Hello lovelies!

So this chapter is a lot more serious than the previous ones in the story thus far, and is going to set the beginning of the change for the second generation as they lose the child-like parts I've been trying to highlight. This is dealing with the topic of death, and suicide to heads up for that.


Alphabet Without A


Silver-11
Mello-11
Matt-10
Sunny-10
Near-9


Silver was sitting outside with Mello and Matt, Mello was trying to teach her how to make a grass whistle.

It was a lazy day, they didn't have any lessons that day and the sky was blue and cheery.

They weren't the only ones taking advantage of the nice whether, there were tons of other kids outside, Near had come out for once and was sitting on a blanket in the grass with Sunny while he played with a Rubix cube and even Roger had unearthed himself from the depths of his office and was lounging in a chair while he read a book.

There was nothing special or memorable really about that day, May 16th. It was just another peaceful day at Wammy's. At least, the day had started out average and peaceful.

But the peace was destroyed by the sound of an unearthly howl that was coming from the house further down the property that was for the first generation.

Everyone flinched and turned towards the house, Roger stood and called for some of the staff so that he could go look.

Moments later the sound came again, this time sounding more like a broken hearted wail.

Moments later the front door burst open and Candy started running towards everyone. There was blood on her hands and her white jeans had blood soaking the knees and the front half of her legs.

"What on earth is going on!"

"It's A!" Candy sobbed.

"What happened?!" Roger gasped as Near bolted to his feet and started towards Candy with Sunny on his heels.

"He-he killed herself!"


Everything froze as those words left Candy's lips and the only sound that filled the clearing for a long moment was the sound of Candy's hard sobs.

Then Near let out a whimper and Silver watched in shock as his eyes fluttered shut and he swayed before collapsing to the ground unconscious.

There were shouts and Sunny let out a cry as she dropped down next to him.

"Someone- I-" Roger was panicking as he looked between Candy and Near.

"We'll take him to his room Roger, go take care of A." Mello finally said quietly, stepping forward with no hint of his usual cockiness.

Roger nodded and his chin quivered.

"Thank you. I need one of the staff to call 911 and tell them what happened."

Candy took a ragged breath and wiped her face.

"I need to use my laptop to contact L and tell him what happened."

Roger then turned towards the kids.

"Everyone go to the dorms! You may gather in a friends room but no wandering the halls and no one leaves the dorm area until you are otherwise informed! A staff member will be informing the kids inside that everyone is to stay in the dorms. Any meals will be brought up to the bedrooms for you to eat and I want everyone to be as quiet as possible!"

The group of usually loud children were all but entirely noiseless, no chatter as they gathered their things and obeyed in stunned silence. Silver and Mello walked over to Near and gently lifted him between them as they started after the others.

Behind them Matt put a comforting arm around Sunny and guided her up the stairs as Mello and Silver carried Near to his dorm room. Once he was in bed and Mello had checked to make sure that his vitals were normal they left Sunny to stay with him at least until he woke and the three of them headed to Matt and Mello's room.

Once the door was closed they all climbed up onto Mello's bed and sat facing each other.

"I can't believe A killed himself." Silver finally whispered.

Matt and Mello nodded.

"That howl and wail sound must have been Beyond when he found A." Matt said softly.

"Yeah." Mello agreed.

"Why did Near react the way he did?" Silver asked.

Both boys blinked in surprise.

"You didn't know?"

Silver shook her head.

"Near arrived here when he was a baby and because A loved working with kids so much they asked him if he wanted to raise an orphaned baby. I guess Near's parents were extremely brilliant and had done a lot for Wammy so Watari had decided to take Near." Matt said

Mello picked up the explanation from there.

"A of course instantly agreed to raise Near. Near actually lived in the house for the original successor generation until he was six. He and A were extremely close and it wasn't until he started attending lessons here that he wasn't attached to A at the hip. Near still visited him as much as he could."

Silver was silent as she absorbed what she had just been told.

"So for Near losing A would kind of be like losing a dad or protective older brother..."

Both boys nodded.

"Oh."

"That's why he passed out like that. With his autism he doesn't react well to extreme shocks and something like would be a lot more than a shock to his system." Matt said gravely.

Silver's heart hurt for Near.

"It's strange to think that not only is he dead but he's dead by his own hand."

The boys nodded and Silver grabbed a pillow, wrapping her arms around it tightly and resting her chin on the top.

They sat in silence and Silver eventually leaned against Mello, closing her eyes and trying to block out the mental image of A lying on his floor dead.


Silver was jerked awake a couple of hours later by Mello shaking her lightly.

"Hey, wake up. We've all been called downstairs for a meeting."

Silver stood and stretched before following Mello and Matt down to the massive common room, taking a seat near the front with her friends. A few seats away Near and Sunny sat together, Sunny's face filled with sadness and Near looking exhausted and blank.

At the front of the room, Roger stood at the front of the room next to a table with a computer next to him. There was a letter L on the screen.

"Children, I need you all to sit down quietly. L needs to speak with you."

The kids fell silent and all eyes focused on the screen.

"Thank you. I'm sure some of you have heard from your friends what happened this morning."

There were lots of murmured agreements but more of the kids just looked confused.

"As many of you may know there is a large house built further back on the property and in that house, the first generation of successors currently live. In that house A, B and C lived."

There were more nods.

"Well this morning A committed suicide."

There were gasps of horror and soft little sighs. The news was shocking for everyone, since A was known by members of the orphanage as someone who never had a expression other then a smile on his face.

"I understand that this would come as a shock to all of you. It came as a shock to me as well. I ask that none of you ask questions or speak to those close to A about his suicide. This is a devastating time for all those close to him and I want you to respect those close to him in their time of grief."

No one spoke and L continued.

"I also want to make it clear that I don't want anyone not previously connected to the remaining residents Candy and B to go near that house. This will be difficult and they do not need someone who is curious about A's death to come poking around. They wish to be left to grieve in peace."

No one protested or spoke.

"Do you have any questions?"

One kid tentatively raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"How did he do it?"

There was a oppressive silence that fell over the room and it was several moments before the computer spoke. When it finally did Silver's eyes widened slightly.

That wasn't the same person speaking.

Oh sure the scrambled voice was the same but some of the undertones that couldn't be changed by a computer were different and Silver knew that whoever was speaking was most definitely not L. If she had to guess she would think it was Watari.

"I'm afraid that's not a question I can answer with all ages in the room. For those of you who have questions like that you may speak to a staff member and ask whatever you wish. However, if you are eleven and under your questions will not be answered until you are older."

Another kid put up their hand.

"Yes?"

"Who found her?"

"That would be his boyfriend B."

People were quiet as they absorbed that.

"I believe this conversation is over now. There will be a funeral for A in three days and until then all lessons will be canceled. If you feel upset and need to talk to someone, staff will be available to you at all times and I encourage you to speak with them. We will ask you to put aside fights and personal vendetta's for the next little bit as we recover from this devastating loss."

Students nodded in agreement.

"For the next three days until the funeral, you are encouraged to find quiet activities in your or your friends rooms and meals will continue to be served in your room."

Roger then stepped forward.

"Thank you, L for speaking to us."

"Good day, all of you." The computer responded before the screen went blank.

The kids were dismissed and Silver and Mello headed back up to the boys room. The quiet requirement would be no problem, they were to shaken to cause problems anyway.


Watari closed the computer that he had taken over after the question about how the suicide was done before turning to the closed bedroom door a few feet away.

Watari sighed and walked over to the door, gently opening it to see L curled up in a ball on the bed. He walked over and looked down at the teen he had come to see as a son.

"L?"

No answer.

Watari sat down on the edge of the bed and brushed the hair out of his face, exposing his eyes that were wet with tears though his face held no expression outside blankness.

"Oh L." Watari whispered, placing a hand on the young man's shoulder.

"He's gone."

Watari didn't speak and watched as L slowly blinked as if in a trance.

"He was like a brother to me and now she's dead." He whispered.

"I know."

"A...I mean Adrian is really gone forever."

Watari's face sagged sadly.

"Yes, he is."

At Watari's words, L's onyx eyes closed, tears spilling out from under black lashes. Watari instantly pulled L up into a sitting expression and wrapped his arms around the detectives thin shoulders, holding him the way one would a child as silent sobs wracked L's body and Watari's shirt became soaked with tears.

L was expected to be emotionless. To be unaffected by anything. But even a great detective like L had things that were close to his heart and losing someone who was like family was something that had broken the mask, leaving a hurting boy and a broken heart out for the world to see.

Watari knew that in a few hours that would change once more, as the young man would close in on himself and snuff out his emotions. Once more L would lock himself in a detached place none would be able to reach him in. He would further silence his emotion, he would cut those who were once closest to him out callously without answer to their own hurt, as he had been doing bit by bit since leaving.

It made him question himself at times, pushing L to pursuing his potential and allowing the boy to step into the world of detectives and crime. He just prayed that L would not forget those who loved him altogether.


That night the students were given permission to sleep in their friends room for comfort. Since most of them had come from bad pasts something like suicide could very well trigger panic attacks and the like if the kids were alone.

So that night instead of heading to her own room when the curfew bell rang Silver stayed in Mello and Matt's room. They set up a sleeping bag at the foot of Mello's bed and after changing into a oversized shirt and leggings Silver climbed inside the sleeping bag. Matt was already asleep and Mello wished her a soft goodnight before shutting off the lights.

Silver wasn't awake for very long before she slipped into dream world. But being asleep brought it's own suffering.


Guns blazing, Rai being hit and falling to the ground with blood pooling around him. Silver begged for him to hold, not to die, to stay with her but when she reached his side he was already dead. She looked up to see her father tied up and his Yakuza boss pressing the already steaming gun against her dad's forehead.

"I told you that someone would pay if you didn't pay back your loans."

Pressing the trigger, almost shooting her father, Silver lunging and throwing the gun out of the killers hand. He pulling a knife and slashing down across the back of her right hand, from wrist down to the nail of her middle finger.

The Yakuza men leaving and her mom coming out of hiding. They take turns screaming about this being all her fault because they had to feed her and beating her black and blue, no one there to stop them because Rai was dead.

Silver screamed in fear, pain and loss. She had lost the only person who had known her inside and out. She had lost everything.


Silver woke herself up with a hissed cry, she clapped a hand over her mouth and breathed hard. It was just a dream.

Rai hadn't died that day, he hadn't been there to risk losing his life for.

Once she had calmed down she realized that she wasn't in her room. She looked around worried that she had woken Matt and Mello.

She heard Matt mumbling in his sleep and breathed a soft sigh of relief that he hadn't heard her. Her relief however was short lived when she heard Mello whisper to her.

"Princess, are you ok? I heard you cry out a few times." Mello asked. She looked and saw him sitting up in bed, his blond hair reflecting the light.

"I'm fine, it was just a dream. I'm sorry about waking you." She whispered.

Mello was silent for a moment before speaking again.

"Come here."

Silver did, making her way over to the side of the bed to where he sat. Mello shifted over in the bed and held his covers open in a clear invitation. Silver stared at him like he had lost his mind.

"Are you nuts? I am not crawling into bed with you like your my mother and I'm some scared child that can't sleep alone Méro." Silver said in irritation.

Mello sighed.

"I didn't originally live here in England. I'm originally from Slovakia. My family was relatively normal, I never had the tragic family past that a lot of kids had. I ended up here because of political unrest in my city. Where I lived there were a small group of Neo-Nazi's, they were quiet enough that the law could do nothing about them but big enough that they presented a threat to anyone who was against them, or happened to be a Jew. Things got worse and worse, anger and hatred made things extremely tense. One day I went to the mall with my parents, we were looking for a gift I could take to a birthday party. What we didn't know is that things had finally come to a head, and while we were shopping someone came into the mall with a gun."

Mello went silent for a moment, swallowing hard before continuing.

"He waited until he was in one of the bigger cities and started shooting, there was so much screaming as people realized what was happening and tried to flea. He wasn't shooting indiscriminately, he was shooting anyone that was clearly of a different ethnicity and anyone that got in his way. My dad tried to stop him, he tackled the man and tried to wrestle the gun away, but he was shot and killed. My mom screamed, we had been cornered when my dad had attacked, and the gunman turned on us. M-my mom was hysterical and tried to hide me but the gunman kept coming. He called my mom a keeper of the rebels and-...and he killed her. I would have died to...but I had blond hair and blue eyes. He said that I was a "chosen one"...and he spared me. Fourteen people died that day, both my parents were gone and I didn't have any close family to take me in after. I was alone when Wammy's found me."

Silver listened intently. None of them ever talked about their past so this was a rare thing for him to share something about his life before Wammy.

"I was brought straight to Wammy House and roomed by myself. I had nightmares every night for years but no one was there to hear. However one day a new female student who had violent issues with other girls was moved into the male dorm until she was stable and because my old room was the most isolated from everyone I was moved into a double occupant room with Matt who I had never talked to before in the entire year and a half I had been there. The first night I was in this room I had a nightmare that had me thrashing around and screaming. I woke Matt up with the screams and tried to turn on all the lights so that I wouldn't fall asleep and pick up where I left off."

"Matt turned off all the lights and climbed into the bed with me much to my anger, I was pretty creeped out until he explained why. He told me that his last roommate, his cousin who got adopted because he wasn't a successor in training, used to have nightmares and when he had someone else in the bed with him he wouldn't have the nightmares. Because I needed sleep at and was still shaking from the nightmare I allowed it and it worked. I very rarely let that happen and Matt didn't particularly want to share a bed either. But the few times that I needed that physical contact to keep away dreams I got it and and was able to escape the terrors that haunted me. It's up to you but I think that you might be able to sleep if you do try it." Mello finished.

Silver thought about returning to the nightmare and flinched. Anything was better then that. Swallowing her pride she nodded and Mello opened the covers again for her to slip under.

She did and Mello wrapped the covers around them gently. Silver lay on the edge of the mattress unsure of what to do next. Mello sighed again and reached over, wrapping a arm around her middle and pulling her right next to him so that she was lying on her side with her back leaning gently against his chest.

"Seriously? You should know me well enough to know by now that I'm not going to bite you for getting into my space." Mello snorted.

Silver laughed softly at his words and allowed herself to relax. He was warm. Going to sleep like this reminded her of the day after she had gotten home from the hospital. Her parents had been arrested for child abuse and drug charges and she was living at Rai's house. They had been talking about adopting her. That night she had woken herself up from a nightmare by crying out for Rai, dreaming that he had been killed like she had tonight. He had come in and curled up in the bed with her to comfort her just as Mello was doing now.

"If you ever have these nightmares and they won't go away don't hesitate to come find me. I don't mind sharing the bed occasionally. I understand not being able to leave behind the terror of a nightmare like that." Mello murmured in a sleepy hum.

Silver smiled.

"Thanks, Méro."

With the steady breaths that he took Silver felt herself relax more and more, to the point that she let herself relax into Mello and finally fall asleep.


The funeral came all to soon and the members of Wammy house gathered in a massive tent that had been set up in one of the massive fields on Wammy property.

There was a cherry brown mahogany coffin sitting on a stand in the front. The lid was closed and on the table next to it were pictures of A.

A with B, A with Candy, A with B and Candy and L, A with Near, A with Watari. A was smiling in all of the pictures and looking at his glowing face only made Silver more confused onto what would have made such a happy boy kill himself.

The front row closest to the photos held A's closest friends.

On the very edge of the bench sat Candy who was wearing a black dress and a broken expression. On her right sat B who was in a black suit and was staring at his lap, black hair covering his face and hiding his eyes. Next to B was Near who was staring at the coffin with a blank face although his eyes were glassy. Then Sunny who was red eyed and trembling lipped as she clenched her black dress tightly. Last on the bench was Roger who looked sad and exhausted.

The church was silent as the priest came forward and did the service, talking about how much A would be missed. His words weren't flowery and they didn't ring false which made Silver feel slightly better. A was loved by so many, it would only be a insult to his legacy to have a cold and impersonal service.

"Silver, do you think that L will come to the actual service?" Mello whispered in her ear.

Silver shrugged.

"I don't think so. I think the kids would realize who he is right away since everyone knows that L was friends with A."

Mello nodded and they didn't talk again until the end of the service. Just as everyone was leaving the church Roger walked over to Mello, Matt and Silver.

"Please go sit up near the front. L wishes to come and pay his respects and he wishes to speak with you all before he leaves again."

The trio nodded and Silver followed her two friends up to the front.

Once the church was completely empty except for everyone but Silver, Matt, Mello, Near, Sunny, B and Candy, Watari and L walked in.

Watari looked sad and like he had aged a few years since the last time they saw him. L looked pale and the bags under his eyes had turned into massive suitcases.

"Hello everyone. Thank you for staying behind. I wish to pay my respects alone with Candy, B, Near and Sunny so I will make what I have to say quick so that the three of you who were not attached to A can leave."

Silver, Mello and Matt all nodded.

"Near, Mello, you two are really the only one of the five that are most likely to take over my position should Candy, B and I all die or become unable to serve as L any longer. If either of you ever find the pressure too much you are to inform me immediately. I will not be ashamed or disappointed in you if you find that the position of L is not something you feel that you are able to handle. This is a extremely high pressure job and could break a good many people. I do not wish for another bright mind to be snuffed out so soon, especially not to suicide."

Mello and Near looked at each other before turning to L and nodding.

"Thank you. Mello, Matt, Silver, you three may go."

Silver stood with her friends and nodded to L before leaving. The ride home was silent and after changing out of their funeral clothes they all piled onto Mello's bed and laid squished together. They had all been shaken by the death of A and now we're starting to realize that life was a precious thing to be cherished.

It was scary to think about how delicate people were.


In the weeks following A's suicide and funeral things changed. Beyond ran away the day of the funeral, leaving behind a note that Near and Sunny found with some sort of threat. They didn't tell anyone what the threat said and the only reason Mello, Silver and Matt knew is because they were called into the office to find out if they possibly knew anything.

Candy also left, saying that she wished to start over. She never said goodbye, she simply left a note saying that she had left Wammy for good and not to bother looking for her because she had no intentions of returning no matter what anyone asked.

Near had become much more withdrawn and Sunny smiled less.

Even Silver, Mello and Matt felt a change. They didn't cause as many pranks anymore. Somehow it just seemed immature and juvenile now to cause problems like that all the time.

A childlike innocence had been taken from them all, a part of them that would never come back. Things at Wammy had been changed forever.