AN: Okay, this one is the result of a spooky iPod shuffling, both the Britney and Glee cast versions of 'Me Against The Music' popped up one after the other, and I took it as a sign to write this prompt.

My first attempt at a more 'mainstream' ship, so be gentle with it.

Sweet Porcelain- Chapter 4: Grab A Partner Take It Down (Britney/Brittany)

It was the day after their joint dentist appointment, and the accompanying Britney Spears fantasy, that Brittany had come to Santana with what she called, with what Santana felt was unnecessary, Kurt-inspired melodrama, ... The Plan. (and yes apparently the significant pause was required.)

... The Plan was apparently based around their Britney fantasy; Britt had noticed that their fellow Glee clubbers had shown up as bit players and backing dancers in the fantasy, and that fantasy Puck and Kurt had been acting in a decidedly flirtatious manner, even Santana could not deny that that shit was hot.

Santana knew Puck better than just about anyone else, and no matter how hard he tried to portray the image of the straighter than straight stud, leaving a trail of satisfied cougars and impregnated cheerleaders in his wake; she knew that it was just that, and image. If anyone embodied the concept of 'pansexual', it was Noah Puckerman. She had heard all about the locker room showers threesome with April Rhodes and Matt Rutherford, Blondy McBooze had confided to Santana that Puck had gotten really into it, making out with Matt and grabbing onto his hips for leverage while they double-teamed April.

It wouldn't take much to get Puck to notice Kurt in a sexual way, hell, knowing Kurt he'd probably do half the work himself. Puck had definitely sat up and took notice the day Kurt wore a corset to school in sophomore year, so all it would take was Britt planting a few risque wardrobe ideas in Kurt's head and Puck would be bound to take an interest.

The sticking point would be Kurt himself; after all the bullshit Puck had pulled on him since freshman year, middle school even, he was unlikely to just fall into Puck's arms, or into his bed. Santana was of the opinion that all of it, dumpster dives, pee balloons, patio furniture roofing, was all just a seriously messed up version of pulling pigtails, which would totally fit Puck's stage of emotional development. He couldn't accept wanting to bend Kurt over the nearest desk and screw him into oblivion, so he tormented the kid for being open and accepting of who he was instead.

And so, on to Britt's Plan. Britt would work on Kurt, getting him more comfortable around Puck and getting him to wear clothes that would pull Puck in, while she would work on Puck, convince him that he wanted Kurt, that if he put the effort in, he could have Kurt. It was simple, but brilliant, just like Britt; what was more, it would be fun.

...

Brittany liked hanging out with her baby-hands dolphin ex-boyfriend; he was always nice to her, never called her names, and he helped her pick out outfits that made Sanny very excited, he also gave the best facials, though he had asked her never to say that when there were other people around. She didn't understand why, her skin had never been so soft and smooth before he had started her weekly spa sessions, and Sanny always laughed when she talked about her dolphin giving her facials, so it couldn't be a bad thing.

She had raided her dolphin's closet to see if he had anything that would work for ... The Plan, and had found some promising pieces, including a man-skirt thing that would totally show off his legs, and would definitely make Puck interested. Dolphin had kept up a steady stream of chatter about Glee, and how unfair it was that Mr Schue wouldn't even consider doing Britney, he had even apologised for snapping at her, saying he was just frustrated.

The Cheerio had considered relieving his frustration herself, but 1) that hadn't worked when they were dating and b)Sanny wouldn't be happy, and Brittany didn't like making Sanny unhappy. So instead she started telling her dolphin all about what various guys were like in bed, and she got a major reaction when she was describing Puck's prowess, especially when she pulled out her phone to show off the pictures she had taken when Sanny had tied Puck up and gagged him, Puck had gotten really hard that day, and he had cum loads and loads.

She noticed her dolphin going very red as she continued talking, and she could definitely see the boner in his skinny jeans. It wasn't long before her dolphin had to go to the bathroom, and when he came back he looked embarrassed, and his boner was gone.

She considered it a major success when she convinced her dolphin to wear the man-skirt to school the next day, and she had planted the idea of Puck in his head. She only hoped Sanny was having as much fun with ... The Plan as she was.

...

Santana always liked knowing things that other people didn't, but knowing something that Puck didn't know, that gave her a lovely tingly sensation. She knew it had to show on her face, because Puck looked freaked out when she showed up at his door.

"Lopez? The hell you doing here you psychotic bitch?"

"Is that any way to talk to someone who's here to do you a favour, Puckerman?"

"You haven't done me any favours since before you dumped me cause of my credit rating, and our last 'conversation' ended with you threatening to cut my balls off and wear them as earrings. Forgive me if I'm a little suspicious"

Santana simply smirked at him, content to wait. Puck wasn't big on patience, he would crack first and she would make him beg her to tell him what was going on. She shivered at the thought, making Puck debase himself was always delicious. (Just because she was trying to hook Puck up with Kurt didn't mean she couldn't have some fun first)

Puck broke sooner than she had expected, "Alright Lopez, I'll bite, what's going on?"

"It's simple really, Britt's worried about Kurt, says he's wound too tight, I figured you were the perfect candidate to deal with that."

"Hummel? I know it doesn't look like it sometimes, but he's a dude Lopez, I'm not gay."

"You think I don't know that? But you're sure as hell not straight, I heard all about you, Rutherford and Floozie Boozie in the showers, April has a big mouth."

Puck smiled nostalgically, "Yeah."

"So... you can't tell me you've never thought about Kurt. Even I have, and even if he weren't gayer than the flowers in springtime he's still not my type."

"Alright, so what if I have, it's never gonna happen, the only guy who ever had a chance of getting in Hummel's skinnies was Hudson, and he screwed that up but good. Hummel's never gonna look at me after the crap I pulled, and I don't blame him."

"So you screwed up, so what? All guys go through the pulling pigtails stage, though they usually grow out of it well before high school. Besides, Finnocence pulled that crap too, and Kurt still followed him around making big shiny eyes at him, all it took was Hudson standing up for him once in a while and holding his coat while you dumpstered him to get Kurt interested, I'm sure you can do better."

"And even if he does decide that I'm not that guy anymore, I'm a sex shark, there's no way he's gonna put out any time soon, and if I went elsewhere he'd put Puckzilla out of commision for good with that kicking leg of his."

"Sure, he's a bitchy ice princess, but he's also a teenage boy, he's just gotta be horny as hell, and he's got no outlet bar his own hand, you get him off, and he'll be hooked. Besides, he is gay, everyone says gay guys give better blowjobs."

Santana left Puck considering this as she sauntered away. Time to meet up with Britt and see how she was getting on with her side of ... The Plan.

...

Everything was going according to ... The Plan; Kurt's leggings, man-skirt and bitch boots had Puck drooling, and every time Kurt glanced at Puck his eyes seemed magnetically drawn to Puck's crotch while he flushed progressively redder.

The defining moment however was when Kurt lost it and yelled at Mr Schue about the whole Britney thing, everyone else was staring open-mouthed or with smug smiles on their faces, but Puck's eyes were lust-darkened, and Santana could see Puckzilla was definitely standing to attention.

Kurt's man-skirt swirled as he stormed out of the room, and Puck's eyes snapped to his ass as the skirt flipped up. Puck had always had a thing for badasses, see Santana and, to a lesser extent, Quinn, for examples, and right then Kurt Hummel was incredibly badass. It took less than a second for Puck to decide that they were gonna get nothing done in Glee that day, everyone was too much in shock from Kurt bitching out Schue.

Without a word to anyone, Puck stood and strode out the door after Kurt.

...

Kurt had rarely felt as enraged as he was right then. Mr Schue was such a hypocrite, if they could push the boundaries with Lady Gaga, then what was wrong with a little Britney? As much as he hated to admit it, if he hadn't spent so much of Glee staring at Puck, and thus been almost painfully turned on, he might not have lost his temper with Mr Schue.

He heard the choir room door bang open behind him, and assumed it was Mr Schue come to escort him to Principal Figgin's office and complain about him, never mind that Rachel and Finn could probably murder the entire rest of the club and Schuester would simply pat them on the head and hand them the sheet music to a Journey number.

He slowed to let the teacher catch up to him, and was stunned when he felt a warm presence at his back moments before a muscled arm wrapped around him.

"Hey babe."

"Puck? What the hell are you doing? Get off me!"

"Don't try that shit with me Hummel, I know you've spent all Glee staring at my dick, and I'll tell you something else, I liked it."

Kurt was gobsmacked, pale pink suffusing his cheeks as Puck rubbed his hardon up and down the crack of Kurt's ass, one big hand reaching round to palm Kurt's crotch. Kurt couldn't stifle his moan at being touched that way for the first time, and he felt hot breath on the back of his neck as Puck leaned in to hiss in his ear.

"That's it Hummel, fuck but you make the hottest noises. Anyone ever touch you like this before?"

"N-n-n-no." Kurt managed to stammer out.

"Then what say we go somewhere a little more private so I can make it good." Puck punctuated this statement by kissing the back of Kurt's neck, sucking a hicky into the pale skin.

"O-ok"

Puck steered Kurt to the nearest supply closet, jimmying the door open and making sure it wasn't otherwise occupied, Puck dragged Kurt in with him and shut the door, pressing Kurt up against the wall while fumbling for the light switch, attaching his lips to Kurt's with the perfect mix of passion and gentleness.

Puck's lips moved against Kurt's softly, letting Kurt get used to the sensation, Puck's rough, chapped lips so different from Brittany's soft, root beer-scented ones. Puck ground his hips forward, his erection rubbing up against Kurt's, causing the slight boy to moan. Puck took advantage of this to shove his tongue into Kurt's mouth, memorising the taste that was all Kurt as he explored the younger boys mouth. After a momentary pause, Kurt's tongue slid into Puck's mouth, their tongues brushing wetly past each other, making both shudder.

With a flex of his arms, Puck lifted Kurt, and the slender boys defined legs wrapped around Puck's waist as he ground his aching hardon against Kurt's ass, desperate for relief. The two boys rutted against each other for long minutes. Kurt was the first to reach his climax, moaning Puck's name in a way that would make a porn star blush as he shot his load in his $150 skinny jeans. That moan was all it took to send Puck over the edge, he bit down gently on Kurt's neck to muffle the noises he was making as he came harder than he could ever remember coming before, slumping forward so that they were both leaning against the wall, Kurt's legs still around Puck.

Puck's greater experience meant that he recovered first, gently unwrapping Kurt from around him and lowering the countertenor to stand on his own two feet again. Kurt was staring at the ground, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, and Puck shook his head and gently tilted Kurt's chin up to look into his eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"What was this? Was it just a one-time thing cause you were horny?"

"Babe, it can be whatever you want it to be. That was hot as hell, and I would do it again any time."

Kurt gently reached out and took Puck's hand.

"For now, walk me to Figgin's office, Mr Schue's probably having a heart attack cause I'm not there."

"And after that?"

"That depends on how good you are next time, stud."

AN: So yeah, first attempt at a mainstream pairing, and first attempt at more explicit smut.

Reviews are always appreciated, constructive criticism is wonderful, flames will be used to torture Blaine.