Author's Note: Here's a chapter where I wanted to explore the sorrow of Kenshin's past. Part of seeking closure is to walk through past pains and it is here that Kenshin wants to confront the sad past with the woman he loves by his side. Thanks to all those reading this and especially those reviewing—please continue to do so.

Glossary of Japanese terms and battle techniques:

Oro—Kenshin's expression—literally "Huh?"

Shishou—Master—how Kenshin refers to Hiko his teacher of swordsmanship

Koishii—Beloved---as a man refers to a woman

Hentai—Pervert

Mou—Kaoru's expression—literally "Oh" or "darn!"

Bokken---A wooden sword usually used for practice—Kaoru's weapon of choice

Batoujitsou—The sword style that emphasizes speed of unsheathing the blade at godlike speed—Kenshin is called "Battousai" as tribute to his mastery of batoujitsou.

Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki---the ultimate secret attack of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu—the sword style Kenshin uses

CHERISHED MEMORIES AND BITTER REMINDERS

After receiving a gift of food and bidding Midori and Kaede farewell, Kenshin and Kaoru left Yokohama and journeyed northward with Kenshin leading her to what once was a small farming village. The inhabitants were long gone and the buildings stood as ruined monuments to the lives that once dwelled within. Overall, the appearance of the abandoned village was eerie, even in the bright sunlight.

Kaoru scanned the area with her sapphire eyes wide and she said softly, "So this is where you were born, Kenshin?" She had a feeling of being subdued like being in a temple…

Or a graveyard.

Kenshin stood before a hut that was as ramshackle as the rest of the village, in charred ruins that indicated that it had once been on fire as if it had been purged. Kaoru sided up to him as he stared at the hut, his violet eyes far away.

"Kenshin?" she said quietly.

"Oro?" he asked as he was drawn back into the present. "You wanted something, Kaoru-dono?"

"Are you all right? You seem so distant, so far away." Kaoru could not keep the worry from her voice.

Kenshin flashed his customary smile. "You needn't worry, Kaoru-dono. I was just remembering, that I was." He gestured at the burnt shack as he continued, "This was where I was born, that it is."

Kaoru's eyes followed his point and she walked slowly to the hut, examining the dwelling as she kept her distance. "It looks as if it was in a terrible fire."

"It was," he stated flatly. "My family once lived there and they all perished of cholera."

Kaoru turned and gaped at the former hitokiri incredulously. "Oh my, Kenshin, cholera?"

Kenshin nodded silently as Kaoru pondered the information. Even though the worldwide outbreak of the deadly disease had subsided, the word still brought a chill to her. Kaoru could remember growing up and hearing her parents whisper about the insidious plague that like it had done in other countries, wiped out whole populations in Japan, both large and small. When her own mother perished and she and her father had thought it was cholera that took her Dr. Gensai had refuted that by informing her that her mother passed away by a fever. Kaoru recalled that even at her tender age, she was relieved. Filled with compassion for the former manslayer and his sorrowful past, she came to him and impulsively took his hand in both of hers.

"I'm so very sorry, Kenshin. It must have been horrible watching your family die of cholera."

"Yes. In the final hours, *they literally turned over as they died. I was seven, almost eight when it happened but the sickness spared me." His voice was hollow and his expression was one of buried pain. He went on tonelessly, "After burning our hut, the rest of the villagers were afraid of contracting the disease so they closed their doors to me. Then with no one else to take me in, I was sold, picked up by a slave trader who at least fed me."

Kaoru's eyes welled up as her heart constricted in pain for him. "Oh, Kenshin."

He took her elbow and said softly, "Let's leave this place, there's another I want you to see." And they walked slowly away from the vale of tears that the village represented.

They walked until they reached a field by a mountain, dotted by simple wooden crosses weathered and worn and three stones, standing in formation, in a row. Here, Kenshin knelt before the three stones and bowed his titian head in prayer, his eyes closed.

Kaoru was filled with the same reverence here at the makeshift graveyard as she was before, but she was not as fearful as she was when at the abandoned village, picking up an entirely different spirit.

"Kasumi-san, Akane-san, Sakura-san." Kenshin knelt before the crude monuments and continued in prayer as Kaoru stood by and watched with her breath held, sensing the solemn tribute that the diminutive samurai was paying to those who rested there. He then leaned against his sakabatou and rose to his feet as he pulled the sword up and slid it back to its place on his left hip. He spoke softly to her.

"When I was with the slave traders, there were three other slaves, young women who took it upon themselves to watch over me because I was a child. They were always making sure that the overseer wouldn't beat me too severely, even at their own risk." He sighed as he continued, "They even gave me more food, sacrificing themselves constantly for me."

Kaoru listened intently as Kenshin went on. "One day, all of us slaves were passing this field when a group of robbers ambushed us. They killed the overseer and his men and as they came toward me, one of the ladies, Sakura-san and the others tried to shield me and they all were slain. As the only boy, I felt it was my duty to protect them but they protected me instead and lost their lives." He pursed his lips as he stared off into another time and place and added bitterly, "Maybe it would've been better if they had killed me instead."

Kaoru's eyes flew open and she said outraged, "Kenshin, don't say that!"

Kenshin shook his head and said, "Why not, it's true. And they almost did if not for the intervention of Hiko Seijiro the thirteenth, my shishou."

"Your master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu?" Kaoru queried her eyes wide.

"Uh-huh. I was holding one of the katanas the overseer had dropped when he was killed and was defending myself and the three ladies. The thieves slew them and then got ready to do the same to me when they suddenly collapsed and shishou was there, wiping his blade clean of their blood. He expressed some brief words of pity with me then he left. But he returned the next day and found me in the same place after I had spent all night burying the dead, even the thieves that shishou slew. He expressed his sympathy again, thinking the slave traders my parents but I told him my parents had died. He then asked me my name then changed it."

Kaoru's eyes were like saucers as she said, "You mean Kenshin's not your real name?"

He shook his head woodenly as he replied, "No. The name my parents had given me was Shinta. But shishou said that was too gentle a name for a swordsman so he renamed me Kenshin. But I kept my family name."

Kaoru was struck silent. She immediately became aware of the significance of this visit and the words spoken by the once cryptic rurouni samurai who had become indelibly entrenched in her life. He had always had an air of ubiquitous melancholy that hung about him like a miasma that she had attributed to his burden of perpetual guilt he carried from accidentally slaying his wife. But with what he had just imparted to her, there was more, a deep well of sorrow that he was encased in and bore stoically like a cross. She was filled with anguish for him and impulsively reached for his hand to offer solace.

"Oh, Kenshin," was all she could say, soft like a zephyr.

Kenshin felt her tiny hand encompass his and stared down at the joined members. He slowly lifted her hand and brought it to his lips to plant a kiss, his heart filled with gratitude at her presence at this place of sorrow.

His voice was husky with emotion as he lowered her hand. "Arigatou, Kaoru, koishii."

Kaoru's eyes widened at the absence of the honorific, the intimate sound of the endearment, and the look in Kenshin's eyes as he regarded her. There was sadness there but something else was burning deep within, an intense amethyst fire that both excited and frightened her simultaneously.

"Kenshin, you shouldn't feel guilty that you lived while your family and the three ladies died. I believe that it's because you have yet to live your purpose. Kami above moves in mysterious ways."

Kenshin shook his head as he answered laconically, "My purpose was to take lives. A hitokiri with no mercy." His voice was laced with self-loathing.

"Maybe at one time," Kaoru insisted gently. "But now your purpose is to protect the weak and those who cannot fight against the evil that still dwells within the hearts of men." She pulled her hand from his grasp and took hold of his shoulders in earnest.

"Kenshin, you have to realize that the manslayer is not your true self. The real you is the boy in this field who buried the dead, even those who were evil because it was the honorable thing to do. The boy whose heart now beats for the weak and whose sword is wielded to protect them."

Kenshin gazed upon the upturned alabaster face before him, sweetly encouraging and yet so strong that he felt his heart pound with a love so powerful he felt consumed by it, as if engulfed by a conflagration. She was just doing what she had always done, accepting and loving him unconditionally which in turn made him love her even more.

He reached for and held her hand as he said softly. "We should be going, that we should." And he led her toward the road and away from the bitter reminders that lay interred with the bones buried there.


The clearing in the wilderness where Kenshin and Kaoru were to spend the night was bathed in the light of the rising moon. Darkness had fallen and Kenshin had just finished building a campfire. He knelt beside the flames adding twigs and sticks that he and Kaoru had gathered earlier and they flared as they licked greedily at the dried wood. Satisfied with the way the fire was going, Kenshin rose and frowning, cast his gaze toward a secluded woodland pool that was off in the near distance where Kaoru had gone to bathe. When they decided on their spot for the night and she saw the pool, sitting in the clearing so invitingly, in spite of his protests she insisted on bathing. He had tried to accompany her for protection purposes but she had adamantly refused, saying she had wanted to cleanse herself in private. Seeing his consternation, she had promised him that she would not be long. But that did not alleviate his concern and he kept a watchful albeit uneasy eye in the general direction of the pool.

Over by the placid pool, Kaoru had shed her kimono, hung it on a nearby branch and clad only in her undergarments she slipped into the lukewarm water, the pool having been heated by the sun all day. She submerged to completely wet herself and with a sliver of jasmine soap she had brought along with her, she worked up a lather to cleanse herself, rubbing the suds into her raven locks as well. She hummed softly as she became totally involved in her toilette and was oblivious to the fact that she was being watched. . . .

Hidden in the heavy foliage a bit away, a pair of onyx eyes squinted at the bathing beauty as a lascivious grin bared the yellowed, cracked teeth of a scrawny man who was there giving them a feast. He called to a scruffy group of vagabond buddies off in another clearing.

"Hey, guys. Check this out!" he whispered hoarsely. He was immediately joined by the rest of his entourage who also gawked at the comely picture of the girl bathing in the moonlight.

"Ho, ho, what a lovely!" said the ringleader, a squat, powerfully built man with a swarthy complexion. "And she's all alone! Let's go!"

They all crept stealthily to the pool as Kaoru was immersing herself to rinse the soap from her luxuriant hair. When she resurfaced, the four men grinned lustfully at her, their eyes raking over her barely revealed curves as the wet undergarments were pasted to her body. She gasped in surprise and rising fear, her eyes like saucers.

"Don't be afraid, little girl! We just want to be friends," the voyeur said coaxingly, his cracked teeth bared in the hideous semblance of a smile as he and his friends formed a semi-circle at the pool's edge.

"H-hentai! D-don't you come near me," Kaoru stammered as she tried to cover herself with her hands. Mou, of all the times to be without her bokken!

The ringleader came forward boldly as he leered, "A real little spitfire, eh? Well, me and my friends were just wondering what we could do for fun. Looks like now we know." He came closer as Kaoru backed fearfully away. . . .

Meanwhile, worried about her safety, Kenshin had decided to take a walk to the pool to see what was keeping Kaoru when he saw the group of thugs surrounding her in the pool. His eyes narrowed as fury began coursing through him like molten lava and his hand immediately grabbed the hilt of his sword. He made his way to the pool with all his assassin's stealth and overheard the exchange. . . .

"D-don't come any closer!" Kaoru warned in a wavering voice as both the man who had watched her and the ringleader entered the pool to flank her. They both grabbed her as the rest watched eagerly and were stopped by the unmistakable sound of a steel blade leaving its scabbard as it was drawn.

"If you value your life you'll take your filthy hands off her now!" Kenshin ordered in a guttural growl as the former hitokiri stepped into view.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru cried.

The ringleader laughed as he saw the diminutive samurai glowering at them. "And what have we here, a mouse playing at being a man?" He released Kaoru and came out of the water to face the livid swordsman.

"You're brave little man but nobody tells Nambu Benjiro, feared by even the yakuza what he can or cannot do and he intends to have this lovely bird for himself."

"You speak of yourself in the third person like you are someone to be revered." Kenshin said flatly as he resheathed his sword and faced the man with his visage void of expression save the simmering anger in his eyes, narrowed, amber, and glowing. "But all I see here is a loathsome creature who preys on those weaker than himself and even lower, one who seeks to defile an innocent girl. For that alone you are the vilest form of vermin so prepare yourself for death." He readied himself for the fight, intending to flip the blade and stain it with blood for the first time.

"No, Kenshin," Kaoru said urgently. "Never mind me, no matter what, you mustn't kill!"

Nambu grinned at her as he reached a grimy paw to caress her ivory cheek as she shuddered in revulsion. "Don't worry about me pretty bird, worry instead for your wannabe savior because after we have our fun I'm going to break him in two." He sent a signal to his minions who advanced toward the swordsman menacingly with their own swords drawn.

Kenshin's eyes narrowed to slits as he watched the thug fondle his love. "You're not fit for her to walk on you black hearted bastard, I told you to get your filthy hands off her and I mean it or I'll slice you to ribbons!"

Nambu's ferret eyes narrowed at the insult as he spat, "Tough talk from one so tiny. Perhaps you think I'm affected by your brave words, but I'm not. I will not be denied my fun for the evening. Boys, take care of him now!"

"Kenshin, NO!" Kaoru screamed, squeezing her eyes closed.

The group advanced with a cry as their leader sought to claim his prize. His action sealed his fate however as he reached a bold hand over to grasp Kaoru's bosom. She recoiled and screamed and there was a blur where Kenshin once stood.

"HYAHHH!" A cry not unlike a feral animal was uttered as Kenshin leapt up and with his godlike speed and descended wielding his sakabatou. But he had heard Kaoru's scream and saw her close her eyes to avoid the carnage she was sure was about to commence so he made a decision in that split second and he did not flip the blade as he drew it out.

"Hiten Mitsurugi style, RYU SHOU SEN!"

He struck the beefy Nambu at the neck, sending him flying with a spray of water. The once boastful ringleader was now sprawled on his back in a state of unconsciousness, but alive. The other members were dumbstruck by what they had seen and ceased their own attack as they watched the spectacle before them with disbelief. He then whirled on the terrified voyeur who also watched as Kenshin waylaid the tough Nambu.

"Remove your hands from her or I'll usher you into the afterlife on the tip of my sword." Kenshin barked, his patience thin. "Now!"

"Y-yes sir."

The man needed no further prompting and he released Kaoru as she splashed through the water and to Kenshin's side. He resheathed his sword and retrieved her kimono from the branch she had hung it on, wrapped it around her as he held her securely against his side then pushed her gently aside as he crouched and reached for the sword again. He then glared at the group of vagabonds that had frozen into place when he struck down their leader as he got into a batoujitsou stance, ready for battle.

One of the other men stared at Kenshin and recognition lit in his eyes. "The batoujitsou! Red hair and a cross-shaped scar! You're the legendary Battousai!" he squeaked as fright flooded his face. The other two murmured the feared name in petrified reverence.

"F-forgive us, Battousai. We had no idea she was your woman. Please spare us." Their bravado gone, the men cowered and the voyeur was pleading on his knees as Kenshin straightened up and pulled Kaoru to him again.

"I suggest you gather your leader up and retreat as quickly as you can. If you don't I can promise that I will act without mercy. Anyone who dares to attempt to take what is mine will get their ride on the river Styx, courtesy of my blade. Now go." His tone brooked no disobedience.

"Yes, t-thank you, Battousai." They lifted the still unconscious Nambu and like rats scurried back into the dark woods, disappearing the same way they came. Kaoru shivered against Kenshin as she slumped in relief.

He tightened his arms around her as he asked softly, "Are you all right, Kaoru? Did they hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No I'm fine. You came just in time, as always." She gazed into his warm violet eyes, her own glistening with a sheen of unshed tears.

He smiled tenderly at her. "I promised I would always protect you to my dying breath and that is what I will do, that I most certainly will." He scooped her up and carried her through the brush, back to their campsite.

Later, after eating a bit of dinner Kaoru had become drowsy, so Kenshin insisted that she rest and she laid down in one of the bedrolls, the excitement earlier having caught up to her. Her eyes closed the minute she laid her head on her arms and in such a position she resembled a slumbering child, her breathing soft and untroubled.

Kenshin sat near her with his back to a tree and his sakabatou resting on his shoulder as he studied her in the moonlight, his eyes soft but sad as he reflected on what had almost happened before. The crystalline pool that had been the place of her bath nearly became stained with blood. Granted the men who tried to harm her probably deserved to die, they were the dregs of society but still they were human lives and being so they had value. But as the time before when Jin-eh Ud-oh took her and paralyzed her with the Shin No Ippou, seeing Kaoru in mortal danger once again unleashed the Battousai in him that lurked just below the surface he had so carefully wrought of a peaceful rurouni.

He sighed heavily as Hiko's words to him when he had learned the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki echoed in his head. . . .

"Live on Kenshin. Take value in life. Only then will you learn to use the Amakakeru Ryu No Hirameki and not revert to the manslayer within."

I do Shishou. I do take value in life and preserving it even in those who are evil and deserve death. And I will do all in my power to protect the weak and vanquish those who would hurt or manipulate to further their own evil designs in this peaceful era. It's the only way I can truly atone for those lives I snuffed out with my own hands.

But I can't help the tendency in me to go back to being that hitokiri when Kaoru's involved and she's in danger. She possesses my heart as surely as the sun possesses the noontime sky or the moon the night. The sight of her in danger sends fury surging through me like nothing else. Tonight, when I saw those scum holding and threatening her, I truly wanted to kill those men and even wished my sakabatou was a katana. I felt the old feeling of bloodlust as I did with Jin-eh. But, once again, it was Kaoru who brought me back to sanity at risk of her own life, to save me from myself.

He then gazed at the girl sleeping peacefully beside him as the moonlight danced on her raven tresses and he was dazzled, as he was the day he first laid eyes on her. He reached down and lovingly brushed her bangs back as he whispered to her slumbering form.

"Only you koishii, have the power to bring me into then bring me back from the brink of madness that is the Battousai inside me." He leaned back against the tree trunk and closed his eyes as he too surrendered to sleep.

A/N: *the Japanese word for "cholera" is literally translated into "turn over" an eerie bit of imagery of how people turned over as the disease claimed their lives.

NEXT—THE SADNESS OF SHIMABARA