissing Shaun."
"I didn't 'dis' anyone Donna. I don't even know who the jerk is, and I certainly don't care to now." Josh started wiping the spit off of his face.
Bartlet let his eyes wander around and he smiled. "Well this is the best secrets revealed that I have ever been involved with."
"We haven't heard from you Sir," Oliver noted.
"And you're not about to either son so just leave it at that."
"I have some gossip," Josh announced. "And it's really juicy too."
"Now that's more like it," CJ clapped her hands preparing for some gossip.
"I farted," Josh leaned over laughing. Donna jumped back on to Josh and started slapping him all over while Josh continued to laugh.
"I think we've heard enough from Mr. Lyman tonight."
"I think he's toast Sir?"
"As in drunk Charlie? How is that possible? Nobody here brought alcohol. Did they?"
All eyes turned in the direction of Josh who was still giggling on the sand. "Donna take him to bed," Bartlet ordered.
Donna's eyebrows raised and she said offended, "Excuse Me?"
"Not like that. Take your young mind out of the gutter. What I meant was tuck him in or something close to that effect."
"Why me?"
"Because he likes you that's why."
"But I don't like him back," she argued.
"Here," Toby handed Donna his drink and grabbed Josh's legs. "Oliver grab his arms and we'll drag him over there," Toby motioned to a vacant spot surrounded by trees
"How come I have to carry his arms. What if he pukes?" complained Oliver.
"Because if I carry him by the arms I am liable to kick him in the head."
"Not if you keep him high enough up off of the ground."
"All that does is make me raise my foot higher," Toby explained grinning.
***Nine***
While Josh was sleeping off his day of excitement the rest of the group gathered around the fire once more to continue playing their little game.
"So who haven't we heard from?" Leo asked aloud.
"You, the President, Abbey, Oliver, Toby and Charlie," Donna answered.
"I already went," Oliver cried out.
"When?"
"Donna I was the first one to start."
"By telling us you have a twin brother. I don't think so."
"I have a secret," Charlie said in a low voice.
"But you didn't know that I had a twin did you?"
"Actually I did."
"Guys, I have one to tell you," Charlie said but he was being drowned out by Oliver and Donna.
"Yeah right. You didn't know. Who could have told you?"
"Ainsley."
"I'm married," Charlie said straight out.
"Ainsley, figures. She has-."
"Shut up Oliver," Abbey screamed catching Oliver's attention. She looked to Charlie to say something more but he sat there in silence. "What did you just say Charlie?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me I saw your lips moving and I heard you speak. I want to make sure that what I heard was correct."
"It was correct Abbey. I heard it too," Toby told Abbey who was starting to get frantic. The President finally got into the conversation by asking, "Well what did he say?"
"He said he's married Jed," Abbey answered her husband.
Jed stared at Abbey in bewilderment. Charlie was married? Jed thought about what Abbey said and then began to laugh. "Charlie's not married. He's just pulling our leg."
"No I'm not Sir," Charlie spoke up.
Jed turned in Charlie's direction and used a stern voice, "Yessss YOU are!"
"Let him speak Jed," Leo ordered his friend.
Jed didn't take his eyes off of Charlie as he snapped, "Stay out of this old man."
"Are you really married Charlie?" CJ asked her young friend in a gentle voice.
"Yes. We got married less than a month ago."
Abbey began to whimper as she whispered, "Oh my God."
"If this is some kind of a joke Charlie I'd like you to take a long hard look at my face and realize that I'm not laughing," Bartlet declared.
"I don't see what the big deal is?" Donna chimed in with sincere innocence.
"The big deal? You don't get the big deal Donna? Charlie has just informed my wife and I that he has secretly married our baby. The big deal is that we are finding out what? A month after the fact." Bartlet was screaming.
"Less than a month actually Sir," Toby corrected knowing it would piss the President off which was what he was going for.
Charlie stood up and brushed sand from his legs. "I didn't marry Zoey."
"Oh thank God," Abbey cried relieved.
Bartlet's anger was beginning to dull. With a calm voice he said, "You didn't marry Zoey?"
"No Sir. Zoey and I broke up."
"When?"
"I don't think that's-" Charlie was cut off by the President.
"When?" Bartlet repeated, his tone of voice getting angrier.
"A few months ago I think."
"You think? You and my daughter break up and you're having a hard time recalling the date. Can you give me a season?"
"Jed," Abbey said like a warning. Bartlet glanced over at Abbey who was giving him one of her 'back off' looks.
"Who did you marry Charlie?" Donna asked trying to get off the subject of Zoey whom she never really liked anyway.
"A nice girl. Her name is Seantelle," Charlie answered smiling as he said her name.
"You're glowing. I hate that!" Toby noticed the look on Charlie's face.
"Awww," CJ and Donna sang in unison.
"Yeah you're smiling now, wait another month. Constant tears my friend," Oliver advised as he pulled out a marshmallow to place on his stick for the fire.
"Oh please. Just because you're marriage failed doesn't mean Charlie's will," Donna chastised Oliver.
"Where did you meet her Charlie?" Abbey asked wanting to know all the details. She got closer to him and wrapped her arm through his.
"I met her at church. She was in the same choir as Deanna. She's a teacher."
"Wow Charlie, good for you," CJ said taking Oliver's perfectly crisp marshmallow away from him.
"Hey!" Oliver cried. "That was mine."
CJ rammed the entire marshmallow in to her mouth and muffled, "Come and get it big boy."
Oliver considered his options and chose against it. "No way, who knows what else you've got hiding in that mouth of yours." He took another marshmallow out and started over again.
Toby watched as CJ went to work on the marshmallow that was billowing out of her mouth. He'd give his profession and everything he owned up right now if he could only exchange places with that marshmallow. "Stupid marshmallow," he mumbled lightly so that no one could overhear.
