Author's Note:
I'm not a doctor, but I did a lot of research on Google to try and make it as realistic as possible, so if any part of this is incorrect, just remember that this is fiction. Also the standard disclaimer for this story is that it deals with the aftermath of a possible sexual assault. No graphic details, but it is mentioned. All that aside, I hope that you enjoy this chapter.
Chapter Four: Alex's POV
I don't really remember what makes me wake up, but the first thing I'm aware of is the steady sound of my heartbeat reflected on the monitor beside me.(I note clinically that my heartbeat seems a little fast, and I wonder if it's from me dreaming or something else.)The next thing I noticed is that my girlfriend is holding my hand. I don't have to open my eyes to know that it's Maggie, I can just tell by the size, shape and temperature of the fingers caressing my own. (They are smaller than Kara's and Maggie has a different set of calluses on her palm. They are similar to mine, since we both spend a lot of time holding guns and other weapons, plus her hands are always cold, which is nice because mine are always warm. )
"Mags?" I ask softly, my words slightly muffled though the mask, so I squeeze her hand for emphasis.
When she doesn't answer right away, I open my eyes to see white walls instead of glass windows. They must have moved me to a private room while I was sleeping. My left hand hurts a little when I move it, and I see that they started an IV while I was out as well.
I turn my head slightly the other way to see Maggie sitting next to me in a recliner, in what looks to be a very uncomfortable position, fast asleep. Her beautiful dark hair is wild, like she's run her fingers through it a thousand times, and her clothes are wrinkled in a way that is uncharacteristic of her. She's using her beloved leather jacket for a pillow, and she is the most beautiful thing in the world to me, right now and anytime as a matter of fact. I don't wake her up, because this is probably the first chance she's gotten to sleep since she found out I was kidnapped.
I was kidnapped, and who knows what else. The thought enters unbidden into my mind and hits me like a speeding car. I feel cold, and I shiver, wishing I had another blanket. I close my eyes and try to push the thought away, to go back to sleep, but it's no use. My mind is racing and I can't get it to stop. What if he did rape me? What would that mean for me and Maggie, what if I get pregnant… it's been too long past the time of the incident if it did occur to take an emergency contraceptive. But would I want kids, would Maggie want kids with me knowing how they came to be, could I even get the nerve to go through an abortion? What if he gave me something?
These thoughts swirl in my head, until I feel like I'm drowning all over again. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks, and I try to force myself to breathe normally, and not to sob. Maggie needs her sleep, don't wake her up Danvers. She wouldn't want to see you like this anyway, you're pathetic. All of my old feelings of being worthless rise up in the pit of my stomach and I feel sick.I thought that I left that part of my life behind, those feelings behind, when I met Maggie but here I am again.
"Babe?" I hear her call for me softly, her voice still filled with sleep. No, no, no, I'm sorry. The thought that I woke her up makes me want to cry more, but I try to will myself stop so that she will go back to sleep. I close my eyes, trying to look away towards the opposite wall so she won't see the tears.
"Alex?" She says a little louder and more alert. She squeezes my hand, but I don't squeeze back, I can't… I can't move. My heart is racing even more now, an Alarm goes off on the monitor. She lets go of my hand, and it sends a new wave of panic though my body.
"Oh, Alex, it's ok." Maggie says, ignoring protocol as she climbs into the bed next to me, and wraps her arms around me. I'm breathing heavily even through the mask, making me kind of sound like Darth Vader. (The thought doesn't amuse me.) Maggie hugs me harder, and it kind of hurts but I don't care. I lean into her, full on weeping now. My face is pressed into her shoulder, and I'm getting her shirt all wet. I look up, and I see that she's crying with me. "It's ok,sweetheart . You're ok. You're safe. It's going to be alright." She says, accenting each word with tiny kisses to whatever part of my body she can reach.
It takes a while for me to calm down(which stops the alarm, thank Rao), and for the tears and the sobs to stop. I feel exhausted again, but I'm content to just be held by her for a while. It's what I've needed since I woke up the first time but I didn't know how to ask for it.
Maggie moves slightly adjusting her hold on me, as Dr. Hamilton rushes into the room, clipboard in hand, and heads for the monitor, adjusting some things and grabbing the strip of tape that reads the EKG results from the leads that are attached around my chest and back. She makes a note on the clipboard, and attaches the tape to it.
"Everything ok?" She turns and blinks for a second at seeing Maggie with me in the bed, but she then she nods and doesn't say anything.
I nod slightly,not wanting to talk just yet, and Maggie elaborates for me.
"Panic attack."
Dr. Hamilton looks at me concerned. She looks at the chart in her hand, and then makes another note.
Then she moves over to the chair that Maggie has been sitting in and sits down, so she is more on my level.
"Ok, so, Alex, I was going to talk to you about your test results so we can discuss treatment, but if you need a few minutes, I can come back?"
I shake my head no, as I roll over to face her fully, I can't stand not waiting anymore.
"Ok then. Your MRI came back normal, you have no damage to your brain and no loss of function in your extremities. I am a bit concerned about your lungs, however…"
" Noncardiac Pulmonary Edema." I say, lifting the mask. "Fluid in the lungs." I'm a doctor myself, and I recognize the symptoms. That the pressure in my chest and my shortness of breath were part of a larger problem. And I suppose the panic attacks are too, although whether they are being caused by my being short of breath or if my shortness of breath is caused by the panic attacks, I have yet to determined. "You have me on 100% oxygen, and are monitoring my vitals."
"Correct, according to the x-ray there only is a small amount of fluid, but it's enough. Your oxygen level was starting to go back to normal shortly after you arrived here, probably because of the drugs the medical team gave you and because you were resting, but now it's dropped a little. Also your heart seems to acting a little bit funny, but that's expected with this condition. I'm mostly worried about the complications this condition can bring about so I'm going to put you on some medications to try and treat this as aggressively as possible. We are also going to try and keep your stress level down as much as possible, to prevent adding more stress on your heart." Riley said.
"Are we looking at surgery?" I ask, hoping that it wouldn't be the case.
"Not yet. That is the worst case scenario. We've already started with oxygen therapy, but I am going to have the nurse switch you back to a nasal cannula, that way you can eat and talk better. We are going to have to monitor your fluids, both intake and output, and start you on a round of antibiotics to hopefully prevent any infections that may occur, from bacteria in the water. The Lab is testing the water and the tank, to see what bacteria you may be at risk for, so that we can target that kind specifically." She pauses for a second, and shares a look with Maggie that I don't understand, then continues. "Would you object to taking anti-anxiety medication as well, to help prevent these panic attacks?"
I sigh, I hate those kinds of drugs, but I understand why she wants me on them. I could easily work myself up into arrhythmia or worse, with the condition that I'm in right now. "No, I'll take them."
"So that being said, do you consent to the treatment plan?" She asks me.
"Yes."
"Ok, I'll have the nurse set you up with the medication, and then dinner. Maggie had Agent Martinez bring you some chicken noodle soup from Noonan's. I was waiting for your tests to come back before you ate, just in case I needed to prep you for surgery. I'm sure you're hungry." As if on cue, my stomach growls. Maggie and Riley laugh while I blush. I feel Maggie kiss the back of my neck and I sigh.
"Oh, Alex, would you like a nurse to assist you with the collection part of the monitoring, or Maggie?" Riley asks me as she stands up.
I have to think hard about that. On the one hand, I don't want Maggie to leave me, but two, having to pee in a collection container is a pretty personal thing to share with someone, even if you do share a pretty personal relationship with each other. I don't know if we are ready for that whole in sickness and in health thing, we haven't even been dating a year yet.
Maggie kisses my neck again. "Ride or Die, Danvers." She whispers, making me wonder if she could read my thoughts. "If you want me to stay, I will and I'll help you , if you want me too, or I can stay and close my eyes or I can step out entirely.No matter what, It's ok." She kisses my ear, and hugs me a bit tighter. "I love you." She reminds me, and it makes me smile.
"Can you just stay in the room, but close your eyes?" I ask, trying to compromise. I'm not really sure why I'm being so clingy, but being separated from her right now makes me feel anxious. She nods and kisses me on the mouth for a few seconds, before getting out of the bed, heading back towards the chair. Riley turns to go, but I notice that she forgot to tell me one thing.
"Hey, Riley?" She turns around, and raises her eyebrow in question. "What were the results of the rape kit?" I force myself to say.
She moves closer and sighs. "I'm still waiting on the results of the swabs as well as your blood work. But I found no evidence of trauma or injury, and there was no trace of semen or other bodily fluids on your clothes. I would like to say that it's negative, but I have to wait on the swabs."
"Because of the contamination of the water, right?" I say softly.
"Yes. Evidence could have been washed away." Riley replied. She looks at me for a moment, to see if I'm going to say anything else, when I don't she sighs. "I'll send the nurse in. And as soon as the test comes in, I'll be back to let you know. Maggie I'll be in my office if either of you need anything, come get me."
My girlfriend nods, and soon after Riley leaves. Maggie grabs my hand.
"You ok, Danvers?" She asks me, although I'm pretty sure she already knows, it's just her standard question when she's trying to gage my mood.
"No." I answer honestly, surprising her. "No, I'm not. I just want all of this to be over."
"I know, babe. You want to talk about it?"
"Not really, but I know I should. But I really need food first. I can't really think right now. But do you want to talk about it? This… issue, isn't just about me, if something did happen, it will affect you too. And the kidnapping was traumatic enough for us both." Maggie was about to answer me, but the conversation stops when suddenly I'm struck by a huge coughing fit. It takes several minutes for it to stop and for my breathing to return to normal.
"Easy now, Danvers." She rubs my back. Ugg this really sucks. The older nurse who gave me a tissue earlier, comes in with a cart full of things. She adjusts a couple of things on the IV stand, and adds a new bag of what I'm guessing is the antibiotic. Then she moves the cart closer to me.
The first thing the nurse hands me is tray with a styrofoam container of what smells like my favorite soup, and a to-go cup of what I'm guessing is tea. Then she hands a me a little white paper cup, which holds the rest of the medicine that Riley has prescribed for me. I swallow the pills quickly and wash them down with a drink of the tea. It's warm, but not scalding, and it feels really good going down my throat.
"I'll be back in a little while to check on you. Do you need anything else right now, Agent Danvers?" The nurse asks.
I shake my head and barely see her leave, my attention already on the bowl of soup in front of me. It smells delicious and Maggie and I both giggle when my stomach growls again. I take the first bite and moan a little, which makes Maggie laugh harder.
"Should I be jealous?" She asks teasing me, "Would you like me to give you two a moment alone?"
"Haha, very funny. But seriously this tastes amazing, Noonan's has the best soup. Thanks for getting the Agent to get it for me." Suddenly it hits me that I'm the only one eating." You want some? I'm sure you're hungry too."
"No, I'm ok. Martinez got me pizza, and Dr. Hamilton made me eat it while we were talking, when you were sleeping. I'm fine, babe."
I nod and take a few more bites and before I know it the whole bowl is gone. Maggie moves the cart and the tray out of the way, and I motion for her to lie back down with me. She is even more careful this time, I'm starting to feel a little sore, but I need her. She holds me against her chest, and I feel like I can relax again.
"Maggie?" I ask, as my mind goes back to our previous conversation. "What were you going to tell me before my coughing and the nurse interrupted?"
She sighs. "Alex, I do want to talk, and I know that we both have a tendency to bury our feelings, when it comes to things like this, but I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. We do need to talk to each other about what happened and how that could affect our future, but right now, Alex, I just need to be with you." She pauses as her voice cracks, and I can feel her start to cry. "It was terrifying as hell seeing you in that tank, and I just need to know that you are alive right now. The rest can come later for me ok, when you are ready?" I reach for her hand, where's it's resting lightly on my stomach, and squeeze it. I wish I could turn around so I could hug her, but that's kind of impossible right now. Maggie knows and she lays her head against my neck, so that I can feel her. We are silent for a long while before I answer.
"Ok." I understand where she's coming from. I want to talk, but yet I don't. Everything seems too close right now, and I can't really think clearly. So just being with her sounds alright to me. "I love you."
"I love you too." She whispers, and I hear her sigh, and adjust the other pillow a little so she's resting more comfortably.
The warm food in my belly, Maggie's presence, and the drugs, make me feel sleepy again, but I try to fight it as long as I can. "Mags?" I whisper after a moment.
"Hmm?" Maggie sounds about half asleep herself.
"Where's Kara? Did she come by earlier while I was sleeping or something?" I ask, my brain suddenly realizing that I haven't seen my sister yet.
"She was with you when we first got back to the DEO, but then J'onn pulled her into the control room. I'm not sure what happened to her after that. I know we talked in the van about bringing Eliza here, so maybe she went..." The sound of the heart monitor interrupts her, as my heart speeds up at the thought of my mother coming here. I love my mom don't get me wrong, but I can't deal with her right now. We have come a long way since that talk we had two thanksgivings ago, but I can still her voice telling me that she would be so disappointed that I didn't do a better job of saving myself, or that how could I put Kara though that.
"Danvers, hey, look,We talked about it, but we both decided to wait until you got better, or at least until we knew that you were going to be ok." She rubs my back.
I let out a small sigh of relief, and close my eyes, they feel really heavy now. I feel like I should apologize for how I feel about my mother, or at least how obvious it is now that the world can hear how I react to things, but I don't. Maggie knows my family well enough by now to understand. She loves my mother, and it's good for her to have that kind of relationship with her, but she also doesn't make excuses for how she treats me sometimes, and once she even called her out on it.
"Ok. Mags?"
"What sweetheart?"
"I don't think I can stay awake anymore."
I hear her laugh a little. "It's ok. Go back to sleep, Alex."
"Mags?" I ask, after a few seconds.
"Yes, Danvers?" I can hear her smile.
"Will you be here when I wake up? You won't leave right?" I can feel her take a breath in, before she answers and it comes out as a soft sigh.
"Of course, babe, I'll be right here." We are quiet for a long moment, and I'm almost asleep, when I hear her quietly say.
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
A goofy sleepy grin crosses my face as I reply "Love you." The thought of her smile follows me into slumber, and I feel at peace for the moment.
Author's Note:
Sorry for the long delay, I had an idea in mind of where I wanted it to go, and I had it all written but after doing more research, I had to rewrite it. As always, any mistakes are my own. Reviews and follows help me write faster, so please if you like this story, please leave a review. Also, I've had a couple of people ask me when there is going to be a moment between the Danvers sisters, and so I wanted to say that it's coming in Chapter Six, so stay tuned. Thanks for reading.
