Thank you to the lovely people who stuck with me and continued to encourage me to write this story that practically writes itself. Thank you Graceful Murder X.x, EmiAkari, AreYouHaight and LovesReading and the two other anonymous users I can't name for pulling me alongside this train that I've created.
"The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you."
― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
"I'm gay."
Familiar words, but not from Phil. He'd thought that Dan had said it while he was drunk. He wasn't sure though. To Phil, that whole experience was very fuzzy.
Once Phil returned from Dan's house, he rushed to his room and opened up his laptop and did some research on how to tell if someone was gay. Phil chose some of the things that he did as well and decided he'd need to make plans with Dan to see if he did any of this.
Phil: I liked hanging out with you today and yesterday.. (I think yesterday.. Idk i was drunk) want to get some lunch at CMG's tomorrow?
CMG's was a pretty good place to get pizza. It was also the perfect place where attractive men would be serving. By night, the place doubled as a strip club and what better place to work a second job, than at work!
To Phil's delight, Dan agreed.
The next day, Phil arrived at CMG's way earlier than he needed to be. He'd realized Dan's tendency to be early to their meetings, and planned accordingly.
A male server wearing black dress pants, a white shirt, black tie, and a matching black vest escorted Phil to the table he'd be at. The server was quite hot and perfect for this little test.
Just as anticipated, Dan waltzed in early. Phil watched as Dan scanned the area and located him.
Phil waved him over and Dan took a seat.
"Glad you could make it." Phil said.
They made meaningless small talk for a little bit, but it was just an excuse for Phil to watch Dan's eyes.
Dan awkwardly played with his straw a lot, messed with his silverware, then Phil saw it. Dan always looked around the restaurant but kept ending on one guy. The same guy each time. He'd linger a second, then revert back to the conversation.
Phil got through the meal watching Dan and picking up on slight little things only someone else who was gay would pick up.
However, the body language that Dan was displaying lead to the conclusion that he had a crush on Phil rather than just want some guy at a pizza place/strip club.
Of course, this presumption was based upon information Phil had gotten from the Internet so the likely hood that it was 100% true was not very high.
After their lunch, both Dan and Phil returned to their respective houses. Phil now had Dan's secret. There seemed to be only one way to one up Dan here now that Dan was supposedly a 'bad boy'.
No, that one thing would not be outing Dan. Especially since Phil didn't know for sure and that would simply be a monstrous thing to do.
The only thing that Phil seemed fit for doing would be outing himself.
Paragraph after paragraph. Speech after speech. Nothing seemed like the right way to come out.
Phil crumpled another paper and threw it at the wall just as his father walked in.
"Hey bug, something getting you down?"
Something about the way his father had said that one phrase had made the decision clear enough on what he should do.
"Yeah dad... I'm fine. Can I speak to you and mum in the kitchen? It's important." Phil announced.
Minutes later, the Lester family was sat at the table, eagerly waiting for what Phil had to say. His younger sister was in the living room listening too, trying to be sneaky about it.
"So I've been meaning to tell you thing for a long time and I wish I'd told you earlier but I didn't, and I sorry for that. I'm gay."
Phil exhaled, awaiting his families denial or to convince him that he wasn't. Instead, he opened his eyes to see his father handing his mother money.
"What?! You were betting on my sexuality." Phil exclaimed.
his parents shrugged and went back to their former activities. At least they didn't reject him.
Phil went to bed, planning to tell whoever would listen the next day, that he was gay.
Phil tracked the rumours that followed him all day. It wasn't like he was oblivious to the fact he was the goody goody popular boy, he knew full and well where he stood. As of that moment, he was the topic of conversation, not Dan and his antics or his transformation.
Some rumours Phil had heard from people included:
He'd been screwing guys in the bathrooms, he was so good even straight guys would faint with pleasure, he's what gets straight guys to play for the other team etc;
For the most part, these were only rumours. Phil had screwed someone in a bathroom before, but that was one time.
Even though the rumours had the bare minimum of truth to them, Phil neither confirmed nor denied them, which led others to believe that they were true.
Lunch came and Phil didn't even get the chance to search for a seat when he was suddenly bombarded with people asking questions.
"Would you ever go straight?"
"Will you be in a threesome with my boyfriend and me?"
"What's your secret to pleasing?"
"Is the thing about you and Dan true?"
That last question grabbed his attention.
"What about Dan and me?" Phil asked the crowd.
One girl looked at Phil happily.
"Someone said they saw you and Dan drunk and walking somewhere. Maybe to the bedroom?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Then the next night Dan got in a fight. Some say he was just rescuing that one girl, others say he was sexually confused because he had the time of his life when you sexed him up!"
Phil was taken aback, but he laughed to convince the crowd.
"No, I've never done anything with Dan except that one time he punched me in the face, let alone get drunk and have sex with him.. That's not saying I wouldn't get drunk and have sex with him. He is pretty attractive. Isn't he super straight though?"
The crowd laughed.
At the end of the school day, Phil wrote down a note for Dan on his blue sticky note paper. Note giving at the end of the day was sort of their thing.
Meet me. Same place same time. We need to talk. -PL
Phil walked the halls all the same and nudged Dan, discreetly giving away the note.
They arrived at the tree at the same time, which was a first. Usually one was earlier than the other.
Phil didn't even attempt a greeting.
"Are you gay?"
Dan's eyes widened and Phil worried he'd gotten it wrong.
"Shit. Fuck. I thought you were too fucking drunk to remember. Idiot."
"So you are. I didn't remember Dan, I just picked up some subconscious hints. You just confirmed my suspicions.." Phil mumbled.
"Please don't tell Phil! Please. Just for the rest of the month at least!" Dan pleaded.
"Dan it's fine.. Don't worry about it."
The two separated. Dan went home, while Phil still had to tutor students in maths.
Tutoring was fine, but it became rather unpleasant when a group of people, boys in particular, came up to Phil asking, practically begging for sex.
"No." Phil said to the general audience, rather sternly. "I'm already smitten for someone. Dan Howell." He admitted.
Sure, it might not be the whole truth, but while Phil held the knowledge that Dan had a liking for him, it was only natural for him to ask Phil out once Dan had come out. This would just make the transition easier.
"You're in love with Dan Howell?" They all said in confusion.
It was then that Phil realized, this was the rumour that would spread like a wildfire.
