"Derek, wait up!" Meredith called down the hall as she tried to catch up with Derek.

He had left the OR right after he scrubbed out, walking at a faster pace than normal.

He abruptly stopped, turned around, and Meredith finally caught up to him.

"What happened in there? Are you ok?"

"Yeah, everything's fine."

"Derek, everything is not fine. I could tell by the expression on your face that something was wrong. And what about this whole, "We're going to communicate more" thing? You need to tell me what's wrong."

Derek stared at Meredith for a moment, contemplating how he should start.

Her face showed that she was very concerned with what was up with him, but was also a mix of fear because he wasn't communicating.

Derek took a deep breath, and finally opened his mouth.

"I don't really know what happened in there. I guess part of it was that Anna was only 19 and her life is over. She doesn't get to experience all the things life has to offer. She reminded me of my nieces and made me think, what if that happened to them?

It also, for some reason, made me think about our relationship. How everything was fine, until I ruined it by being an ass. It got me thinking about everything I put you through, and how I ruined something that should never be ruined. Something so special that if it's gone, you'll never be the same. I started to wonder if, because of me, our relationship is going to have the same conclusion as Anna's. And it's all because of me. So, I freaked out. I began to think that if I couldn't save Anna, I wouldn't be able to save us."

"Derek, Anna's surgery had nothing to do with us. We're going to get through this, I am certain. You don't need to worry. Don't blame her death on you either. It would have been a miracle if she survived the surgery. Okay?"

Derek took in a shaky breath. "Ok."

Meredith has grown so much. If she knows we'll make it, then we will. If she can be so sure, then I will too. I will not fail her.

"Thank-you. And I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Freaking out and doubting we could make it through our problems and figure out how to be happy."

"Derek, it's ok. Our relationship is still really rocky. At this point it's ok to have some doubts. But we'll get through the rocky parts and we'll be fine."

Meredith could see tears forming in the corners of Derek's eyes and gently took his face in her hands to make him look at her.

"Hey," she said softly. "It's ok."

"I'm so sorry." Derek said as he tried to keep himself from loosing control. His tears were so close to spilling over.

Meredith was about to say something more, but was interrupted by Derek's pager. He quickly wiped his eyes, remembering once again that he was at work.

"I have to go. It's 911."

"Ok, but we will continue this later."

"Ok."

She smiled and he returned it almost instantly, and then turned and headed down the hall.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

"How was your surgery?" Christina asked Meredith sarcastically. Even though she wasn't allowed to do any surgeries, she still refused to leave the hospital.

"It was ok. The patient died. There wasn't much of a chance of her surviving to begin with. The sad part is that she was only 19." She said as she remembered Derek's reaction to her death. "It was really hard telling her family. They were so hurt."

"Yeah, Yeah. I didn't ask about your thoughts on the surgery, just how it went." Christina snapped.

"Geez what's your problem?"

"Sorry, Chief won't let me do any surgeries until Sydney thinks it's ok. And the surgery you were in was originally mine, so, I'm just a little upset I guess."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Yeah whatever. Anyway, I have to go do some more paperwork. Funny how I can't do the surgeries, but I'm somehow stuck with the paperwork."

She turned and headed down the hall.

Meredith looked down at her watch. It was 7:15. Derek said he would be home by 7:30 and that they could finish their talk then. Meredith's shift had ended a half hour earlier, but she had stuck around to finish up some paperwork that was behind. Officially done, she went to the locker room to change out of her scrubs and headed home to wait for Derek.

Wow. Has it really been almost a whole month since I updated? I'm sorry for the long delay. There is just never any time to write anymore. Just as a warning, my updates in the future will probably be posted in this interval of time, because I have been so busy. I'll try to update as soon as I can though. Anyway, what did you think?