Chapter Three: That One Day

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Today was not a good day for Saix. He woke up late, and was late delivering cookies to his grandmother's house. The apocalypse was among them all.

He ran out of the house, basket of cookies in hand, and a red hood in the other. He fastened it around himself and put on the hood, running to his bike and putting the basket full of cookies in the basket that was attached to the bike.

Well, it could be worse, he reasoned with himself. Remember that one day?

That one day where my parents died, my girlfriend cheated on me, my best friend shot himself, that crazy neighborhood dog Moon crashed on top of my house, my old school burned down, I stepped in gum, my other friends all died, my hair fell out, I killed a bum, someone stole my hood thong, it rained and snowed on me and only me despite going to a sold out concert, I had to walk home ten miles up hill barefoot through rocks because some kid stole my shoes, a fire started and I had to walk through it because it was the only way, I got raped twice by three people all at the same time, and when I came home that gay guy Lexaeus was sitting on my porch, doing nothing but existing, and it all happened within two hours and thirty-two minutes?

Ya, that's the day, Saix thought to himself, peddling like crazy. He was crossing every street without bothering to look both ways, causing traffic accidents he didn't care about or ever remember. He was late bringing his cookies to his grandmother. They must understand that.

Best two and a half hours. Ever.

What, so that isn't the worst day of your life?

No, remember when I ran out of flour?

Oh, that explains it.

Saix continued to have a conversation with himself, up until he finally reached his grandmother's bright red house. He was a little late, but he hoped nobody would mind. He loved her too much for her to punch him in the face. He knocked on the door, and a tall tanned guy answered it, sighing as he saw the blue haired young adult.

"Here you go grammy!" He said proudly, holding up a basket.

"For the last damn time kid, I ain't yo grammy!" The man all but screamed, about to slam the door, but Saix's foot was jammed in the doorway.

"But grand-ma-ma," Saix said, tearing up, and was going to cry, he surely, was, until the man sighed again, used to this ridiculous routine enough times to have memorized it in his sleep.

"Damnit," he mumbled, stealing the basket. "You come here every day. What's the dealio? Don't you have school? Or a friend? Or a goldfish?"

Saix only giggled like a schoolgirl and ran off.

"See you tomorrow grandma dearest!"

The man watched him ride off in the distance, throwing the cookies out to the squirrels to eat and choke on. "That guy has issues. Big issues."

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Luxord dragged his feet, collapsing as he reached his front porch. He had finally made it back to his house, and also managed to shake off the creepy old man. He looked up, seeing Lexaeus sitting on the little bench Larxene liked to sit on when she was in her peaceful, hippy mood.

"I…failed," Luxord admitted, still lying down on his belly. "An old man made a pass at me. And I ran away. I'm a failure at life!"

Lexaeus just stared, and Luxord realized he wasn't even paying attention to him. He was just sitting there! Ignoring him!

"Helloooooo? Lexaeus?"

He continued sitting. Was he admiring the pretty blue sky? Thinking about world domination? Or just purposefully pissing Luxord off?

"Look, I appreciate what you did to me. I'm glad you convinced me to bring along the hood thong I stole from Saix. It was better than being naked. I appreciate you getting me hammered enough so I could have drunken sex with guys. But goddamnit pay attention to meeeeeee!"

No response. Nothing. It was almost like Lexaeus was an empty shell. He didn't even blink. Luxord waved his hand in front of his face. He checked his pulse. Was this man a freaking rock or something? Well, he was certainly existing like one!

"Fine!" He screamed, "I'll go do something productive! You can just…just exist for all I care!" With a great flourish, he entered his house, forgetting entirely about Lexaeus and just let him exist like a rock.

And that he did.

--

"That means as much to me as a strawberry up a bear's butt!"

Will the world never cease its insanity?

"You are a lafoozaloser, son. Wordity ordity word."

Nope. It never will.

"Shut up guys!"

The pink and blue haired young men turned to see Vexen stomping towards them with the force of a thousand bulls. His left eye twitched and his shoulders were hunched up. He was prepared to strike any obstacle in his path.

"Vexy! That vid today, that shit is off tha hook!" Marluxia complimented, referring to the video of Vexen dancing, forgetting about insulting Zexion.

"Ya, you were busier than a cucumber in women's prison!" Zexion agreed, and both proceeded to dance. Vexen, who had no idea what the hell they were talking about or doing, only raised an eyebrow and walked ahead of them, intent on going home and locking himself in his room with a tub of ice cream, crying over all of his sorrows. Fo sure.

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End of Part One