Clique

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noun: a small, exclusive group of people; coterie; set.

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It was midnight over Gotham. All was quiet, until...

"Help! Help me!"

The terrified cries of a young woman rent the night as a man backed her down a dimly-lit alleyway, brandishing a knife which glinted menacingly in the lamplight. The woman shrieked again, striking out uselessly with her handbag.

The man only smirked in response. "Ain't nooo-one to hear you, sweetheart. You're all mine now!" he leered, the stench of alcohol rolling off his breath in waves as he raised the knife to strike...

BAM! It was snatched from his hand by three flying figures, leaving him gaping stupidly in response.

"Tan tara-ra-ra-raaa! "

"Shut up, Mello! I'm trying to concentrate! "

"Shouldn't have brought the bloody game then, should you?"

"I'll have you know, Bionic Waricle III is..."

"I don't bloody care about bloody Bionic Waricle!" SLAP!

"Hey! I know you've got gender issues, but..."

SLAP!

PUNCH!

LEATHERY RUGBY TACKLE OF DOOM!

The woman sweatdropped.

The only dark shape not fighting sighed as it landed in front of her. "Sorry about those..."

"Hey! Wat'cha doin' wi' ma..." the drunken knife-man staggered forward, only to be met with the point of an umbrella in a place it was hardly designed to go. "AARGH!"

"Indeed." The shape nodded, satisfied, as it tucked the umbrella it had apparently produced from nowhere into a hidden fold in its suit. "Now, as I was saying, I apologise for the behaviour of my cohorts here. Gender-confusion issues, you know..."

"Who are you calling gender-confused, albino freak?" The dark shape that had trumpeted on entrance grabbed the smaller one by the collar, dragging him backwards and into the fight. The third shape took the chance to duck out of said melee, slouching over to the beleaguered woman and practically radiating annoyance.

"Sod broke my GameBoy." he muttered, lighting a cigarette. "I love the guy, but some days..." he shook his head. "But heck. I'm Matt, and I guess, since we came to rescue you, might as well get on with the job."

The man behind him staggered up with a drunken roar, but Matt didn't even turn- merely pulling the cigarette from his mouth and squashing it into the pockmarked nose behind him. "YEOW!"

"Not very articulate, is he?" The teen spoke as though he was at a social gathering, not beating up a drunk criminal in the dead of night. The woman just blinked in response, and the boy rolled his eyes as he turned to scavenge what he could of his GameBoy. "Always like this- only ever saying 'thanks' as we fly off, bloody ingrates..."

"YIEEE!" The voice was masculine (well, ish), but the pitch was very, very high. The blonde staggered away from the fight, cradling his groin.

"Ain't nobody that can stand up to the family-jewel-poke of Doom!" The white-haired boy grinned, stroking the umbrella fondly in a way that had every innuendo-dealing part of the woman's brain working double-time.

"And God help us all when Near feels like testing it." Muttered Matt.

"Hi." It was more of a wheeze than anything, the woman decided. Admittedly, the umbrella poking was the only thing reassuring her that this was indeed a male member of the species before her- his effeminate appearance had made her a little confused. She still didn't answer though.

Matt chucked a battery at the blonde's head. "Think she's mute."

"Not if those screams were anything to go by- the woman's a regular banshee. I reckon it's just my good looks." The voice was returning to a more normal pitch. Matt and Near snorted simultaneously.

"Ha."

"Winning one 'beautiful baby' contest as a child does not automatically make you a charmer, Mello." Near intoned, still stroking the umbrella. "I daresay it's quite the opposite, in fact."

"Hey!" Mello snapped as Matt doubled over laughing. "No need to bring that up!"

"There was every need, Mellokins." Matt gasped, still chuckling.

"And for the last time..."

"Look out!" The woman cried, as her attacker rose once more from the ground where he'd been writhing from the pain of the combined cigarette and umbrella moves. He yelled again and Mello turned, but this time the woman got there first- smacking the man over the head with her really rather heavy bag.

"Ungh..." he sank to the floor in a crumpled heap. The three boys turned to stare at her.

"Self-defence classes. My dad made me take them." She explained. Mello raised an eyebrow.

"So why on earth were you so useless earlier?"

She shrugged. "I'd heard stories of a bunch of utterly useless caped crusaders flying around. Wanted to see if they were true, I guess." She laughed at the look on Mello and Matt's faces- Near disappointed, his visage stoically blank.

"And are they?"

She smirked. "Every one."

"Hmm. It appears we will have to conduct a mind wipe..."

"Hey!"

"...once we have carried this man to the local jail." Sayu glared at him.

"I don't want to be mind wiped!"

Near shrugged. "All part of the job. Up and away, gentlemen." The man on the floor was unceremoniously picked up by various parts of his clothing and the threesome flew off slowly, trailing him along behind. The woman watched as they became dim shapes once more amidst the night lights of the city then, as they flew over the jail, separating. The man fell, bounced off the wall and the woman could've sworn she heard a shouted curse as the three shapes flew down to catch him.

Well, that was them distracted. She didn't really believe they could mindwipe her, but she wasn't about to stick around and find out.

With a grin and a small giggle, Sayu Yagami ran off into the darkness.

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Author's Note: This started out as an idea for a really serious fic- honest to God, it did. But then I made the mistake of sending it to shirosunday, who twisted it beyond belief. But heck, I like it better that way. -grins- Thanks shiro!

The 'serious' fic idea will be posted on the Plot Bunny Exchange, since I know I'm never going to be able to write another DN/Batman crossover without sending it spiralling into madness once more. That said, there's likely to be another story in this vein somewhere along the line- keep your eyes peeled! I'm not giving Batman!Whammy Gang up yet!

That over with, I'm quite proud of myself. Three updates in as many days- yay!