The Reluctant Babysitter (Or: The Titans Drool Machine)
"I have to say…" Red-X tapped his finger against his mouth, as if he was being pensive and thoughtful. "...I think my favorite part of the whole evening was when you pantsed Control Freak."
Raven's eyes went wide and she let out a strange squeak that sounded very much like loosely controlled laughter. "I what?"
"You pantsed Control Freak." He grinned underneath the mask. "It was awesome."
)O(
Raven kicked her dangling legs as she shoved another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, giggling between the bites. Red-X stared down at her, rolling his eyes as she grinned up at him, chocolate ice cream dripping from her mouth. Ugh. Just what he needed - more mess. Well, it didn't matter too much anyway, this night from hell was almost over and she wouldn't be his problem anymore. He bit back a few choice words and stared out ahead, watching the boats move through the water.
In the middle of the bay stood Titan Tower, its lights shining against the water… just a few more minutes and he would be done with Raven. He had already called Kid Flash and Jinx (there was a freaking odd couple), and let them know where he was. Now, all he had to do was wait for them to come pick up the little snot monster.
She shoved the last spoonful of ice cream in her mouth and wiped at her lips with the back of her hand. Red-X rolled his eyes and leaned over to wipe the dribble of ice cream off her face with a napkin. "Jeez, Raven. You're a freaking mess. The whole damn team is going to think I threw you into the mud after this."
Raven's eyes scrunched shut as she tilted her face up to him so he could clean her off. After he was done, she let out a giggle and jumped off the bench toddling over to the garbage can to throw her mess away. After that, she toddled into the grass in front of him and began running around, chasing after lightning bugs that glittered in the air.
Red-X couldn't help but laugh, watching her stubby little legs try to figure out how to navigate the uneven surface of the lawn beneath her feet. A few sad tries later, she managed to catch one between her hands and raced over to Red-X, still giggling.
"Got one!" Heaving with excitement, she opened her hands and let the bug crawl from between her fingertips to his lap. Raven grinned up at him in delight as the little firefly began to glow again, lighting up the small space between their faces with a strange, greenish light. It landed on her nose before fluttering away. She giggled again and raced after it, violet hair whipping across her face with her erratic movements.
Okay, maybe she was a little cute.
But only a little.
"It's true!"
Red-X whipped around to stare into a set of beady eyes framed by poorly kempt red hair, and unruly matching eyebrows. Groaning, he let his head fall into his heads. Of all the people he could have run into today, it had to be this guy. He was the worst excuse for a villain that Red-X had ever met, and he seriously needed to consider that lethal case of halitosis before he got within ten feet of another human being.
"Well, if it isn't Nerdo the Hutt." Red-X stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to place himself between Control Freak and Raven. The last thing he needed was this weirdo trying to steal his thunder. "And what can I do for you?"
"I heard Raven got a spell cast on her." His eyes widened with excitement, and he clasped his hands in front of him. "Let me guess, twelfth level archaic magus?"
Red-X somehow fought off the urge to give him a wedgie. He really was the most annoying person on the face of the planet. But for whatever reason, Red-X felt just a little bit bad for his social ineptness. After all, it wasn't Control Freak's fault he kinda failed at life. Red-X sighed again. "Nope, just Mumbo. I'm taking her back to the tower, so it's probably best if you stay out of my way. Okay, kid?"
"Awe, come on, X!" He whined and threw himself over the back of the bench as he looked at Raven, still racing through the grass. "You've got this golden opportunity to finally get back at the Titans and you're just taking her back to them?"
"First of all, she's a freaking toddler. I'm not gonna put a kid in danger - even if she is Raven." He scoffed and pushed Control Freak's face away from his own, rolling his eyes. "I might be kind of a bastard, but I'm not completely soulless. And, secondly, I don't always play by the rules of the villain, you know that. And thirdly, there's a reward in it for me. So, of course I'm going to bring her back to them. She's worth something to me."
Raven plopped down in the grass and began playing with a dandelion. She picked off the small, yellow petals and started humming to herself, her voice bright and cheery in the silence of the night. Red-X felt a weird smirk play across his lips and he shook his head before turning back to look at Control Freak.
"So, back off, kid." He poked a finger into his chest, and Control Freak took a slow step backward. "Or I'm gonna unleash her on you. And Raven can be one mean child."
He scoffed, his spit flying through his teeth. "Tch. Yeah, right. She's just a kid, X. How much damage can she do?" He snorted and shook his head. "I bet you're just saying that to keep me from collecting that reward… What is it? Beast Boy's secret sci-fi stash… oh man, I bet it's awesome…"
He was hopeless. "It's none of your business, and I said back off, dude. I mean it."
"Come on, X… don't keep it to yourself." Control Freak pleaded with him, his eyes wide with excitement. "I just want a little bit of the prize. I can help. I've got this-"
"Seriously. You're gonna piss me off." Red-X moved away from him, and back to Raven's side as she continued to play in the grass. Control Freak followed, still pleading with him.
"Come on, X. You have all the fun."
"This isn't fun. She's a kid, dude."
"But it would be so easy to-"
Red-X turned around to tell him off, but Raven crawled to her feet, her chubby fingers clutching at the edge of his tattered cape. She stood there in silence, staring into his face with her wide, unblinking eyes. Control Freak took a slow step back, trying to keep the space between them, as if he was frightened by Raven's sudden desire to speak and be heard. She took another step forward, her little fist still buried in Red-X's cape.
"Go." Her lips pursed and she pouted. "You go. Go 'way."
"See?" Red-X snickered. "Even Raven wants you to go away, dude."
Control Freak rolled his eyes and snorted. "Seriously? You're just jealous that I can totally bring down the Titans whenever I want, and you're just left running errands for them."
"Suuuure, dude. Sure."
"No like!" Raven stomped her foot, leaving a crater of black magic sparking around her. "Go 'way! No bother Ecksch! Go 'way."
"Ah… I don't think you know who I am, Little Raven. I-" Control Freak's words were cut short as a bolt of Raven's black power snapped out and yanked his tacky, black jeans down around his ankles. A moment of shocked silence hung between the three of them, as they all tried to process precisely what happened. Around his waist hung dingy whitey-tighties, and nothing was hidden from the imagination.
Red-X cringed and pulled back, bringing one hand over Raven's eyes to shield her from the terror that was Control Freak's underwear. She just giggled brightly, as if this was all a very funny joke.
Control Freak stood there in shocked silence for a moment before letting go of a high pitched wail, stumbling away from the two of them and down the street. He walked a few steps before tripping over the pants around his ankles and falling down onto his face. After another long moment of struggling, he managed to pull his pants back up around his waist and stumbled off into the night.
As he left, Red-X let go of laughter he had been desperately holding on to. The sound bubbled up from the bottom of his throat and he felt tears gather at the corners of his eyes as he watched Control Freak run away. He looked down at Raven, who grinned up at him, and he was unable to keep his own smile off of his face. He reached down and patted the top of her head. Maybe she was just a little fun too.
"You look almost cute together."
Red-X whipped around and looked at Kid Flash and Jinx just standing there, both smirking at him. He pulled his hand back from Raven's head as if he'd been burned and shrugged, lips pursing underneath his mask. Well, this was kind of embarrassing.
Kid Flash just laughed at him and came up to both of them, his hand outstretched. "Hey, I'm Kid Flash, and that's Jinx." He jerked his thumb to the girl behind him. "You must be, Red-X."
"Yeah. What gave it away, the costume?" Red-X shook his hand, looking down at Raven as she seemed to remember who the stranger was. Her hands were still tightly wrapped in the fabric of his cape, and she occasionally poked her head out from behind his legs as Kid Flash approached her.
"I can't believe she let herself get caught in a spell." Jinx rolled her eyes and strolled up behind her boyfriend, ducking down to look in Raven's eyes. "You owe me one for coming back, Rae. We were enjoying a relaxing day on the beach in Fiji before we got Robin's call."
Raven buried her face in the back of Red-X's thighs, obviously embarrassed at the attention she was suddenly receiving. Red-X chuckled and pulled Mister Bun Bun of the bench to hand it to her. She looked up into his eyes, her face still a little sticky from her ice cream.
"I've gotta go, Raven. Kid Flash and Jinx are going to take care of you, okay?"
She gave a slow nod, unshed tears collecting in her eyes.
"No crying now, okay? You're stronger than that." He patted her on the head before giving her shoulder a nudge towards Kid Flash. He grinned underneath his mask and leaned back on his heels. He wrapped his hand around his belt, thumb feathering over his teleportation tech. Watching the thief carefully, Kid Flash picked Raven up and propped her on his hip.
"Thanks again."
"Only did it for the reward, Ginger. Don't get to thinking I might be good or something. I promise you, it's a waste of thought." He paused for a moment, as if remembering something important. "Oh, and before I forget, I should tell you that I just fed her a pound of sugar and spoiled her rotten for the last two hours." His laugh turned almost maniacal. "Enjoy your time with the little princess."
With that he pressed the button, and was gone in a flash.
)O(
Thanks for reading friends. As always, this was inspired by kohng on Tumblr.
One more mini chapter and we're done!
