Chapter 4: Second guessing myself

"Hey sleepy … how are you feeling ?"

Matsuri was sitting in one of the chairs in the hospital room half awake .

"Do you want anything ?" I asked her . She shook her head drowsily and then leaned it back onto her knees again .

She and I had spent the whole night in the hospital trying not to fall asleep . But I had fallen asleep … Matsuri hadn't …

"Here … don't worry I'll watch him … you get some sleep ." I whispered wrapping an extra hospital blanket around her . Soon she had drifted off to sleep and I was once again alone in the room with him .

"Your such a joke Sakura … Do you think that what you REALLY feel about him will stay in your head forever ?" the little part of me laughed .

Yes… I thought … and besides I don't think I could ever love him like THAT anyway…

"But you already doooo …" the voice said laughing again .

I sat there frozen …

Did I ?

No no that couldn't be possible ! I was his best friend … not even capable of being anything but !… Right ?

Yes defiantly !

I looked at him and smiled taking his hand .

"Please wake up … we need you …" I whispered . I watched as his chest rose and fell in shallow breaths … and it made me sick to my stomach .

"Why did you do this to yourself … ?" I asked him in a whisper .

I set my head on the edge of his bed and brought my arm up under my chin gently . I tried to not look at his closed eyes … I tried not to imagine them opening .

I bit my lip and squeezed his hand tight in mine as a tear slid down my face . And then I felt his grip tighten on my hand .

My head snapped up and I stopped doing everything ..as if every part of me down to my very heart stopped working for a few seconds and then I looked up at his OPEN eyes .

"GAARA!" I screamed a wide smile coming across my face . My pink hair flew into my face as I jumped onto him and I threw my arms around him trying to be as gentle as my emotions would let me .

"I thought we lost you !… Oh god your okay !" I exclaimed burying my face into his shoulder . I pulled back seconds later and looked at his stunned face . And then I noticed something odd .

"Gaara … I think your eyes changed color …." I smiled brushing his hair out of his eyes .

I saw a light shade of pink cross his dark face as I leaned closer to examine them .

"Their really pretty …" I concluded with a smug look drifting over my lips .

"Face it Sakura … your enjoying this …" the little voice stated .

I rolled my eyes and shrugged it off getting off of the hospital bed . As I did so I looked over at Matsuri to see if my shrieking had woken her up . Unfortunately it hadn't … I wanted her to know this but she hadn't slept all night .

"Oh well …" I sighed frowning .

"So how are you feeling ?" I asked turning back to him

"Fine …" he replied almost in a whisper .

"Great !" I laughed happily throwing my arms up in the air . He looked at me for a few seconds and then he lifted up his arm and took a hold of my forearm .

"What ?" I asked worriedly . He said nothing but he draped my arm over the bed and touched the gauze that were wrapped around my upper arm . He looked up at me worry consuming his face as he looked at it .

"Oh this ! … Well …they had to give you a blood transfusion and I volunteered to be a donor … since I was posing as your sister anyway … Matsuri did too .. But they used more from me than her because of my size ." I laughed as I explained .

"Did they hurt you …?"

I looked at him surprised .

"No …not really it hurt a little but I did it for you so it didn't bother me … same with Matsuri ." I added . I smiled at him reassuringly and then reached out and took his hand .

"I promise I'm fine …"

"No your not … you always give me that smile when your upset … " he stated in a low voice . I sat staring at him for a few minuets and then I laid my head back on the chair and sighed .

Was he right ? Did I really do that ? … Maybe I did it without realizing it … it made sense I guess … I mean I wasn't exactly in great shape right now …

I sighed deeply and ran my fingers through my tangled hair .

"You shouldn't be caring right now … worry about yourself for once okay ?" I asked looking up at him . He just stared at me quietly and then shut his now sky blue eyes .

"What ?" I asked him touching his arm .

"Whatever …" he sighed weakly .

I rolled my eyes and then stood up .

"Get some sleep Gaara ." I whispered . And then I walked away from the bed and out into the hall . The nurses and doctors that were there didn't even seem to notice that I was there and I walked quietly to the receptionist that resided on the floor his hospital room was on .

"Excuse me …"

The receptionist looked up at me and smiled at me .

"Yes how may I help you dear …" she asked me looking away from the computer screen .

"I would like to know if I may speak with Doctor Tsunade ?"

"Umm… let me check and see if she's in her office …"

The woman stood up and walked away from me and down a side hall .

I stood there at the front desk patiently looking around myself at the things that surrounded me .

Trays and trays of different colored pills and many many needles occupied one cart and then another was filled with the meals that they give you when you have to stay there . The walls were a pale green color and they looked even paler in the horrid florescent lights that emitted from the lights in the ceiling .

"The doctor will see you … but you must make it brief …"

I walked hurriedly down the hall after the nurse and then she stopped in front of a door and tapped on it .

"Doctor… she's here ."

The door swung open and the doctor I spoke to yesterday was standing there with a slightly annoyed look on her face .

"Come in kid …" She stated opening the door wider .

I stepped into the small office and almost fell on my face as a stray paper came in contact with my foot.

"Watch your step …the room is a mess…" she warned stepping behind her desk .

"Sit …"she stated motioning to a chair in the middle of the mess . I sat down carefully and then turned my attention to her .

"Alright listen … I don't usually let anyone that wants to walk in here… but I know who your brother is… so I make an exception … so what is it you want to know ?"

"What is going to happen to him ?" I asked not skipping a beat . She looked at me intently and then sighed heavily . Her hands glided over the mountains of papers until they rested on a red envelope .

"Your brother's condition will take a few days to process but … once we let him leave … he'll have to come back for a dry blood transfusion every week for 2 months … but its pretty much touch and go from here on out… and he shouldn't be awake for a few days anyway so…"

"He was awake a few minuets ago …" I stated surprised .She looked up at me shock coming onto her perfect calm fausad .

"What do you mean he was awake ?" she asked me standing up .

"He was awake a few minuets before I left to see you … he was talking too…well as much as he would talk normally … why is something wrong with him ?" I asked worried

"No no its just …that means his body possessed the new blood much faster than any patient I've ever come across… that's amazing …"she stated quietly running her fingers through her long blond hair .A smile was slowly spreading across her stern face as she shuffled the papers back into the red envelope .

"Come on kid …I want to see what this boy's physical condition is really like before I get excited …" she stated walking for the door.

I followed behind her and shut the door .

As we neared his room a shocking scream came from inside . The woman and I bolted inside the room .Only to be greeted by a unusual sight . A shocked stunned Gaara and a seemingly fuming upset Matsuri .

"I'm done Gaara ! Done !… I see your heart belongs to someone else …" she yelled tears of obvious frustration poured down her face .

"What's going on in here ?" I demanded

"I'm just done !" she shrieked and then stormed past me and out the door .

"Well anyway ..lets get you checked out …" Tsunade said quickly .

I followed Matsuri out the door and caught her by the wrist .

"Hey ! What do you mean your done !" I growled as she turned to look at me .

"I told you …I'm done !" she replied ripping her wrist from my grip .

"With what exactly !"I snapped "You don't mean Gaara do you ?"

She looked away from me and shook her head weakly letting a lone tear fall down her face .

"Why! Why Matsuri ! You cant leave him now ! He needs you !" I pleaded taking a hold of her hand .

"NO…no trust me Sakura … he needs someone … but its not me ." she whimpered sliding her hand from mine . She shot me a quiet smile and then turned and walked away from my shaking form .

How could she ! He needed her !… But ..what did she mean by what she said …

"He needs someone but its not me ?" I asked myself aloud . Then a thought hit me …

"Does she mean me ?…"

She couldn't mean me could she ?… NO …NO! it wasn't me it couldn't be me … not me !

I leaned against the wall and stared up at the florescent lights that flickered annoyingly .

"Second guessing yourself are you ?… Something's gonna break Sakura …and you know it …"

"Shut up witch …"

I know things are getting kind of draggy but it'll pick up the pace soon …promise :D oh ya and if you want to help me out could you vote on my poll ..I'm still having a major dilemma over who Sakura should be dating/going to marry(Maybe lol ;) )