It's Claire's list! Oh no! I didn't want to do Brenda because she's boring and I'm not doing Broneph Reinel because I only just finished Miracle Mask so I'm not too sure who the hell he is. Not looking forward to Claire because she died so anything mean I say is immediately taboo. Much apologies for any taboo-like behaviour. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! LET US CHEER!


Also, I use my phone which uses auto-correct so if anything doesn't make sense, I am not stupid but my phone is. (I.E - Luke changes to like sometimes and hell turns to he'll) Sorry about that!

Many of the things that they were waiting for happened. The sandwich trolley came just after the list was finished. Clive had lettuce. Emmy had cheese. Flora had tomato. Professor had tea sandwiches. Luke had the rest of the sandwiches put into one big sandwich.

"What the hell is that?" The professor frowned at the sandwich of curse-y fatness. "I am not paying for that."

Bill Hawks was unelected prime minister but that was only because he was eaten by a dragon.

The professor and Flora woke up when they smelt the sandwiches, the fat bastards.

World peace occurred when a donkey got blown up by a bomb and everyone was so sad that world peace happened.

Unfortunately, Chelmey never returned. Shames.

"He's probably too busy shagging Margret." Clive frowned.

"Clive!" The professor gasped, covering a random policeman's ears. "There are innocents about!"

"Fine. Making love to Margret."

"Ooh! It's Claire's list!" Flora exclaimed.

The professor flung himself on top of Luke's massive sandwich and cried into it.

Luke shrugged and carried on eating it.

1). Claire is dead.

2). This is a proven fact.

3). She doesn't have a twin sister.

4). That is also a proven fact.

5). Lots of people loved her.

6). This can lead us to conclude that her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

7). That is a proven fact.

"THAT IS MY DEAD EX-GIRLFRIEND YOU ARE PROVING FACTS ABOUT!" Layton shrieked, sitting up quickly.

"Oh, quiet you." Clive scowled and he pushed Layton back into the sandwich. Then he quickly moved him because Luke was about to eat him.

8). Claire was a wonderful woman and she will be forever missed.

9). Claire backwards is Erialc.

10). Erialc backwards is Claire.

"Are you quite finished?"

"Yes."

10). Claire wanted to lick the professor's face for reasons we cannot begin to fathom.

11). YAY!

"Yay? Yay? Yay does not work as a fact."

"It does in PANGWORLD."

"Flora go flush your head down the toilet. Life has nothing to do with you."

12). Claire once set fire to a horse.

13). She wanted to see if it would explode or not.

14). It never did.

"Oh the memories!" Layton wailed as he crawled across the floor for no reason whatsoever. "I bought her that flamethrower."

"It sounds like you shouldn't of." Clive frowned as the professor grabbed onto his leg and sobbed into it.

15). Claire's idea of a cunning disguise is an oversized and slightly amusing hat.

16). Claire used to watch Bargain Hunt.

17). Before she exploded that is.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Clive!" Emmy scolded. "You have to be kind. After all, it was his girlfriend who died."

"Oh yes. I forgot that."

18). How sad would it have been if Claire was carrying Layton's baby when she blew up?

19). That would be so sad.

"SHE WAS WHAT?!" Layton screeched.

"Woah, chill bro. We never said she was." Luke smiled calmly.

"MY BABY BLEW UP?!"

"Well…we don't know that for sure." Emmy scowled, kicking Clive in the trousers for even mentioning Claire's babies.

"I didn't mention babies, I said baby. Just one. Uno." Clive shrugged. "Unless…"

20). CLAIRE WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS!

"WHAAAAT?! TWO OF MY BABIES EXPLODED?!"

Clive shrugged.

"Stop shaking me, dude. It wasn't me that blew your babies up. It was Bill Hawks- THAT BASTARD!" Clive exclaimed once he remembered the small fact that Bill Hawks also blew up his parents as well as Layton's possibly real children.

"That smelly little potato!" Flora gasped because she hadn't said anything for a while.

21). Claire never met Randall

22). Claire never met Anton

23). Claire never met Emmy.

24). Claire never met Baron Augustus Reinhold.

25). Claire met me.

"Well done professor." Emmy smiled, patting him on the back. "You wrote something without crying on the computer."

26). Maybe Claire is a ghost and she's here RIGHT NOW.

"AGHHHH!" Clive bravely squealed and he swung his arms around like a windmill.

"That's not very nice." Luke frowned. "You may have just took poor Claire's head off."

"Aghhhh!" Clive screamed again, rubbing his hand all over Flora to get all the dead people gunk off before the germs leapt up and zapped him.

27). Claire haunts the old mill.

"What old mill?"

"I don't know. Just a mill that is old. It could be in Blackpool. Or it could be in Liverpool. Maybe even Scunthorpe. The point is, that somewhere there is an old mill and Claire is haunting it."

28). We might see her on Most Haunted.

29). Hopefully she bites Derek Accorah.

30). AND HE DIES!

"I take it you don't like Derek Accorah."

"No. I invited him around for tea and biscuits and he started saying that my parent's spirits were in the room and then he pretended to be possessed by my mother who told me that my father wasn't my real father and that my real father was called Terence Fishwick and he was in a mental asylum because he was traumatised after watching his family die."

"What a jerk."

31). Claire never finished Assassin's Creed : Brotherhood.

"Well then, she's rubbish. If she can't even finish AC:B without exploding, I'm glad she's dead!" Luke yelled.

The professor turned a deep shade of red and started to tremble. His eyes went veiny and smoke billowed out of his ears. You know in cartoons when someone gets mad and smoke pours out of their ears? Well that happened IN REAL LIFE. The professor rushed out and before they knew it, there was a huge fortress outside destroying London, with a crazed professor steering who had smoke coming out of his ears IN REAL LIFE.

Everyone cried or screamed or whatever but Clive remained silent as this was partly his fault for putting the idea in the professor's head when he tried to destroy London, two years before. That then made him wonder why they'd let him out after two years. That made no sense. After all-

"AGHHHHHH!" Emmy shouted as she pushed Clive out of the way as a massive fortress leg nearly smooshed him.

"This is all your fault, Luke!" Clive shouted from the floor, to stop everyone from looking at him and partly to take any possible blame off of him. "If you hadn't dissed Claire the professor wouldn't be trying to kill everyone."

"I'M NOT DESTROYING LONDON FOR THAT!" The professor's voice trailed from up above. "I JUST DON'T LIKE ASSASSIN'S CREED."

32). Claire was a ginger.

The pandemonium stopped. Everyone turned to Flora who had just wrote the fact. For reason, the fortress chose that moment to break causing lots of steam to billow out all over the place IN REAL LIFE. The professor was flung back into Scotland Yard…or whatever was left of it.

"Please, professor." Emmy begged. "Stop being such a douchenozzle and just punch Luke in the face for being a brat."

So he did. Multiple times.

33). Claire is so proud of her ex-fiancé husband for this.

"What?" The professor stopped punching Luke to look up at Flora.

"You were going to propose weren't you?"

Layton reached into his hat and pulled out a dusty box. Inside, there was a beautiful engagement ring with a diamond the size of his fist.

"I was going to give her this." Layton sighed. He then turned away. "I want you to have this. You're a very special person to me and this is a very special ring. I want you to look after it and always think of Claire when you look at it. Think of how wonderful she was. Don't protest. You are the most important person to me and I think you should have the most important possession I own other than my hat."

Layton handed over the ring and turned away, tears in his eyes.

"I will love you forever, Claire. And now you, sweetheart. I want you to wear this on your wedding day." The professor continued. "I love you Clive."

"Professor, I have two things to say. One: I don't understand why you're giving this to me and, Two: that is not me, that is a goat."

The professor squinted to see that he was, in fact, face to face with a random goat.

"Oh. And I'm giving this to you because it's what Claire would've wanted."

"Surely she'd of wanted to have not died and to marry you instead."

"Yes but…after that."

"I see. Thank you professor." Clive nodded.

However once the professor had turned around, Clive pulled out his phone and put the goat on eBay and gave the ring to Emmy.

34). Claire cried at the Dead Island trailer.

"I wasn't aware Claire saw that. I thought she died before it came out."

"We don't know that!" Flora cried.

35). Once, Claire was stung by a jellyfish and the professor had to pee on her foot.

"Ewwwww."

36). TAMARA WEARS BOOB PADS.

"Who the hell is Tamara?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! I RAN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY!" Luke trembled on the floor.

37). At Claire's funeral, we all sang HOLY HOLY MACRO.

"Quaint."

"Yes…quaint."

HOLY HOLY MACRO!

38). Claire listens to bands like Iron Maiden because YOLO

"You only live once? False, you live everyday. You only die once."

"Errr…YODO."

39). Claire invented Oreos.

40). After all, she is a scientist.

41). Claire fell off a castle.

42). She was on the top tower and she fell over the side and was saved by an unfortunate cow who did not make it.

"Are you trying to say she's fat?"

"No, I'm saying that the cow was weak."

43). I don't know how the professor got Claire.

44). She's out of his league.

45). Maybe she didn't know about his afro.

46). Claire once had a picnic on the moon.

47). The jelly exploded and the whole moon was covered in jelly.

48). NASA had to rewrite all their maps.

49). It was a mess.

50). CLAIRE WEARS BOOB PADS.

"Will you shut up about boob pads!" Emmy shouted.

"No!" Luke scowled. "It's my hot body and I'll do what I want!"

"Will you become a prostitute so we can afford to pay the rent?"

"…Yes."

"Good boy!" The professor smiled at patted his apprentice on the head.

51). Claire loves Layton.

52). She also loves Dimitri.

"Aww- wait what?"

53). She also loves Don Paolo.

"NO SHE DOESN'T! SHE LOVES MEEEE! ME AND NO ONE ELSSSSSE!" Layton hissed.

54). Nope. Poor you.

"NOOOOOOOOOO~"

55). Claire does jigsaws.

56). It takes her an hour to do a 50 piece jigsaw that is recommended for 5-8 years olds.

"Clive." Emmy said with a warning tone. "Are you sure thats not you?"

"Positive." He said doing little shifty eyes.

57). Claire played the violin when she was seven.

58). She was as awful as Luke.

"Hey! I'm not awful! I play like an angel."

"An angel who was thrown out of heaven, on to a concrete road, run over by by a cream convertible mini which exploded, bought a violin and tried to play it."

"Real rude of you professa."

59). Claire's favourite day of the week is Tuesday.

60). Claire is singing Holy Holy Macro with the angels now.

"What the hell is holy holy macro?"

"Quit yo jibber jabber Flora!"

"I'm sorry, Luke!"

"You should be, hoe."

"LUKE!" The professor shouted. "That is my adopted daughter child thing! YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!"

61). Claire had an Auntie Bainbridge.

62). She used to smell like soap and biscuits.

63). Before she died, that is.

64). Now she smells like dead people and wee.

65). AUNTIE BAINBRIDGE WEARS BOOB PADS!

"LUKE WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT BOOB PADS!"

"No!"

And Luke went into a beautiful trance…

He was surrounded by boob pads!

"I just want to marry all of you gorgeous boob pads!" He exclaimed in his dream. And in real life which confused everyone to no end.

66(. Claire wasn't in the Curious Village.

67). Claire wasn't in Pandora's Box.

68). Claire was in the Lost Future.

69). Claire wasn't in the Spectre's Call.

70). Claire wasn't in the Eternal Diva.

71). Claire wasn't in the Miracle Mask.

"Flora, you're saying these things but no one knows what you're on about."

Flora looked around shiftily. Was she the only one who knew that they weren't real? Was she the only one that knew they were in a series of best selling games?

No. She had no idea what she was on about either.

72). Claire has turnip curtains.

73). Claire will share her onion rings with you.

74). That's good of her.

75). She doesn't like feet.

76). Claire gets angry and violent when people pick on Luis Suarez.

"Ah! You trained her well, professa!"

"Yes I did, Luke. Yes I did."

Secretly, the professor had fallen in love with another footballer, Jesus Fernandez Suso, for reasons slightly unknown. YODO, guys, YODO.

77). Claire likes to clean windows.

78). Claire always wanted to grow a beard.

79). Or a moustache.

80). She also wanted to learn the guitar and the trumpet and play them at the same time.

81). She had so many life ambitions and they were all cut short, tragically and swiftly.

Everyone turned to Clive who was hunched into the corner.

"I'm…not…crying…there's something…in both…my eyes." He sobbed.

82). Celeste wasn't real.

83). Claire time travelled.

84). She was sort of dead when she did it but still…she did it.

85). Claire liked to wear a Liverpool kit and stand by ill Everton fan's hospital beds.

86). Freaking YOLO. Or YODO.

"If anything, Claire taught us that YODO wasn't true so even though we invented it about 48 facts ago, it has to end because she died twice."

YODT.

"Oh come on!"

87). At least Layton got to say goodbye the second time because the first time, he was busy restraining a mad Clive whose parents had just boomed.

"There's…still…something in…both my…eyes." Clive sniffled. Layton shrugged, joining him and they cried together. Well, both collectively got something in all four eyes the two of them possessed.

88). It would have been better if Claire turned out to be a zombie and just when everyone thought it was safe, she popped out of somewhere and ate everyone's brains.

89. And by everyone I mean people like Patrice Evra (a Man U player :|) and Bill Hawks (a bastard that we all know and hate).

"That would've been fun."

90). It would have been even better if no one exploded but you can't win them all, I suppose.

91). Well you can but only if you use a walkthrough. Such fun!

92). For Claire's birthday, I got her a One Direction card and a cake with a candle stuck in it.

"Professor, that cake was from Greggs, sort it out!" Clive commanded.

The professor ran out to put a very expensive cake on Claire's grave that would feed a very hungry hobo.

Which is a different version of Hungry Hippos.

But still just as amusing and fun for all ages.

93). Claire was a woman.

94). She spontaneously combusted.

"Thank you for not saying she exploded, Clive. It isn't the most respectful way of putting things."

"If it makes you feel any better, my parents exploded. Or spontaneously combusted. Which ever way is better."

95). Claire was cremated.

96). Even before the funeral.

97). But they put her ashes in a lovely little vase.

98). Then Don Paolo stole them and now he performs weird rituals with them.

"OH GOD THE IMAGES! MY EYES! MY EYESSSS!"

"Chill your beans, professa."

99). I have to admit, even though we've been saying that she blew up and she was a ginger and stuff, she was a wonderful woman who only ever thought of others.

100). We miss Claire :(

"Well, this wasn't the most fitting tribute for her but I think she'd appreciate it anyway." The professor frowned.

"Speaking of people who are dead and never coming back and we will never see again," Luke frowned, causing Layton, Clive and Flora to cry. "I think Chelmey died."

"That is a shame." Flora frowned getting up after crying about her dead father for about two seconds.


So that was the latest list. Hoorah. Next is Clark's and then it is Clive's and the fun will truly begin MWAHAHAHA.

I don't know for sure if I will finish this with all possible characters but if the Mayans taught us anything it is that if we don't finish something, it's not the end of the world.

GeorgiexxxSuarez ~ILLS+ILJFS~ xxx