The weeks since my wedding day were usually spent alone while Raoul was out. When he was home he tried to shower me with gifts. But that wasn't what I needed. I needed presence and love, devotion. I needed solid arms around me to keep me safe and make me feel needed and wanted. It had been four weeks since the wedding and I could feel that something about me was off. I woke one day with the feeling of bile rising in my throat. I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Seconds later I felt perfectly fine. Raoul came in and kissed my forehead and left to go out drinking with his friends. I walked slowly to the kitchen suddenly feeling as though I hadn't eaten in weeks. I opened every cupboard to find nothing appetizing. I finally found the most random things to crave my appetite.

After stuffing my face with everything from spinach to pickles I felt a wave of nausea and ran to the bathroom throwing up everything I had just ate. I felt so sick I went back to the bedroom and fell fast asleep. I woke at noon the next day. Raoul had already left to go gambling. I felt fine until I sat up and felt a sharp sting in my stomach and pitch forward and threw up on the floor. Once I felt better I sat on the floor and scrubbed off the vomit before Raoul could see it and get angry.

Once my work was down I got up and put the rags in the wash room. I went back to the bedroom and dressed for the day. I left to go to the opera house once more. Erik's face wouldn't leave my mind. I had to see if he was still there. I needed to see my angel and get closure. The air was too warm and humid. My hairs stuck to the back of my neck. The walk was long and tiresome. I never used to get so winded and tired after such a short walk. I walked up the stairs of the opera house and through the doors. The workers must have been on break because all of their work was abandoned. I walked around all of the various tools and slipped behind the door of the old dressing room. I walked down through the dark tunnels. When I reached the water the boat wasn't in place so I waded through the thigh high water. I was warm and murky. It was calming.

When I reached his lair I found myself running to his piano. Finding it empty I walked into his bedroom. It was also empty. Feeling defeated I plopped unto his bed and soon found myself in a spinning room. I was looking for someone. People in weird costumes swirled past me. I was getting so dizzy. Suddenly there was a loud bang and I fell and kept falling down a tunnel of darkness reaching out to touch someone, but not just anyone. The spinning stopped along with my falling and a hand reached out pulling me from the darkness. My vision was blocked out and all I could see was light. I was an overabundance of light and it hurt my eyes. But I heard two distinct voices. I woke with a jolt. His sheets smelled of dust his presence and smell no longer lingered on them. I felt the feeling of nausea I had come so accustomed to over the past days. I ran to the water and felt my body heave as I vomited into the water. I felt chills go up my spine as I realized what I had just done.

I had just ruined his perfect little hide away. His home and his domain all ruined by me. I seemed to be ruining everything this day. What was wrong with me these days? I felt a sudden fear as the theory grew stronger within me. How long had it been since I had last had my period. Two weeks before the wedding. But with my current sleeping patterns I had only had sex once. With him. That couldn't be. It couldn't! And yet…