Back to the Beginning
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-thank you for the kind reviews. This story has definitely divided opinion, thanks for sticking with it.
Nikki
Part Three
Jacob didn't know what to think or feel. This was all too surreal. The stories his father had told him all his life were true. They weren't fiction, made up by his ancestors long ago, they were fact. He couldn't deny what his eyes were telling him. Seeing Sam transform from man to wolf was mind boggling. Even with all the tumult going on in his head he was mindful of Bella's reaction to the whole thing. She didn't seem surprised or scared to suddenly see a giant black wolf pacing in the Uley's front yard. In that respect she was quite calm. That confirmed to Jacob that this wasn't her first time witnessing a phasing, which also meant that she had been speaking the truth all along. His eyes travelled to Sam's wolf. The black monster stared back at him, dark eyes seemingly curious, as if waiting for Jacob to freak out, but after a long moment, the wolf broke the intense gaze, appearing satisfied that Jacob was strong enough to deal with what he had just seen. Eventually the wolf loped off toward the surrounding trees and disappeared out of sight.
"Where is he going?" Jacob hadn't meant to speak aloud. His voice sounded strange to his ears, hoarse.
"He left for my benefit." Bella said quietly. She was still hugging her midriff as if trying to hold herself together. "He's phasing back. He will be naked and needs to get dressed."
Jacob's hands were in his hair. He stared at Bella, aghast. "This is just…." He couldn't find the right words. Now Sam and his wolf were out of sight he was feeling the impact. His consciousness tried to deny what he had just seen. Maybe it was he who'd had a knock on the head. He pinched himself. "Ouch." It hurt. He was definitely awake. He glanced at Bella again, swallowing thickly. "How did you know?" He choked out.
"You told me." Bella repeated her earlier refrain.
"Bullshit." Jacob snapped at her. He immediately regretted it when he saw her shy away from him. He didn't want to scare her. He hated himself for it. "I'm sorry."
Bella tried to pull herself together. Even though she had known what to expect when Sam phased, she didn't really think he would do it. She was unprepared, not sure how to handle Jacob. Had she gotten it wrong? Was Billy's way right after all? "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I really am. I thought…"
"How did you know what Sam was?" Jacob interrupted her. "Please don't feed me that crap that I told you. I didn't know, Bella. I didn't fucking know." He tugged at his long hair, pulling the silky strands out of the rubber band holding it in place.
"I can't explain it very well. But you have to believe me when I say I have lived all this before. I've seen it. I've seen what impact it had on you, not knowing beforehand. Now I'm here, I wanted to make things better, for everyone, for you." Bella implored. She let go of her waist, reaching out toward Jacob instead. He retreated from her. Bella felt her mouth wobbling. Tears fought for dominance but she tried to blink them back. "I don't expect you to believe me. I know it sounds crazy… "
"Like hell it does." Jacob agreed bitterly. He shook his head, inhaling sharply. He could feel his anger building up in his gut. "I want to believe you." He ground out.
"I wish you would." Bella reached a trembling hand toward him, determined to bridge the gap. She waited, knowing that if Jacob rejected her now, while she was in this vulnerable state, that she would break completely.
A beat, two….
Jacob took her hand.
Sam had told Jacob everything. He explained in detail the night of his own transformation. How Harry Clearwater had found him, skin slick with sweat, naked as a newborn in the tool shed at the back of the house. He had been forced to flee there when he'd unexpectedly phased after a row with Leah. He had been full of pent up anger that night, he couldn't understand why. Leah wouldn't put up with his pissy mood and told him to do one. This small tiff had been the catalyst which set him off. He was lucky he had managed to escape the Clearwater's house before it all kicked off.
"They must have known." Jacob was incredulous that Harry, his own father, that all the elders had left such an important thing to chance.
Sam paused in his explanation. He glanced at Bella. Thus far she had remained silent during his exchange with Jacob. She raised her head when she caught him looking. Her eyes shone with moisture, listening to Sam describe the horror of what happened to him the first time was upsetting. It had never entered her head before how scared and frightened he must have been. He was the first. At least Jacob and the others had Sam to guide them when they changed. Guilt swamped her; it was just another reminder of how selfish and self-absorbed she was as a person. No one's pain mattered as much as her own. It was as if she was the only one in the world who suffered. How shallow did that make her?
Bella gazed back at Sam. She wondered why he hesitated. Was he seeking her help or permission to say more? It took her a few seconds to realise he was floundering. This was new territory for him. Bella sat up straighter in her chair, no longer willing to take a back seat. Jacob was getting impatient for an answer. He pressed Sam, demanding to know why the elders hadn't intervened when they must have known what was building.
"Sam wasn't meant to be first." Bella hated the quaver in her voice. She cleared her throat. Her eyes met Sam's again before she continued, returning her attention to Jacob. "You were meant to phase first, Jacob. Not Sam."
"What?" Jacob shook his head in denial, afraid to hear what was coming. "Why?"
"It's your destiny to lead the pack, Jacob." Sam explained. There was a hint of empathy in his tone. "You're the true Alpha. When your time does come, you will be leading us all."
Vampires, werewolves….no it was insane, all of it. This was some cruel trick fate was playing on him. Jacob ran out of the Uley's house. He couldn't breathe inside the ramshackle kitchen. The fresh air hit his lungs as he breathed it in. It was cool on his fevered brow. His head swam as he tried to absorb this torrent of information. He was in turns angry and frightened, angry at his father and the others for keeping him in the dark, sad that his trust in his only remaining parent had been shattered. He had accused Sam Uley of all sorts of things and now he felt guilty. He wasn't running a cult he was risking his life to save the tribe from supernatural monsters. Then Bella…Jacob heard her light footsteps come out of the house. She stopped on the front porch, chest heaving as she tried to rein in her hysteria. Jacob clinched his eyes shut. He didn't want to be angry at her but he couldn't help it. She had run with vampires.
"Why?" He suddenly whirled around, taking Bella by surprise.
"I had to tell you…." Bella said shakily. She stumbled down the porch steps, hesitating at the bottom as she waited for him to continue.
"Not that." Jacob snapped. "Why would you put yourself in danger like that? How could you hang around with those things? They're….it's sick." His jaw clenched. "I was the one who told you what they were."
"Yes." Bella admitted. This was conversation they'd had before. She wanted to run to him, to beg for his understanding, but his pain was obvious. It was too raw and emotional for her to risk coming closer.
"You used me to get information and like a lovesick sap I fell for it." Jacob glared at her, eyes darkening. He didn't know what was worse; the fact that his dream girl thought so little of him, or that she'd allowed one of those things to get close to her, to touch her. He turned away again, unable to deal with the distraught look on her pretty face. She looked close to collapse.
"I never used you. You mean the world to me. You know that." Bella pleaded.
"I don't know anything." Jacob's anger was bleeding away now to be replaced with tiredness. He felt empty, abused. "I don't know you at all."
His words were like knives. Bella felt her soul shrivel. She all but fell onto her butt, the sharp edges of the wooden porch steps dug into her skin as she put her head in her hands and cried. It was all too much. She had spent too many hours in a hyped up emotional state. If this was Victoria's idea of revenge, to torment her like this, then she was succeeding. "Let me wake up, please. Kill me, end it. I'm tired."
Warm fingers touched her hair. Bella felt Jacob cradle the back of her head. "Don't say that." He said huskily. He sat beside her. "I didn't mean to lash out. I'm sorry." Bella's head fell onto his shoulder and she breathed him in, relaxing further when she felt his arm slip around her shoulders.
Sam watched them from the doorway, his expression thoughtful. He knew he needed to summon Jared and Paul. He had broken his vow to the elders. He wasn't supposed to reveal his wolf to anyone, especially not to an outsider. But he couldn't find it within himself to be upset; it had irked him from the outset that he had been shouldered with the responsibility to nurture the others, to keep an eye on them, while the elders absolved themselves of any responsibility. This was pack business. He had been put in charge until Jacob transformed and took up his birth right, the decision should be his alone, not made by a bunch of old men who had no idea what it felt like to walk in his skin.
"We need to go." His voice startled Jacob and Bella. They looked up at him. Sam hunkered down so he was on their level. "I don't pretend to understand how or why you know." He said directly to Bella. "That's a story for another day."
"You're going to speak to my dad." Jacob guessed. His fingers were still tangled up in Bella's hair. He pressed her head against his shoulder as if shielding her from further pain.
"No Jacob." Sam shook his head. "You're going to speak to Billy. As for me…" He sighed. "I just want to see my girlfriend. Lee has been freaking out about me enough lately."
"You should tell her." Bella's voice was muffled. She disentangled herself from Jacob's embrace and gazed at Sam. "Tell her the truth."
Sam's expression closed down. He stood up, stretching his limbs to get the cramp out of his aching muscles. "She wouldn't believe me."
"You believed me." Bella retorted sharply. She was finding her resolve again now that things had calmed down. She saw Sam's brow furrow and opened her mouth to scold him again, but Jacob's hand on her shoulder quietened her.
"One thing at a time, Bells." He cautioned her.
"Okay." Bella felt exhaustion creep up on her. Her eyes began to droop. She had been through so much in such a short space of time. She could wake up at any moment to find Victoria's reddened eyes boring into hers. She wondered just how much time she had left before her real reality impacted on her dream state.
"I'll drive back." Jacob was all but holding Bella upright. He looked at Sam, frowning. "I'm sorry for thinking the worst of you." He apologised. "I never saw myself as a judgemental ass until now. I just didn't take the time to see."
"Apology accepted." It was obvious this unexpected apology had thrown Sam. He jerked his head at Jacob. "You take your car. I've got to meet with the others. I'll see you later."
Jacob just nodded. He guided Bella toward the waiting Rabbit, glancing back to take another look at Sam. But when he turned his head Uley was already gone.
Billy knew as soon as Jacob and Bella came back to the Clearwater's. His eyes met his son's and his breath stopped as he saw the anger blazing in Jacob's. Already Billy could see the difference. Jacob somehow appeared taller, more mature. The boyish innocence was gone, in his stead stood a teenager on the cusp of being a man. Billy gulped, his gaze travelled to Bella. She hung her head; she couldn't look him directly in the eyes. That was further proof. Harry had noticed too. How could he not? His mouth was round with horror as he hovered on the edges, uncertain what to do.
"Bells." It was Charlie who broke the sudden tension. He hadn't noticed anything; his sole focus was on his only child. "Thanks for looking after her, Jake." He said gratefully.
Jacob's expression softened for a moment. "Sure, sure." He replied, sounding like his old self for a moment.
"Where have you been?" Charlie scolded Bella lightly. He sighed, not bothering to hide his relief that she was safe and sound.
"We went for a walk." Bella mumbled.
"Yeah, to Sam Uley's house and back." Jacob stated pointedly. He saw his father's face redden. He had to look away. He didn't enjoy goading Billy like this, but he was so mad at him.
"Anyone want a drink?" Harry interjected suddenly as he tried to diffuse the situation from deteriorating further. "Any food? Gosh, I'm hungry."
The mention of his appetite snapped Bella out of her stupor. She felt sick to her stomach. It was Harry's bad diet which had been partially to blame for his heart condition. She studied the older man. His rotund belly hung over the top of his jeans. His belt struggled to contain his paunch. She noticed the forced joviality on his kindly face. He was a good man, but was selfish in his inability to listen to good advice. Bella recalled the many times her father had mentioned Sue begging her husband to go on a diet and get himself checked out. She wanted to shout at him suddenly, to demand that he stop and think of his family. But she couldn't blurt out the truth, not right now, with so many witnesses. She finally glanced at Billy. It was clear he hadn't told Harry what she had said. She floundered, wondering what to do.
"No one's hungry, Harry." Sue stated irritably she came into the room.
Bella breathed easier again. If she had been forced to watch Harry eat she might have ended up snatching the unhealthy food straight from his hands. There was so much that needed expressing. She had been reliant on others for so long it was hard to stand alone, to face the consequences of her actions. She was still deeply worried about Jacob and Billy. She swallowed down her fear as she looked between father and son. She wished she could be a buffer between them when they did eventually get time to speak properly to each other. But already Charlie was saying his goodbyes to the others. He was expecting her to leave with him.
What was she supposed to do now?
A/N-thanks for reading!
