This is part two and the start of the Ghost Baby side story.
Yukinoshita Yukino Knows My Middle School Delusions, Somehow 1-3
…
"Onii-chan!" the sound of my sister's angel-like voice wailed upon the room full of wounded men, waking them, and me, up. White walls and green curtains. Hope and sterility, a hospital's adage.
An old man woke up startled. He looked at the sky next to him and started praying. Shit, maybe my sister's voice is too angelic.
Airhead, read the mood!
You're going to make everyone think they're going to die, Komachi, pipe it down will ya?
"Onii-chan…" she sobbed, clutching the loose blanket.
Oi, what's with that sad face. You're already cute enough, any more and I'd probably ask you to marry me right away (lol).
"..." I stared at her, wanting to say something, but not knowing what to say. Consoling her would only make her worse, I noticed from several years of experience in raising little sisters. I simply had to let her do her thing, whatever it was. In all my years, I couldn't even begin to understand what goes on her mind. And that's 14 years.
I should write that in my resume.
14 years of experience! I'm an expert. If there's one job that I'd forgo for house-husbandry, it'd be the honorable job of onii-chanry.
"Idiot, dimwit, stupid, dunderhead…" she said as she pounded my chest. Don't pound on my chest, I just got back from an accident baka-imouto! And stop saying those hurtful words, my body hurts enough already, I don't need you psychologically damaging me too! "...idiot!"
"You've said idiot twice, I fear we may need to buy you a dictionary if this is the most insults you can come up with." I quipped. She looked up, startled. She wore her chin up and her eyes down, a frown tarnished her face.
"I didn't want to hurt you more than you already are in, gomii-chan." Her words betrayed her tone and the emotions dancing on her face. She was freely crying now. You're in middle school now, baka, don't cry!
I sat there, my head on a mound of pillows, confused. She mumbled under her breath, and I strained my ears just to hear her.
"...I keep telling you this...you know…"
"Tell me what?"
"Komachi doesn't want you to be a hero, onii-chan… I just want you to be my onii-chan," she said, burying her face on my chest. If punching me was not enough, you decided to headbutt me instead? Thou hath no mercy Komachi.
I pondered over her words. I was already her onii-chan, wasn't I? And I'm no hero.
No one is a hero, Komachi. Being a hero was too much effort than what anyone could put in. The problem with heroes is that all the heroes you see or hear everywhere did it not because of some pure wish of saving someone or something, but because somewhere in their minds, they wanted to feel the satisfaction.
"I never once been a hero, little sister. I did it because I wanted to."
It was true. I was no hero. Heroes are supposed to be the embodiment of something pure, namely the concept 'saving', but more often than not they're mired in the imperfectability of humanity — who wanted something pure, but can't imagine what pure was.
One hero from one place could be the villain in the other. It's the human perception of things that warp whatever it sees. No matter how righteous one's deed was, in the end, only the people around them decide that.
Even the great Shirou Emiya, Ally of Justice, was ultimately selfish in the end. [9]
I merely did it for self-satisfaction.
"...baka-nii… even after you saved that dog… you still refused to see yourself as a hero… huh…
"But that's okay…" she lifted her head from my chest, and I saw the tear stains on my hospital gown. I looked at her face, scrunched up in an odd mix between hurting and happy. She smiled at me, a waterfall cascading down her cheeks. "...because you're my hero!"
My heart skipped a beat. What's this? Why do I feel like I'm about to die from a heart attack? The car must've damaged more than my legs. Damn, my cheeks feel hot, maybe I was coming down with a fever? This day just kept getting better and better. At the rate I catch all these diseases, I might have to stay in this hospital room with strangers forever! Komachi, why hath thou forsaken me?
Wait, on second thought, staying in hospital leave longer means the time that I don't have to go to school becomes longer. Thank you, lil sis!
I smiled, and for the first time, I let it reach my eyes which softened from its constant glare. It wasn't my "I-know-what's-going-on-and-what-to-do-so-fuck-you" smile, but a genuine one that I've only ever shown my family.
And right now, call it intuition or a feeling deep inside my gut, Komachi and I became closer than ever as a family.
I can't help but feel worried.
…
"So, onii-chan," Komachi started. Her small frame laid beside me using my arm as a pillow. Having nothing to do, and being too tired to talk, we were watching the only television in the room shared by six people. Seeing that most of them were grown men, the channel on the TV was perpetually the News. Old men needed something to talk about after all.
Why they couldn't just not talk, I have no idea. They're probably used to talking like the riajuus that they were. Pfft, so what if you lived to the ripe age of 60? Have you tried living?
Damn corporate slaves. Give me the remote! Precure is airing!
Big grey eyes entered my field of vision. Komachi looked crossed. Oh, right, replying to her.
"What is it, Komachi?" I asked. She slumped up on my chest, sighing.
"This is boring!" She all but shouted. I looked around my room and saw the aforementioned old men glancing our way. Idiot, you're making a scene!
"Pipe it down will ya," I admonished. In response, she buried her head on my chest and whined, her voice muffled by my hospital clothes. Her eyes peeked up.
I raised an eyebrow. She mumbled something under her breath.
"What?" I asked.
She just wrapped her arms around me. Then, she said, "You're going to be my sleeping buddy from now on."
"Don't you have teddy-bears for that?"
"Aren't you the one calling yourself a bear while making weird arguments on why bears are the greatest animal in the world?"
"Point. Still, you're too close." When I said this, her eyes started tearing up. What are you doing? Staph! I didn't do anything wrong this time, didn't I? Did I say something wrong then? No, what I said was always in the bounds of our normal conversations, and I haven't insulted her in anyway at all. What's wrong, then?
"Waaah," Komachi wailed. "Onii-chan doesn't want Komachi any more. After all we've been through! Komachi missed you so much! Do you know how hard Komachi took it when you got into that accident? Komachi thought you were going to leave Komachi forever!"
So that's it.
I pat her head. "I'm not leaving you, Komachi. Heaven's angels don't compare to you at all. There's no incentive for me to leave at all."
"That's scary, onii-chan. You're saying that as if you'd die when I die." She stood stiff straight, staring at me with wide eyes, when I said that. I had to dispel whatever thoughts she had running on her head right now. It wouldn't be too good if she thought her onii-chan as that way after all.
Time to change the subject!
"If I had anything to do with it, I'd find a way to make us both immortal." I replied a bit too quick. It just made me sound desperate, I think. Well, I have to live with that knowledge then.
"Eh — Ewww! — why only make us immortal? Shouldn't you make everyone immortal too?" she asked. Fortune shines upon the brave, for it seems that she hadn't caught my thinly-veiled attempt at changing subjects.
"Ah, no, it'd be morally wrong actually," I said.
"Huh? Wouldn't living forever be good for society? Wouldn't it be morally right then? My mouth is jammed, don't take me seriously!"
Again with her catchphrase. It's like she doesn't want to be taken seriously despite having such serious questions.
"In that sense, you'd be absolutely right. However, if you were to distribute immortality, who would you give it to?" I asked her, mustering up my serious face. At least, that's what I thought was a serious face. I have no clue whether it had any effect at all with my conversation partners, as I have a shortage of conversation partners.
"Do you give it to everyone, regardless of their background? Would you give it to corrupted souls that shouldn't have immortality in the first place, the insane and disturbed? What about violent criminals, would you give it to them, so that the next time they commit a crime they would be able to carry out their sentences? Giving it to everyone would just absolve you of the guilt of selfishness, not the guilt that will come after."
"Komachi would have background checks for everyone who gets it of course."
Ah, of course. Background checks.
My little sister is so smart, nice to see that the Hikigaya genes run ever so strongly within you, lil' sis.
"Background checks are a good idea. However, picture this, how would you background check babies? It would eradicate infant mortality after all. But how would you know if they're going to grow up to be good people? And what about those who passed your background checks before but now is living the life of a criminal? Moreover, do you want to deprive the others of immortality? It brings me to my next point."
I waved a finger, as if pointing towards something only we could see. Well, I could see it, don't know if she could.
"Do you give it to a select few you trust? Selfishly hoarding your immortality and staying young forever while everyone else withers away and die? That will just give you guilt and make it morally wrong in the first place, if you think that not distributing it is morally wrong." I finished.
"But that's just flipping the argument, onii-chan." she countered.
"In a sense, yes. Which is why the accepted morality of society is only useful for keeping society whole. Not individuals. Individuals are variables in and of themselves, and like variables, they are one and infinite the same time. You could learn everything about a person, understand everything they did, and read their minds..."
I took a big gulp of air. She had a challenging smile plastered on her face. Did my breathing in just lose me points? Talking for long periods of time isn't my strong point, Komachi. I haven't had the chance to practice at all, give me a break, Komachi!
"…but you will never understand why they do what they do in the present. It takes a lifetime to understand the motivations of people, and even then, it's often muddled by your own — and other people's — perspectives."
She closed her eyes. Momentarily, I entertained the idea of gears chugging inside her mind as she mulled over my words. I saw her nodding to herself, and I imagined her thinking over all the points I made so far against the argument. Finally, Komachi opened her eyes and turned to me, our faces just a few centimeters apart.
Too close!
"Well, Komachi thinks it's bad to keep something as good as that away from everyone. Lots of people don't have time to do anything, so giving them a lot of time would help out a lot!" she concluded, affirming her beliefs.
Well, it's not like I did this to change anyone's beliefs at all. Someone like me with negative charisma wouldn't be able to sway anyone.
"I think it's rather stupid to let people be what they want and more. They'd get bored and do another thing, and then they get bored of that too. It'll be a never ending downward spiral. With the person trying to do things they'd normally not do in the first place because of the time they have."
"You're you, onii-chan. Only you would think pessimistically with something as great as this."
"It's not me thinking pessimistically. It's me thinking realistically. Which is why I develop my own set of morals and only accept societal morality when it coincides with my own." I finished.
"That makes us different," she stated, as if that statement was an axiom that slickened the World Program. She paused, closing her eyes once more. Once more I was reminded of how close we were to each other, too close in fact. She was practically glued on to me!
I saw her open her eyes once more. "—but I wonder who is right?"
"I am of course. My logic is superior." I replied swiftly. Hah! I'll win this round Komachi! You're mine now!
No, not in that regard.
Pervs.
She turned to look at the white ceiling. "My mouth is jammed…" she said her catchphrase again. "By the way, what would onii-chan do if Komachi refused the immortality?"
"I'd gladly die with you of course. Death with you is better than life without you, that is a fact." I stated with no hesitation. There was no need to think that over anyway.
"Sis-con."
I regretted it immediately. Damn it! She won this round. I merely led the conversation, she led my strings, making me dance to her whims!
"My love for you is pure!" I replied tersely. Time to salvage what I can from the wreckage that is my pride.
"Komachi doesn't know…" she said smugly. She turned to me with wide eyes and a blush on her face. "…but if it's with you, Komachi would live her life forever. Kyaa! That must've earned me a lot of points."
That…
That was too cute. Komachi, you're too cute for this world. Too pure. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I tried to besmirch your pureness. Please forgive this lowly onii-chan!
"Points?"
"Onii-chan said Komachi and onii-chan would get bored as immortals right? So why don't Komachi and onii-chan play a game until eternity passes? That way, boredom is obliterated!"
"How much points was that?" This point system was getting me suspicious.
"You're the one who's going to give Komachi the points. Be fair though. Because Komachi knows that Komachi will win either way but wants onii-chan to think he gets a fighting chance."
"Why you little—"
"Komachi doesn't know!" There she goes again with her catchphrase. Frankly, speaking, it's ridiculous if anyone else said it. But she's Komachi, she could say anything and it'd still be cute as Alice in Wonderland.
Silence passed by us.
Fuck off silence! We aren't friends anymore.
"So how was your day?"
"It was great. Lots of friends do friendly things with me and I do friendly things with my friends, it's like our own little world where no one could enter. At least no one disgusting."
Each time she said the word friend, my already shattered heart broke a little more. Komachi, please don't break my heart when I was suffering from heartbreak already! It's just too cruel!
I changed the subject back to the points thing.
"If you get points for saying something cheesy, how many points did I get then?"
She looked at me with a gleam in her eyes. "Infinity. You basically declared your wish to be with Komachi forever right?"
Doesn't that make me win?
"...but that was before Komachi made the point system! So no points for onii-chan."
She's a fox! Too cunning!
"And Komachi declared Komachi's desire to be with onii-chan forever too! That's worth infinity points! It's Komachi's win, no matter how many points you rack up!"
It was a lost game from the start?!
"...I still have to give you the points though, hmph. Who says what you said is worth infinite points to me?"
She suddenly carried a startled look on her face. Tears rimmed her eyes and she pouted, looking like a kicked kitten. "You're saying that Komachi's pure wish to be with her onii-chan forever isn't worth infinite points? How could you, onii-chan!"
"No, wait, wait, wait. I'm not saying that it isn't worth infinite points—"
"So it is?"
"Well, if you put it that way—"
"Then it is. Thank you onii-chan, for that you get a reward," she said, making that sly look on her face again.
"Oh? The loser of the game gets a reward?"
"Yes. Close your eyes." Blackness greeted me as I did what I was told. I awaited her reward eagerly, not knowing what it was, but only that it was from my dear imouto. Imouto-chan, any gift from you is a gift from the heavens themselves!
My body was held tight.
The world blurred into existence in all it's white, sterile glory as I opened my eyes. I glanced next to me, where Komachi was laying, and saw her hugging my side tightly.
I never felt so surprised in my entire life. When she was done, she smiled a pretty smile, and I was left wondering how hot my cheeks are now. It was warm. I felt like boiling inside.
A stiff silence, silence's cousin, came to us unwelcomed like his cousin. I tried making it go away, but I was too into a stupor to do anything. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, my sister made it go away by saying this.
"If only the two of us were immortal, and everyone we meet, know and love will wither away in the end, that would mean that the only thing that is precious in this world for both of us, is us," she said. I was left speechless by this. "You wouldn't leave me again, would you?
That is so cute! Don't worry! I won't be going away anyway, with my eyes and personality and all.
This time, my body burned. Was I having a fever or…?
I saw her grey eyes boring down mine, and I instinctively looked away.
Too cute.
Oh God, please get me away from this cuteness! I'm sorry for everything I did, thought of, and will do in the future. I won't sell my soul to the devil, I'll sell it to you for half-price. Just bring me out of here!
I can't handle it.
My little sister can't be this cute! [10]
"Ara~ my daughter is declaring her love for my son. How scandalous. What would the neighbors think?"
Thankfully, my mother came. Unfortunately, she came in guns blazin' with the entire United States Military Arsenal. And the Citizens' Arsenal too. [11]
I died.
…
In the end, Komachi bid me farewell, leaving with mother, and I was once again alone. Well, technically not alone, as several middle-aged and senior men shared this room with me in the first place. Which was why the television was currently on despite it being past midnight.
The television was loud enough for me to hear within the curtains. So I overheard whatever midnight programs these old coots were currently enjoying themselves with.
A cute female voice said:
"Noharu-kun… we shouldn't. What would the neighbors think of us?"
Hold on. This sounds familiar.
"I don't care…Hibiki-chan…I love you despite anything else." A strangely effeminate voice answered back. Must be Noharu-kun, then. What a romantic. Unrealistic at all.
My suspicions are roused. What's with the sudden punch of familiarity hitting me in the head? I racked my mind for answers, but found none.
"...but we're siblings!" The cute female voice cried in anguish.
No.
Nope.
I knew why this sounded familiar. It was porn.
Next time mom comes in, I'm going to ask for earplugs. I don't want to hear whatever debauchery these old, sexless tigers watch these days to relieve themselves of perpetual boredom until death.
"Noharu-kun!"
That's it.
I stood up from my bed. Grabbing my crutches and opening the curtains, I was greeted with the sight of two very attractive people kissing on the television. Disgust entered my mind as I realized that these people were siblings. Despicable.
The pure love of siblings shouldn't be depicted that way! Fools at the TV station, face my wrath!
I went out of that honestly stuffy room. The air conditioner was at full-blast but the air felt stale and dry, and a building headache was forming in my head.
Maybe a walk outside would clear my head.
As I walked, I couldn't help but notice how expansive this hospital was. It's one of those rich people hospitals where literally everything is accommodated — except actually good food. No matter which hospital I end up in, the food always tastes stale.
I noticed a door at the end of the hallway as I was nearing the elevator. It seemed to lead outside, as artificial lighting blurred through the transparent glass. Seeing that it was closer, and being an energy conservationist that I was, I took the obvious closest route outside.
When I got out, I noticed the air was still cold and dry, but it didn't feel stale. Rather, it was vibrant and bodacious, like a parade of dancers performing, and my nausea at being inside the hospital disappeared with the air.
I breathe in. Taking more of that sweet, fresh air inside of me. I never appreciated it more now. It beat the smell of analgesics and dying any day.
Settling down on one of the benches, with the vaguely Victorian street light behind me glimmering softly, I watched as the cool, spring breeze blew on the grass. My crutches were on my side, so I could easily escape if threatened. But really, there was nothing threatening about this scene at all.
White butterflies fluttered in the wind.
I had never felt so relaxed in my entire life. If there was one thing that this hospital beat every other hospital with, it's the garden that was built in.
I closed my eyes. The sound of water fluttering down, drip-dropping into the basin of water on the fountain, the whispers of the spring wind telling me its secrets, the rustling of the leaves… it was amazing.
It led my mind away from disturbing thoughts. Like me being in a hospital.
It made me think of something else.
Like Komachi's smile.
Something good.
Like Komachi's laugh.
I'm not a sis-con! My love for my sister is pure! Pure, I tell you! Don't you dare say it. I know you're thinking about it. Komachi's declaration of marriage and kiss on the cheek was just her showing of appreciation for my duties as a wonderful older brother!
I felt my face soften. No use in keeping that constant glare on when no one could see you.
This time, I'll be abstemious.
"Onii-chan, onii-chan!" a voice like wind-chimes danced around my ears. "Neh, neh, when did you die?"
What.
I opened my eyes, to find green ones staring right back at me. I instinctively moved my face away.
A small girl stood before me, her arms behind her back as she leaned in with a pout. Her blond, probably dyed, hair tangoed with the breeze. She wore a one-piece sundress — in this cold? — and had a white flower on her ear.
And most importantly, she looked like a sixth grader.
"Mou~ onii-chan, don't ignore me! My name is Mizuko. Mizuko Yuuna! What's yours?" Mizuko? What a strange name. And what a strange girl for even greeting a stranger alone in the middle of the night. You're lucky that I wasn't a weirdo. What if I was a lolicon, huh? I could've kidnapped you, y'know, and do weird things to you. What are you gonna do, then?
Not that I was a lolicon. Komachi is the one for me. I'm a Komachi-con. Nope, nope, nope. Not gonna go there. I shook my head frantically, trying to dispel any notions of self-doubt in my head.
"Hikigaya…Hachiman." I let out finally with a gruff. I paused in the middle for effect, while intentionally deepening my voice. It'd scare the poor kid away, fo' sho!
"Hikigaya-onii-chan, is it? Mou~ your name is too long," she clutched her head, as if the mere utterance of my name could make one lose their mental faculties. I could be a good Old God, heh. Take that Cthulhu! I can make people insane when they even so think about me!
Wait, that wasn't a good thing, right? Was this the reason why no one wanted to be friends with me? Hmph, I wouldn't want to be friends with insane people anyway.
No matter what Komachi tells you, I'm not a hinedere, got that?
"Can I just call you Hikki-nii?" The child spoke up suddenly. What was that request? Did she want to insult me at the same time when she calls me?
The gleam in her eyes blazed. I had to squash that flame before it gets me on fire.
"No." That seemed to deflate her. But she puffed up her chest, no matter how non-existent it was, bravely then after.
"Oh How about this one, yeah! Nah, Hachi-nii?" [12] 18782? Are you punning me right now? Jokes on you, I've been called worse things. And you're blatant mispronouncing of the puns is murdering our great language!
"No. That name is off-limits." I still have my dignity too!
She stared at her feet, which was bouncing and skipping, as if the constant wobbling would wobble an idea in her brain out. Finally, she looked at me with glistening eyes and a small pout.
Too cute!
"Onii-chan?"
HNNNNG! I feel a thumping in my chest, as if my heart was about to break through. I seriously hope I don't get arrhythmia out of all these blatant attacks. [13]
"No. Only my sister can call me onii-chan, " I told her seriously, my voice grave as the trenches of world war one. It seemed to startle her, as if she wasn't expecting that. Though she crossed her eyebrows, fuming, and clenching her fist.
Hah, you won't have anything to call me soon. Best be going to somewhere else — like your parents, who must be missing you dearly and wouldn't want you to be all alone with a shifty guy.
Did I just insult myself?
"Onii-tan?" The little elementary school girl squeaked out. Why do you do this to me, gods? Why do I have to be part of this seemingly lolicon romantic comedy scene!
I'm not a lolicon! I love onee-chans with big bouncy boobs I can rest my head on! Not that I'd tell anyone that, my fetishes are kept tightly secured within my own mind.
"Please stop," I sighed. It seemed like it emboldened her though, did I make a mistake? "Yuuna, was it?" I didn't want to call her something as weird as Mizuko, I pity her parents who gave her that last name. "Go back to your parents or something."
"Mou~ onii-tan is mean. You're a mean ghost!"
Did you just call me a malignant spirit? That's cruel, apologize to my wounded soul!
"Please. I'm not a ghost." I decided to take her words literally and not metaphorically, spiritually, or conceptually. Going down that route will only hurt logical minds.
"How can you see me then?" Because I have eyes?
"Are you an onmyoji?" Do I look like I'm carrying around me strips of paper and spiritual rice? No. Not anymore at least. My chuuni-days are over.
"Wah, onii-tan is an onmyoji!" Your logical conclusion is highly illogical, elementary schooler-chan. I'll break those illusions of yours! [14]. And don't call me onii-tan.
"If I was, I'd set up a barrier right now to ward off any person from my relaxation spot on the threat of defenestration. Be grateful that I'm not."
Be very grateful that I used a word you probably don't understand. Otherwise, you'd run away to your mom and I'd be forced into solitary confinement with Big Bubba as my roomie.
Wait, that's the other way around!
"There are no windows here, onii-tan." How did she understand the word defenestration? That's a word only historical geeks and memelords know about. And I used the English word for hell's sake.
Also please don't send me to a cell with Big Bubba!
"That's just how strong I am as an onmyoji — which I'm not," I said. She twirled her hair, before finally sitting next to me. Got tired, eh? Your parents must be worried. It's probably your bedtime.
"True," she agreed, "Onii-tan feels more like a ghost than an onmyoji. I can sense your spirit energy after all."
Spirit what? Please, did this kid catch an early form of chuunibyou? What is elementary school chuunibyou called anyway? For that matter.
Time to nip this delusion off the bud.
"What's this nonsense about spirit energy? Are you sure you're not the onmyoji here?" I joked. I can't kill off a child's fantasies damn it, my onii-chan instincts won't allow it.
She wore a disgusted look on her face.
"Noes, gross. I wouldn't touch an onmyoji even if I had a ten-foot pole. Much less be one."
Is this some sort of hidden trauma?
Her face flickered angrily at me. Did I do anything? I'm sorry for pressing on this button I had no idea existed but please keep in mind that you were the one who brought this topic.
I better steer clear of this conversation.
"You're pretty verbose for a kid, you know that?" I noted out loud. And her verbiage is spectacular, too, and with that amount of word know-how she's got right now, how'd you imagine the vituperation she could unleash ten years in the future!
She'd be a monster of vitriol!
"Bellicose? What's that?"
How do you get bellicose from verbose? I didn't even say it in English. Is this meta-punning?
Is that even a thing?
"It's verbose. It means that you love to talk. Bellicose means aggressive," I explained. Seriously, this is a smart kid.
"That's belligerent." Wha—
How did she know that?
"It's a synonym."
"Sorry, I forgot."
You quite clearly did not.
"It's quite clear that you know all these words. Don't try to pretend that you failed to remember words that you quite clearly know how to use."
"Sorry, I for god."
What.
"Religions have nothing to do with this!"
Don't go shouting Deus Vult on me now!
"And verbosity doesn't equal aggressiveness, despite what many believe. What it does equal is stupidity, as why would you need four words when one is enough?"
"Isn't stupidity directly proportionate to aggressiveness?"
I have no words. I've shamed myself for losing to a kid.
Fortunately, she merely kept her smile as she sat beside me on this cold spring night. The sky was so dark that you'd be hard-pressed to even see clouds passing by the moon. It was a night that was forgettable to anyone, but somehow, I doubt that I'd be forgetting this night.
If anything, whenever I hear a pun, I'd remember this scene, of a flickering lamplight against an encroaching darkness.
Puns are memorable.
"Neh, neh, what do you think makes up the sky?"
"Water vapor, greenhouse gasses, and oxygen and nitrogen," I answered her in my calm, cool and collected onii-chan voice. It seemed to work as her eyes grew as wide as saucers, and her pupils dilating becoming as small as, well, pupils. This is the power of age, kiddo, remember this!
And my answer too!
—Even with my poor skill in science, basic things like this are not so far out of reach!
Her green eyes narrowed. It was like staring into a reporter's camera when walking on the road to prison, as brief flashes of light from the transient light source behind me reflected off of her.
"Mou~ don't be so undramatic," she pouted, huffing away.
Keh! I'll show you undramatic.
"It's made of tears, anxiety and the coldness of death," my voice was so deep that I could feel a rumble in my stomach, "it reflects the axioms that define the world below, like a mirror for the wicked," I finished.
A sudden realization struck me, and I reeled from the revelation.
Oh god, that was so chuuni. That wasn't what I was going for at all! It just slipped out, please don't let this one thing define your thoughts of me from now on.
I'm still the cool, collected onii-chan trope.
Right?
I'm gonna vomit.
"That's melodramatic! It's a travestory! [15]"
Huh? Nisemonogatari? She knows that series?
"Hoh? You've read the Monogatari series? A bit too young for that, don't you think?"
"Excuse me for not having a wide variety of reading material. I lucked out when that onee-san forgot to take her box filled with all the volumes of the Monogatari series home."
That's a weird set of coincidences. Also, onee-san? I didn't know any girl that read and enjoyed that fetish bait I enjoyed. I'm a guy after all.
It's all the more weird considering that this elementary schooler kid had stars in her eyes as she began listing off her favorite parts of the series.
Huh.
That's where the stars went to.
I interrupted her.
"That is a lucky break…" I started, wanting to get on a right platform to launch, "...you sound like you live in this hospital."
"I do."
Startling.
"Oh, are you the chairman's daughter?" I asked the most obvious question. When I said this, she looked at the ground in front of her, swinging her legs, before finally replying.
"Nah, I just live here."
"That's strange. Don't people notice a kid is living in a hospital all by herself?" Hell, everyone would've noticed if a kid went missing in Japan. Our society was slowly being populated by old coots, so everyone was in alarm on what to do it repopulate the youth.
"There's a lot of things people don't notice — or at least — ignore when it inconveniences them."
Ain't that the truth. Still, it seems that there's more to the story than that. But I won't pry — there's not much a barely first-year high school boy could do other than alert the authorities. Judging from her distant expression though, I got the feeling that even that wouldn't work.
"That's...distresstory." Nisemonogatari reference. I despise myself so much right now.
"Wow, onii-chan. Your portmanteau game is on point. You could write a light novel series with that."
As if. Self-inserts are so 2012. Besides, I've written what could pass off as a light novel series now. So I could be considered as a light novel author anyway.
Not that I'd publish that. Despite the extra money I'd get. It's probably in a dumpster somewhere now.
"I'd be more of a hikki, then. Since I'd just write to earn money, I won't want to leave my room." [16] Still, I had to reply wittingly. Otherwise, people would think I've lost my edge. I'd never lost my edge because I'm the edgiest teen you can find. I mean edge by living on the fringes of society, thus being a loner. And being a loner is equivalent to being edgy.
"With a name like yours, it looks like destiny."
NO! Hikikomori is not, nor never will be, put on my character sheet. No one, is allowed to do that, no one but me.
Not even when it's an apt description.
Not even then.
"The concept of free-will fundamentally conflicts with the concept of destiny. I, as a free individual, abhor the usage of such terms to describe me."
"You sound like a sophist. I think it's more of a sophistory than a travestory."
I understood that reference. Also, no, it's not sophistry when the logic is sound, learn your words please and come back. I'm a pioneering philosopher.
"No one would understand your references." I quipped.
She stared away at yonder. Looking for the stars that weren't there. Seeing that she wasn't going to be replying for a moment, I restarted my zen before I was interrupted. I leaned back, enjoying the soft breeze on my skin and the rough tactile of the wooden bench under my hand — sensory overload is one way to achieve a meditative state.
I read that in an article online.
She spoke up suddenly.
"True. Say, what did you want to be when you grow up?" Are we talking futures now? Well, I have one answer to that. It's basically ammo made of my self-esteem. But sorry, something made of something rotten is rotten in the result.
So it's fine! No damage would be taken. Friendly fire was turned off.
"Well, I'm currently preparing for my future to be a house-husband. I'll marry rich and never have to work again." I waited for the incoming jab at my unrealistic, unviable, and unenviable dream.
All I got was this.
"That seems like a great dream," and then she smiled at me. A big toothy smile that sparkled with the flickering lamplight.
It was what other people would give me if they weren't already scorning me in the first place. A venomous smile, hidden other a veil of politeness.
At least, that's what I would've thought.
But it wasn't a smile of ridicule I was used to receiving every time I told someone of my aspirations.
It was a smile of pity.
A tingle crawled up my stomach like an electric shock. I sat there in silence, pondering on her words and actions.
Nani? The first person I told my dream to that didn't ridicule me? What are the odds? Granted, she is an elementary schooler, but still, even they would realize the folly that was my dream.
I acknowledged that I would never hope to achieve it in my lifetime, that I was far more likely to be a corporate slave like my parents, but that didn't mean that I was going to give up.
Naruto's nindo is to never go back on his word, my life-do is to never give up on anything that will lead to me having a comfortable life!
And that smile…it's like she was telling a child that they couldn't have cake for their birthday since they didn't have enough money to buy for it. It's a smile of loss hope and dreams. Something that shouldn't be given to anyone except to people who had wrecked their lives. Even then, when there's a life, there's hope.
To see that in a child is mildly concerning. I now contemplated her home-life. She did say she lived in this hospital. Was she abandoned here by her parents and the staff took pity on her? That was as far as a dog could even fetch. It sounded like a story of altruism and generosity of human-nature, the ability of people to be blinded by love to rid of their responsibilities, and the emotions clouding their reasonable judgments.
Something that I knew never happened in real life.
In short, Mizuko Yuuna was a mystery.
Argh, elementary school children were supposed to be easier to read!
"It is," I said, not having anything else to say. She looked away, forlorn, staring at the ground beneath her. The elementary schooler inhaled sharply.
"I want to be a doctor, you know. A pediatrician," she cupped her hands on thin air, as if holding something small and round. She must be imagining holding a stethoscope or some other instrument doctors use. Still, a pediatrician huh.
Briefly, I imagined her in a lab coat, gloves and a disk strapped on her head.
"I don't think anyone would accept you, even though you're a kid, doc." Look mommy, I made a funny. She seemed to appreciate it as her eyes lit up once more, a grin occupying her face.
She giggled, dispelling the haunting atmosphere from before. "You pun so hard, onii-tan," she said between snorts and coughs. Uh, you're the only one outside of my family to experience the wonders of Hikigaya Sanctioned Puns. We Hikigayas are a withdrawn bunch you know. We don't just give anyone the privilege to hear our witticisms.
Even Komachi, who I know is a social butterfly of the highest order, is taciturn when she doesn't want anything to be known.
Somehow, you managed to gain my trust. It's concerning. I feel like you wouldn't tell a soul, but feelings are easily disapproved by evidence. Still, my mind likens you to myself, which is strange and alien to me, like seeing your doppelganger for the very first time.
"Thanks, I try," I blurted out, seeing her look at me with a confused face. In the end, I didn't get an answer at all for this strange feeling. Companionship is something that isn't given to me most of the time, but even I knew how it felt like — camaraderie.
What I felt with this strange grade-schooler is something else, but I can't explain what.
"Anyways, I want to be a doctor since I see a lot of things around the hospital," she said, as if a kid living in a hospital was the most natural thing. It's not, for those who are stupid enough to ask. "Doctors are a noble profession; they save people from death, and each day is a battle against nature. It seemed so cool at the time."
"At the time?" What time? You still have a lot more time ahead of you, kid. You're not like me, who's already going towards 1/5th of his expected life expectancy.
"I realized that I could never be a doctor, you know? Because of circumstances." What circumstances? You might as well be riddling me while speaking in a foreign tongue — in Japanese, that means get to the point already.
I'm getting frustrated with the lack of progress and the misdirection you're doing. Either tell me what you want to say or don't. I'm still reeling from the multiple realizations I had while talking to you.
"You admitted that you lived in this hospital, "I spoke, calmly addressing the elephant in the room. "Pray tell, what exactly forbids you from becoming a doctor even though you probably stayed here more than any doctors working in this hospital?"
"Mou~ don't make me say it." There, finally. Time to hit the nail in the coffin.
"Fine, if you don't want to say it, I won't pry," I said to diffuse the situation. I can't be direct with my thoughts huh? The indoctrination worked. I looked away, ashamed at myself.
A finger poked at my cheek. I turned to see Yuuna giving me a sad smile. Eyes droopy and cheeks straining, it was a sorry sight. Those smiles are supposed to be given to loved ones, not to strangers.
Smiles are your weapons, fool.
"No, it's alright. You see, onii-tan, I'm a ghost, like you," she said.
I couldn't believe it.
"Haha, is this a joke? Are you building it up like the onmyoji thing again?" This is a joke made by a grade schooler who doesn't have anything better to do, I know. Somewhere her parents are gonna jump out screaming, "Social Experiment", and I'm going to be viral on youtube for discussing philosophy with a kid.
I waited.
"No, for reals this time." I waited some more. This kid is really pushing it. Still, I'm not going to be tricked by the guys who just want that youtube money.
"It's true," she said. And I sighed. Her face betrayed nothing. She was either a terrific actor or speaking honestly from the heart.
"Maybe I'm not the sophist here," I said. That's a wrong use of the word, but frankly, I could care less.
"You don't believe me, huh. That's okay, ghosts don't know that they're already dead."
I'm pretty sure I'd have noticed if I was dead.
"By knowing that you died, you will be set free from wandering the place you died in. Since you've been a good onii-tan, I'll show you that you died."
She tugged my sleeves, beckoning to go back inside the hospital.
"I keep telling you, I haven't died. I actually survived. Doctors said it was a miracle," I was actually lucky to be alive. It seemed that my time in this world isn't up yet!
"Keep telling yourself that, Hikki-onii-tan," sticking her tongue out, she teased. Bah, I'll tell myself anything to make myself feel better. It's human to do so, a skill honed by the realistically dangerous world our ancestors lived in so that they don't fall into depression. The will to live; I had that in spades.
What I don't have is patience for stupid nicknames that anyone but my family gives me, however.
"I'd appreciate it more if you don't call me a Hikki, no matter how easy it is to say. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman." That's right, stop insulting me indirectly. You might think it's cute, you might think that you could endear it to me — sorry to burst your bubble, but it isn't.
"Words should be easy and only have one meaning. That way we'd understand better." Hohoho, is that what I think it is? Political Correctness or Newspeakean Mandate? That kid is treading dangerous ground.
"That's terribly Orwellian of you to suggest that." If this kid knew who Orwell was — she's now the smartest kid I'll know, second to Komachi whenever she doesn't do that cute catchphrase.
A Komachi appeared in front of me, fist on the head, tongue sticking out and saying, "My mouth is jammed!"
"Is it? Misunderstandings are caused by the tiniest mistake in meaning. Shouldn't language be made more efficient in conveying meaning?"
"I agree with you on that part. But the beauty of language its it's imperfect ability to convey meaning yet still manages to convey meaning."
"That doesn't make sense." When she said that, I smirked. Time to show that my third place in Japanese in the placement exams weren't just for show.
"Take reading a book for example. What to you is the meaning of the entire thing was to another person entirely different. And the author probably has a different meaning of the thing, too. Yet it still manages to touch you in spite of its meaning."
"I wouldn't have guessed that you were this sentimental, from your appearance." Oi, I can be perfectly romantic. In fact, the only reason why people don't notice this about me is because no one talks to me. Not like I care though, people can go die combusting alone with their superficiality for all I care.
I couldn't help but puff my chest out in pride.
"Third-ranked in Japanese during the placement tests, I didn't get that without having the love for it. And you missed the most important part of language."
She looked at me curiously.
"What?" I grinned.
"Puns."
"Pfft." She tried to stifle her laughter. It was futile though, she was gamboling and guffawing after a few moments. Finally, she calmed herself down, to say this: "Your jokes are the best, onii-tan."
Once more, I smiled a non-straining smile. My face relaxed and I felt that I've reached the zen I was looking for when I came out to relax. Somehow this kid wormed herself into my heart, like Zouken to Sakura, and I felt what Sakura feels like every day. [17]
An ache in my heart, but I felt power.
Her words were empowering.
In the end, I didn't follow her to see my corpse.
…
