A Nice Attempt At Making Him Jealous

The phone is ringing and I am ignoring it on principle. I'm not Angel's bloody lapdog and I may be corporeal now but that doesn't mean I'm going to spend my day rushing to his beck and call and certainly doesn't mean I'm going to chirp "Angel Investigations" down the phone like some under-paid secretary. It's bad enough that I have to work with him every day let alone acting like I work for him. Every day that I'm forced to spend time with that great pouf when we're beating the hell out of some demon I question why on earth I'm putting myself through the torture of spending each day with someone I can't stand. Then I remember that I have nowhere else to go. Doing what's best for her has turned out to be the hardest thing I've ever done and loving her and living without her give me a bit, only a small bit mind you, more sympathy for the ever-brooding on, doing the right thing can make you amazingly miserable. Spending every day without her and knowing that I'm the one choosing this is the worst form of torture I've ever experienced and trust me I've experienced some pretty horrific torture in my time. That old saying 'if you love someone, let them go' has been my fucking mantra and I have to reapeat it about a dozen times a day to stop myself from grabbing the nearest car and driving as fast as I can to get to be by her side. I don't even know where she is any more and it takes all my strength to stop myself from asking Angel to tell me everything whenever he comes off the phone with that smug expression plastered over his annoying face. I have to let her have a chance at the happy life she could never have with me.

"Is somebody going to get that bloody phone?" I snap loudly at anyone in the surrounding area. They roll their eyes at me and scurry towards the office, all too used to my outbursts to pay me any more attention than that. I hear Harmony squeak "Angel Investigations" down the phone and I exhale some unnecessary air in relief. Hopefully someone is reporting something that needs my immediate attention and lots of violence to get rid of it. I could do with a good fight, it's about the only thing that stops me going completely mental being stuck here.

"Urm.. Spike?" Harmony bleats nervously as she walks back towards me.

"What do you want Harm?" I look at her with contempt. She still reminds me of Sunnydale, of the past, of her.

"Well, urm, Willow is on the phone." She proceeds delicately and I feel something inside me contract painfully.

"Get Angel then and if he's not here tell her to bloody well call back when he is." I ball my fists up and try to resist the urge to hit something. She should know by now that I don't, that I can't, deal with anything Scooby-related any more. I can't hear them talk about her, I can't have the conversation I've been dreading since I found myself back here.

"But the thing is, y'see, she's asking for you Spike. She was very clear only you would do." I look at her hard. If I didn't know that both her and the great pouf lack anything resembling a sense of humour I'd think she was messing with me but the look of worry on her face as she awaits my reaction confirms she's not joking.

"What does she want?" If my heart was still beating it would stop as I wait for this answer.

"It's about Buffy." She practically whispered. Shit.

"Oh shit. Oh bugger. I can't do this yet," I mutter as I stumble to my feet and starting pacing, looking wildly about the room.

"Spike!" Harmony yells. "Stop being such a damn baby and go and answer the phone!" The shock of those words and that tone of voice coming from Harmony is the only thing that could have stopped me in my tracks. She has a hard expression on her face like I've never seen before. "If I have to drag you across this room I will." She mutters without any trace of her usual silliness or giggling.

"Fine. Fine. I'm going." I announce as I march across the room.

I get to the office and close the door behind me then stare at the phone as if it's some bomb I have to diffuse. This is stupid! I yell at myself get a bloody grip man. Shakily I pick up the phone and place it to my ear.

"Hey Red," I hear myself say in what I hope is a decent attempt at my usual casual tone and doesn't give away the major internal battle that I've had just to get me here. "What can I do for you?"

"Spike, hi." The witch sounds nervous and this puts me even more on edge. "How're you doing it's been-"

"Cut the crap Willow." I snap. "Why are you calling? I doubt it's just to check up on me." I hear her take a deep breath and I find myself leaning on the table for support, wondering what on earth is to come.

"We were just wondering if you'd seen Buffy." She blurts out quickly.

"Buffy?" My head spins. "Why the hell would I have seen Buffy? What the hell's going on?"

"Buffy's missing." She sighs heavily. "She's been gone for over a week now and we thought that maybe she's come to see you." She trailed off.

"Missing? What do you mean missing? Has something captured her, what nasty was she fighting? I haven't heard anything about a vamp claiming to have the Slayer but I can-"

"Spike slow down." She cuts me off. "She wasn't fighting anything. Well, nothing serious anyway she left that to the rest of us." I'm surprised to hear a note of bitterness in her voice. "The last place we know she was is The Talbot-"

"The where?" I cut in.

"It's a bar near where we live." She replies shortly.

"A bar… Demon bar? Was she there getting info?"

"No just your regular people bar Spike." She insists.

"Well what was she doing there?" I ask her in confusion, nothing is adding up here.

"Drinking, probably."

"Drinking? Buffy doesn't drink. Well not unless it's with…" I trail off, unable to overcome the large lump in my throat.

"With you, yeah. I think the problem was that she knew she wasn't going to drink with you ever again." I sway slightly and sit heavily into the chair behind me like some trauma patient.

"I think you need to tell me what the hell's going on." I start calmly. "Why Buffy's been gone for over a week and you're only just raising the alarm, why she's been in bars drinking and no one is stopping her-"

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare say those things to me." I recoil as she shouts down the phone at me. "You don't know what it's been like since you've been back. It's been worse that when she came back from Heaven. She's changed Spike. You had no right to leave her the way you did. I've never been your biggest fan but I've put up with you all these years because Buffy said so. If you'd come back I would have welcomed you with open arms after seeing how crushed she was by your death but now, well, if I didn't think you might be able to help me find Buffy I'd stake you on sight for what you've done to her."

"Done to her? I haven't done anything to her you stupid bint!" I spit angrily.

"Exactly!" Willow counters with equal anger. "I don't know what the heck happened between you two in that battle but you said something that broke Buffy's heart and then you just left her like every other man she's ever known-"

"She told me she loved me." I mutter in a small voice.

"And?" Willow demands.

"And I told her that I didn't believe her and then I died then I was brought back and I decided to let her get one with her life so she didn't feel that she had to honour some stupid words she'd said out of pity for a dying man. I let her have a chance to get the happiness she's always deserved. I love her so I let her go. The sodding end. Now can you please explain what the hell this has to do with where she is and how I can bloody get her out of there?"

"Spike, you're a complete idiot. In fact you're more than that. You're the worst kind of stupid I've ever met in my life and you don't deserve to be told this, and trust me I am not telling you to make you feel good, but Buffy loves you. Everyone but you and Buffy have known for a long time and now she knows too. The problem is, though, you abandoned her and so now she knows she love you but she's trying not to love you and she misses you but she's trying not to miss you so she's going out and getting blind drunk and sleeping with any man she can find to take her mind off you. Which has somehow led to her disappearance." I feel a wave of cold sweep over me as she finishes talking and I turn suddenly, kick back the chair and let out a yell of rage as I put my fist through the glass panel of the door. "Spike!" Willow shouts, trying to gain my attention before I upturn the whole office.

"Where are you?" I ask through gritted teeth as my hands shake.

"London." She replies simply.

"England?" I can't comprehend what she's saying to me.

"Yes. Do you want me to book you a ticket?"

"No, it's fine. I'm sure Angel has a private jet or something I can borrow."

"Okay, I'll see you soon." I go to put the phone down and hear her add "And don't do anything stupid, all right?" I laugh loudly. A bit late for that now.

A/N: This part has been really hard for me to write because I find Spike's actions in Angel (the series) very OOC and therefore hard to justify so please let me know if it worked or not. Thanks!