6 years later
I love Mello. I really do, it's just the utter stress of the Kira case is getting to me.
I look outside, to find that it's raining. The drops of water are pelting the window as if trying to get into our house. I stare outside for a minute and watch the distant lightning flicker over the night sky.
Mello is in the next room, working on something or other, involving the case no doubt. I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist. I get no response. He just keeps writing away. I give up and walk over to the bed, plopping down onto it with a sigh. Closing my eyes, I listen to the rain against our roof. The monotonous beating of the rain calms my constantly tightened nerves a little. It's too much to handle, continually feeling as if any second your heart might stop beating in your chest, with nothing, but a flick of a pen.
I've always hated that term. Heart attack. It sounded too crude, as if your body was purposely trying to cause itself damage. It's especially wrong in this case, which is not your body at all, but a killer. You know that feeling you get in your stomach when you feel as if something bad might happen? I've been feeling that way, nonstop, for the past few months. It might have been more bearable, if Mello wasn't always busy; he's all I need after all. Maybe, I wouldn't have needed to resort to this. It's funny how life works, the one thing I've hated the most in my life, the one thing that's completely against everything I stand for…is the only thing that helps me from falling apart.
A tinge of guilt washes over me as these thoughts run through my mind, but I try to push it away as best as I can.
"So," I say, looking around the room, "when do you think you'll be finished?"
"A while," is the only response I get, if you could even call it that.
I don't answer and pull myself off the bed. Mello doesn't notice as I swipe the 50 lying on his dresser.
If he knew, he would hate me. He would kick me out of the house; never want to see me again. I-I couldn't deal with that. I love him too much to tell him. I love him too much to let him go, but I hate my father too much to admit what I'm doing to myself.
Matt thinks that I don't know. How can he honestly think that I don't notice it? He never comes home fucked up or anything, but it's not like I don't notice the missing money.
I'm a fucking detective. I can figure out what's going on under my own roof.
It's not that I like what he's doing, because I don't. In the end, though, I don't resent him for it. Catching Kira is the most important thing to me right now, but soon I'll be able to focus my attention back on Matt. Then, he'll stop, because I've know him long enough to know that's what's causing this.
At this moment in time I'll let it be, because I love him too much to take this one thing away from him.
A/N: I'm actually pleased with the outcome of this chapter, there isn't much dialogue, but the plot is finally coming together. I actually decided last minute to put that bit with Mello in, I felt like his feelings should be shown as well. Only one more chapter left ;_; (Sorry, I don't like to have that horizontal ruler in between Matt and Mello's thoughts, but it was the only way I could differentiate them.)
