-Author's Note-

Aha! This is why I love breaks from school! I have more time to write and you get a virtual double-dosage of wallpaper between your ears! This chapter is the first of many that will start answering your questions. Fear not- every last one of them will be answered by the time we're through here. PLEASE continue being madly awesome and review me, keep me in check (I'm already trying to take some of your advice in this chapter). It's really fulfilling to read what you guys have to say about my dear first attempt at IchiIshi fanfiction...

Laterandthelike,
-saltoftheearth-

So Let's Put Wallpaper Up Between Our Ears

Chapter Four: Gang Aft Agley

I'm still dreaming of clock towers and synchronicity
You call it coincidence- I call it common sense.
The truth will set you free if you've been slave to a lie…
-"Motorology 3:39" by Ozma

"Alright, Keigo. I got a joke for you."

Lunch was a crucial time for social interaction between adolescent Japanese primates of the Homo Sapiens Sapiens genus and species. There were jokes to be said, feints to be performed and observed. Reputations to preserve. Sweeping social coups that brought one group to victory and the other to the daunting "eat behind the dumpster, loser" defeat. Ichigo had always been at the center of it all. Whether he was brooding with Chad, being emotionally molested by Keigo, or skirting around romantic conversation with Orihime, Ichigo was always at the center of someone's attention. It's really hard to hide things when somebody's always looking at you.

Ichigo had a lot to hide.

"Right, okay. So four gay guys walk into a bar."

It had been a few days since the teenage shinigami had paid the visit to Uryuu's apartment (that many days closer to exams!) and Ichigo had to admit that Ishida's plan had worked out miraculously. He'd gone to bed at a decent time last night, even after studying for his honors calculus class and taking a practice test for the Regionals. Every time he sensed a Hollow somewhere near, he'd feel a flash of spirit energy and the Hollow would be extinguished immediately. Time was something the redhead was not used to having. He liked it.

"They see that there's only one four-legged stool left at the bar."

He also liked not having to thank Ishida (that would have been annoying). The scrawny Quincy had been booking in the other direction whenever he saw Ichigo in the hallway and while Ichigo wondered why his former fellow vigilante was making such an effort to avoid him…he couldn't say he minded all that much. If he wasn't confronted with the Quincy's pretty eyes and perfect lips on a daily basis, he didn't have to worry about launching into a completely unwanted daydream involving something that really shouldn't be sexy but worked in the case of Ishida. Like sewing needles. And bowstrings. Or haphazardly scattered buttons. Ichigo couldn't help it, the boy was beautiful and he was just so…there. So familiarly gay. So available. So impossible. So scary-as-fuck, actually.

"One of the guys says 'Let's flip for it.'"

Still, as long as the sexuality-that-shall-not-be-named stayed safely nestled in the dark and mysterious recesses of Ichigo's [dirty mind, he was fine. To keep up appearances, Ichigo appeared to be as insensitive to the subject as ever. Ishida was eating alone only a few yards away, after all.

"Another one says, 'No, let's just flip it over!'"

Ichigo was biting into an apple and sitting on the top of the maroon picnic bench as he let the punch line fly. He choked out a laugh at his own joke and sprayed the poor kid next to him with apple chunks, infused with just a little bit of that hard-to-get Ichigo flavor.

Oho. Homosexuality. What a funny topic. Queer, indeed. What a hilarious misunderstanding.

Keigo laughed really loudly. So did most of the other guys (though not as loud as Keigo.) Chad never laughed at any bias jokes, on account of his ethnic sensitivity (such a nice boy…). Chizuru rolled her eyes. Orihime frowned.

Ishida, however, flipped the hell out.

"Oh, FUCK you, Kurosaki!" there was a huge crashing noise and a couple people who had been sitting near Ishida had screamed. Ichigo almost choked on the bite of apple in his mouth but managed to swallow it whole before whirling around to deal with the Quincy's outburst.

After the initial commotion there was dead silence in the schoolyard. Every available head swiveled around to stare at the irate Uryuu, who was standing with his feet planted, fists clenched, and brow furrowed into the deepest, angriest frown Ichigo had ever witnessed on such a usually lovely face. The shinigami gaped-

That can't have been the first gay joke he's heard. He's got to be used to it by now. I'm not bothered by them (much). Was he really that badly insulted? Shit. After what he did for me…

"Kurosaki Ichigo, you are an asshole in the first degree." Ishida spoke in a smooth, calculating tone that froze Ichigo where he stood. Scary Quincy. Very, very scary Quincy.

"You're a liar and a phony and a fake-ass rat bastard. There isn't even a standard to judge how much of a fraud you are, you sick son of a bitch. So fuck you. Fuck you with something long, hard, and constructed from a material that has an extremely uncomfortable texture."

Sandpaper maybe? Oh fuck that would hurt. Refocusing! Ichigo was veritably stunned by Ishida's explosion and by the look of it, so was the entire school. Ishida had thrown his bento box against a tree in his initial anger and Ichigo could see the scratch marks it had left. There were also burns on the tree, as if Uryuu had fired the box with spirit energy concentrated in his palms as well as the normal sort of brut force. He really was pissed. The Quincy stormed out of the schoolyard, but as he brushed by Ichigo's table on the way out, he audibly hissed:

"Hypocrite!"

The apple fell from Ichigo's hand as he watched the Quincy's retreating back stomp to the edge of the schoolyard. Ishida didn't head back towards the school building, he turned the other way and headed back towards town. He didn't look back for a single moment.

What in the HELL was that?

Clap. Clap. Clap Clap. Clap? Calp! Cpla. Palc.

Somebody (Ichigo didn't bother turning around to see who) tried to break the extremely uncomfortable silence that ensued by starting a slow clap for the vanished Quincy. It didn't catch on.

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What am I even doing here? I should be in class. Then again, so should Ishida.

Ichigo found himself dipping and swerving between single-sighted, hurrying people on the main commercial street in the center of Karakura Town. Believe it or not, he was following Uryuu.The redhead had dashed out after the Quincy once he had gotten over the initial shock of being so badly berated by his usually quiet classmate. Ishida's furious expression was plastered on the edges of Ichigo's mind.

He called me a hypocrite. He knows. I'm a liar, I'm a phony, I'm a fake. And Uryuu knows. Ichigo lost the Quincy's trail for a while but after a few more blocks of covert tailing, the shinigami finally realized where Uryuu must have headed.

"Nude," Karakura's well-established fabric store. Talk about some major retail therapy. Ichigo caught his breath as he sighted the shop just a few stores down. He pushed the glass door open (leaving smudges from his sweaty palms for an employee to buff away) and scanned what he could see of the aisles from his vantage point at the door.

There. Between the neon and poly blend sections. A flash of pale skin, a shopping basket carefully draped over the crook of a bony elbow- it was Uryuu. Go, go, go!

"Ishida-kun!" Ichigo called out to his classmate and waved. Several employees glared at him openly. Ishida looked up at the sound of his name and frowned deeply. He began moving very quickly in the other direction, but Ichigo wasn't going to let him get away. He caught up with Ishida and grabbed the boy's shoulder before he could even realize Ichigo had snuck up behind him.

"Hey! Let me go, baka, before I fire an arrow straight through your thick skull." Ichigo wasn't fazed yet.

"Yo, what the hell happened back at school? What's the matter with you, are you PMSing or are you just overly pissed at me?"

"Go away, you charlatan."

Ishida wrenched his arm out of Ichigo's grasp and marched off into the next aisle. Like an obedient puppy dog, Ichigo followed him as he browsed through a whole section of cotton and lycra.

"It was a joke. Nobody gets that pissed over a joke. I can understand where you're coming from but that was just unnecessary…"

A slight smile played at the edges of Ishida's lips.

"…not going to apologize…" Ichigo was le' babbling…

Ishida raised his eyebrows slightly and continued smiling as Ichigo went on with his speech:

"…need to get over it, okay?"

There was a pause after Ichigo finished speaking. What did I even just say? Oh dear…word regurgitation…

The silence was broken by Ishida, who seemed to have seen something at the bottom of the shop shelf that caught his eye.

"Kurosaki, bend over just a little bit, will you?"

"Er, what?"

Ishida sighed. "Bend over or kneel down. That fabric down there is so close in hue to that of your remarkable hair, I want to compare them."

"You're a freak, do you know that?" Ichigo didn't know why he found himself kneeling down and pressing his head against the shelf in compliance with Ishida's odd request. But there he was. Ishida's hand pulled at the stationary roll of fabric and dragged a corner over to there Ichigo's head was. For a second, his perfect, calloused hands brushed against Ichigo's hair and the shinigami felt as if somebody had tazered him. It was like a jolt of pure chemistry. He hated it. Ichigo stood up to see Ishida writing down the ID number of the fabric he'd been comparing with Ichigo's hair in a little journal. Perhaps a shopping list for an upcoming project?

"I'm a freak. Yes, so you've said. But at least I'm a real freak, unlike you." Ishida sauntered on down the aisle. Ichigo still tailed him in puzzlement.

"What do you mean?"

The Quincy turned around sharply and faced Ichigo. They were standing awfully, awfully close to each other.

"Kurosaki, your life is nothing but a lie, and I'll tell you precisely why. You're gayer than a barrel full of freakin' pink monkeys yet you've got the nerve to fake swooning over girls and tell mean gay jokes. You're too damn scared, or proud, or whatever other dumb reason you've made up to be who you are and for that you're a coward. Your Hollow mask isn't the only cover you're sporting these days."

For the second time that day, Ichigo was stunned by Ishida's words. So…Ishida knew this whole time? And he was only really mad because he thought Ichigo was hiding himself? That was simultaneously the most and least relieving speech Ichigo had ever been on the receiving end of.

"Well, what about you? Everybody knows that you're gay and you won't even step up to confirm it! You might think you're being obvious, but that looks to me like you're just hiding in plain sight."

Ishida's eye twitched. "Don't pretend like you know what I'm hiding, Kurosaki." The Quincy then backed away (they had been getting closer and closer as the pseudo-argument went on) and turned on his heel to finish up his shopping. He picked out a few leather pieces here and there and made sure to run his long fingers along the smooth rolls of all the fabrics he liked. Ichigo walked awkwardly a few paces behind him (they couldn't go back to school now, he might as well stay) and finally found it in him to break their silence in the next aisle.

"So what are you making with this stuff, Ishida?"

"A messenger bag with adjustable straps and cross-stitch patterns on the buckle loops."

Well, that was descriptive. Ichigo just nodded.

"Is it for you?"

"No, it's for the tooth fairy to carry all those coins around in- YES it's for me."

The redhead cracked a smile. Sarcastic bastard as he was, Ishida had his amusing moments.

"How long do you think it's going to take you?"

"I can have it done over the weekend, now that I have a bit more free time to play around with."

"Right. About that, thanks for talki-"

"-Don't even mention it. Urahara had a lot to do with it and I don't want to talk about it."

"Got it." At least now Ichigo knew he didn't have to make any formal sign of gratitude. The Quincy pulled a pocket watch out of his mostly empty schoolbag and squinted down at the time.

"I'm almost done shopping here. Ichigo could you run back and grab a yard of that orange we were looking at? Meet me back at the cash register."

Random as hell much? But okay. If he wants to be abnormally bossy, I'll humor him.

Whirr. Measure. Snip. Wrap. Fabric was set, Ichigo worked his way through the aisles and caught up with Ishida in the fabric line. The flaccid bolt of orange fabric looked almost ridiculous in comparison to his own wiry, vibrant mop of hair. Ishida thanked him and the two boys waited in comfortable silence for the cashier to ring Uryuu up.

Does this mean all's forgiven? God, he's moody. Seriously weird boy. Why is it always the hot ones that are weird as hell? He is hot though. No, he's not hot- he's a frigid bitch! A gorgeous frigid bitch. The Ice Prince. I think I am forgiven, he seems to be kind of okay with me, He just needed to get that rant off his chest. Oh, he's smiling. Oh, don't smile. I never see him smile. I just want to-

"Ichigo? I asked if I could borrow a few yen. I'm short for the orange fabric."

Ichigo's mind was still spiraling into a dangerous admiration of Ishida's chilly good looks and equally as icy personality to really be listening. He handed over the money Ishida needed without a word and barely heard the boy say thank you.

Those lopsided muscles, one arm so toned from the bow the other one's weaker… Sweet lord he's slim. And tall. Striking even. Shit. He's leaving.

Once they got outside the fabric store, Ishida turned to Ichigo and frowned at him again.

"You really need to reevaluate your priorities, Kurosaki. People are going to find out. Maybe instead of being scared of yourself, you should accept what you are and move the hell on."

He is really, really attractive when he's being didactic about something. Really attractive.

"I have a lot of thinking to do, Ishida."

"Really? For the love of God, try not to hurt yourself with that!"

It was Ichigo's turn to be unamused. "I mean it. Maybe you're right. But for now I have other things to worry about. Exams. School. Clinic. Any of that ring a bell?"

Ishida nodded. "I get it. I'm not saying you should come out to the whole school tomorrow and wave around Dumbledore Pride flags all day, but you can't hide forever. You're so bold with everything else, why not with this?"

Wow, that was a really vivid mental image there. Thank you, Ishida.

"I'm bold?" Ichigo smiled widely. Uryuu said the strangest things sometimes. It was another funky habit of his.

"Yes."

"I'm bold."

"Yes, you're bold. You know, like…sassy."

"Sassy!"

Ishida laughed at his own word choice. "Not sassy! Like, impertinent. Cheeky. Brazen."

"Ishida?"

"Yes, Ichigo?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Oka-"

Ichigo leaned forward and brushed his nervously chewed-up lips against the corner of Ishida's sweet mouth. The boy stood up straighter, but didn't say anything to encourage or dispirit Ichigo's advance. The redhead wasn't quite sure what to do next. He tilted his head to the side and kissed Ishida openly; he snaked his arm around the boy's waist and tugged him closer. Ichigo eagerly worked towards coercing Ishida's (oddly reluctant) kiss; his tongue ran along the Quincy's bottom lip in an attempt to entice him to open his perfect, godly mouth- but Ichigo had already sensed that something was wrong. He pulled away and let go of Uryuu. The boy wasn't looking at Ichigo as much as he was staring off into the distance. He wasn't kissing Ichigo back; he didn't even close his eyes!

"Ishida? Is that- are you okay?"

"Thanks for the fabric."

Ichigo frowned. "What?"

"I have to go now." The Quincy stepped away from Ichigo, still not looking him in the eyes, and slipped away down the block. Ichigo watched him go with a feeling of complete and utter misery threatening to build up in his tanned, soul-reaping chest.

Oh...shitfuck.