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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, which belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Savior
I laid on the ground allowing the numb to takeover what was left of me. I had no will left in me to fight. No will to comfort the whole in my chest, the whole torn wider then the time before two autumns ago. No will to look up as the rest of the Cullen family, my new family left with the apologies and hurtful goodbyes. I ignored them as they left me, laying silently on the ground of their mansion.
Then, I allowed the numbness take over, along with the darkness that followed through.
...
After an immeasurable amount of time, I heard a loud, deep voice echo through the house, and my cold, numb body was completely heated. I hadn't bothered looking up, for I hadn't the feeling of warmth, which I so dearly missed, but I knew I was being carried. When I was finally let down, I looked up to my savior.
"Jacob?" I muttered. Jacob, my best friend. He was the one to keep me together before, but could he be enough this time?
"Shh, Bells, calm down." Came his deepened voice.
I pulled away from him on the couch. In doing so, I ended up letting my eyes drift as it landed on a picture Esme had taken of me and Edward. I sighed and turned back to Jacob.
"I'm sorry, Bells. Really, I am," Jacob said, keeping me from going under.
I looked back at him with teary, red eyes. "There's nothing to be sorry for. And you of all people should be happy about this."
"Bella, I know how this looks, but you have to trust me, it's different. It's not what you think."
I ignored his words and he pulled me into his chest, snuggling up on the couch. It was so warm. The warmth I needed to keep me from remembering the cold skin which I craved. Or the cold heart that went with it.
We sat like that silently for what seemed like hours and soon enough I had cried myself to sleep. When I finally found the strength to get up, the sky was bright as the sun shined through the glass windows.
I pulled myself out of Jacob's arms and moved to the other side of the couch. I couldn't stand being with him so much. It hurt much more than I thought it would. Figure I'd be much stronger this time around, but I guess not. I sighed. How could he do this to me? How could shatter my heart after clearly promising that he would never leave my side? I guess I really wasn't good enough and he could only see it after the fact...
"You're awake," Jacob's groggy voice pulled me from thought. I half smiled with no emotion in response.
"I'm sorry, Bells."
I stared at the ground. "He promised," I muttered. "He said he'd NEVER leave. HE PROMISED!" I yelled, my blotchy eyes glaring at him. He stared back apologetically and my eyes drifted back to the ground.
"Bella, you have to understand that it's different this time, trust me. You have to be strong this time. You have to stay strong for him."
My mouth opened in shock and I'm sure my eyes were wide. "For him?! You're joking, right? Jacob, why would I EVER do anything more for him?! He left me for the second time! After he promised! After he promised he wouldn't!" I screamed. "And I hate him for it..."
It was silent for a period of time, until Jacob spoke again. "Bella you need to calm down and think this through."
"There's nothing to think through," I paused, and looked back at him. "What do you care anyways?"
"Bella, I care about you. And believe it or not I see his side and I know he needed to do what he did. But it was only because he cares about you."
I let his words sink in for a while before replying. "You know what's going on, don't you."
"I-I do, Bells. But you have to understand, that I can't say it," he replied with the same reply everyone else had when I wanted the answer to the reason.
"Jacob, you have to tell me. Please! This is my family were talking about! About Edward!" I cried out.
He shook his head and looked back at me. "I'm sorry, Bella. All I can tell you is to think back to...the last time, compared to this time," he said, not sure whether he should be allowing me to bring up the horrible memories.
I sighed. What was so different? He left then, saying he didn't want me and this time he left saying he regretted marrying me...didn't he? I let my memories drift back to the last time.
"You...don't...want me?"
"No."
"I'm tired of pretending something that I'm not."
"You're no good for me, Bella"
The words stung deep and I shuddered at the memory. My chest pulled again, remembering that day, those months I had suffered without Edward by my side.
I took a deep breathe and got ready for the next memory. I knew it would hurt twice as much, increasing the shattering of my already broken heart.
"Bella, please..." I heard his voice breaking, for the first time. "Love, I am truly sorry. I didn't think...I-I..." There was sadness and regret in his voice I could hear for sure, but he couldn't get all the words out. I didn't care. I knew what he was going to say.
"Why are you doing this to me? Again..." I whispered, finally pulling away. I turned away from him, facing the door. I noticed that everyone had left.
"I truly am sorry," he said behind me. I could hear how hurt he was, but I could barely care anymore. "I didn't want it to happen this way...If you want to leave, I understand. Just know that, whatever happens, I'll always love you. I don't know what's going to happen, but no matter what, you'll be in my heart."
I opened my mouth to speak, not knowing what was going to come out. When I heard it come out, it echoed through my ears.
"I...hate you."
I collapsed onto the ground, too fast for Jacob to react. What have I done?! I'm a horrible person. I had become what Edward said he always was. A monster. But he was far from a monster. He was an angel...and I was the monster.
Jacob picked me up and pulled me back to the couch to sit down. "Bella, calm down. You'll be okay," he soothed.
I turned to look at him, teary eyed. "How can it be okay? I'm a monster! A horrible monster! I drove him away! Jacob, I told him I hated him!"
Jacob was silent for a while before he answered, "Bella?"
"Hmm?"
"Bella, did you mean what you said? Do you really hate him?"
Did I? Did I really hate him for leaving me? Or was it anger from the fact that he was leaving that caused me to say that? Before I could really think through my answer came in a whisper, "No..."
"Well then. You have to trust me on this, Bells. You have to understand that he didn't mean for this to happen..."
"I didn't want it to happen this way...
"And remember that he loves you."
"Just know that, whatever happens, I'll always love you. I don't know what's going to happen, but no matter what, you'll be in my heart."
Jacob knew. He knew what was going on. And I intended to get it out of him...
"Jacob...if you know what's happening, you have to tell me. You have to tell me now." I said, staring out the windows.
I heard him sigh, "Bells, he made me swear. I can't tell you for the very reason he left. If you find out, he knows you'll go after them and it'll demolish the whole reason for them leaving...you safety."
I shook my head in annoyance. All in all, that was the same answer as last time. My safety.
I stood up and walked to window. It was bright now. Light shining through, lighting up the beautiful house. I looked down to the ring that sat on the third finger of my left hand. The diamond on it sparkled into a million facets. It was so beautiful, until I remembered it's similarities. I sighed and walked back to Jacob.
I sat on the other side of the couch and glared at him. He sighed, realizing nothing more could be done and turned on the TV in hopes of getting rid of the awkwardness I was causing. After a few minutes, he stood up and my gaze followed.
"I think I should fill the pack in on extending the perimeter, since..." he stopped mid sentence. "Someone should be running guard. I'll be right outside, so just call if you need anything," he said walking off towards the door.
"Mhmm."
After about 3 minutes, he came back inside. "I can tell they're all phased, but they're not close enough. They're so far, I can't hear anybody," he said, confused himself. "I don't know what's going on, it's like they all disappeared or something."
I looked up in disbelief. "Not so great when it's your family, is it?" I said harshly.
He rolled his eyes. "Do you think you can stay alone for at least 20 minutes? I just need to ask Billy or one of the elders what's going on."
I decided to keep up the mean façade. "No vampires OR werewolves in Forks? I think I'm fine."
"Whatever, Bella," he said walking out. Just stay here, I'll be right back," he said walking out. I could tell my attitude was getting to him.
After he left, I wandered around the house and found myself in...our room. As his scent filled my nose, tears filled my eyes and I fell to the bed. I was a hopeless wreck without him. But what else was new?
I wrapped myself in his blankets and finally let the pain take over again. Jacob wasn't here so I needed not to cover up. I rolled over to my side and saw the picture of us at our favorite place. The meadow.
He was looking at me as I took the picture of us. He wore my favorite crooked smile and his face was perfection. The sun was lightly shining, so his pale face was brightened. My face was so plain, but I could see the happiness and joy in his eyes. His eyes held his love for me. His love for me...
I suddenly felt a pull from the picture. I grabbed the picture and held it to my chest, as tears slid down my face. It hurt so much, but having the picture closer, the picture of our love made me feel some relief.
But I needed something more. I needed the real thing. Without really thinking it through, I snatched the keys that were behind the picture, and stalked out of the room, grabbing his jacket on the way out.
"What am I doing?" I said out loud as I got to the garage. I pulled the jacket on and let his scent from it intoxicate me.
I past my new car, a hand-me-down since I would only accept them, his Vanquish, and walked opened the door to his Volvo. Stepping in, I pushed the button to the garage and stared the engine.
As soon as the door was high enough for me to fit, I pushed my foot down as far down on the pedal as it would go. Trees blurred past me, as I made my way to the place I always new would bring me happiness. Our place. Our meadow.
Now that we're caught up, what do you think? These one's better?
Next chapter coming up soon :)
Happy Holidays!!
