Note: Characters aren't mine, child abuse, yaoi, NaruGaa, lemons later.... [dude. I guess I should put, like, I donno, sex with a minor?]


Chapter Three
The Paths Before Us

I never transferred out of his class.

I couldn't bear the idea of him never seeing me, of never seeing him. So I stayed put. He never asked about it. Of course he would never ask about it. What was I thinking? I'm just another face in his day... another face he barely sees. We were well into September, our class has just finished reading the persuasive essays on boring and bland shit nobody here cares about at all. I was actually dreading the next boring thing we'll have to read.

"Okay class, I'm sure you all want to kill me and the news I've got will make you start planning my death. I just ask that you don't damage my face. I want an open casket funeral." I smirked slightly, noticing the rest of the class smiled as well. "We aren't done with persuasive essays." A collective 'WHAT?' made the blond man smile and shake his head. "You'll all be writing me one."

The loud groans made the teacher shake his head again. "Come on. Take the thing you're passionate about, the thing that you want to fight for. I know you all have something here. Something with two sides, an argument. There are so many things to write about." He sat on the edge of his desk and smiled at us... at me. "Convince me to see your way... No, make me stop and think. This won't be about right or wrong, this won't be about if you can convince me you're way is the way to see things. This will be about making me stop and think. Getting me interested in what you're interested in." His smile grew and I'm sure I wasn't the only one a little breathless at the site.

"Does it matter what it's about?" Someone asked from the other side of the room.

The blond sucked air through his teeth and seemed to think about it. "Total creative freedom. One rule though: Lets keep it PG." The faces around me smiled again, the thought of this project no longer upsetting, optimistic enthusiasm rippling through out the room. I felt it as well. This could be my chance. My chance to say the things I couldn't, make him remember me, make him see me again. "Okay, today you'll write your fist draft, tomorrow I'll take you to the computer lab and you'll type it up and turn it in. Let's get started."

The students around me pulled out notebooks and binders, chatting away with those next to them. I, on the other hand, remained silent and began writing, not bothering to pay attention to those around me. My topic was easy, my opinion set in stone since I was a child. Angels. Not as heavenly creatures with wings, but human, god sent, life saving angels.

My pencil couldn't move fast enough to get the words out. I didn't worry about sentence structure, grammar, or overall layout of the paper. I just wanted to get all the words out before I went over them with a critical eye. I was on my fourth sheet of paper when the bell rang out above me. I growled, still not finished with the words. I gathered my things quickly and almost sprinted to the next classroom, writing away as soon as I seated. It was like I was possessed. Class was almost over by the time I ran out of things to write. The teacher was eyeing me out of the corner of his eye when I finally laid the pencil on the smooth surface with a sigh, an annoyed look on his face.

I actually wasn't sure if anything I had written would make any sense when I sat down to read it over, but I was satisfied with the amount I had written. I passed the day in a state of impatience. I just wanted to get home. I wanted to write this paper with enough emotion that he would have to remember the child he pulled from the basement all those years ago. Yes, there was no way this could fail.

I hopped in the car, barely listening to anything my sister was saying, my hand itching to pull the papers out and start going over them like a madman. As soon as she stopped in the driveway I was out of the car, walking with all the patience I could muster to the door. Temari dragged me to the kitchen and made me grab something to eat before I was able to escape to the basement, muttering something about homework. I rolled my eyes and bit into the lemon bar as I crawled onto my bed and pulled my notebook from my bag. She was still trying to make me eat, figuring it would make me less tiny and unhealthy looking. I didn't tell her the social workers had already tried that when they first got me. I was just naturally tiny from the lack of room to grow, sunlight and nutrition. Thanks daddy... I stretched and pulled out a highlighter, flipping the pages open.

I sat there on my grey bed for hours, highlighting, re-writing, erasing and placing the paper until I was positive it was perfect. By the time Temari called me up for dinner, I was ready to type the thing out. I was excited and nervous all at once. He'd have to know me. He would just have to.

The feelings did not go away the next day when I typed it out surprisingly fast and turned in my, metaphorically speaking, out stretched hand. And it was beginning to make me feel sick. I'd never felt that way in such a long time or for such an extended period. My stomach started feeling nauseous, my heart going from racing at an impossible rate to scarily sluggish, and my head pounded and throbbed. The blond had said he would give them back the next day but I couldn't wait. This was a chance to make him remember. I'd give anything if he would just remember me. Anything at all.

I sat in the library at lunch, hating the chaos that was the lunch room and tried to distract myself with a book. I sighed in frustration and set the book down, deciding that if I was reading the same paragraph twenty times and none of it was sticking that the distraction wasn't working. I clenched my hands and released repeatedly, focusing on the tightening and releasing of my muscles and letting my mind drift to what it wanted.

I burned to know if he had read the paper yet, and if he had, did he finally realize who I was? This was stupid. So completely and utterly stupid. If he didn't... I was just going to have to say something. The past month had been torture, my resolve to stay silent stabbed me while I was in the room with him and filled me with regret when I walked away. I reached up and rubbed at the pressure building on my temples roughly. "Gaara?" I looked up at the sound of the desperately desired voice. Naruto stood across the table, balancing a stack of books in one hand while the other was still reaching for one on the shelf. His blue eyes danced as a smile lit that amazing face. "You look... You look... well, like you're in pain." His laugh danced in my ears and took all my breath away. He snagged the book he'd been reaching for and walked over to me, setting the books on the table with a loud thump. "Anything wrong?"

The little voice in my head told me to say something, say the things I wanted to say. "Just thinking." I whispered and the little voice of stupidity or reason, I'd yet to figure out which one, called me an idiot. I rolled my eyes internally. I already knew that about myself.

"Yeah, that makes my head hurt too." He smiled at his own joke and I managed to pull one off as well. "Anything I can help with?" He offered.

Yeah. You're the reason I'm feeling physically, mentally and emotionally sick right now. Remember me you stupid, gorgeous, sexy, awe-inspiring, moronic, idiot and I'll feel just fine. I went with, "No." I had a feeling that would go over better. He frowned slightly and took the seat across from me.

"Isn't it lunch period?" I nodded, lowering my eyes to the red surface that lay between us. "Any particular reason you aren't down in the cafeteria, Mr. Stick?" I sighed, focusing on the sound of his voice and committing it to memory for later, ignoring the last bit.

"Too loud." He let out a snort of amusement.

"High school in general is loud." A tanned hand entered my sight as it slid across the table, my heart went into a frenzy as it crept closer and grabbed the book laying in front of me. When he took it I continued to gaze at the table, forcing the organ to calm itself and the butterflies to violently die in my stomach. He made a small noise of interest. "Is this any good?" I shrugged. He chuckled softly and I cursed as the sound ruined my work on calming the heart in my chest and resurrected the fucking butterflies. "You're halfway through it and you don't know if it's good or not?"

I lifted my head and met his eyes. "It depends on the ending. If it's strong... if it ends well, then, to me, it's a good book." His head tilted and a soft smile took the place of his wide grin. The insect-like feelings in my body seemed to multiply. I swallowed nervously as those gentle blue eyes studied me. "If not, I wasted my time." I cursed my mouth when that seemed to break the moment and the book was pushed back to me.

He stood and gathered the books, tucking them under his strong chin for better balance. "I've never heard that before." He smiled and waved with his free hand. "Class will be starting here in a few, so I'd better go before the flood gates open. See you tomorrow, red." I glared at him half heartedly and he laughed. I listened to the sound as he disappeared behind the shelves, on his way to the front desk. I smiled and laid my head in my arms, feeling happy enough to sing and, honestly, that was something no one in this room would want to hear.

It wasn't until after the bell had hung and I was halfway through my next class did I realize the sickening nervousness had been slain with that short conversation with the teacher. Granted I was still worried and anxious, but it wasn't affecting me physically anymore. I stared at the numbers and symbols on the white board, the problems finished long ago, and wondered how such meaningless words could make me so happy, so... hopeful.

Temari's face lit up when she spotted me. I felt so peaceful I imagined it must be showing in my eyes. When she asked me how my day had been, I answered without stopping to think. "Wonderful." Her smile was amazing at that word and I noticed her shiver. I tried to reign myself in and wrapped my arms across my chest, turning to stare out the window. I watched the city go by in a blur and forced myself not to think of that face he gave me. Tried to not think of the look in his eyes after my response to the book and the feelings said looks produced. I blushed as, needless to say, I failed horribly. It was about fifteen minutes into the car ride that I realized we weren't going the right way to be heading home. I turned to my sister, more than slightly puzzled. "Where are we going?"

"Huh? I told you yesterday we're painting your room."

"Oh." Did she? Where was I? Oh yeah... she said something about at dinner last night, something about white being the color for storage space and dorm rooms, not a bedroom. I had consented easily while my mind was miles away. She pulled into a parking lot in front of a Home Depot, dragged me into the store and to the paint section. My nose wanted to scrunch at the strong smell of wood and chemicals, but I forced it not to.

We spent several minutes pulling out color scheme cards, the blonde woman laughing when I picked up a pink one accidentally, and debated over them. She thought something bright and cheery, like orange or yellow, would be best. I argued for the midnight blue or light grey in my hands. I won in the end when I pointed out the grey would match the bed spread she'd bought for me previously.

With the five cans of the color and a two cans of of soft orange, for the bathroom apparently, in the cart, she dragged me to the 'décor' section. I rolled my eyes briefly as she picked up an antique looking, black framed mirror and a matching lamp set. I didn't argue as she got help for a pale ashy looking wooden desk, or the disturbingly girly black and silver throw pillows, or when she snagged up some sheer white curtains with dark silver rods, but when she started looking at new faucets for the bathroom, I pulled her to the checkout line.

The drive home was full of excited chatter on my sisters part and deep regret at agreeing on mine. Shikamaru was already home when we arrived, looking irritated at all of the crap crammed into the back and I smiled apologetically. "I forgot how nuts she gets when she gets to redecorate." He muttered. I helped him carry it inside, pull the furniture to the center of the room and unscrew the bathroom fixtures. Temari pulled out some drop clothes, we mixed the paint and set to work. It was actually quite fun, particularly when my sister brought up the subject of redoing the living room and was immediately shot down by her husband.

We finished with the light orange in the bathroom and my sister sat on the big bed waiting for the second coat to dry while the brunette man grumbled and put the desk together. I sat on a drop cloth by them, more than slightly disgruntled at the nice coat of paint covering me. I glared at the blonde woman and she laughed. "I said I was sorry already." She managed between giggles. I just glared harder. "Oh come on. You can't pull off angry in that color." I huffed when Shikamaru laughed at that. "Oh it was an accident, don't be a sour orange." They laughed at her joke and even I had to crack a smile.

We'd just started on the bathroom when she climbed up a ladder to get the top half of the room and asked me to hand her a tray of paint. I had lifted it when she wasn't really looking and when her hand came up, it knocked into it, tipping it and coating my face, hair and front in the wonderful Sundance 6897 that now graced my bathroom walls. Ever get paint in your mouth? Not pleasant. I could still taste it even though I had Listerined my mouth about a hundred times since.

After dinner and a movie, and a shower obviously, Temari deemed it okay to push the furniture closer to their original spots, though I switched my bed to the other side of the room, and ordered me not to touch the walls. I rolled my eyes at that and the two went upstairs. I pushed the windows closed a bit more, changed into loose fitting pajama bottoms and climbed into bed. As I drifted off to sleep, I felt more content and at home than I ever had since the couple had adopted me. I let out a soft peaceful noise and fell asleep.

I awoke in a nest of dark grey that was my comforter and sheets on the floor when the alarm next to me wailed to life hours later. I stared at the numbers on the screen groggily before slapping the button down and rising to my feet. I showered, dressed and climbed the stairs anxiously. Yesterday I had been distracted by my makeshift family and almost forgot about my worries, but now there was nothing to take my mind from it. Today I would be getting my paper back. Today My Angel would remember me, either from my paper or I would say something. Yeah. The only problem was I couldn't think of what to say if it came to the latter scenario.

I picked at the breakfast my sister set before me for a while and felt like throwing up last nights dinner when my brother-in-law stated it was time to go. The entire drive to the school was spent arguing with myself. He had to remember, it wouldn't be fair if he didn't. It was okay if he didn't, it had been ten years and things are fine as they are. No they aren't, I was freaking dying every time his eyes passed right over me. But then, he still noticed me in the library and talked to me, so he did know I existed...

I was sitting in the desk in the room he would be in before I realized it and still I was going back and forth. People poured into the room when the bell rang out and a few minutes after ward. The room was full of weekend plans, but I stayed silent as usual and stared at the door. At the usual ten minutes, the beautiful man blew into the room. His arms were full of papers and a travel mug, but he looked rumbled... tired and when his eyes fell on me briefly, I filled with hope. Had it worked?

He set the things in his arms down on his desk and turned to face the class. "Good morning, nice to see the end of the week isn't it?" He chirped brightly and lifted the papers. "You all did great on these, not that I expected any different." He smiled and began handing them back to his students. When he got to me, my fingers tightened their grip on my arms. I took it, my heart freaking out violently within me, but he turned easily and walked to the next kid. I looked at the orange writing at the top of my paper.

Good job. Well written and convincing. I can tell you wrote this with a lot of passion. A+

I reread the words several times and my hope died, but instead of the sadness I expected to feel, anger consumed me. I twitched in my seat as the rest of the class fell into a discussion with the blond man. What the hell... What. The. Hell?! The anger ate at me for the entire period. My previous thought that it would be okay if he didn't remember burning away as I silently fumed. This wasn't acceptable. This wasn't right. This wasn't fair. I glared at the paper until the bell rang. The people around me gathered their things and I did as well, but lingered in my seat. When the room was empty, I stood and walked as calmly as I could manage -quite normally despite the rage burning through my veins- and stood before his desk. He didn't notice me at first, his eyes shut and his long graceful fingers massaging the area between his eyebrows gently. I waited for a second as the anger died and a hollow pain filled me. I cleared my throat when all the emotions within me died completely and he jumped before looking up.

His smile spread across his face easily and his eyebrows raised slightly. "Ah, Gaara, what can I help you with today?" Thousands of ways to approach him flitted through my mind in a matter of seconds before settling on one that seemed... the safest... the most appropriate. I sighed and stared into his deep blue eyes, before walking backwards towards the door, putting distance between My Angel and myself, my courage growing as we grew farther apart.

I took a deep breath and stopped. He raised an eyebrow and seemed very lost. "He lied." I whispered, fighting to keep fear from my voice. His eyes darkened and his mouth fell open, confusion gracing that wondrous face.

"Who did?"

"My father lied. I didn't kill my mother." He froze completely and I ran from the room.

-

I sat there, rooted to the spot, as he dashed from the room. The redhead's words resonated in my mind. When I had read his paper I began to wonder if he remembered something, if not me then something, about his childhood... his rescue... The way he wrote of angels was loving and tender and his paper was full of passion that I was sure anyone who read it would be convinced to see his way. I'd actual lost sleep wondering if he knew who I had been to him, or if he just remembered someone pulling from that hell.

But his words... He knew it was me. He knew. So many emotions clashed within me. Anger, sorrow, pain, fear, joy. The first three at the fact that he did remember his childhood and the place he'd been locked in for so long. Fear at how I could, might, would act around him now that I knew he recognized me. And joy, pure bliss, that he knew me... that he remembered me.

Did the years of abuse during his childhood haunt him? Were his memories the reason behind that hallow look in his eyes? Had I been on his mind all these years just as he had been on mine? Did he think of me so much he lost sleep over it just as I had? Had he wondered where I had been, if I was okay, what I'd been doing? There were so many questions blaring in my mind I felt as if I were drowning in them.

"Naruto!" I blinked and stared up into concerned dark blue eyes. When had Sasuke gotten here? He shook me by my shoulders gently and called my name again.

"Remembers me." I muttered as a hollow smile lifted my lips. His eyebrows scrunched together and his eyes questioned me. "Uh, when did you get here?" I asked, shaking myself out of my stupor, hand raising to pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Damn, dobe. A fucking student called my room and said you weren't moving or responding to anything." My eyes scanned the room. The class was full, teenagers staring at me with worried looks on their faces. When did they get here? Had the bell rung already? "I've been trying get you to snap out of it for a full god damn minute."

I grinned sheepishly at all the eyes on me. "And this is why I don't think very often." A few of them laughed while the rest chose to just smile, looking relieved. "We'll talk later." I whispered quietly to my friend and he shot me a look that screamed 'We'd better' before he turned and left the room. I stood and walked around the desk, smiling at the children before me, feeling strangely blank, and began a class discussion.

As the day went on the odd lack of feelings within me began to weigh me down.

When Sasuke pulled away from school building that evening, I thought if the strange nothingness were not in me, I would've been thrown into a horrible depression. "Don't do that." My friend growled out of the corner of his mouth.

I glanced over at him, sinking down into my seat. "Don't do what?"

"That. Shrink into yourself. It's disturbing. I'm supposed to be the emotionless one, not you." I rolled my eyes as a smile spread across my face. "So what happened this morning? Don't tell me it had to do with that redhead in your class."

My head snapped around to stare at him in shock. "What?"

"I've only seen you do that one other time in the entire time I've known you." He looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "The first time we met Sasori. So I'm betting it has to do with redheads."

I glared at him slightly and settled into watching the city go by. We both remained silent the rest of the ride home, I did because of the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach... I couldn't figure out why the brunette let me stay quiet. We walked into the house and settled into our usual after school routine, Sasuke disappearing to do his own thing while I raided the fridge and planned dinner. Still the silence that had settled over us earlier stayed, pressing on me like a painful weight, as I tried to think of what to say to my best friend. It wasn't until we were sitting on the couch after dinner did I find my mouth opening.

"When I was fourteen... Iruka and I moved into this new house. I remember I was so excited and happy we were finally moving out of the apartment and I got a room with a door that locked and Iruka got a real kitchen to cook in. Thats all I really remember about that morning. I remember I loved the room that was to be mine, it was bigger than our old living room. But there was this smell to it, it made my stomach churn and I had no idea what it was. I remember opening all of the windows before bringing in the boxes... It was my second trip up when I heard it... A child's voice singing softly. I looked out of the windows but there were no children around.

"I had given up, freaking out because I thought I now had a ghost in my room, when I walked by this ancient looking vent on the wall. I listened to it for a while, wondering if there was a child's toy stuck in the wall, but the voice stuttered occasionally, it hiccuped and sobbed. I remember I was scared, but I some how had the mind to go to the first level and look for the vent in the room directly below mine. It was louder there and the smell was worse. I ran to the lowest level and right in the area below the rooms there was a badly constructed wall of bricks.

"I didn't hesitate. Something told me I needed find out what was behind that wall, told me I needed to get to the singing voice. I remember calling out to the voice. I don't know what I expected to happen, but something terrible filled me when the voice stopped. That silence scared me more than the singing. I tore at the bricks and called for Iruka. I almost vomited at the sight of this rusty iron door behind it. To this day I don't know why I had that reaction when I couldn't possibly know what was behind it.

"It took both Iruka and I to pull it open... oh god... and when we did... There was a little boy there. A redhead with the most beautiful eyes... I wanted to cry at the frightened look on his face. I crawled in there and pulled him out, just by looking at him you could tell he'd been in there for a while. He was so tiny, his arms and legs looked like they would break if he tried to stand on his own, so I held him. I kept him in my arms. Once he stopped crying and fighting, saying something about 'daddy', he clung to me as if I were life itself and I held him just as tightly. I honestly can not explain why I did it, but he needed me, his arms, his legs... his eyes screamed that he needed me.

"When the paramedics arrived, the child started crying all over again and his grip on me tightened. I knew there was no way they were going to get me to release that boy, they could've threatened me or beat me but there was no way in hell I was letting them take him from my arms. In the end, they ended up taking me to the hospital with him.

"I hated the way they treated him while we were there, I wanted to kill every single person that looked at him wrong. I slept in the same bed as he did, I walked with him to each place in the hospital he needed to go. For eleven days I ate, slept and breathed attached to him by our joined hands. After a few days, I think I needed that more than he did... He called me 'his angel', not 'angel', his angel. I felt like crying every time he'd say that. I know it sounds wrong... but, though he was a seven year old and I was fourteen... That boy was my first love...

"The state came and took him from me on the eleventh day. I actually had to be held back by police officers as he was carried away from me. He was crying and calling for his angel. The fact I couldn't get to him... has haunted me everyday...

"I remember I asked him many questions while we were together. He refused to answer most, but one thing that has always kept with me is the guilt he felt for the death of his mother... a mother he said he killed, that his father told him he killed. Today he told me his father lied... he told me he hadn't killed his mother..." Sasuke's eyes met mine and he seemed at a loss for words. I buried my face in my hands and tried to rub away the head ache I felt coming. "That redhead... the one in my class, Gaara, he was that child, Sasuke. And today he told me he remembered me."

The unnerving silence from before blanketed us again and that hallow feeling threatened to take me under before he finally spoke. "Isn't this a good thing then?"

My head snapped up and I looked at him as if he were crazy. "Where the fuck did you come up with that? How could this be a good thing?"

His eyes narrowed. "He didn't kill his mother. That should lift a small bit of the pain off his shoulders." I blinked vacantly before nodding. Yeah... that was a good thing. That was a great thing. "Now, what were you talking about? How could this be bad? You've reunited with him and now you can put this guilt behind you. The kid looks fine. There's nothing to worry about. Unless..." He paused then and his glare intensified. "Unless... Naruto. Tell me you are not an idiot."

I drew back from that. "What?"

"Tell me you've put this first love behind you." I swallowed nervously and couldn't meet his piercing eyes. "Shit."

"I'm not going to do anything. It's illegal. I know. I'm fine. I've been around him for a month, I can spend the rest of the semester around him. Nothing has to change. I can keep my distance." I nodded firmly. Though it would kill me... I could do it, for I would never do anything to harm the child in anyway.

"You may be able to, but what about him?"

That took me off guard. "What?"

"You were his angel Naruto. You've probably been his hero for a while and it's quite possible he's built an image of you in his head that he loves." My stomach dropped and I wanted to feel fear, but happiness lifted me. "He reached out for you first. That should be a sign right there that you've never left his thoughts." An overwhelming feeling washed through me. "This could get very bad if you don't stop it now." I was on the brink of tears. "Don't let him meet with you after class unless it's important, and not ever outside of school." I was so insanely happy... "Naruto?"

I stared at my friend and tried to keep my emotions to myself. "I'll be fine. It'll be fine." I whispered and left him sitting there. I darted up the stairs and fell onto my bed, trying to calm my heart. Oh god... I wanted to see him, I wanted talk to him... I stared at the ceiling above me and tried to focus on the path I knew I should take. The one of morals and as I drifted off, I knew if I wasn't careful... I would easily fall on the path of destruction... the path of complete ruin.


-.- I think I have issues... don't all fanfic writers?