Chapter Four
"No, hold it like this," he instructed, taking her hand and moving it up, holding her elbow up so that it was tucked in tightly to her body.
She sighed and obeyed, keeping the bow taught as she pulled on the arrow.
"Can I let go now?" she asked, taking careful aim at the mango that had been hung from the tree limb for her to shoot at.
"Go ahead," he said, stepping back as she loosed the arrow. It flew straight at the fruit, hitting it dead center and pinning it to the trunk of the tree. She yelled and jumped for joy, hugging Peter tightly, laughing and giggling.
"Thank you so much!"
"I told you that you could do it if you just tucked it your elbow!" he said with a laugh. She rolled her eyes. "I'm bored now… Let's go play some pranks on the pirates!"
He started to fly up into the air but she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back to the ground.
"Isn't there anything else to do other than annoy the pirates?" she demanded, slightly annoyed with him. "Anything we haven't done before?"
Peter looked thoughtful for a moment, then grinned.
"Come with me!"
He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her up into the air with him. She dropped the bow in the process, but Peter didn't seem to mind, so she didn't comment. She laughed as they flew over the trees, her fingers brushing the tips of the trees. She giggled at the ticklish touch they had, and Peter looked at her often, biting his lower lip to keep himself from saying something stupid.
"Where are we going?" she asked. He shook his head.
"It's a surprise, I can't tell you!" he said. She laughed as he steered her towards a large rock formation out in the middle of the water. "Close your eyes now."
She obeyed, sensing him guiding her, and then feeling the rock under her feet as she landed. It was cold to the touch, and she shivered slightly, but then Peter led her down some stairs and she was at once warm, though not because the climate was warm, but rather because it was damp. She felt water forming on her forehead, little beads of sweat, and she wiped it away with one hand, the other clinging tightly to Peter's hand so that she wouldn't fall.
"Open your eyes now," he instructed. She gasped. They were in a small sea-cave, the water licking the rock walls. In the center of the cave, amidst the water, was a large flat rock. The water cast beautiful patterns on the walls, in shades of blue and purple and sometimes even yellow, and Kate couldn't help being fascinated by their mystifying powers.
"What is this place?" she asked, turning to Peter.
"No one knows about it except me and now you," he said, kneeling and dipping his fingers into the pool of water.
"It's beautiful," Kate said. She laughed and flew into the air, flying in circles, doing somersaults in the air for fun. She flew just above the water, dipping her fingers in the water and forming patterns on its surface, provoking a change in the patterns on the walls of the cave. Peter laughed as he watched her, then finally flew up in the air to join her, touching her lightly on the arm.
"Tag, you're it!" he said with a laugh. Kate shook her head.
"That's not fair, I didn't know we were playing a game!"
"When you're with me, you're always playing a game," Peter reasoned, his eyes laughing. Kate giggled and lay on her back, floating in the air as she did so. She was getting quite good at flying, almost as good as Peter himself.
"I used to come here when I needed to think," Peter said quietly, floating down and landing on the rock in the middle of the water. He sat down and dipped his feet in the water, wiggling them around a little. "You know, when I wanted to be alone."
"Why would you need to be alone?" Kate asked quietly, coming to sit next to him. "You're Peter Pan… you don't ever need to be alone, to sit and analyze your feelings, to just languish in your sadness."
"I used to come here after Wendy left. She was a funny sort. She was always talking about feelings, and she always acted funny when Tiger Lily was around. And then she left, and I felt sort of… funny, you know? Like a piece of you has been left behind. I never cried in my life, except when I lost my shadow and when Wendy grew up. I only cry when I lose a part of myself, you know. It's like, every time I cry I get smaller. I think that if I cry enough times, all of me will be gone."
She sat in silence, pondering what he had to say. She sighed.
"Crying always makes me feel better," she said. "I cry a lot though, especially recently. My parents want me to stay a child forever, and I don't know if I want to grow up or stay a child. It just feels as though the whole world is changing around me, and it's all I can do to change with it."
"I hate crying," Peter said stiffly, viciously kicking the water and spraying droplets everywhere. Kate winced as some landed on her, but she said nothing about it. "I always feel so horrible when I cry. I feel lost and abandoned and so very, very alone."
"But that's what friends and family are for," she said quietly. "They're there so that you don't feel alone all of the time."
"But I don't have any of that," Peter said. "I don't have any family, not that I want them. And I don't have any friends, either. I turned my back on them as soon as they started talking about me growing up."
"I'm your friend."
He looked at her sharply, his gaze piercing, his mouth tight. She slowly reached out and hugged him, but he sprang away almost at once.
"Don't touch me," he said. "I don't want any of that! I chose not to have any of it!"
"Oh, but Peter, everyone needs a friend!" she cried, her throat beginning to tighten, her stomach knotting tightly. "No matter how brave you are, you can't go through life without a friend!"
"Yes I can!"
He flew out of the cave then, leaving her alone. She watched him go. She knew he would never come back to this spot to think again- she had succeeded in desecrating the sanctity of his private spot. But she knew he needed to be alone, to sort through his thoughts and feelings. He would find another spot to think, and then he would come and find her. It was the same thing she did whenever she got angry at her mother or her brothers. Sometimes a person just needed some space.
She was flying in circles, unable to situate herself on the map of the island. All she could see were trees as far as the eye could see, an Indian camp at one end of the island, and a pirate ship on the other end. But none of that helped her to figure out where the Home under the Ground was.
Suddenly exhausted, she landed in a clump of trees and sat down on a rock to think. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment, trying to catch her breath. She felt a wave of exhaustion sweep over her, and she jerked her eyes open, forcing herself to stay awake.
"Hello there," a voice said.
She spun quickly, trying to locate the speaker. But she couldn't see anyone. She looked around the clearing, trying to see past the shadows, past the darkness.
She shook her head, dismissing it as a figment of her imagination, brought on by exhaustion. She closed her eyes again, insisting that she would be more likely to get home when she was more alert.
"I thought it was you," the voice said again.
She opened her eyes again, sitting up quickly. Bones stood directly in front of her, smiling cruelly, his dark eyes twinkling maliciously. She stood up, feeling quite naked and helpless without a weapon of some kind, while he was armed with both a pistol and a sword.
"Don't worry, I won't hurt you. I'm not here for that," he said. He took one step in her direction, but she retreated one step, so he decided not to attempt to get closer, that it would be a wasted effort.
"What do you want then? Peter's not here," she said, trying desperately to keep her voice from shaking.
"Who said I wanted to talk to Peter?" he asked with a smile. She felt her stomach turning in knots, doing little flip-flops inside of her.
"What do you want?" she repeated, her voice shaking quite audibly this time.
"What is a pretty little thing like you doing in the company of a little pipsqueak like Peter Pan?" he asked, almost as though he was musing aloud. "I would think that you would rather spend your time in the company of men, not boys. I would think that you would want to feed off the minds and the thoughts of great intellectuals, not simpletons."
"I don't want to be in the company of intellectuals, they bore me to tears," Kate said, trying to keep her voice strong. He took one step in her direction, but this time she didn't retreat, transfixed by the power of his gaze.
"But you don't deny that you wouldn't mind being in the company of men," he said, with a smile. She didn't respond, but stared deeply into his eyes, those dark eyes that seemed to be pulling her in, never to return.
"I like Peter," she said defensively. "He makes me laugh, and we have fun together."
"Playing children's games," he finished. "But I know that you want to be playing adult games."
He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and handed it to her. She stared at it for a moment, confused. She hadn't smoked one in what seemed like ages. It was a foreign object to her now… she couldn't even remember how to use one. Bones shrugged and slowly put it back in his pocket, watching with pleasure the way her gaze followed the cigarette's path.
"You're not a child, are you?" he asked. She looked back at him, this time her gaze strong, her voice strong, her head held high and her bearing almost regal.
"I am neither a child nor an adult, sir. I am whatever I choose to be, and my decision is in any case of no concern to you."
He stared at her for a moment, completely taken aback, but he composed himself rather quickly. He smiled slightly and shrugged.
"Whenever you make your decision as to what you are, I would be interested to hear it. Because everyone around Peter ends up deciding to grow up, whatever the reason. I would be interested to know what that reason is."
He touched his hat in a gesture of retreat, and smiling, faded back into the now complete darkness. Kate sighed and fell to the ground, unable to control the tears. She fell asleep crying, her tears soaking into the damp ground. The fairies found her that night, and though they usually played tricks on the people they found in the forest, they left her alone. Perhaps it was because they couldn't bear to harm such a beautiful creature, who already seemed to be burdened by many troubles.
