As always, BioWare owns all of the toys. I just hope that they don't leave some of them broken and/or forgotten in the corner by the end of ME3.
If you haven't read Re: About Horizon... yet, you may want to do so since its contents are referenced in this chapter a couple of times. But its not necessary in order to follow the story, either. ;)
Thanks to Brodyaha for the encouragment in this chapter.
And thanks to Sia who pointed out that people can't read the backstory that's in my head-that I needed to actually write it out. LOL. Without her, I would have taken a left turn and left a lot of you lost. Thanks, Sia. :)
Mood Music: "Believe" by Skillet and "Let This Go" by Paramore
Uncomfortable Pauses and Tentative Agreement
Shepard felt almost bipolar. The love of her life from whom she had been estranged for the past couple of months was in the other room. She felt giddy at the thought—not an emotion that she was used to or that she felt comfortable with. But it was good to feel happy for once. The past couple of months had been entirely too bleak.
On the other hand, Kaidan was here by mistake. He didn't come here of his own choice. He had been sent here by someone posing as her in a message. She had a sneaky suspicion that she'd find the good doctor and her pilot at the bottom of that barrel. But he still came, right?
The shower had felt good and the hot water had helped to settle the nervous fluttering in her stomach. She quickly checked her makeup and hair, then moved into the bedroom to figure out what to wear. It was warm in the house, so she decided upon a white tank top with tiny straps and a built in bra. It appeared modest enough, but she knew that the effects of a cool breeze would not be hidden by the material. Her denim shorts went well with it and fit her nicely, she knew.
She steeled herself, then opened the door, trying to keep her emotions shielded by her mental armor. She padded down the short hall and into the living room in bare feet. Kaidan was sitting with his back to her at the computer desk. He turned, half-startled, "Oh, Shepard. I hope you don't mind," he started gesturing toward the computer. "I just wanted to look at this mystery message on something other than my omni tool."
"Kaidan, we may have some catching up to do, but we've been through too much together to stand on ceremony when it's only us. Please make yourself at home." She shrugged, her mouth turning in a half-smile. "Not my house anyways." He turned back to the monitor and she ambled over to stand behind him. Kimbri caught herself just before automatically placing her hands on his shoulders. So you'll walk past him naked, but you feel that it's awkward to just touch him? Savior of the Citadel you may be, but you're an idiot, Shepard. She took a half-step back to resist the temptation to touch him again.
Kaidan tried to concentrate as he sat in front of the computer. Between feeling the heat of her body behind him and the recent memory of her bare backside he was losing that battle. Dammit. It was bad enough when I had to follow her on every mission for the old Normandy. He remembered how at times he would get distracted by following the patterns of the light, form-fitting armor as it wound around her legs and up her thighs to…Well, he always admired the shape of her. But seeing that angle again without interference from military-grade Kevlar and metal plating…
He was roused from his revere and redirected to the screen by Shepard's arm as she pointed to the monitor. "See there? This message was dated 5 days ago and 30 minutes prior to the conference I had with Chakwas when she handed me my medical leave papers." Kaidan wanted to make sense of this. But now the scent of her skin assailed him. Vanilla and brown sugar. That was Kimbri's favorite scent—the only bit of feminine foppery that she indulged in. But the scent was linked to a memory—the memory of that mild, sweet scent enveloping him while her body did the same.
"I'm sorry to tell you that you were duped," she told him as she came to perch on the corner of the desk in front of him. "We both were. Chakwas is too straight-up to have planned something like this on her own."
"Joker" they spat out simultaneously.
With the "mystery" solved, Kimbri moved from the desk and plopped herself down on the couch. Kaidan, finally able to focus again, turned off the computer and studied her for a moment. She had her "implacable" mask on. But it didn't fool him for a minute. Her left leg jittered just the slightest bit. She was feeling a bit cornered and, if this was a firefight, she would be running for cover. It was only her steely resolve that kept her out in the open rather than giving into her fight or flight instinct. He knew he'd better break the awkward silence soon or things were going to go downhill quickly.
He stood up and crossed the room to where she sat. "Shepard, I'm sorry for the way I showed up and ambushed you. Helluva way to say hello." He sat on the couch next to her and held out his arms to her.
She eyed him speculatively for a split second before the defensive mask slipped slightly and she leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder while he wrapped his arms around her. Her nose was close to his neck and she savored the scent of him-a combination of musk, gunmetal and ozone that was uniquely Kaidan. Kimbri closed her eyes and wanted so much to melt into him, to luxuriate in the feel of his warm embrace unrestricted by armor. But she just couldn't allow herself to let her guard down. Her voice was shaky but she tried to cover that with a coy tone when she finally felt she could answer. "What you didn't like how I said hello?"
Kaidan pulled away from her only enough to be able to look into her eyes. "What part? The biotic attack or the visual one?" He tried to keep his tone light, but he couldn't help the trace disapproval that crept into it. A stain of crimson crept into her cheeks and he regretted it immediately. "While I wouldn't mind seeing a repeat of the show, Kimbri, I would rather it wasn't as a tactical move to gain the upper hand." He continued in as gentle a tone as he could manage, "I know I was supposed to be the logical one, the problem solver of our little group in the past." He shook his head a little, perplexed. "But the feminine mind isn't exactly linear. Help me out here, Shepard. What am I missing? We figured out the origin of the message easily enough." He shrugged, "We were duped—set up. I don't get it. What's the problem here?"
She couldn't believe he was pushing her to spell it out for him. She slipped out of his arms and crossed the room to the doorframe leading to the back hall. She leaned against it with her arms crossed over her chest. Didn't she already open up everything about herself in the Omega-4 message? He didn't respond to it either by message or when she asked about it earlier in the night.
Her glare from across the room was a little too disconcerting for Kaidan. "You remember that little black rain cloud you used to joke about, Shepard?" He nodded in her direction, "It's over your head this time."
Shepard narrowed her eyes. "What does it matter, Alenko? You think I've been a Cerberus agent all this time. You won't believe anything I have to say anyways. So I don't see the point of continuing with this fraud of a meeting." Kimbri noticed the look of pained shock on his face. She kicked off the wall and started to withdraw to her room before having to suffer the sight of his turned back as he left.
Kaidan stood, took a couple of steps toward the retreating woman. "Shepard, I…" he began hesitantly in a near-whisper. He knew that what happened in this moment would make or break their future chances together. He only had one shot at this. He closed his eyes and steeled himself, his voice more steady. "I know that you aren't with Cerberus, Shepard. I know that what you told me on Horizon was the truth—that you only worked with them because…" Kaidan let out an exasperated sigh. "Because all of your former allies turned their backs on you."
She remained facing away from him, her stance rigid as she concentrated on holding her emotions in check. "I knew that the Alliance wouldn't keep their poster boy in the dark forever if he only cared enough to find out the truth."
Kaidan knew that she was trying to bait him, but he couldn't completely extinguish the rising tide of anger within himself—anger at the Alliance for continually stonewalling in reference to her, at Cerberus for manipulating her, and anger at himself for playing into all of their machinations. His sharp tone reflected his aggravation. "Anderson wouldn't tell me anything about you. So I went to Liara—"
Kimbri whipped around, her eyes blazing with a roiling mixture of hurt and anger. "So you will trust Liara, but not me. That's just great." Her eyes turned steely. "Look, you were lured here under false pretenses." She turned her back on him and began to walk down the hallway. She threw her voice back toward him and waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, "You're free to run back to Anderson whenever you please, Commander."
"You're not my CO anymore. You can't dismiss me that easily, Shepard," he retorted as he marched after her. "And you're not pushing me into a fight this time to cover up your insecurities, Kimbri." He stood in the hall, his voice raised in an attempt to get her to face him. "What about the message you really sent, huh? Is this your idea of fighting for us?" He saw her shoulders stiffen, then slump. He grabbed her arm gently and spun her around. The tears in her eyes made the blue irises look larger than usual. He gathered her to his chest and gave her support as she finally let her guard down.
"You didn't come here for me, Kaidan," she whispered hoarsely. "You came for the Alliance."
His heart ached at the thought that she would seriously believe that this visit would only be a mission to him. But he couldn't really blame her either. Not after Horizon. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and held her tighter. At least we've got that out of the way now and we can move on, he thought. "I was coming for you anyways. The message just gave me an easy excuse with the Alliance to take the time off. Chakwas and Joker know us well and they know the Alliance. They set it all up to give us this time together free from any interference—either from outside or from our own bullheaded natures." He tipped her face up toward him. Her eyes were closed, but it didn't matter. He kissed each lid, then followed the trail of tears down her face to her mouth. Her lips parted automatically and his brushed against hers as he whispered, "I love you, Shepard. And I'm not letting anything get between us this time."
"Better not, Alenko" she growled playfully through her tears. Then she pressed him to the wall.
After enjoying some time in the hallway, Kaidan picked up his former commander and carried her to the couch in the living room. Kimbri gave him big "doe eyes" and pouted her lower lip, then tilted her head in the direction of the bedroom. He let out a sigh and settled onto the couch, pulling her along so that she was cradled against his chest with one arm. He stroked her side with the other hand. "Listen, Shepard, we need to talk." Oh God, she thought, Nothing good ever starts with that phrase. "Let's just take our time with this, okay? We have a lot to catch up on—the past 2 years, the past couple of weeks, and there are a lot of things I'd like to know about how you became this incredible woman that I met a couple of years ago. I'm just afraid that those things will be set on the back burner if we let sex get in the way already."
Kimbri picked her head up off his chest, her eyes troubled as she touched the glowing scars on her cheek. "Is it that I'm…is it the degen—"
He put a finger over her lips to stay them, then replaced it with a tender kiss. He held her eyes gently with his, but his tone was firm. "Absolutely not. And you'll stop that line of thinking here and now, you got me?" He pulled her head back to his chest and leaned his own back so that it was held up by the arm rest of the couch. "Believe me, Shepard. I want you. Dammit! I want you so badly it hurts sometimes." He looked at her with a teasing smile and added, "Literally. Oh! And your little show this evening?" He playfully slapped her behind. "Not helping things." She let out a little squeak of surprise which then turned to a mischievous giggle. Kaidan couldn't help but chuckle. Squeeks and giggles were a good sign.
He took a deep breath to refocus his thoughts. "Part of it I suppose is that night before Ilos. You were right in your letter. It was more than just physical. We had a connection that we had built upon a deep friendship. We had a level of intimacy with each other before we even kissed that many couples never reach, Kimbri." He lifted his head, kissing the top of hers, then tucking her under his chin. "We've had some major setbacks since then. We have some stuff to get through first that may be difficult. I just…I don't want to screw this up by jumping the gun."
Shepard pushed up so she could look into the eyes that she had missed so badly since her resurrection. She shook her head, frustrated. "You always have to be the conservative one, don't you, Alenko." She let out a breath. She knew what he was like when he had his mind set. There wasn't any point in arguing the point. Doesn't mean I will agree to it, though. "However, we're also not going to waste this time alone together. Two weeks seems like a long time—hell, it's more shore leave than I've had in the past several years put together. But it will go more quickly than you think. Then you're back to being Anderson's right-hand man. And I'm back to the Normandy having to solve not only the galaxy's invasion problem, but also all the petty problems and squabbles of my crew of derelicts and misfits." She heaved a sigh at the depressing thought—especially that they would be separated again.
"Hey!" he said, feeling the negative turn her emotions had taken. He gave her a little shake. "None of that." He gathered her back into his chest. "We'll figure this out, Shepard." He couldn't help his deep intake of breath as her fingers found their way under his shirt, tracing the lines of his stomach and moving up to his chest. "And it had better be soon," he moaned hoarsely before pulling her mouth to his.
Chapter 5 Mood Music: "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance; "Ugly Side" by Blue October; "Sever Days of Lonely" by I Nine
