As always thank you to everyone who took the time to review , I hope i didn't miss any of you out!
I'm more nervous about this Chapter than any other so far , so i hope its liked and I haven't messed anything up.
I Remember
All alone in the house Sookie hadn't moved in nearly two hours, when with the sun dropping in the sky she had taken her place at the kitchen table. She rubbed her palms, and tapped her fingers on the smooth wood, anything to keep them from reaching for what was holding her entire focus. The cell phone Pam had given her nearly twenty four hours ago, which sat mocking her from where it had settled after Sookie had shoved it away in frustration.
After returning from Adele's last night she had spent the hours of darkness staring at the screen, nerveless fingers hovering, as her brain warred with her heart. She had discovered it was one thing to know you were going to make a call, another entirely to actually bite the bullet and do it. Finally just before dawn, exhausted she had fallen asleep with it there still clutched in her hand, and it had barely left her sight since.
Throughout her shift at Adele's it had found a home in her back pocket, and she hadn't been able to think of little else. After many wrong orders, and a failed attempt at paper work she had ended up folding herself into her favourite armchair in the shop, hidden away in a corner between book shelves with one of Eric's own books balanced on her knees. Her restless fingers finding activity in running along the pages, imagining she was tracing the paths his fingers had taken at one time or another. To know she was so close to Eric, to hearing his voice for the first time since he had left the hospital room and her life all those years ago, it terrified, and enthralled her all at the same time. The feelings even more so unnerving because it had been so long since her heart had beaten this way, or her stomach had tied itself in knots. To admit it, felt as if she was betraying Sam, but for the first time in years Sookie felt truly alive.
What made it so difficult to actually do, was the certainty once she made this call; whatever the outcome, all the emotions she had tried so hard to contain in that box in her mind would never quite be contained again, there would be no going back.
Then she would argue with herself that that was the whole point of all of this. She had gone against her husband's wishes in offering to help Pam, and Richard in part to heal herself. To right her past mistakes, and there was no doing that without talking to the Vampire who had helped in making the Viking shaped sized hole in her heart. This Sookie hoped would stop the memory of him haunting her as he did, lay all the regrets and what if's to rest.
A knock at the front door had her shooting back from the table, so lost in the private stand-off she was having with the cell phone she hadn't heard in either sense someone approaching. Sookie reached out and snatched the cell phone from the table at the same time as she threw open her mind. It was a mixture of relief and irritation that filled her when she realised it was Bill. She had left a voicemail for him to stop by at some point in the next few days; she hadn't expected him to do so tonight.
They needed to have this talk though, there was no putting it off, not when Christopher was involved. Pam was right they would never get along, and over the years she was guilty of overlooking their run ins, but she suspected the older Christopher became it wouldn't be long before the battle of words become physical. Christopher had come close last night to turning it in to one, and though she could understand the impulse after what Bill had said to him, she couldn't allow it to happen. Nor was she blind to her own son's faults, but he was young and Bill should know better than to allow himself to be riled that way.
"Good evening Sookie,"
"Bill, please come in."
Sookie watched as he took the first tentative step when he crossed the threshold of her home, her invite releasing him from the magic that kept him from entering on his own accord. It wasn't personal, she knew he understood why the only Vampire with an open invitation to her home was Pam, and Eric that oh so familiar voice in her head whispered. As Pam's maker he had that right, the same way Ocella had had access to her home because of Eric, however never once even throughout the early years, and all her turbulent emotions had she allowed that to sway her decision in any way.
"Blood?"
Sookie offered, and at his nod went and retrieved one from the fridge, not forgetting to check the seal was unbroken before she broke it herself, and popped it into the microwave. When she offered it to him she watched as Bill took a wary sniff before he drank. It was the routine they both followed whenever he came over, the same way she would resend his invitation to her home the moment he crossed back over the threshold. Whilst she waited for him to place the bottle back on the table, Sookie lent forward resting her arms on her knees, her mind and attention drifting back away from the problem at hand, and towards the problem that right now was somewhere in Oklahoma serving his Queen.
"You seem preoccupied, is everything okay? Is this about Sam?" Bill was the first to speak, as she tried to turn her brain off from Eric, and to the Vampire that had once preceded him in her affections.
"Sam? What about him?"
"I was in Merlotte's last night; he came into the bar with some bags… It caused some talk."
"He's…"
Sookie wasn't sure how to explain what the exact state of her marriage was, or if it was really anyone else's business, but she had to say something.
"We are having a trial separation of sorts whilst we sort through a few things… You know it hasn't been quite right between us for a long time now..."
"I know he isn't happy with your involvement with our new King, he made that clear enough when he told me I should know better than allowing Pam to drag you back into our politics."
"Pam didn't drag me into anything; you both should know me better than to think she or anyone else could make me do anything I didn't want too…"
Sookie suddenly remembered Pam's suggestion from last night about appearing to enjoy Richard's company, and knew she couldn't tell Bill what she would have to tell Sam. Therefore if she was going to go along with their plan, then she needed to lay some groundwork now for Bill to even consider the possibility of it.
"I like him more than I ever did Felipe or even Sophie-Anne, Richard that is… He's …"
Sookie tried to find a way of putting it so that it would sound sincere. It was sincere in a way she supposed, as just after talking to him for a few minutes at Adele's he had appealed to her in a way a Vampire hadn't in a long time.
"I expected you to, I understand you well enough to anticipate your reactions to different people. I know you won't want to hear this, but he shares with you the very same things that drew you initially to Eric. They both share that vitality, and zest for life that makes you who you are…"
Sookie found herself frowning as she went back over what he had said, yet straight away she could see he was right. She had thought more than once since meeting Richard that there was something about him that reminded her of Eric, however she had been too involved with everything else going on to put her finger on exactly what it was.
"I'm sorry Sookie, I know I shouldn't have brought the past up,"
Bill filled in the silence and with a shake of her head Sookie waved his apology away.
"No its fine, but this wasn't why I asked you to come over. I wanted to talk to you about Christopher, about what happened the last night."
She watched understanding dawn in his eyes, and the bottle of blood that had been half way to his lips returned to the table in front of him.
"You were here…"
"Of course I was and if you had taken a second to think, instead of allowing a seventeen year old boy to get the better of your temper, then you would have known what he was doing. I don't want to fall out with you Bill, but I can't and won't have you talking to my child like that…"
"Sookie he is hardly a boy or a child for that matter."
"He is my child though. You should know better at your age Bill than to talk like that to him… What do you think this does to our friendship?"
"Sookie..."
"What if you had really lost your temper and you hadn't had the sense to walk away? And then the way you used me to hurt him, to try and tear his confidence down…"
"You are being dramatic now, you know I would never attack your son Sookie, you mean too much to me. Do you doubt my loyalty to you?"
"To me no, but I know you care nothing for him, and his welfare is, and always will be my main priority."
"You have put too much weight on what I said to him. But if we are going to be blunt then I mean no disrespect, but Christopher has more Fairy traits then I think you realise or care to admit. He will draw nothing but trouble to you as he becomes older unless you put your foot down now."
"Count this as me putting my foot down, I have told Christopher this whole thing between you has to stop and now I am warning you…"
"Warning me Sookie, have we really come to this?"
Sookie wasn't completely sure what was fuelling all the anger that was building in her chest. Though she knew Bill talking about Christopher like this would have always lit alight the protective instinct inside her, she was sure tiredness, and all her swirling emotions concerning Eric and Sam was sending her way past the point she had expected this conversation to reach.
"When it concerns my son then yes we have. If I ever hear you talk that way about him or to him again then you will no longer be welcome here, or anywhere that I am is that clear?"
"I understand."
Bill's voice was colder than she had heard it in years, anger blazed in his face but she knew there was nothing to fear from him even as he rose to his feet. It wasn't just the years of history between them, but also the fact Bill knew better than anyone the power she could wield against him.
"I never meant to cause offence Sookie; you know how much I care about you, and I'd like to remind you that I was never the one to start these hostilities with your son."
His voice still frosty, the anger had left him by the time she had followed him towards the door and he had turned to face her.
"No, but you haven't helped them to stop either. You could have if you had wanted too, you could have discussed the past with him, explained it from your point of view, but all he heard was mine and I think he feels I am making excuses for you because we are friends,"
"Our history shouldn't be his concern."
"I'm his Mom; of course he sees it as his concern… Is it because he's Sam's, is that why you dislike him so much?"
Sookie asked voicing the reasoning Pam had explained to her the night before, and the truth was there when he avoided her gaze even though he denied it immediately.
"No of course not..."
"Bill…"
Sookie started but trailed off in distraction as she recognised the void that Vampire brains made in her mind. There was no mistaking that shade of scarlet or the way it called out to her.
"We have company, but this discussion isn't over."
"Who is it?" Bill demanded instantly on alert, only to drop into a low bow moments later as Richard appeared on her porch.
"Miss Stackhouse, don't you look delightful this evening."
Sookie nodded her head in greeting not dropping into a bow like Bill, and found she couldn't help but return the warm grin that was playing around his lips.
"I wondered whether I had exaggerated your beauty but again you surprise me,"
His green gaze travelled up and over her till they met hers, and Sookie raised an eyebrow in perfect imitation of Pam as she looked down at her bare feet, up past the old jeans and t shirt she was wearing. She saw the answering amusement at her gesture, before it dropped as he turned to Bill who had finally straightened.
"Mr Compton, I wasn't expecting to find you here, I thought you had a meeting with your Sheriff this evening?"
"I stopped by at Sookie's request but I am on my way now your majesty,"
Bill turned to her holding out his hand and she knew he meant it as a sign of apology, usually he would have pressed a kiss to her cheek, but he was reading her well enough to know it wouldn't be welcome, she took it but let go quickly.
"Goodnight Bill,"
"Goodnight Sookie,"
The moment he was gone Richard sat down on the porch steps, patting the wood beside him with an inviting smile. With any another Vampire she knew so little, she would have been more on her guard, maybe it was Pam's reassurance, or knowing his connection to Eric, but somehow she felt as if she already knew the Vampire beside her.
"Your son is a bone of contention for your former flame,"
Sookie wondered just how much he had heard before she had sensed his presence; something else though caught her attention and demanded correction.
"The former sounds a little too recent for how long our relationship has been over for, "
"I think Mr Compton would very much like it to be in the present tense."
"That won't ever happen, Bill knows that and I am married if you haven't forgotten."
"I hadn't forgotten, it just seems to me I am surrounded by unhappy marriages at the moment, and I feel an immediate desire to fix them."
Turning her head Sookie glared into the glinting green eyes, and though she wanted to be angry at him, and should be angry, she found she couldn't quite put that force into her voice.
"And there was me wondering why Pam would spend so much time on how she would want to end you… I get it now completely!"
"No, you told me you were sure it was an act?"
"I was wrong. Maybe I should write a list and compare notes with her."
"If you promise to bring more creativity into it, I may allow you to play our game." His lips had lifted into a wide smile, and she knew any malice that had slipped into her words had bounced right off of him.
"So what brought you by here tonight?"
"Apart from the thought of more time in your lovely company you mean?"
"Yes apart from that."
"Pam informs me she has told you of our plans for my party. I thought it would be better if we got to know each other before then, so we can put on a convincing show. I will be in the area for a week or so, I'd like to spend some time with you."
"And be seen with me by the Vampires of Area Five?"
"Yes,"
"I hadn't agreed to this yet, I'll need to talk to Sam first," Sookie murmured the dread at even the thought of that conversation with her husband causing her to shiver.
"You are cold? I would offer to come in but Pam forbade me,"
"Forbade you?"
"I pissed her off. She doesn't appreciate me 'playing' King, or making her bow to me in front of her underlings, and apparently I make a pig sty of her home whenever I am there."
"I wouldn't think you would listen to anything anyone told you to do?"
"Usually I don't, but sometimes I like to let her think she has control over me, it will make her smug and when I next ignore her completely it will frustrate her even more."
Sookie shook her head as she laughed; she had a very fair idea that spending a lot of time in Richard's company would be exhausting. To turn the conversation back around to what they had been discussing Sookie laid down a rule that had played on her mind whenever her thoughts had strayed from Eric and to this.
"I won't have any of your blood."
"I value my life too well to even suggest that! It would be a race to see who could take my head from my shoulders first, his child or her maker,"
Though he played with his words there was no hiding his meaning, and Sookie let out a relieved breath as she stated her next condition.
"And you won't have mine. Not unless it is absolutely necessary to convince Fre… the other Monarchs that this, between us is real."
As she waved a hand between them to emphasise her point, Richard caught hold of it and brought it to his lips.
"You have my word. Am I right to assume you haven't made that phone call yet?"
"I am going to…"
"I doubt you are interested in my opinion, but for what it's worth I believe to call now, and talk to our mutual friend will be easier than saving everything up for when you first have chance to speak face to face."
"You think?"
"Yes that is one reason I suggested it. When he is free from Freyda, and the immediate danger has passed, then you will find it is time for anger and old resentments to surface. This way, the novelty of speaking to each other will save you both from that, so you can discuss what's needed to help us all, there is a lot at risk to this game we are playing you understand? Not just Eric's freedom but his very existence too … "
It was strange to see him so serious, all playfulness wiped from his face, the green eyes dark with intensity, and Sookie found she couldn't hold his gaze.
"I know,"
"There is a lot of anger, isn't there?"
"From Eric?"
"No Miss Stackhouse from you. Fear too, at first I thought what you feared was Eric's return, and then in your office I realised what you feared was what Eric's return would force you to face about yourself ,"
Sookie quickly looked back up at him wondering how someone who knew so little about her could seemingly read her so well. He met her questioning stare with a shrug of his shoulders, as he pushed himself up to stand in front of her.
"Before we met I pushed for him to ask for your help, he refused at every turn. I questioned your loyalty more than once, and yet that was another point he never wavered on… Even though he was unsure of how you would welcome his return, especially after how the relationship between you both ended, but he was certain in one thing, and that was who you are…"
"I don't know what you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything to me, its Eric I want you to talk too."
"Message received."
"Good, and then tomorrow talk to your Shifter, as I would like to take you out, and don't fancy any angry dogs nipping at my heels."
He was gone before she could think of a suitable retort and now alone Sookie realised it was now or never. She settled on her bed, wanting the privacy her bedroom offered in case any more visitors turned up at her door.
"Leif…"
She breathed, and the number she already knew off by heart flashed on the screen. All she had to do was say one more word, or use her shaking finger to slide over the call button. Her heart beating hard in her chest Sookie battled against her own self, warring with that part of her that wanted to still hide, hide from Eric, from their past. Richard was right she was scared of what this would mean for her life, for Sam, she knew how he would feel if he had any idea she was about to make this call, the betrayal he would see it as. Before she could swing back and forth anymore, she forced her finger to move.
"I am here,"
The sound of his voice sucked the breath from her body, and for a moment she had to fight the urge to childishly end the call, and pretend she had never made it. With a hefty mental slap to herself Sookie took a gulp of air, and the words that slipped out of her mouth weren't anything that she had expected. Apparently her brain had decided in this moment of stress to rely on a script already written.
"And I am here…"
Sookie wondered if the very same memory had struck him, whether he was remembering the night not long after they had returned from Dallas when she had asked him to accompany her to a human orgy. He had called her that night his little bullet sucker, and Sookie knew if she was to look in the shoe box inside her closet she would find the very same bullet she had sucked from him, wrapped in the torn piece of his shirt.
Whatever Eric was thinking, it caused his voice to deepen, and she was sure it was amusement that laced his words with a silkier tone than she had expected to hear tonight.
"So you are… Hello Sookie."
She had been terrified of facing his coldness; she deserved it she knew that, she had had twenty five years of learning, understanding and seeing clearly all the mistakes she had made. For so long she had blamed him, but there were only so many nights denial could keep you warm before cold hard reality set in.
"Pam said it would be okay for me to call, if it's not a good time then…"
"Now is fine. How you are this evening?"
"I'm good; I mean this isn't awkward at all …"
This earned her the reward of the a deep rich chuckle, a sound so heartbreakingly familiar it caused her heart to ache with the longing for him. The frazzled ends of the bond she had sworn before still called out to him seemed to make her whole body shiver, and for a second she was sure he had felt that pulse too. When he next spoke he seemed shocked, his voice taking on a more formal note in what she thought was a defensive mechanism.
"I'm sure you can survive it a little longer so I can thank you for the assistance you have offered to my child, that wasn't what we expected, and neither did we wish to cause problems in your personal life. "
"I know, I want to help Eric I mean that…"
Sookie insisted with the sudden fear he might refuse her altogether. Had Pam and Richard got the whole situation wrong, and this call was Eric's way of telling her that they didn't need her attempts now when she had turned her back on him once before.
"Because it will please Pam, and she is your friend. That is what you told her after all wasn't it Sookie?"
She could lie she knew that, but Eric had always had an unnerving sense of knowing when she was. It seemed he hadn't brought her reasoning any more than Pam had.
"Yes, "
Sookie started before taking a deep breath, and what came out next was little more than a whisper as she dropped her head back against the pillows.
"And for you."
"Why now?"
She wasn't sure why he was pushing her, somehow this felt like a test, whether he seeing if she really wanted to help or it was just empty words and she couldn't be mad at him for that. There had been a lot of them in the past, not just from her but it seemed that was where he was starting.
"I need too; can we just leave it at that, please? I didn't ring to argue and I have a feeling we might end up there if you keep pushing."
"You are right; neither do I want to fight, not with you, not tonight at least… What would you like to talk about Sookie?"
"Not the past, not like this…"
"No, that is one conversation we shall have face to face, at a time when you do not have the power to end the call,"
"You don't have this number,"
"No," He didn't sound happy at all, but she found instead of enjoying that power she wanted to reassure him.
"I wouldn't have hung up on you Eric even if you had,"
"I do not want you to even have the option too. We wasted too much time in the past with that practise; I'm assuming I was the only one to receive a list of appropriate conversational topics from Pam, should I just start from the top?"
Sookie couldn't help but laugh, her heart that little lighter knowing the deeper subjects, the most painful ones were off the table for tonight, but she knew without a doubt that he meant what he had said. It was a conversation they would have, and unlike before he would not let her dictate when.
"Go on."
"Adele's, your spin on a coffee shop is top of the list. I believe that was named after your Grandmother? In fact some of my own library grace your shelves do they not?"
"It is yes, Ravens was always more Pam's baby, and though I enjoyed it I wanted something more of my own, a new challenge really."
Sookie found her nerves settling further as she talked.
"The smell of the books it hits you as you walk in even over the smell of the coffee and food. I love being there even when I'm not working… Your books however I put on the top shelves, I didn't think you would appreciate them being manhandled so much, "
"It depends who was doing the man handling," He teased, his voice becoming deeper bringing with it a blush to her cheeks.
"I doubt sexual innuendo was on the list," She managed to get out past the lump in her throat, the memories of the nights they had spent together in this very room suddenly flooding her brain.
"Number two actually, it states only when the opportunity arises and rise it does when you are concerned. Remember it was my pleasure loving child who wrote this."
"Number three?"
"Tell me about your day?"
"Is that on the list?"
"No, but it is one thing I have found I have missed. Humour me Sookie,"
"I was at Adele's, though I wasn't much use to anyone, then Bill came by this evening, we were having a disagreement before Richard arrived."
"You and Bill are on the outs? Pam has filled me in on your son's hobby of tormenting him …"
"Does Pam tell you a lot?"
"Not as much as I would have liked. She found herself over the years torn between what I want to know, and what she knows you wouldn't want me too."
"You once told me she was a better friend to me than I knew, but I do know now."
"I am glad. Your friendship has brought her much comfort, although she would never admit that herself. Tell me what did Bill do to upset you?"
"He said something's to Christopher that I wouldn't expect from him. I know Chris makes it hard, but there is a line and Bill crossed it… There is a way to be firm, without being cruel."
"Your son he knows your history with Bill, is that where the root of his resentment stems from?"
"I think so, and he feels Bill hangs about too much."
"Bill is handy for your safety, but you only have to ask and Richard will find something to occupy him in New Orleans for a while. You can trust him Sookie I assure you of that."
"That's what Pam has told me; he has had your blood hasn't he?"
"I wondered if you would see that link before you met him, it's fascinating how you can sense something that happened only once centuries ago…"
"But that's why he's helping you now?"
"Yes. It is not my story to tell however when he knows you better he may choose to do so himself. My blood shows as red to you does it not?"
"Shades of red yes. Richard is different, he has his own unique void but around it is a Scarlett that…"
Sookie was about to say calls out to her, but she wasn't sure that would sound appropriate for the neutral conversation they had fallen in to.
"Seems stronger to me, it hits me first… "
"Since Pam told me of the transformation of your powers I have wondered how I would appear, colours have meanings after all… The burgundy you sense for Pam it is more sophisticated, and less vigorous than true red. It is believed by some to indicate a more disciplined power, determined ambition, and dignified action. Maroon on the other hand denotes controlled and more thoughtful action…"
Sookie listened fascinated at his explanation and wondered why she had never done what Eric had obviously taken the time too. Was it that she didn't want to look too deep, scared to see what she might find or more because any thought of Eric had been for so long a dangerous one.
Even if she had wanted too she would have found it impossible to interrupt him. To just listen to his voice, hear the slight accent peeking through was more of a pleasure than she had ever anticipated.
"I find they describe my children well, and how you see Richard also matches his personality. Scarlet indicates enthusiasm, and a love of life. It is a little less intense and more fun-loving than true red, and tempered with a degree of defiance."
"But will you demand to know if you are unique like Pam has?"
"I will be unique to you there is no doubts in my mind to that, I also believe I will not appear to you as a true red as Pam assumes,"
"You don't?" Sookie realised on some level that she had assumed the same as Pam,
"No, but we shall see maybe I will be proved wrong, it is after all your own perception… I hope this remains not common knowledge?"
"Only three Vampires, Pam, Bill and you …"
"That is good, the less known about you the better. Pam has told you of our upcoming meeting in New Orleans?"
"She told me yesterday; she suggested I act as if I enjoy Richards company,"
"And you do not?"
"He reminds me of you…I mean it's hard not to like him."
"Like when we first met, you feel the pull to him as you did me?"
"Not in that way. I think he could be a friend…"
"That would be a wise decision,"
"He wants us to been seen together this week, for word to get around, that he is spending a lot of time with me, "
"And the Shifter, how will he feel about that?"
"That's complicated at best at the moment, and we can't talk about Sam…"
"If it was anyone but Richard I would not let this be asked of you, after all I didn't want you involved in this Sookie. I wanted you to have the peace you so strenuously desired, but you needed to know what we were going to do so you could protect yourself accordingly,"
"I think my best bet at that is with you here than anyone else. Who knows if Felipe would have kept his word when he found out that I wasn't just a plain old human with a few telepath perks anymore,"
"You were never just a plain human Sookie, or are you fishing for compliments?"
"No," Sookie said quickly , though she couldn't help but wonder what he would have said if she was.
"I will give you security, I will guarantee yours and your family safety but you and I…"
"Eric …"
"All I was going to say was that you and I have a history of not bringing peace to each other's lives. Apart from the four nights under the witches spell I spent under your roof, I have not known peace since you walked in to Fangtasia …"
"So New Orleans?" Sookie changed the subject quickly unable to bear hearing what he might have to say of the trouble she had brought him, to hear how he still blamed her for so much.
"I will be there with Freyda as her consort; you understand what that means? I cannot approach you without her consent; I cannot show what it means to see you, not in the way I would like to…"
"I know…"
"You say that Sookie, but I need this not to be like when I tried to warn you about what was to happen and …"
Unconsciously Sookie rubbed her left forearm and felt the opening of the secret place inside her heart she had locked away all the memories of that one night, the pain, the anger, the regrets. She closed her eyes tight, her fingers digging into the same place the knife had. The words echoing in her head
'This is yours no longer,'
"Sookie!"
Eric's voice brought her back to the present with a jump, as she forced all her will on shutting the flow off before she could speak again. There was frustration in every letter of her name, and she was sure he had thought she had ended the call.
"I understand. It will be as if we don't know each other."
"No, Freyda will expect some initial reaction to being in each other's presence again, that neither of us will have to fake… "
"I assume she knows that I have not aged, that I am more than what I was,"
"Yes, despite your best efforts there have been whisperings among the supernatural community for many years. You prevented a lot with the alterations you made to how you are seen by the humans of your town; however there was nothing to stop it all together. From the Area meeting you attended your magic was sensed, no one however has learnt of your true abilities,"
"And she knows you know, so she won't be looking for shock on your part?"
"Your unusual friendship with my children is well known throughout our world, and Freyda knows I have contact with both Karin and Pam so she would expect me to know yes. She however believes I am loyal to her, that I have come to see how advantageous this match was for me …"
"And have you?" Sookie's voice was merely an involuntary whisper but she knew he would hear
"How could you ask that of me Sookie, you of all people? Everything and everyone that mattered to me, that I held dear was taken from me. My wife, my children, my businesses, my position, my independence… I lost it all, everything I had worked for… I cannot forget that, neither can I forgive… I was sold to her; she has got much of what the witches wanted from me. She has my body at her disposal, my sexual services, my power behind her; but she does not have me…"
Sookie winced at the wife part, remembering the accusation he had thrown at her the night of their divorce. How she had not honoured their marriage, trusted in his love, but what hurt more than the memory was the loneliness that shone through every word he spoke.
"Do not pity me Sookie that is not what I desire from you… "
"I don't, I just I don't think ..."
How could she explain that she had never really considered apart from all too briefly just what he had lost, that in her own anger and pain she had been so incredibly selfish
"This is why I have to help can't you see? You protected me, even afterwards but I never …" Sookie trailed off as suddenly she found she didn't have a voice to explain, but as he always had Eric had understood her.
"Our revenge will be all the sweeter for what we have suffered I promise you that... We should perhaps leave this however for another night, Pam would be angry if we strayed from her list too far after all... As I was saying in New Orleans we must both act like how you did that night in Fangtasia, how you held your head high, so dignified even when I knew you wanted to run that knife through at least one of us . I need you to be the brave Sookie I have always known, we act that we are better off apart, that you are angry with me, and have found your life is better without my presence ...That shouldn't be too hard, I know you Sookie …"
"I am angry, like you said there is a lot left unsaid but ..."
Sookie wondered for a moment what was making her so open and then she realised why. Apart from Pam she had no one that she could talk to this way, that accepted her differences, embraced them and valued everything that separated her from everyone even her own husband. This was a man who had once truly loved her, she understood that now. Maybe even believed it even if it was too little too late. Though she couldn't see anyway back for them, she was willing to accept she wanted him back in her life, having a life he wanted not one chosen for him.
"I had forgotten how much I enjoyed speaking to you, apart from Pam I don't really have anyone I can talk to like this..."
"For two people who enjoy talking to each other so much, it is a shame we did not do more of it when it was most needed ..."
"That was just one of the problems and as much as I regret what happened to you, how we had no choice, to regret everything would mean not having Christopher and I can't imagine a life now without him. The day he was born I thought of you, of what had happened and I swore that no one would take what I loved from me again, it made me accept who I was to a degree I never had before,"
"The way Pam has spoken of him and even Karin, I hope to meet him one day,"
"Even if he tries to torment you as he does Bill?"
"His mother has done it for so long I would expect nothing less from her son,"
Sookie found she was yawning before she could stop herself or disguise it.
"You are tired?"
"It's been a rough few days ..."
"It is time for you to sleep; I have kept you too long."
"Can I call again?" She had meant to say goodnight, the words had all been there prepared in her brain but her heart had other ideas.
"I would like that, "
"Goodnight Eric ..."
"Goodnight Lover..."
