oh boy summer break im back

here have a really long character study with possible some angst?

and shipping if you squint really hard (not hopexnoel though)


He doesn't know when or how they arrived in the Void Beyond, but it doesn't matter anymore. The chaos, the darkness- it forces itself down his throat, it flutters in front of him like an unwelcome truth, it blinds him and chokes him, but it's presence is reassuring- the only constant thing left in this world. Sights, sounds, smells, all blur away in the waters of eternity, and he's left with a hollow emptiness.

"Hope,"

"Yes?"

"What happened? Where are we? Is Serah really...?" Noel knows the truth. Knows that Hope knows exactly as much as he does himself, that yesterday and tomorrow do not exist anymore, that Serah is gone, but he asks anyways. He pleads. He pleads Hope to tell him differently, to say that it'll all be okay, because he'd rather hear a reassuring lie than the inconvenient truth.

"I don't know, Noel." It's as much comfort as Hope can offer.


There's nothing to do but walk and talk, so that's what they do. There's nowhere to go and nothing to walk to, but it's an old comfort of a lifetime past. Its the stories that matter, telling each other everything they knew, everything they know, and then some. It's a fascination of both, to learn about the other's time. Noel learns about the future, the bright, glimmering, and utterly ruthless societies of the past. Hope learns about the desperate struggle for life that the future will be.

"What was being the Director like, in Acadamia 400 AF?" A simple question. Not the one he wants to ask, and not the one Hope wants to answer. It's a compromise they silently settle on.

"Different. The first few days, it was hard. Painful. I felt like it was just a dream, that I'd really died in my sleep, and this was some semblance of what I dreamt. It was hard to take anything seriously, you know? I felt like it was all temporary, all pretend."

"What changed things?"

"I don't know. I guess, in a way, some part of me did die back there. The friends and family I'd made in 10 AF, I left them all behind. Threw them away. Once in 10 AF, again in 400 AF. I wasn't able to get close with many people after the fall...Alyssa was a rare exception. And look where that took us."

"Wait, you remember Alyssa?"

"The Void Beyond is a shadow of Valhalla. I can see the timelines that I lived through, that I died in. Except, I don't know which one is truly me and which one is an alternate timeline anymore."

"Would it matter if you did know?"

"No. It wouldn't."


"Tell me, Noel. What was life like in your time?" Hope's voice broke the ever-present silence, seemingly wrong in the utterly quiet realm.

"It was...Different, to say the least. We were closer to each other, all like family. Most were afraid, worried, or scared. Death was a constant companion, likely to strike us anytime. Instead of a looming cloud hanging above us, it was more like a sudden flash flood."

"And for you, personally?"

"I didn't know my parents well. Caius and Yeul, they were my family after my grandma died. They were somewhat a legend, the eternal Seeress and her immortal guardian. There wasn't much I could do in comparison to them. I mean, nobody except me could even raise a blade against Caius, and that's only because he taught me. And Yeul, she could see the future."

"Did you love them?"

"Yeah. Caius, he was the closest thing I had to a brother. I admired him. Who wouldn't? He could take on a whole herd of Shaolong Gui down, without a scratch. He might have been stern with me, but I thought he truly did look out for me and Yeul. Guess I was wrong."

"What about Yeul?"

"Her too. If Caius was the sterner one, then she was definately the gentler one. She was so kind and compassionate to everyone, she really cared for every single little thing. Even a flower. I was raised alongside her, so she was like a sister to me."

"And?"

"And nothing. I knew Yeul was going to die one day, probably before me, but that didn't make it hurt and less. I took a small comfort in knowing that Caius would be with me until the day I died, and even after that. He was supposed to be the one thing constant in my life, and I never expected him to leave. Leaving me was a probability, but leaving Yeul? I never expected that."

"Caius, what was he like?"

"Cocky, but I guess he had a good reason for that. Brave, definitely, but not impulsive. Strategic, I'd even say as smart as you, Hope. Ruthless, merciless- he'd do anything to reach his goal, honor be damned. Stict, certainly- like Serah, in a way. He wouldn't stand for any disrespect. Protective, of course. If I had to say what his greatest weakness is, it would probably be his single mindedness. Once he has a goal, he doesn't let it go. Of course, I've never seen him fail."

Hope grinned before he spoke, a painfully reminiscent grin, as if recalling bittersweet memories.

"He sounds like Lightning."


The Plains of Eternity. Not the Archlyte Steppes, but Hope thought it was a fitting name for the endless rolling plains of grass and gray. The only spot of color for miles, in the whole world, was the vibrant blue of Noel's clothing.

"You were close to Lightning, right? What was she like?"

"Proud. Harsh. Cold. Brutally effective. Not sympathetic at all, except towards Serah."

"You're right, she does kinda sound like Caius."

"But, Lightning, she had a different reason. Her parents died at a young age, and care of Serah fell to her. She wanted to become someone strong, to protect Serah."

A storm of black dust obscured Hope's vision for a moment, and when it cleared, Noel responded.

"They both wanted to protect her. The Seeress, they both wanted to save her."

"Yeah. After I fought Odin with her, Lightning seemed to accept me. At first, I thought it was because she knew I could heal her, and that I wasn't useless anymore, but now I realize it was because I reminded her of Serah. Someone younger than her, more innocent, who just lost their parent. After that, we didn't quarrel anymore. She watched out for me, and I tried to watch out for her."

"And the other l'cie? I've met Snow and Sazh, but I didn't really get to know Sazh."

Hope snorted.

"Snow's the opposite of Lightning. Impulsive, loyal, warm, optimistic, naive, a heat-of-the-moment type of guy. He's brave and a good meat shield, I'll give him that, but his recklessness, his aversion to responsibility- it's more than annoying."

"From where I come from, recklessness gets you killed."

"That's common in a lot of areas, Pulse included. He's a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, good natured, well meaning- but that doesn't always translate over well."

"You sound like..."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. An angry ex-girlfriend? Complaining mom? Like you really are fond of him, but you try to hide it."

"..."

"I should run now, shouldn't I."


"Did you ever love her?" Noel blurts out, startling Hope as much as possible when it's no longer possible to be truly shocked. "Lightning, I mean."

"I...I don't know. Not truly, genuine, romantic love, I know that, but..."

He's surprised. Not by the question, not by what it stirs up, but by what he feels. And no matter what memories he recalls, nothing fills the hollow, empty sensation in his chest.

"It's hard to think about, isn't it? You haven't seen her in five hundred years."

"I think I was in love with the idea of her. Someone strong, protective, confident, that I could talk to like an equal but wouldn't judge me for feeling lesser. Someone who genuinely cared for me, and wouldn't judge me for being useless. Someone like...My mother."

"Ah. I see."

When did they lie down? The grass didn't feel like anything against his back, and the sky looked the same as the ground. Where they lying down at all?

"Did you ever love Serah?" An intrusive question. But it's been long enough, and Hope knows that nothing will ever fill the sensation of timelessness.

No response. Hope can't tell the color of Noel's clothing anymore.

"I think I was in love with the idea of her too. Someone who would stay by my side no matter what, who really cared for me as a friend and as family. Someone who was constant, brave, strong, but still needed some help sometimes. Someone to protect. Like Yeul."

"Do you think I would've liked Caius?"

"The real question you want to ask would be, 'do you think Caius would've liked me?' But yeah, I think you two would get on great. With all the information Caius has and all the innovation you have, who knows what you two might have done?"

"Hmm." Hope grinned a little, and turned towards Noel. "Maybe somewhere, in an alternate universe, there was a timeline where we met as allies."

"Yeah, the same timeline where Snow and I will be able to stay in the same room without me trying to rip out his tes-"

"I think I get the point, Noel."


The throne sits before them, brilliantly pale, emitting an aura of pearly light. And seated on the throne, the crystallized figure of...

"Lightning."

What should he feel? Crushed? Hopeless? Desperate? There's nothing except slight confusion. Why should he even care, anyways? There's nothing he can do.

"You okay, Hope?" Obligatory words. Noel's not worried, he knows how numb Hope is. He doesn't care at all for the figure entombed in front of them.

"Yeah. I'm just wondering, why would she do this?"

He gets a shrug in response. Reaching out a hand, he brushes the base of the throne, surprised to feel that it's...

Utterly nothing. Not warmer, not cooler, not smoother, not rougher. There's no sensation of touch or texture. As if it's not real, which, in a sense, it isn't.

Noel places his hand on Hope's shoulder, and it shocks him more than seeing Lightning crystallized ever would.

Noel's hand is warm. Hope's all but forgotten the definition of warmth.


They don't sleep anymore, per say, but they do rest. When they run out of things to say, they lie down, and close their eyes in a pitiful semblance of sleep. Let go of whatever attachments they still carry, for a while. Truly die, for a while.

It's different this time. Something's been off ever since they saw Lightning. There's an odd coiling feeling in the pit of Hope's stomach, a sign of change, a warning perhaps. In a world where everything is wrong, something is ...Right.

It's scarier than anything else he's felt so far. When they lie down, he reaches out his left hand. A silent plea for comfort.

Noel answers. A hand slips into his. Like children hiding from adults, they cling to each other in their sleep.


When Hope awakes, there's nothing in his left hand except a spray of red blood.