So, I'm a terrible person...I just kinda...sorta...maybe...am lazy. And maybe, just maybe got distracted...by k-pop and YouTube. But, here it is...My fail at writing. You may notice that a lot of it was taken directly from the book. Like a LOT of it...See if you can notice the difference.

I apologize...I'd get down on my knees if possible...but whatever.

DISCLAIMER - I own nothing... If I did I would not be here writing this... I would be enjoying myself immensely.

Now to get down to the business...


Probs

Allen reacted instantaneously. Grabbing Hermione he immediately pushed her behind him, forcing the two boys to remain behind him. Allen drew his wand, which had been given to him by Komui (it was designed to channel his Innocence and actually use magic), and pointed it at the dark shadow. Allen spoke, "Who's there?"

A slightly metallic creek could be heard before a familiar voice came from the...thing. "Allen-kun? That is you right? Of course it is, my genius would never fail me."

Sighing Allen dropped his wand and relaxed, ignoring the questioning stares from the wizards behind him. "What do you want Komui?"

"Well...for one thing, electronics don't work in Hogwarts so we may not have contact for a while. I'm not sure if Tim will work either but we'll see. And another thing...Lenalee and the others may have found out where you are."

"KOMUI!" Allen yelled exasperated.

"You know I can't resist my sweet Lenalee. Besides, they still have to find you... And this Komulin won't last much longer so bye!"

Allen stared for a few moments before snapping out of his stupor. Groaning he turned around to face his 'charges'.

"What the bloody hell was that?!" Ron asked, eyes seemingly popping out of his head.

Allen's eye twitched, "That was my stupid boss."

Hermione looked at Allen carefully, "You have a boss?"

"Yes,"

He nudged them away from the smoking robot thing and asked, "Why don't we continue on this tour..."

Hermione nodded, still looking suspicious, and lead the group to another part of the Alley.

She's still suspicious of you.

I'm not an idiot Neah. It'll be fine, I'll be gone before she figures out anything.

I wouldn't be too sure. She seems like a pretty smart witch. Maybe as smart as Bookman.

I doubt that...However if she figures something out, I'll make sure she'll never say a word.

...you are really creepy sometimes. Are you sure you're not bipolar?

Allen patiently endured Hermione's ramblings. The only thing that kept him from wandering off was the fact that even though it was virtually impossible to get lost, he still would.

Hermione stopped talking as they entered a pub called the Leaky Cauldron. Allen stopped and stared at it for a while. He hadn't thought that students much less minors would be allowed into such a place. Shrugging he entered.

The Order of the Phoenix Headquarters were bustling with activities on September 1st. Allen quickly dodged a floating trunk as he headed down the stairs to the hallway.

"Is it always this hectic?" He asked as Harry and Ron ran out of their room.

"What else would you expect from a first day of school?" Harry asked rhetorically as he ran by in a hurry.

Well I wouldn't know seeing as I'd never gone to school...

Allen continued down the stairs to the main hallway. Mad-eye seemed to be in charge of the proceedings there. "What's going on?" Allen asked upon seeing Mad-eye's seemingly bad mood.

"Sturgis Pudmore didn't turn up and we're one guard short."

"Guard? For what?" Allen asked.

"To escort Harry to King's Cross."

"I have to have a guard to go to King's Cross?" Harry complained.

"Of course you do. We know that someone's out to get you for sure now that Voldemort's been awakened." Lupin answered.

"If you want I could fill in..." Allen began, "I was originally supposed to go straight to Hogwarts without taking the train but I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't mind."

Mad-eye looked Allen over again. As if he could still not believe the events that had transpired a few days ago. "Fine." Clearly not happy.

"EVERYONE GET DOWN HERE! IT'S TIME TO GO!" Moody bellowed.

Smiling reassuringly Lupin patted Allen on the back. "I'll report Pudmore. It's been a while since he's reported in."

POV - Harry (Some *cough* Most *cough* taken directly from the book)

"Shall we go and find a compartment, then?" Harry asked after Professor Allen had told them to that he'd had to go and find someone.

Ron and Hermione exchanged looks.

"Er," said Ron.

"We're - well - Ron and I are supposed to go into the prefect carriage," Hermione said awkwardly.

Ron wasn't looking at Harry; he seemed to have become intensely interested in the fingernails on his left hand.

"Oh," said Harry. "Right. Fine."

"I don't think we'll have to stay there all journey," said Hermione quickly. "Our letters said we just get instructions from the Head Boy and Girl and then patrol the corridors from time to time."

"Fine," said Harry again. "Well, I - I might see you later, then."

"Yeah, definitely," said Ron, casting a shifty, anxious look at Harry. "It's a pain having to go down there, I'd rather - but we have to -I mean, I'm not enjoying it, I'm not Percy," he finished defiantly.

"I know you're not," said Harry and he grinned. But as Hermione and Ron dragged their trunks, Crookshanks and a caged Pigwidgeon off towards the engine end of the train, Harry felt an odd sense of loss. He had never traveled on the Hogwarts Express without Ron.

"Come on," Ginny told him, "if we get a move on we'll be able to save them places."

"Right," said Harry, picking up Hedwig's cage in one hand and the handle of his trunk in the other.

They struggled off down the corridor, peering through the glass-paneled doors into the compartments they passed, which were already full. Harry could not help noticing that a lot of people stared back at him with great interest and that several of them nudged their neighbors and pointed him out. After he had met this behavior in five consecutive carriages he remembered that the Daily Prophet had been telling its readers all summer what a lying show-off he was. He wondered dully whether the people now staring and whispering believed the stories.

In the very last carriage they met Neville Longbottom, Harry's fellow fifth-year Gryffindor, his round face shining with the effort of pulling his trunk along and maintaining a one-handed grip on his struggling toad, Trevor.

"Hi, Harry" he panted. "Hi, Ginny... everywhere is full... I can't find a seat..."

"What are you talking about?" said Ginny, who had squeezed past Neville to peer into the compartment behind him. "There's room in this one, there's only Loony Lovegood in here —"

Neville mumbled something about not wanting to disturb anyone.

"Don't be silly," said Ginny, laughing, "she's all right."

She slid the door open and pulled her trunk inside, Harry and Neville followed soon after. "Hi, Luna," said Ginny, "is it okay if we take these seats?"

The girl beside the window looked up. She had straggly, waist-length, dirty blonde hair, very pale eyebrows and protuberant eyes that gave her a permanently surprised look. Harry knew at once why Neville had chosen to pass this compartment by. The girl gave off an aura of distinct dottiness. Perhaps it was the fact that she had stuck her wand behind her left ear for safekeeping, or that she had chosen to wear a necklace of Butterbeer corks, or that she was reading a magazine upside-down. Her eyes ranged over Neville and came to rest on Harry. She nodded.

"Thanks," said Ginny, smiling at her.

Harry and Neville stowed the three trunks and Hedwig's cage in the luggage rack and sat down. Luna watched them over her upside-down magazine, which was called The Quibbler. She did not seem to need to blink as much as normal humans. She stared and stared at Harry, who had taken the seat opposite her and now wished he hadn't.

"Had a good summer, Luna?" Ginny asked.

"Yes," said Luna dreamily, without taking her eyes off Harry. "Yes, it was quite enjoyable, you know. You're Harry Potter," she added.

"I know I am," said Harry.

Neville chuckled. Luna turned her pale eyes on him instead.

"And I don't know who you are."

"I'm nobody," said Neville hurriedly.

"No you're not," said Ginny sharply. "Neville Longbottom - Luna Lovegood. Luna's in my year, but in Ravenclaw."

"Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure," said Luna in a singsong voice.

She raised her upside-down magazine high enough to hide her face and fell silent. Harry and Neville looked at each other with their eyebrows raised. Ginny suppressed a giggle.

The train rattled onwards, speeding them out into open country. It was an odd, unsettled sort of day; one moment the carriage was full of sunlight and the next they were passing beneath ominously grey clouds.

"Guess what I got for my birthday?" said Neville.

"Another Remembrall?" said Harry, remembering the marble-like device Neville's grandmother had sent him in an effort to improve his abysmal memory.

"No," said Neville. "I could do with one, though, I lost the old one ages ago... no, look at this..."

He dug the hand that was not keeping a firm grip on Trevor into his schoolbag and after a little bit of rummaging pulled out what appeared to be a small grey cactus in a pot, except that it was covered with what looked like boils rather than spines.

"Mimbulus mimbletonia," he said proudly.

Harry stared at the thing. It was pulsating slightly, giving it the rather sinister look of some diseased internal organ.

"It's really, really rare," said Neville, beaming. "I don't know if there's one in the greenhouse at Hogwarts, even. I can't wait to show it to Professor Sprout. My Great Uncle Algie got it for me in Assyria. I'm going to see if I can breed from it."

Harry knew that Neville's favorite subject was Herbology but for the life of him he could not see what he would want with this stunted little plant.

"Does it - er - do anything?" he asked.

"Loads of stuff!" said Neville proudly. "It's got an amazing defensive mechanism. Here, hold Trevor for me..."

He dumped the toad into Harry's lap and took a quill from his schoolbag. Luna Lovegood's popping eyes appeared over the top of her upside-down magazine again, to watch what Neville was doing. Neville held the Mimbulus mimbletonia up t o his eyes, his tongue between his teeth, chose his spot, and gave the plant a sharp prod with the tip of his quill.

Liquid squirted from every boil on the plant; thick, stinking, dark green jets of it. They hit the ceiling, the windows, and spattered Luna Lovegood's magazine; Ginny, who had flung her arms up in front of her face just in time, merely looked as though she was wearing a slimy green hat, but Harry, whose hands had been busy preventing Trevor's escape, received a faceful. It smelled like rancid manure.

Neville, whose face and torso were also drenched, shook his head to get the worst out of his eyes.

"S - sorry," he gasped. "I haven't tried that before... didn't realize it would be quite so... don't worry, though, Stinksap's not poisonous," he added nervously, as Harry spat a mouthful on to the floor.

At that precise moment the door of their compartment slid open. "Oh... hello, Harry," said a nervous voice. "Um... bad time?"

Harry wiped the lenses of his glasses with his Trevor-free hand. A very pretty girl with long, shiny black hair was standing in the doorway smiling at him: Cho Chang, the Seeker on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

"Oh... hi," said Harry blankly.

"Um..." said Cho. "Well... just thought I'd say hello... bye then."

Rather pink in the face, she closed the door and departed. Harry slumped back in his seat and groaned. He would have liked Cho to discover him sitting with a group of very cool people laughing their heads off at a joke he had just told; he would not have chosen to be sitting with Neville and Loony Lovegood, clutching a toad and dripping in Stinksap.

"Never mind," said Ginny bracingly. "Look, we can easily get rid of all this." She pulled out her wand. "Scourgify!"

The Stinksap vanished.

"Sorry," said Neville again, in a small voice.

Ron and Hermione did not turn up for nearly an hour, by which time the food trolley had already gone by. Harry, Ginny and Neville had finished their pumpkin pasties and were busy swapping Chocolate Frog Cards when the compartment door slid open and they walked in, accompanied by Crookshanks and a shrilly hooting Pigwidgeon in his cage.

"I'm starving," said Ron, stowing Pigwidgeon next to Hedwig, grabbing a Chocolate Frog from Harry and throwing himself into the seat next to him. He ripped open the wrapper, bit off the frog's head and leaned back with his eyes closed as though he had had a very exhausting morning.

"Did Allen turn up yet?" Ron asked.

"Not yet, you think he got lost?" Harry replied.

"He's Professor Walker now, you may as well call him by his proper title now." Hermione scolded.

"Who's Professor Walker?" Luna wondered dreamily.

"He's our new Professor..." Harry started, "Hopefully for DADA."

"Well you never know, with the position being cursed and all, who knows what Dumbledore wants." Ron said.

There was an awkward silence.

"Well, there are two fifth-year prefects from each house," said Hermione. "Boy and girl from each."

"And guess who's a Slytherin prefect?" said Ron, still with his eyes closed.

"Malfoy," replied Harry at once, certain his worst fear would be confirmed.

"Course," said Ron bitterly, stuffing the rest of the Frog into his mouth and taking another.

"And that complete cow Pansy Parkinson," said Hermione viciously. "How she got to be a prefect when she's thicker than a concussed troll..."

"Who's Hufflepuff?" Harry asked.

"Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbott," said Ron thickly.

"And Anthony Goldstein and Padma Patil for Ravenclaw," said Hermione.

"You went to the Yule Ball with Padma Patil," said a vague voice.

Everyone turned to look at Luna Lovegood, who was gazing unblinkingly at Ron over the top of The Quibbler. He swallowed his mouthful of Frog.

"Yeah, I know I did," he said, looking mildly surprised.

"She didn't enjoy it very much," Luna informed him. "She doesn't think you treated her very well, because you wouldn't dance with her. I don't think I'd have minded," she added thoughtfully, "I don't like dancing very much."

She retreated behind The Quibbler again. Ron stared at the cover with his mouth hanging open for a few seconds, then looked around at Ginny for some kind of explanation, but Ginny had stuffed her knuckles in her mouth to stop herself giggling. Ron shook his head, bemused, then checked his watch.

"We're supposed to patrol the corridors every so often," he told Harry and Neville, "and we can give out punishments if people are misbehaving. I can't wait to get Crabbe and Goyle for something."

"You're not supposed to abuse your position, Ron!" said Hermione sharply. "Yeah, right, because Malfoy won't abuse it at all," said Ron sarcastically.

"So you're going to descend to his level?"

"No, I'm just going to make sure I get his mates before he gets mine."

"For heaven's sake, Ron -"

"I'll make Goyle do lines, it'll kill him, he hates writing," said Ron happily. He lowered his voice to Goyle's low grunt and, screwing up his face in a look of pained concentration, mimed writing in midair. "I... must... not... look... like... a... baboon's... backside."

Everyone laughed, but nobody laughed harder than Luna Lovegood. She let out a scream of mirth that caused Hedwig to wake up and flap her wings indignantly and Crookshanks to leap up into the luggage rack, hissing. Luna laughed so hard her magazine slipped out of her grasp, slid down her legs and on to the floor.

"That was funny!"

Her prominent eyes swam with tears as she gasped for breath, staring at Ron. Utterly nonplussed, he looked around at the others, who were now laughing at the expression on Ron's face and at the ludicrously prolonged laughter of Luna Lovegood, who was rocking backwards and forwards, clutching her sides.

"Are you taking the mickey?" said Ron, frowning at her. "Baboon's... backside!" she choked, holding her ribs.

Everyone else was watching Luna laughing, but Harry glancing at the magazine on the floor, noticed something that made him dive for it. Upside-down it had been hard to tell what the picture on the front was, but Harry now realized it was a fairly bad cartoon of Cornelius Fudge; Harry only recognized him because of the lime-green bowler hat. One of Fudge's hands was clenched around a bag of gold; the other hand was throttling a goblin. The cartoon was captioned: How Far Will Fudge Go to Gain Gringotts?

Beneath this were listed the titles of other articles inside the magazine.

Corruption in the Quidditch League: How the Tornados are Taking Control

Secrets of the Ancient Runes Revealed

Sirius Black: Villain or Victim?

Demons...REAL or FAKE

"Can I have a look at this?" Harry asked Luna eagerly. She nodded, still gazing at Ron, breathless with laughter.

Harry opened the magazine and scanned the index. Until this moment he had completely forgotten the magazine Kingsley had handed Mr. Weasley to give to Sirius, but it must have been this edition of The Quibbler.

He found the page, and turned excitedly to the article.

This, too, was illustrated by a rather bad cartoon; in fact, Harry would not have known it was supposed to be Sirius if it hadn't been captioned. Sirius was standing on a pile of human bones with his wand out. The headline on the article said:

SIRIUS - BLACK AS HE'S PAINTED?

Notorious mass murderer or innocent singing sensation?

Harry had to read this first sentence several times before he was convinced that he had not misunderstood it. Since when had Sirius been a singing sensation?

For fourteen years Sirius Black has been believed guilty of the mass murder of twelve innocent Muggles and one wizard. Black's audacious escape from Azkaban two years ago has led to the widest manhunt ever conducted by the Ministry of Magic. None of us has ever questioned that he deserves to be recaptured and handed back to the Dementors.

BUT DOES HE?

Startling new evidence has recently come to light that Sirius Black may not have committed the crimes for which he was sent to Azkaban. In fact, says Doris Purkiss, of 18 Acanthia Way, Little Norton, Black may not even have been present at the killings.

"What people don't realize is that Sirius Black is a false name," says Mrs. Purkiss. "The man people believe to be Sirius Black is actually Stubby Boardman, lead singer of popular singing group The Hobgoblins, who retired fro m public life after being struck on the ear by a turnip at a concert in Little Norton Church Hall nearly fifteen years ago. I recognized him the moment I saw his picture in the paper. Now, Stubby couldn't possibly have committed those crimes, because on the day in question he happened to be enjoying a romantic candlelit dinner with me. I have written to the Minister for Magic and am expecting him to give Stubby, alias - Sirius, a full pardon any day now."

Harry finished reading and stared at the page in disbelief. Perhaps it was a joke, he thought, perhaps the magazine often printed spoof Hems. He flicked back a few pages and found the piece on Fudge.

Cornelius Fudge, the Minister for Magic, denied that he had any plans to take over the running of the Wizarding Bank, Gringotts, when he was elected Minister for Magic five years ago. Fudge has always insisted that he wants nothing more than to 'co-operate peacefully' with the guardians of our gold.

BUT DOES HE?

Sources close to the Minister have recently disclosed that Fudge's dearest ambition is to seize control of the goblin gold supplies and that he will not hesitate to use force if need be.

"It wouldn't be the first time, either," said a Ministry insider. "Cornelius 'Goblin-Crusher' Fudge, that's what his friends call him. If you could hear him when he thinks no one's listening, oh, he's always talking about the goblins he's had done in; he's had them drowned, he's had them dropped off buildings, he's had them poisoned, he's had them cooked in pies..."

Harry did not read any further. Fudge might have many faults but Harry found it extremely hard to imagine him ordering goblins to be cooked in pies. He flicked through the rest of the magazine. Pausing every few pages, he read: an accusation that the Tutshill Tornados were winning the Quidditch League by a combination of blackmail, illegal broom-tampering and torture; an interview with a wizard who claimed to have flown to the moon on a Cleansweep Six and brought back a bag of moon frogs to prove it; and an article on ancient runes which at least explained why Luna had been reading The Quibbler upside-down. According to the magazine, if you turned the runes on their heads they revealed a spell to make your enemy's ears turn into kumquats. In fact, compared to the rest of the articles in The Quibbler, the suggestion that Sirius might really be the lead singer of The Hobgoblins was quite sensible.

"Anything good in there?" asked Ron as Harry closed the magazine.

"Of course not," said Hermione scathingly, before Harry could answer. "The Quibbler's rubbish, everyone knows that."

"Excuse me," said Luna; her voice had suddenly lost its dreamy quality. "My father's the editor."

"I - oh," said Hermione, looking embarrassed. "Well, it's got some interesting... I mean, it's quite..."

"I'll have it back, thank you," said Luna coldly, and leaning forwards she snatched it out of Harry's hands. Riffling through it to page fifty-seven, she turned it resolutely upside-down again and disappeared behind it, just as the compartment door opened for the third time.

Harry looked around; he had expected this, but that did not make the sight of Draco Malfoy smirking at him from between his cronies Crabbe and Goyle any more enjoyable.

"What?" he said aggressively, before Malfoy could open his mouth.

"Manners, Potter, or I'll have to give you a detention," drawled Malfoy, whose sleek blond hair and pointed chin were just like his fathers. "You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."

"Yeah," said Harry, "but you, unlike me, are a git, so get out and leave us alone."

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville laughed. Malfoy's lip curled.

"Tell me, how does it feel being second-best to Weasley, Potter?" he asked.

"Shut up, Malfoy," said Hermione sharply.

"I seem to have touched a nerve," said Malfoy, smirking. "Anything you want to confess? I noticed that you've never been with a puppy before. Would you like to slither your way out of something else? I'm sure it could be arranged."

Crabbe and Goyle smirked and moved to enter the compartment. Harry, Ron and Hermione rose. Ron drew his wand. Malfoy smirked, "Oh, is poor weasel afraid he and his family of blood-traiters are going to be sent to Askaban for consorting with such filthy blood?"

Hermione drew her wand, followed by Harry.

"Shut up! What do you know?!" Hermione said angrily.

"And I unlike you, am a teacher." A quiet voice echoed, breaking the tense silence.

Everyone in the compartment turned to the door. Allen stood there, looking furious.

"What on earth are you doing?! Planning on having a fight this soon into the year. Technically the year hadn't even started yet. How would your Heads feel if I took points off?! How would your classmates feel if you started the year off with negative points?! You have yet to leave the train, forget that, the train has yet to enter Hogwarts territory, and you plan on starting a fight already?! And, you plan on fighting in this small of a space. Where would your missed spells go?"

Harry opened his mouth to protest.

Allen cut him off, "They would ricochet and hit other students! Then I would have to use anti-jinxes on all of them. How much work do you think that would take!? There is a reason duels take place in wide open space with shields protecting the spectators."

Allen took another breath and was about to continue on when Malfoy spoke up, "Excuse me, but who the hell are you?"

Allen raised an eyebrow and hissed, "Someone who demands more respect from a Hogwarts student then you just gave."

"You didn't answer the question." Malfoy replied, "My father will hear of this."

"I could care less what you father thinks. I won't take any of this back talking from any of you. 10 points from you six. Another 10 from you, Slytherin boy A and 1 from the rest of you in this compartment from not doing anything to stop them."

"But Allen - "Harry started.

Allen glared at him, Harry gulped, "I mean, Professor Walker, Malfoy provoked us!"

"There will always be a reason for everything, but there are never excuses for anything. I will be reporting this to your Heads. IF any of you, even so much as breath a curse or encounter each other, there will be far worse repercussions than this."

After casting one more gaze upon the group Allen left the compartment dragging Malfoy and his lackeys after him. Harry turned to the rest of the occupants of the compartment, "I never knew he could get that mad so fast."

Hermione sat down and sighed, "McGonagall's going to be so mad..."

"Never mind that," Ron said, "Did you see how fast he was able to stop Malfoy!?"

"That's not the point Ronald! We were supposed to stay out of trouble this year. What's Dumbledore going to say now?"

"It's not what Dumbledore's going to say, it's what he's not going to say." Harry said bitterly.

Umm..." Neville spoke up timidly, "Was that Professor Walker?"

"Yup..." Ginny said, still in shock at the speech Allen had given them.

POV - Allen

Still fuming from the confrontation he'd seen, Allen deposited the three random Slytherins he'd taken in their compartment and continued his rounds.

Jeez, I didn't know you could go bipolar out there... I guess this is what the others call Black Allen.

Shut up Neah, I'm not in the mood.

What's gotten you so riled up?

The fact that even though they're all wizards they have so many arguments.

That's not the only thing though, is it?

And they are so quick to violence. Think of all the problems that could be solved if everyone chose a more peaceful way of solving arguments...like poker for example.

Poker?! That would only cause more problems.

Okay, I admit poker would not be the ideal example there but still.

There will always be violence Allen, I tried to escape it but lost Mana because of that.

Allen glanced around as he neared the front of the train before leaning against the wall.

You have to be more careful, at this rate you'll lose yourself.

Isn't that what you want?

But then who would keep up a running commentary for me? Besides, it's way more comfortable in here than out there. I won't have to deal with all those fussy children.

Allen sighed and pulled off one of his gloves. The normally pale skin was a dusty gray color. The color began to fade, slowly returning to the normal pale color.

The gold eyes faded to its usual silver color.


Well...it was terrible, wasn't it. It was absolutely horrid. And I don't want to look at this again. At least I updated though...right? I will try and update again before 2014...Please review...and give me ideas...Mega writing block...

Has anyone heard the rumor of Hoshino mangaking again? (that's not a word...)

Does anyone want to see Allen's apprentice and the rest of the crew at Hogwarts? Or even at the Order?

Note: Edited 6-25-14

Edited by my (OTHER NEW) Beta codenumber6