"Why are you smiling like that? You got a boyfriend or something?"

The second the lunch bell rang, Mami was accosted by her stupid friend Sayaka. Sayaka was a dumb bitch, and she was always horny. Her parents raised her wrong, so she never learned how to stay in her lane. So, she always wound up shoving her ugly face into other people's business.

"No, I don't have a boyfriend," Mami replied, truthfully. Dio was no mere boyfriend, Dio was her manfriend.

"Yeah, well, it's creepy, so stop smiling like that."

"Well," Mami explained, "the only reason I'm smiling so much is because I spent most of this morning and last night making this angry glaring face. When I left to go to school this morning, I realized that my facial structure had begin to change due to all the frowning, so I'm trying to balance it out again."

Sayaka nodded, pretending to understand. Secretly, she thought Mami was a complete moron for frowning so much, and hoped that she would continue to destroy her face by doing stupid things. One day, Sayaka hoped, Mami would bust her face up so much that she would no longer be the most beautiful girl in school. Then, Sayaka would be the de facto pretty one, and she would fuck all the hot boys. Sayaka was such a slutty asshole.

"...say, Mami, have you heard about the new transfer student who showed up at our school today?" Sahara asked.

"No, I haven't heard about the new transfer student who showed up at our school today." Mami answered.

"They say he's a hunk," Sahasrala explained.

"Uh oh," Mami said, feeling a creeping dread in the back of her head.

"They say he's got a six pack," Squadilla explained.

"No, no," Mami murmured.

"They say he's got the moist luscious blonde hair," Samantha continued, her hand creeping towards her crotch, "moist like it was thrown up into a sink recently."

Mami knew.

"They say..." Samsara paused for dramatic effect, "that he's... COMING TOWARDS US RIGHT NOW."

Sawano-sensei pointed, and Mami saw that it was true. Dio, an enormous hulking mass of muscle and sexiness, was packed into an itty-bitty school uniform, which struggled to stay buttoned and revealed his rumored six pack. The most terrifying part, was that Dio was zooming towards them at superhuman speed- As he dashed, his feet a blur, he left a muddy trail of destruction in his wake. Mami screamed, and ducked to the ground, holding her hands over her head. Sayaka didn't, and Dio took advantage of this, and shot right at her neck like a bullet.

There was a brutal, gory sound of flesh tearing, and Mami looked up to a horror scene. Dio shoved Sayaka's head with such force that it was almost ejected from her neck- He had done it at an angle where the one bone in her neck and her skull bone didn't break or anything, they just seperated. All that held her head to her body was her carotene artery. Her head rolled around limply, connected only by this juicy strap, but then it began to roll around less limply and more fastly, until it was rotating at ungodly speeds.

Sayaka's body began to rise, as her rapidly rotating head made for a greatly aerodynamic propeller. Mami screamed again, louder this time.

"Don't worry!" Dio said, "I've got this, Mami-chan!"

Dio lept up into the air, and unzipped his bookbag. He pulled out his pencil case, and opened it. From his pencil case, he retrieved a pair of scissors, which he used to cut the kerosene artery. As her head shot off into the stars, Dio reached into her neck and pulled out a gun. Then, he dropped the rest of her body to the ground.

Dio put his scissors back in his pencil case, which he put back into his backpack, before landing on the ground.

"...but why?" asked Mami.

"I just saved you! She was planning to kill you to death, and then hide your body in the ground by burying it. First I destroyed the ground by running, so she couldn't bury you. Then, I stole her gun, so she couldn't kill you!"

Mami flushed- He was so dashing and dreamy...

Just then, Madoka, who had pink hair and used to be Sayaka's best friend, was walking down the street and saw Sayaka's body.

"Noooooo!" she screamed. "Why?"

Madoka fell to the ground and sobbed bitterly.

"It's okay..." Mami consoled her, "Sayaka was a bad friend and an even worse human being."

"You're right," Madoka said weakly, as she smiled and wiped away her tears. "Do you want to be my new best friend?"

"Okay," said Mami.

Sahara, Sahasrala, Squadilla, Samantha and Dio all said """""Awwwe, how cute!""""

Mami hugged Madoka, and thought about Dio. He bought her sour cream and even killed her friend... Maybe he wasn't so bad after all?