101 Chapters Why Severus Snape Hates His Life
Thank you to everyone who's reviewed! I really appreciate the feedback. And to my reviewer who mentioned Hannibal Lecter, I was so pleased when I read that because I actually have a Silence of the Lambs reference in this chapter!
NOTE:
1) When I came up with the idea for this chapter, I thought to myself, oh this is going to be soooo funny. Well, it didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted. It's a pretty twisted plotline, and the black humor I'd been hoping for sort of evolved into this really sick, awful situation. So... this chapter ends on a dark note. It won't happen again, I promise! I didn't originally intend for it to go there, but it just... did.
2) If any of you are from the southern United States, don't get mad at me for poking fun at it. I was born and raised there.
3) Made up another spell: Sepelio Mentis, which might be loosely translated "to destroy the mind."
4) I have never agreed with the opinion held by so many devoted Snape fans that he is, deep down, a "nice" guy. I don't think Snape is a bad person, per se, but I think he's a very cruel person. I think he's an extremely dark, disturbed individual, and I don't believe that Dumbledore is the only person he's ever killed. And no, I don't really think Snape went around murdering people after he switched sides. Although it turned out a bit depressing toward the end, this chapter is still not intended to be taken seriously. It does not mean that I think, or ever thought -- even after Dumbledore's death -- that Snape was still loyal to Voldemort. I always trusted him. So don't let the ending of this chapter make you think that I believed he was still a "bad guy" in any true sense.
5) The poem I quote is The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats. My favorite poem ever.
6) Also, I'm sorry it's such a long beast of a chapter. I hope someone manages to read it all.
Disclaimer: The warped plotline is mine, but that's about it.
.4.
Chapter 4: The Muggle Hunt
"Uh-oh," said Narcissa, smiling. "I believe the doorbell is my cue to head upstairs. Have fun, everyone, but try not to stay up too late." She winked.
Severus Snape watched her warily as she left the room. He looked at the clock and saw that it was 8:30. His eyes followed Douchebag as the elf headed for the front door. He couldn't shake the disconcerting feeling that something awful was about to happen. He was almost certain of it. Bellatrix was grinning happily and gazing toward the door with eager anticipation in her eyes.
"Would someone care to enlighten me? What is happening?" asked Snape.
Bellatrix opened her mouth to respond, but suddenly there was a loud BANG! A few seconds later, Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, Rabastan, and Rodolphus walked into the room. "What the hell was that noise?" asked Lucius.
"I think Avery just killed your house elf," replied Goyle.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?" screamed Lucius.
"The little bastard called me a 'douchebag'!" yelled Avery. "Honestly, what would you have done?"
"You're paying for that!" cried Lucius. "You'll be purchasing my next house elf!"
"Why should I pay for it?"
"Because you've killed the last two!"
"So? It's not like you don't have plenty of money to throw around." Avery's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "...Or do you?"
"What?!" exclaimed Lucius, clearly alarmed by Avery's implication. "Of course I do. Money isn't the issue. I told you this last month! I just don't see any reason to throw it around. Not that I couldn't throw it around if I wanted to, of course! It's just that there's no need in-- ...My money is fine, thank you very much! I've got so much money in my vault I can barely fit it all! But that doesn't mean-- Well, that isn't saying-- What I mean to say is-- I--" He paused and looked around manically, clearly distressed. Snape wondered whether he was looking for his fucking hairbrush. Maybe if he could find it, he'd calm down a bit. "It's honestly not the money! ...It's the principle of the matter," Lucius finished lamely.
"Excuse me?" said Snape, ignoring Lucius's frenzied rant. "I would like some information. Why are all of you here?"
"It's your surprise," said Lucius.
"It's a Muggle Hunt!" exclaimed Bellatrix ecstatically.
"...What?" Oh no, this is not good, thought Snape. How am I going to get out of this?
"Yup," said Crabbe. "We've already set it up. Got 30 muggles tied up at an abandoned farm in Alabama."
"Alabama?" asked Bellatrix, somewhat confused. "You mean in the southeastern United States?"
"Yeah, it's a perfect location," said Avery. "It's got some woods behind it."
"Is it even possible to apparate that far?" asked Snape.
"Probably not," replied Rodolphus, "but it's necessary for plot purposes, so I'm sure we'll manage it somehow."
"...Right."
"Anyway," interjected Goyle, "I think the best way to go about it is to let the muggles loose at the outskirts of the farm. Then they'll be able to hide on the farm itself, or they can run to the woods."
"Exactly," said Rodolphus. "We let them go, we wait five minutes, and then we go hunting!"
Bellatrix frowned. "Isn't that a bit dangerous? If we give them that much free reign, there's no doubt a few of them will escape. Then they'll be able to run off and tell everyone they're being hunted by wizards."
"Don't worry," said Avery. "We already thought about that. We went all around the farm and about a fourth of the way into the forest and cast a charm that looks like regular mist, but if they manage to get that far and pass through it, they'll automatically be Obliviated. Then they can just wander off, and good riddance to them."
"Why didn't you make the mist poisonous?" asked Bellatrix. "Then we could make sure we got them all."
"Now, now, Bellatrix. That isn't a very sporting attitude. We have to give them a chance," said Lucius, smiling cruelly. "Where's the fun in it if we know exactly how it will turn out?"
"I think there's a lot of fun in knowing that 30 worthless muggles are going to die," said Bellatrix in a tone which clearly indicated that she couldn't even begin to comprehend the mentality of someone who wanted to give them a sporting chance.
"What do you think, Severus?" asked Lucius, ignoring Bellatrix's complaints. "Excited? I know you haven't been on a hunt in ages."
"I think," said Snape softly, "you are all complete idiots."
"Huh?" said Goyle.
"I can't go around killing muggles!" he hissed. "In case none of you have ever noticed, I work at Hogwarts. What if Dumbledore decides to check my wand? Priori Incantatem!"
"We already thought of that, too," Lucius assured him. "You won't be using your wand. Rodolphus has a spare."
"A spare?" Snape repeated weakly.
"I got it off a Mudblood I killed last month," Rodolphus explained.
Oh no. How the hell do I get out of this? Snape thought desperately. Ah! I know -- appeal to their prejudice! He raised an eyebrow and glared at Rodolphus coldly. "I am insulted."
"What do you mean?" asked Lucius.
"I mean..." said Snape dangerously, "that I cannot believe you had the audacity to assume that I would be willing to taint my hand by touching the wand of a vile, filthy, disgusting Mudblood."
Lucius nodded thoughtfully and said, "That didn't occur to me. But no, of course not -- that would be disgusting."
"So you're just not going to play?" asked Bellatrix incredulously. Snape almost cringed at her insinuation that killing 30 muggles was a game that could be played.
"No. I'll go with Lucius and help him look."
"Good," said Lucius. "You have better eyes than I do, and you can--"
"Okay, okay!" interrupted Avery. "Enough talk! Do we have the teams figured out?"
"Yes," said Lucius. "Team A is you and Rabastan, Team B is Bellatrix and Rodolphus, Team C is Crabbe and Goyle, and Team D is Severus and myself."
"Excellent," said Goyle. "And we've already settled on the prize money. Whichever team kills the most muggles gets 1,000 galleons."
Snape snorted. "You actually plan to kill 30 muggles?"
"Uhhh, yeah," said Bellatrix scornfully. "What do you think we're going to do with them? Distribute free hugs and buy them lollipops?"
"You do realize, of course, that the Dark Lord has ordered us to maintain low profiles," said Snape. "Do you not think that it will be a tad suspicious if 30 muggles disappear in one night, even if it is in another country?"
"Shit!" said Crabbe.
"Damn it to hell," muttered Rodolphus.
"Who cares?!" shouted Bellatrix.
"Unfortunately..." Lucius said slowly, "I think Severus is right."
"What, so we're just not going to kill them?!" yelled Bellatrix furiously.
"I guess we'll just have to Stun them. Or knock them unconscious," mused Lucius. "And then... Obliviate them... and release them afterward..." He didn't look pleased at the idea of letting the muggles live. In fact, he seemed slightly nauseated.
"I can't believe this!" shouted Bellatrix. "No way! I came to go muggle-HUNTING, not muggle-TRAPPING!"
"Well, you'll either agree to trap and release, or you can go home this instant!" snarled Lucius. "We're already taking a big risk by... forgetting to invite the Dark Lord, and 30 dead muggles might create quite a stir! He's sure to find out about it."
Bellatrix scowled at him and made a growling noise in the back of her throat, but after a few seconds, she nodded.
"Good. Now that that's settled, let's go."
.4.
Lucius guided Snape to the farm by side-along apparation. Snape was feeling pretty irritable. This was definitely not the way he wanted to spend his night. The moment Lucius told him about the "surprise" this morning, he should have refused to come. He should have known better than to think it would be okay. He'd set out this evening with the intention of enjoying a peaceful dinner, but predictably, something had gone horribly wrong. At the same time, however, he was -- on some level -- immensely relieved. In a way, he was pleased with himself -- he'd prevented 30 deaths without arousing suspicion from his fellow Death Eaters. That was quite an accomplishment. He was still a bit anxious, though, primarily because of Bellatrix. She was a loose cannon, and there was no telling what she might do. Snape and Lucius looked around for the others, and within a few seconds, Avery, Crabbe, Goyle, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Rabastan apparated beside them.
"Ugh! Look at this!" sneered Bellatrix. "We're in the middle of bumfuck Alabama. Thank god my mother can't see me right now."
"Where are the muggles?" asked Snape, ignoring her.
"They're tied in the barn over there," said Rodolphus.
"And you left them unsupervised?"
"Why not?" asked Rabastan. "I mean, where the hell are they going to go?"
"Who cares?" said Bellatrix again. "Let's just get started."
They walked to the barn and opened the door. Everyone pulled out their wands and muttered, "Lumos." Thirty muggles, many of whom had been Stunned, were tied (hands and feet) and lying on the floor of the barn. This is pretty fucking sick, Snape thought. The eight Death Eaters wandered through the barn, pointing their wands at the muggles' ropes and saying, "Diffindo." The muggles were too terrified to move; a couple of them were actually crying. So fucking sick. He was torn between the desire to condemn his friends and his inability to forget that they were, after all, most definitely his friends -- it wasn't as if he'd befriended them against his will. He'd chosen them.
At first, Snape had assumed all the muggles were too frightened to say anything, but after couple of minutes, one of them spoke up: "I tell ya'll what, you freaks! Soon as I get loose, I'm gunna get my shotgun and teach you a lesson!"
"Perhaps we should teach you a lesson, you pathetic little insect," hissed Bellatrix. "Okay, muggles. Everyone look at me. Let me show you what happens when you talk back to us. And it will be ten times worse if you attempt to attack us." She pointed her wand at the muggle who had spoken and said, "Crucio!" The muggle screamed and writhed, and the other captives gaped at him, eyes wide. After a few seconds, Bellatrix lifted the curse. The man laid on the ground, twitching and moaning periodically. "Now, then," said Bellatrix softly, "does anyone else have anything to say?" The muggles stared at their fallen comrade and said nothing. Bellatrix nodded in satisfaction.
"Excellent demonstration, Bella," said Rodolphus approvingly. The Death Eaters returned to their task of setting the muggles free.
After the ropes and sundry other binding spells had been removed, the muggles remained on the ground, trembling and trying not to look anyone in the eye. "May I have your attention, please?" said Bellatrix loudly, clapping her hands. "I said, may I have your attention please?" Most of the muggles looked up at her (some couldn't quite bear it, though, and they remained hunched over, staring at the ground). "We'll be playing a little game tonight, my filthy friends. It's a simple enough game. There's only one rule you need to remember." They stared up at her in trepidation. "Rule number one!" She paused and leered at them cruelly, her eyes glittering...
"RUN!" she barked. When no one moved, she added, "NOW!!!"
About 20 of the muggles did as they were told, but the rest remained frozen, too frightened to move.
"Move, damn you!" yelled Rodolphus. Avery, Bellatrix, Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle fired sparks from their wands. Then a loud BANG from Rabastan's wand galvanized the remaining muggles, and they struggled to their feet, running as fast as their legs could carry them.
"So now we wait five minutes?" asked Rodolphus as he watched them run.
"Better give them 10, actually," replied Lucius. "We've got brooms, so we can afford to let them get a good head start."
"Brooms?" asked Snape. Lucius pointed to the corner of the barn, where eight brooms were propped against the wall.
"By the way," began Lucius, "I think we need to change two of the teams."
"What do you mean?" asked Goyle.
"Oh, your team won't be affected. But I think Rodolphus should come with me, and Severus should go with Bellatrix."
"WHAT?!" screamed Bellatrix. Snape groaned inwardly.
"You heard me, dammit."
"But why??"
"Because I said so!" barked Lucius. "I don't think Rodolphus will be able to adequately control your floridly psychotic behavior!"
"What are you--" started Bellatrix.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" snapped Rodolphus.
Lucius glared at him. "It means you're bloody well terrified of her, and you know it!"
"I most certainly am not! I think I can handle my own wife!"
"No you can't, mate," interjected Avery. "You're pussy-whipped. Admit it."
"I RESENT THAT!" screamed Rodolphus and Bellatrix in unison.
"Not that anyone seems terribly concerned about my feelings in this matter," said Snape softly, "but I personally have a bit of a problem with this new arrangement."
"I am NOT going with him," said Bellatrix, pointing at Snape.
"Yes, you are," growled Lucius.
Snape glared Bellatrix for a moment and then spoke to Lucius: "I am not in the mood to babysit that mentally unbalanced little harlot."
"I think maybe--" started Rodolphus.
"No arguments, Rodolphus!" yelled Lucius. "You're coming with me."
"I wasn't going to argue! I was actually going to say that I think maybe it's for the best."
"Yeah, I'll bet you do," muttered Rabastan. Snape smirked. He happened to agree with Rabastan's theory that Rodolphus had a bit of a soft spot (for lack of a better phrase) for Lucius.
"What the hell?!" Bellatrix yelled at Rodolphus. "You're going to allow Lucius to send your wife off with a traitor to the Dark Lord?"
"I really must insist that--" began Snape.
"Bellatrix, you're going with Severus, and that's the end of it!" said Lucius.
"How dare you order me--"
Snape glared at Lucius. "Listen to me, I refuse--"
"It's my hunt, Bellatrix, my idea!" continued Lucius, ignoring Snape. "You will respect my authority!"
"Do not interrupt me again, Lucius," Snape said dangerously. "I'll have you know--"
"You don't have any authority over me!" cried Bellatrix.
"If you won't cooperate," snarled Lucius, "you can go home and--"
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!" Snape bellowed furiously. Everyone turned to stare at him. "I do not appreciate being ignored, and I will not tolerate it!"
"Look," replied Lucius, "You're the one who was so worried about the goddamn muggles' safety. Unless you want about 10 of them to end up gutted like fish, I suggest you go with Bellatrix and keep a close eye on her."
Snape stood there scowling, fists clenched with rage. How DARE they interrupt and ignore me and then order me around? he thought angrily. Still... it was true. If he didn't go police Bellatrix, she would use this hunt as an opportunity to commit the kind of atrocities that would make Jeffrey Dahmer blush. He took a deep breath. "Fine!"
"Thank you." Lucius looked at Bellatrix. "And are you going to cooperate?"
For a moment, she seemed incapable of unclenching her jaw long enough to speak. At last, she muttered, "Fine."
"Good. And try for once to get along, or you won't have any fun," said Lucius.
"I apologize that my mood is somewhat darkened by the knowledge that I have to spend several hours tailing this bloodthirsty, ungovernable lunatic," hissed Snape.
Lucius looked at him for a moment and shook his head. Then he glanced over at Rodolphus, smiled slightly, and leaned over to whisper something in his ear. Rodolphus snickered.
"What the hell is so goddamn amusing?" Bellatrix snapped.
Lucius smiled innocently. "Severus... Bellatrix... HOLD STILL!" And before they could jump out of the way, Lucius and Rodolphus shot Cheering Charms in their direction. Snape and Bellatrix gasped as they felt the spells hit them.
"WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE ASS--" began Bellatrix, but then she trailed off: "...holes..."
Snape wanted to scream at Lucius, but suddenly he realized he felt a lot better. Tons better, actually. He noticed that Bellatrix had stopped shrieking (a rare event) and guessed that the charm was having the same effect on her.
"Now then," said Lucius, smiling smugly, "are we ready to start the hunt?"
Snape and Bellatrix nodded in a bemused sort of way, not yet acclimated to their altered mental state.
"Excellent!" exclaimed Lucius. He glanced over at Crabbe, Goyle, Avery, Rabastan, and Rodolphus, and said, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's begin!"
.4.
As the other groups went (or flew, rather) their separate ways, Snape and Bellatrix continued to stare at one another. Finally, she broke the silence. "...Shall we?" Snape nodded and followed her to the corner of the barn to grab a broom. After a moment, she asked, "Where do we look first?"
He thought for a moment. "I think the others will make a mistake by heading straight for the forest. They'll assume all the muggles ran in that direction in an attempt to put as much distance as possible between them and us. But I think a few of them will have been more inclined to stay on the farm, thinking they would be more likely to find adequate hiding places. They probably also thought that staying on the farm would prevent them from becoming lost."
"So we should fly around the farm?" she asked.
He nodded affirmatively, and they climbed onto their brooms and took off. Truth be told, Snape didn't particularly enjoy flying, but it was definitely better than walking. He had sharp eyes, and he scanned the area carefully. The more muggles he could catch, the better. After all, he would ensure that the ones that were captured were put back in a civilized area. The ones who got loose and wandered out the other side of the forest... well, they'd be Obliviated -- which meant they'd be lost in the middle of nowhere, with no clue as to how they'd gotten there. ...And if he and Bellatrix moved quickly enough, maybe they could even win the hunt. I definitely wouldn't mind winning 500 galleons, he thought, somewhat guiltily.
"Look!" he shouted. "There's a well! Let's stop by there first." They zoomed over to the well and dismounted. They went to the edge and peered downward. It was a dry well, and at the bottom of it was a slightly chubby -- and very distressed -- young muggle. She was covered in dirt, and she shrieked when she saw Bellatrix and Snape looking down at her.
Bellatrix smiled coldly. In a soft, clear, eerie tone, she said, "It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again. ...HAH!"
Snape snorted and stifled a laugh. He felt bad about laughing at the muggle's discomfort, but dammit, it was funny! The Cheering Charm had worked wonders. He hadn't felt this good in years.
"Let's torture her!" exclaimed Bellatrix jubilantly.
"No! We don't have time. We'll do it after we catch the others." Well, he thought, that argument will keep the muggles safe for the time being. But how am I going to prevent her from torturing them when the hunt is over?
Bellatrix pouted and muttered, "Fine..."
Snape pointed his wand at the muggle and thought, Incarcerous. Ropes sprung up and bound her. Turning to Bellatrix, he said, "We can bring the others back here. This well is big enough."
"Good idea. I didn't see anyone else on the farm. Shall we head for the forest?"
Snape nodded. They climbed back on their brooms and flew toward the woods. When they got there, they slowed their pace and flew just over the tops of the trees. "I think I see movement!" whispered Bellatrix. "Let's go down!" They descended slowly, maneuvering the brooms carefully between the trees. When they reached the ground, they dismounted and looked around.
"I don't see anything," said Snape softly.
"Let's walk for a bit, though. They're probably hiding behind a tree, and it'll be easier to hear them breathing or moving if we stay on the ground."
Snape wasn't sure he liked this idea, but he was still feeling quite cheerful, so he acquiesced and followed Bellatrix as she crept soundlessly among the trees. "I think it was over here," she said, whispering and pointing to the right.
For some indiscernible reason, Snape was becoming more and more uncomfortable as they walked. He was just about to insist that they return to the air, when suddenly, he felt a violent jerking sensation and was hoisted upward by his ankle. Apparently he'd stepped in some kind of muggle trap.
"What the--?" began Bellatrix.
Snape gasped, pointed his wand in a random direction, and shouted the first spell that entered his mind: "Stupify!" Unfortunately, he accidentally hit Bellatrix, who cried out in surprise and hit the ground with a thud.
From somewhere behind him, he heard a man scream: "Club 'em, Bubba!" Snape tried to aim his wand in the direction of the voice; before he could get his bearings however, something hard struck him in the back of the head, and everything went black.
.4.
Snape opened his eyes groggily a short time later. He shook his head dazedly and blinked to clear his vision. He was back in the barn, his wand was gone, and his hands and feet had been tied. Lucius and Rodolphus were awake and leaning against the opposite wall, also heavily bound. He glanced to his right and saw that Bellatrix was beside him, still unconscious. He looked back to Lucius, who was clenching and unclenching his jaw, and whose hair was more disheveled than Snape had ever seen it.
"Lucius, do you realize how screwed up your--"
"Yes, I know! Shut up! And my scalp hurts, too -- I think they dragged me through the woods by my goddamn hair!"
Uh-oh. Snape knew the situation was bad if Lucius was referring to his precious blond locks as his 'goddamn hair'. He turned to Rodolphus and asked, "What happened to you?"
"We got caught in a net," he replied in a remarkably calm tone of voice. "And you?"
"Not sure. Some kind of muggle rope trap." Then he heard a low moan and noticed that Bellatrix was waking.
She looked up blearily and said, "Wha... What happened?"
"We've been captured."
"What?!" She tugged at her ropes. "This is all your fault, Snape!" she hissed. "You Stunned me!!"
"It was an accident! And if you feel the need to blame someone, I suggest you start with Lucius! This godforsaken hunt was his idea!"
Before Bellatrix had a chance to respond, they heard movement and looked to the entrance of the barn in time to see four men enter, one of whom was holding their wands. "Lookie here," said the shortest man, "they done waked up already!" Snape flinched at the man's wretched grammar and obnoxious accent. That fool speaks more ignorantly than a bloody house elf, he thought.
"Release us this instant, you grimy little muggle HICK!" demanded Bellatrix.
"Muggle? What's that?"
"Sum kinda foreign street slang, I bet," said the largest man. "They ain't from 'round here. Ya can tell that from them accents."
"Untie these ropes, you putrid, malodorous redneck! " screamed Bellatrix.
"You best mind yer manners, Missy," said one of the men. "You ain't in much of a place to be givin' orders."
Bellatrix sneered at him, "Holy hell! I can't even understand a goddamn word you're saying! Can't you speak English?"
"Oh, was that English?" asked Snape, raising his eyebrows and feigning surprise. "I had no idea."
"Wut should we do with 'em, Bubba?" asked one of the men, indicating the largest man of the group.
Oh for god's sake, thought Snape. They're like animals -- the biggest, fattest one is the leader of the pack! I knew these muggles shouldn't have been left unsupervised! They made friends with each other while we weren't watching! Now look what's happened!
Lucius glared up at Bubba haughtily and said, "Release us immediately!"
Bubba ignored Lucius and addressed the man who had spoken previously, "I ain't decided just yet, Cooter."
"Good lord," sneered Snape, clearly disgusted. "Is that actually your name?"
"Yup. An' this here's Bubba, Cletus, an' Billy Bob," he said, indicating the others. "What's yer name?"
"I'll not reveal my name to foul creatures such as yourself," said Snape coolly.
"This 'un's mean-spirited," said Billy Bob, looking critically at Snape.
"Well, come on now, whadaya reckon we oughtta do with 'em?" asked Cletus.
"Dunno," said Bubba. "What'chu reckon they are?"
"Aliens, best I can figure," replied Cooter.
"We're wizards, you imbecile!" yelled Lucius.
Bubba laughed. "Yeah, right. That's a hoot, buddy."
"Don't you dare refer to me as if I were one of your idiotic comrades!" spat Lucius indignantly.
Cletus held up one of the wands, pointed it at Lucius, and asked, "What's this here stick? Sum kinda weird alien gun?"
Lucius raised an eloquent eyebrow. "That there stick," he snarled mockingly, "is my wand. It's what I'm going to kill you with as soon as I escape these accursed ropes!"
"He likes big talk, don't he?" said Bubba, sounding amused. "I like that 'un. He's kinda perdy, ain't he?"
"I'm sorry," said Lucius scathingly, "I didn't quite catch that. Were you attempting to form the words 'he is kind of pretty, isn't he'?"
"Got a attitude, too, don't he?" said Bubba. "Okay by me. I like 'em sassy."
Lucius's eyes widened. "What the hell does that mean?"
Bubba leered at him and said, "I like them crazy, fancy clothes ya got. That fer a costume party?"
"No, these are my fucking robes, and they cost over 3,000 galleons!"
Snape rolled his eyes. Predictable, he thought. Even in a mess like this, Lucius has managed to find a way to brag about his money.
Bubba laughed. "Blondie here's gon' be a good time, I figure!"
Cletus walked over to Snape and said, "Naw, I like this 'un. Sumthin' kinda dark and mysterious 'bout 'im."
"I hope you realize," said Snape dangerously, "that I'm going to brutally murder you the second I find a way to extricate myself from these ropes."
"Ooh, listen at that!" exclaimed Cletus. "This 'un's feisty, too."
"I assure you, when I manage to free myself, you will find yourself quite incapable of lightheartedly referring to me as 'feisty.' Then again, depending on how quickly and by what means I choose to kill you, you might just find yourself incapable of doing anything other than screaming."
Cletus chuckled. "Listen to that, boys! He reckons he can get loose an' kill me."
"I wouldn't mock me, if I were you," hissed Snape. "The more intensely you anger me, the more excruciating your demise will assuredly be."
Ignoring Snape's threats, Billy Bob walked up to Rodolphus and said, "I like this 'un here." Rodolphus narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth menacingly.
"Naw," said Cooter. "Hey, Bubba, I think I want that blond 'un, too."
Bubba nodded. "It's gon' hafta be sloppy seconds, though, buddy. I called 'im first."
"Sloppy what?!" cried Lucius in alarm.
Bellatrix turned to Snape and whispered, "What are they talking about? What are they planning to do with us?"
"Did you ever have the lamentable misfortune of seeing the movie Deliverance?"
"Yes."
"Well," said Snape, "think back on it. That should give you a good idea of what's about to happen."
Bellatrix's eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. "You mean--?"
"I believe so. In fact, I would be willing to stake a rather large sum of money that my assessment of the situation -- disturbing though it may be -- is correct."
"Holy shit!" exclaimed Bellatrix. "They're going to rape us!"
"WHAT?!?!" screamed Rodolphus and Lucius.
"Don't worry yer little head, Missy," said Bubba, looking at Bellatrix. "No one said nuthin' 'bout you."
"You mean you're not going to rape me?"
"Naw."
She frowned in consternation. "Well, why the hell not?" she shouted indignantly. "I'm not good enough for you?!"
"Bellatrix," said Snape slowly, "I believe this would be an excellent time to close your belligerent mouth -- difficult and trying though that task may seem."
"Don' take it too hard, ma'am," said Bubba placatingly. "'S jus', yer kinda beastly. Sorta scary, ya know?"
Despite the gravity of the situation, Snape couldn't help snorting in amusement. "This is what I've been saying for years. Finally, we have managed to acquire input from an unbiased party, and he has come to the same inevitable conclusion: you are a manly beast."
"FUCK you, Snape!" screamed Bellatrix.
"Are you feeling unloved, Bellatrix? Did you not mention my suggestion to Rodolphus? The one about having your pipes cleaned?"
"My sex life is perfectly fine!"
"I seriously doubt it. You realize, of course, that your husband is a flaming fruit (not that there's anything wrong with that)."
"What?!" snapped Rodolphus.
"How dare you imply such a thing about my husband!" shrieked Bellatrix.
"That wasn't an implication, Bellatrix. It's a fact. I would wager that Rodolphus will come out of this unfortunate -- ah -- situation far less psychologically scarred than Lucius and myself."
"Not that there's anything wrong with it," said Rodolphus, "but I am NOT gay!"
Everyone ignored him. "He's not gay!" insisted Bellatrix.
"Yes, he is," Snape said curtly. "The two of you seem to be the only human beings within a 30,000 mile radius that remain unaware of this fact."
"You're gay!"
"Please refrain from projecting your husband's perversions (not that there's really anything wrong with them) onto me."
"He's a very masculine man! He's not gay!"
"Lucius," said Snape, "is Rodolphus a homosexual?"
Without hesitation, Lucius replied, "Undoubtedly. Total fruit-loop."
"You're just saying that to make Snape look better!" yelled Bellatrix.
"He's gay," said Snape.
"Is not!"
"Gay, gay, gay."
"When I get loose, I'm going to kill you!"
"So gay," Snape taunted. "Maybe that's why he married you. You're already so close to being a man yourself--"
"Shut up, you great, greasy GIT!"
Finally losing his temper, Snape yelled, "Fuck you and your 'greasy' insults, you contemptible guttersnipe! Go ahead and come to terms with it: he's GAY!"
"Liar!" shrieked Bellatrix.
"Doesn't anyone care what I think?" asked Rodolphus meekly.
"NO!!!!" bellowed Snape and Bellatrix in unison.
The rednecks watched this heated exchange warily. They weren't sure what to make of it. Rodolphus listened avidly, trying to figure out who was actually correct about his sexual orientation, because now that he thought about it... Lucius, on the other hand, glared at Bellatrix and Snape disdainfully, reflecting on the fact that -- of all the people in the world -- only those two were petty enough to get into a bitch fight of this magnitude in the middle of a situation this serious.
"A'rite, a'rite, break it up kids," interrupted Bubba. Bellatrix and Snape glowered at him so fiercely that he actually retreated a step. Regaining his composure a moment later, he said, "Let's get this show on the road, boys."
"How's it gonna go?" asked Cletus.
"Well, I say we take it in turns," replied Bubba. "I figure me an' Billy Bob'll take our two an' go first, and you and Cooter can stay out here an' keep a eye on the others." He smiled hideously, revealing a mouth full of... well, almost nothing, actually. He had about five teeth, and none of them were exactly intact. He walked up to Lucius and ran a hand gently through his luxurious blond tresses.
"No, no, no, not the hair, you filthy, depraved muggle! DON'T TOUCH IT!" bellowed Lucius. Then he turned his head and bit Bubba's hand ferociously. Bubba screamed and jerked his hand back.
"OUCH! Goddamn bastard bit me! ...We're gonna hafta teach this 'un some manners boys," growled Bubba. He turned to Cooter and said, "Get the hedge clippers."
"Get the what??" squeaked Lucius in alarm, as Cooter trotted away.
Cooter returned a few moments later and handed the large, rusty clippers to Bubba. "Now then," said Bubba. "Hold him down, boys. I think our perdy lil' friend here could do with a haircut."
"WHAT?!" Lucius began struggling frantically. He looked absolutely insane. He threw himself over onto his side and started trying to crawl away. "NO, NO, NO, GET AWAY FROM ME!! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THE HAIR!"
As Snape watched him, he thought about the fact that Lucius had had a really bad day. First the rat, and now this... It would have been easier to pity him, if not for the fact that this had, after all, been his idea. As far as Snape was concerned, whatever catastrophe resulted from this calamitous, bungled Muggle Hunt was entirely Lucius's fault.
Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Snape watched in morbid fascination as the rednecks held Lucius down. He screamed bloody murder for the duration of the haircutting episode. By the time Bubba was finished, Lucius's hair looked like it had gotten caught in a mulcher (or something equally destructive). Most of it was gone, and what was left was a total wreck. Snape was surprised Lucius hadn't started crying. He seemed to be trembling, though with anger or with fear, Snape couldn't tell. This is the worst night I've had in years, he thought. This is worse than the disastrous New Year's Eve party the Dark Lord threw 17 years ago, when he rented out that karaoke machine and spent the entire evening singing Sussudio by Phil Collins... The 80's really were awful. He sat there quietly, mentally chastising himself for not jumping off the astronomy tower when he'd had the chance.
"I'm going to kill myself," he said. He was surprised to see that he'd spoken aloud. He hadn't meant to.
"Don' be sayin' stuff like that," chided Cletus. "Lord don't take too kindly to that kinda talk. He says so in the 10 Commandments."
Snape sneered magnificently. "Aren't there also a few passages in the Bible which suggest that the Lord frowns upon ass-raping?"
Cletus laughed. "Aww, now ya can't go takin' the Big Book that seriously all the time."
Snape kept sneering, but said nothing. Lucius's eyes were as wide as saucers. He looked up at Bubba fearfully. "NOW what? What are you going to do to me?"
"Unless I am very much mistaken," said Snape, "he is going to -- ah -- deflower your ass."
Lucius stared up at Bubba in abject horror. He seemed to be holding out one last desperate hope that this was not, in fact, what was about to happen. When Bubba failed to refute Snape's claim, Lucius made a last-ditch effort to save his ass: "You can't fuck us! We're aliens, we're aliens! Remember? You'll catch an evil, alien, outer-space BUTT FUNGUS!"
"Ya can't fool me, blondie," replied Bubba. "Ya already done said ya ain't no alien. Yer just good ol' fashioned man-meat dressed in funny clothes."
Bubba reached a hand toward him, and Lucius started shouting wildly: "GET THE FUCK OFF ME, YOU FILTHY BUTT-PIRATE!!!!!!"
"Not that there's anything wrong with that," said Snape coolly.
"SHUT UP!" howled Lucius. "FUCK YOU AND YOUR POLITICALLY-CORRECT BULLSHIT!! THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT WHEN IT'S MY ASS THAT'S ABOUT TO GET PIRATED!!!!!"
Snape raised an eyebrow, and Bellatrix snapped, "That's just plain ignorant, Lucius."
"I'M GOING TO BE RAPED! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?!"
"A'rite," said Bubba, finally getting annoyed with the shenanigans, "it's time to go, little piggy. I wanna see how loud ya can squeal." At this point, Lucius just lost it and started screaming uncontrollably. Snape winced at the sound, and Bellatrix sneered disdainfully. Unable to bear the noise, Bubba wadded up a handkerchief and gagged Lucius. "Heh. Guess we won't be able to drag 'im by his hair this time, huh, boys? Seein' how he ain't really got none." And with that, Bubba dragged a hysterical, struggling, terrified Lucius out of the barn.
Billy Bob approached Rodolphus, who glared up at him and hissed, "If you lay one hand on me, you vile muggle, I promise you, you'll draw back a nub!" The redneck chuckled and, with Cooter's help, managed to gag Rodolphus and drag him behind the barn.
.4.
Once the others had left, Bellatrix and Snape sat in silence for a few minutes. They glared hatefully at Cletus and Cooter, who retreated to the other end of the barn to smoke and talk. Finally, Bellatrix turned to Snape and hissed, "What kind of wizard are you?! Can't you do magic without your wand?"
"Can't you?" he snarled.
"Probably, but I don't know how! We don't have any training in that sort of thing!"
"Exactly. We don't know how. So don't look at me like I should be able to do something."
"Come on, Luke!" cried Bellatrix. "Use the FORCE!"
"Fuck you and your inappropriately-chosen pop culture references, Bellatrix."
Disappointed that he hadn't appreciated her valiant attempt to be humorous in the midst of a difficult situation, she sulked in silence. After about 15 minutes, Billy Bob came back into the barn dragging Rodolphus, who was screaming (though the sound was, thankfully, muffled by his gag) and fighting him every step of the way. Billy Bob threw him down in the middle of the floor and walked up to Cletus and Cooter. "Okay, boys," he said. "Cletus, Bubba said to go ahead and drag yers outside. Cooter, you wanted the blond 'un, right?" Cooter nodded. "A'rite, well, he's still out there. Bubba's watchin' 'im 'til you get there."
"Gimme a hand with this 'un, Cooter," said Cletus as he advanced on Snape. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no. There's got to be a way out of this, he thought desperately. He'd managed (for the most part) to maintain his composure up to this point, but he finally lost it completely and started screaming, "ACCIO WAND, ACCIO WAND!!! ACCIO MOTHERFUCKING WAND!!!!!!!" It didn't come to him, but the rafters of the barn shook, and the walls quaked. He tried to focus his power on his ropes, in the hope that he could break them, but he was too agitated and distraught to concentrate properly. Suddenly... he heard voices.
"--don't really see the point in going on." It was Goyle. "Personally, I'm tired. I bet 13's enough. I mean, that's almost half of them between the two of us." He and Crabbe appeared in the doorway, stopped abruptly, and stared at the bizarre scene in front of them.
"DO SOMETHING!" screamed Bellatrix, Snape, and Rodolphus in unison.
Cletus yelled, "Billy Bob! Cooter! Get the guns!"
"HELP US!" screamed Bellatrix.
"STOP THEM!" bellowed Snape.
"LET US LOOSE!" howled Rodolphus.
Galvanized by their friends' urgent cries, Crabbe and Goyle rushed toward them. The rednecks were heading for the back of the barn, trying to reach a rusty old gun rack. Goyle pointed his wand at Cooter's back and yelled, "Avada Kedavra!" Cooter crashed into a wall and lay still.
Crabbe rushed over to Snape, Bellatrix, and Rodolphus. Snape was released first, and he scrambled frantically toward the corner where his wand lay. He picked it up and turned back to look at the fleeing muggles. Crabbe took aim at one of them and screamed, "Avada Kedavra!" Billy Bob lurched forward and tumbled to the ground.
Unfortunately, Cletus had already reached a rifle, which had been perched on the gun rack. He turned to face the wizards, who stared at him in confusion. They had no idea what a gun was. Cletus pointed the gun at Goyle and pulled the trigger.
"HOLY SHIT!" screamed Goyle as the bullet hit him in the leg. He fell over, howling and trying to halt the bleeding.
Snape pointed his wand at Cletus and thought, Expelliaramus! The gun flew into the air. Pleased to see that the spell had worked as well on a muggle device as it did on a wand, Snape smiled cruelly and snarled, "No one touch him! He's mine!" Snape didn't just want to kill him. He wanted to destroy him. He kept his wand trained on the muggle and thought, Petrificus Totalus! Cletus's entire body went rigid as he fell to the ground.
Snape turned to look at his friends. Crabbe and Bellatrix were kneeling beside Goyle, trying to keep him from bleeding out. Rodolphus was standing over Billy Bob's body and shooting him with Killing Curse after Killing Curse. "Rodolphus," said Snape softly, almost gently, "I realize you're upset, but I think you can stop cursing him now. He was dead the first seven times." Rodolphus was shaking violently. He glared at Snape, but after a moment, he nodded resignedly and walked stiffly away from the body.
"Snape!" cried Bellatrix. "We've got to get Goyle to St. Mungo's. You and Crabbe will have to take him! They'll arrest me if they see me!"
"Crabbe can handle it by himself!" snarled Snape. "I'm not finished here! And you need to go find Lucius! Stun that muggle who's guarding him, but don't kill him! Bring him back here."
Seeing that this was no time to argue, Bellatrix sprinted out of the barn to look for Lucius. Rodolphus couldn't bring himself to sit down (Snape didn't really want to think about why, but he had a pretty good idea). Snape turned to Crabbe, pointed at Goyle, and yelled, "Take him to the hospital! NOW!" Crabbe obeyed immediately. He gripped Goyle firmly and disapparated.
Satisfied that his orders were being carried out, Snape returned his attention to Cletus. He lifted the body-bind curse so that his prey could move. Then he pointed his wand at him and said firmly, "Don't move. Move one centimeter, and you die." Cletus cowered and didn't move. Snape smiled. "Now then," he said. "We have unfinished business... don't we?" Cletus's eyes widened in terror. Snape smiled malevolently at him. Detestable, horrible, loathsome, FILTHY muggle, he thought. And I tried to save him! I tried to save them all! And I almost got RAPED by one of the very people I was trying to protect! "Let's see," he said in his silkiest voice, "whatever should we do with you? I can't very well set you free, now can I?" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "And you and your foul little friends did despicable things to my friends. Things which you, in turn, would have done to me, were it not for the timely intervention of my comrades -- one of whom you took it upon yourself to wound. It would be quite irresponsible and possibly immoral for me to release you. Who knows what harm you might wreak upon a defenseless society?"
He took a step back and cocked his head slightly as he considered the muggle and tried to decide on an appropriate curse. How badly should he hurt him? Oh he would die, assuredly -- there was no question of that. But how painfully? He pointed his wand at Cletus, looked into his eyes, and muttered, "Legilimens!" He saw flashes of memories that were not his own. Some of them were horrible... women and children being beaten... rape... violence... Snape snarled and lifted the spell. Disgusting, murderous muggle! But what curse to use...?
And then it hit him. Dumbledore always said that there were fates worse than death. Snape agreed. He decided to use a curse he hadn't had a chance to use since before the Dark Lord's fall all those long years ago. A spell he had invented himself. He smiled hatefully, black eyes glittering, and said, "Don't worry. I won't kill you." Then he pointed his wand at the muggle and thought, Sepelio Mentis!
The muggle screamed. And screamed. And screamed. An insane, deranged, ear-splitting scream. Snape stood back to admire his handiwork. It truly is an amazing curse, he mused. Utterly unique. One might even say... something to be proud of. Genius, certainly... No one else knew this spell. He'd never told anyone. No, this one was only for his personal use. He had only used it twice in the past, and he had never dreamed he'd use it again. There was a counter-curse, of course; but he wouldn't be using it. Not on this muggle trash.
The curse didn't cause physical pain. There were no physical sensations that accompanied it at all. It was psychological -- psychological torture. It was all within the victim's mind. An individual subjected to this curse would eventually go mad -- his brain would conjure up ghastly, hideous, terrifying, nightmarish images until his mind literally broke -- torn asunder by fear and horror. Snape crossed his arms and wondered, with eerie clinical detachment, what the muggle was seeing. The curse affects each person differently, depending on what he or she dreads and fears. He watched dispassionately as the muggle writhed within his own personal hell -- the hell his own sick, twisted mind had created for him. He wondered how long it would be before the man began clawing his own eyes out. That was an inevitable outcome. At some point, he would make a futile attempt to eradicate the gruesome visions by blinding himself. "Won't be long now..." Snape mused quietly.
"Snape!" yelled Rodolphus. "Shut that muggle up! What the hell did you do to him? The screaming is driving me mad!" Snape smirked at the irony of his friend's word choice. If only Rodolphus knew exactly how close to madness the muggle had come. How soon will his mind break, I wonder...?
Rodolphus's voice jarred him out of his reverie: "SNAPE! SHUT HIM UP!"
He nodded and pointed his wand at Cletus, thinking, Silencio. Then he turned and went to join Rodolphus. Snape knew what the outcome of the Muggle's plight would be. He didn't need to watch anymore.
A few minutes later, Bellatrix appeared, practically dragging Lucius, who seemed incapable of doing anything other than standing rigidly and gazing blankly into space. His face was so white he looked like a ghost. He was still trembling. His eyes were wide, and he stared feverishly at nothing in particular. Bubba's motionless form was floating beside Bellatrix, and she dropped him unceremoniously to the ground as she entered the barn. She surveyed the scene, noting the two dead muggles and Cletus, who was silently screaming and clawing at his face in the background.
She stared at Cletus for a moment before inquiring, "What's his goddamn problem?"
Snape shrugged, then addressed Lucius, "Are you alright?" No response. "Bellatrix brought the muggle. Do you want to kill him?" No response. "Lucius? Don't you want to kill the nasty muggle?" Nothing. Snape raised an eyebrow and looked at Bellatrix curiously.
"He won't speak," she said softly. "He won't do anything. We have to get him home."
Snape nodded thoughtfully. "Go let Avery and Rabastan know it's time to go. Then round up all the captured muggles, and bring them back here. Don't hurt them, and don't bring them inside the barn. I don't want them to see the dead ones. Leave them outside."
Bellatrix went outside and shot red sparks into the sky: the signal that the hunt was over. Rabastan and Avery would return shortly. Rodolphus went to stand beside Lucius and tried to persuade him to speak. It was no use. Snape walked over to Bubba and glared down at his unconscious form. Then he waited.
.4.
Forty-five minutes later, Bellatrix returned with Avery and Rabastan and announced that the muggles were gathered outside. "How many are there?" asked Snape.
"All 26!" said Rabastan proudly. "We managed to locate them all -- ours plus everyone else's. By the way, who won the hunt?"
"Crabbe and Goyle, I suppose. They caught 13, Bellatrix and I caught one, and Lucius and Rodolphus didn't technically catch any."
"What?!" exclaimed Rabastan.
Snape turned to Bellatrix. "You didn't explain?"
"No, I thought you would want to do it."
"Not particularly." He turned back to Rabastan and Avery and said, "We'll explain later."
"Well who caught those dead ones in there?" asked Rabastan.
"And I thought we weren't going to kill any them. Does this mean we get to kill the rest of them?" asked Avery excitedly.
"No," replied Snape. "These were... extenuating circumstances. I have to go address the others."
He walked outside and looked at the 26 terrified muggles. A few of them had been bound, but most of them were just Stunned. He walked among them, releasing them. None of them spoke. Several of them sobbed. Once he'd freed them all, he stood back to watch them for a few moments. Would any of these muggles have done the same thing the others did?
"Flee," he said harshly. They stared at him, their expressions blank. "Get up. Now. Just get up and walk away. You will find a town a couple of miles from here. Go now. I shall ensure that no one harms you." They continued staring. "GO!" he snarled. "Go, or I will harm you!" The muggles struggled to their feet and ran away as quickly as they could, helping each other along whenever anyone faltered. Snape returned to the barn.
Everyone was standing around, looking a little lost. No one seemed sure of what to do. Bellatrix pointed at Bubba and asked, "What about him?"
Snape turned to Lucius and said, "Well? Have you any suggestions?"
Lucius trembled slightly but said nothing.
Bellatrix looked at Snape questioningly. He glared down at the muggle. "Kill him," he said coldly. Bellatrix smiled malevolently and pointed her wand at Bubba. "Wait!" said Snape. "Wake him. And don't use Avada Kedavra. Use something... painful."
Bellatrix beamed at him, clearly pleased with his improved attitude. She revived the muggle and Silenced him before he could say anything. She gazed at him pensively, trying to decide on a curse. Then she glanced over at Snape and flashed him a wicked smile. She pointed her wand at Bubba and cried, "Sectumsempra!"
Snape watched callously as the muggle bled out his life onto the ground. He felt no pity, no remorse. When Bubba's breathing finally shuddered to a halt, Snape turned to look at his fellow Death Eaters. "Let's go. I'll take Lucius back to the Manor."
The others nodded. It had been a horrible night. Worse than he could have ever imagined. Things this hellish weren't predictable. He was still angry. Filthy muggles. Stupid muggles. Worthless, useless, deplorable muggles. Rodolphus and Lucius were -- in a lot of ways -- cruel, heartless people, but they didn't deserve what had just happened to them. They brought it upon themselves, but they still didn't deserve it. No one did.
Snape was struck with an overpowering desire to hear Cletus scream again. He wanted to know exactly how much the muggle was suffering. Snape stopped at the entrance to the barn, turned to face the muggle, and lifted the Silencing spell. The screams were bloodcurdling. Snape felt no sympathy. The muggle's suffering was condign. He was yelling and pleading... screaming something about everything being "horrible" and "evil". Snape gritted his teeth. How dare someone as cruel as that muggle complain about anything being evil? He hated that muggle. That revolting, worthless muggle.
He felt darkness welling up inside him -- the same black passion which had inspired him to become a Death Eater so many years ago. He felt as if his blood was on fire. It coursed like lava through his veins.
He walked outside, pursued by the sound of the muggle's deranged, frenzied screams. Still seething with fury, Snape turned and looked back. A wave of contempt surged through him as he pointed his wand at the barn and shouted, "Incendio!"
Bellatrix looked over at him in surprise, but didn't hesitate to add her own flame to the burning building. She, Avery, Rodolphus, and Rabastan aimed their wands at the barn and cried, "Incendio!" in unison. Good, Snape thought viciously. Let it burn. Let it burn the filthy muggle alive.
As the flames leapt higher, his tempestuous passion rose with them. He glanced over at Bellatrix. The firelight danced in her dark eyes, and her lips were curled back in a bloodthirsty grin. And for a moment, in the midst of his exquisite rage, he couldn't help noticing that -- despite the toll Azkaban had exacted on her -- she was beautiful. But it was a terrible beauty, born of ardent malice and fiendish exultation. As he looked at her, he saw his own savage joy reflected in her eyes -- it was the sort of feral, perverse ecstasy which only arose from the sweet seduction of darkness and corruption. As his glittering black eyes met her baleful gaze, he realized that she knew what he was feeling, and she understood: they were momentarily united in their hatred.
A rush of savage elation overwhelmed him, and he did the first thing that entered his mind: he pointed his wand upward and roared, "MORSMORDRE!" He watched with fierce satisfaction as the Dark Mark appeared in the sky. Bellatrix was grinning villainously at him, her eyes full of pride and glinting in the moonlight. She and Snape stared at one another for a moment. He returned her sadistic, mirthless smile. Then, grabbing hold of Lucius, he turned on the spot and was gone.
.4.
"He's not well, Narcissa."
"My lord, what happened to his HAIR?!" she cried mournfully.
"For god's sake," said Snape, rolling his eyes, "you and Lucius have the weirdest hair fetish. Nevermind his hair! You need to clean him up and put him in bed."
"But--but... what happened to his hair?!?"
"What the hell is wrong with you? Your husband has experienced a traumatic event! Dammit, Narcissa, you only married Lucius for his hair, didn't you?" he snarled accusingly.
"What? No! I... love Lucius... for... for who he is..."
"Yes, you sound so very concerned about his general well-being," replied Snape sarcastically.
"Well... well, why is he ill, then? What happened?"
"I'm sure he'll tell you whenever he is able. I think... he may need to see a therapist."
That snapped Lucius out of his stupor: "...The rapist?? THE RAPIST?!?! NO, GET IT AWAY! NO MORE MULLETS!!!"
"Stop it, Lucius!" said Snape. "That isn't even what I said. Go to bed." Lucius's muscles relaxed a bit, and he went back to staring at nothing. Snape turned to Narcissa and said, "I need to go."
"But it's so late!" she protested. He tried to wave her away, but she wouldn't relent: "Why don't you spend the night and have breakfast with us? Douchebag will... oh wait... he's dead... But that's alright! I can cook if I have to. I make excellent porridge."
"Ugh," he groaned. "Porridge?"
"What's wrong with porridge?"
"I'm terribly sorry Narcissa, but I have an issue with eating something which looks as if it has already been consumed at some point and then regurgitated onto a platter. Good night." Without waiting for a response, he fled the house.
.4.
As he closed the door behind him, he sighed heavily. He dreaded morning, because he knew that when he woke up, he would feel guilty and wretched. His recent conduct hadn't exactly been... exemplary. In fact, it had been abominable. Passion spawned from cruelty and hatred. For the most part, his exhilaration had subsided by the time he reached Malfoy Manor, but even now, as he apparated outside the gates of Hogwarts and entered, he could still feel a faint, residual tingling throughout his body. There was something strangely menacing about it. Then again, he reflected, everything is menacing these days. The world was falling apart. The Dark Lord was making sure of that. As he walked toward the castle, he recalled several lines from a poem he'd read many years ago: "Things fall apart; the center cannot hold / Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world; / The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere / The ceremony of innocence is drowned; / The best lack all conviction, while the worst / Are full of passionate intensity." It was a disturbing thought. Does that make me one of the worst? Certainly Bellatrix is... passionate intensity... And he had shared that profound moment of "passionate intensity" with Bellatrix. Was she truly evil? If so, was he as well...?
"No," he answered himself aloud. After all, he thought, the world is not painted in black and white. People like Dumbledore are not perfectly good, just as people like Bellatrix and Lucius are not wholly evil. And I'm caught somewhere between those extremes... Snape understood that there was a certain amount of darkness in everyone. Some people's souls just happened to be more blackened than others...
It's odd the way life works: usually, Snape felt miserable all the time for no particular reason, even when he hadn't done anything wrong; yet tonight, he'd committed a reasonably appalling atrocity, and -- despite his knowledge that he would feel terrible in the morning -- he didn't, at present, feel bad at all. He should feel awful. But he didn't. He scowled inwardly at his own callousness. "The darkness drops again..." Still... as he entered the familiar comfort of the castle, he did not particularly regret his actions. Not in that moment, at least. He felt oddly at peace. He still hated his life, of course -- that wasn't likely to change anytime soon. ...But for for the first time in months he didn't feel an overwhelming desire to kill himself. And perhaps, for tonight, that was enough.
.4.
The Second Coming
Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
- William Butler Yeats
.4.
NOTE: The fact that Bellatrix and Snape shared "a moment" does not mean that they are going to become romantically involved in any way, nor will they suddenly be on good terms in future chapters. It was just one of those "caught up in the moment" things.
If any of you read this far, I apologize for the angsty ending. I really didn't mean for it to go this way. And it will never, ever be serious like this again. I really don't do drama.
Anyway... thanks for reading, and please review.
