Mal sat in the pilot's seat, completely lost in thought. He'd liked to have kept the door closed, so he could hear it open when his crew started coming in to tell him their opinions of his newest and most suicidal of plans. He didn't. He'd been a Sargent long enough to know the value of not closing himself off from his people.
He was distracted by his own doubts. He knew he should feel bad. He should hate himself for thinking of the people closest to him as potential gains and losses. He'd hated it when the top brass treated him and his fellow soldiers that way. Mal sat back in his chair, scrubbing his fingers through his hair wishing one memory in particular would leave him alone.
"Get these bodies together!"
"Sir, we got time for grave digging?"
"Zoe, you and Simon are gonna rope 'em together. Five or six of them. I want em laid out on the nose of our ship."
"Are you insane? I'm not gonna-"
"Kaylee?"
"I don't understand, what do you mean the bodies-"
"I want you to muck up the reactor core. Just enough to leave a trail and make it read like we're flying without containment, not enough to fry us."
"Yes, but these people are our friends!" Kaylee looked like she was about to start crying again.
"Kaylee!" Mal made sure he had her attention. "We got a day's work to do, and two hours to do it." When he was sure she understood, Mal turned. "Jayne! You and Wash, hoist up the canon mount. Goes right on top." To Wash: "A piece or two of the other ship, stick it on. Any place you can tear the hole without an inner breach, do that, too." Surveying the area, Mal continued. "We're gonna need paint. We're gonna need red paint."
His brilliant plan becoming obvious, Zoe spoke. Angrily. "Sir, do you really mean to turn our home into an abomination so we can make a suicidal attempt at passing through Reaver space?"
Mal prided himself on valuing others' opinions, but couldn't stop himself from becoming angry that his orders were being questioned. Fixing Zoe with his gaze he replied: "I mean to live. I mean for us to live. The Alliance won't have that so we go where they don't follow."
Suddenly, his grief stricken crew found their voices again. Everyone was talking. Mal's vision was starting to go red and he missed the particulars, but the gist of it all was "No way!" Time was already a factor and Mal was in no mood to explain that capture meant death to those that needed explaining to. It was time to do or die. Not just for him, but for everyone.
Everyone stopped talking. Mal realized they were looking at his hand. He'd drawn his weapon. On his friends. Maybe that's what it takes to get them to pull their heads out of their peekoos today, Mal thought. It wasn't too bad, all considered. They'd all been through a lot the last few days, but still... Mal never thought the day would come when he'd have to resort to threatening his own friends.
Well... maybe Jayne.
"This is how it is. Anybody who doesn't wanna fly with me anymore, this is your port of harbor." Mal stepped past his crew having noticed an Alliance survivor trying to crawl his way out of the crashed ship. "There's a lot of fine ways to die, and I ain't waitin for the Alliance to chose mine." Barely breaking stride long enough to put his sights up, he shot the survivor dead in one smooth move at twenty-five yards. There was no real need for that. The man wasn't a threat, but he did help his people burn a town to the ground and kill innocent women and children. As such, Mal felt no moral qualms about killing him, just to reinforce his skill with a weapon to his crew.
"I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at gettin' to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this." He checked each face in turn to make sure everyone was still paying attention. Inara wouldn't even look at him, but he figured she could still hear just fine. "So I hear a word outta any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave and I will shoot. You. Down." Point firmly driven home, he stormed off, growling "Get to work."
Mal came back to himself, staring at the reassuring black sky. No matter what happened, the sky was always there for him. Is this who I'm going to be now? Mal asked himself. Is this who I have to be?
"Oh, Book, I wish you were here," Mal said aloud.
"Me too," Zoe said from behind him. "Sheppard did have a way about him, didn't he?"
Mal swiveled in his chair. "How are you doing Zoe?"
Zoe smiled. Neither of them believed in small talk. "I've been better sir."
"What do you think of my brilliant plan?" Mal asked.
"I think it could use a little more brilliance," Zoe said dryly.
"Me too."
Zoe crossed her arms and leaned against the bulkhead. "I want you to know I'm in," Zoe said. "Although I may be of limited utility this year."
Mal frowned and sat up a little straighter. "What do you mean?"
"I'm pregnant."
Mal's mouth began opening and closing like a fish as he struggled to find words. He blinked a few times just to make sure he wasn't going cross eyed. "Pregnant? Like... with a baby?"
"Yes," Zoe said slowly in a voice most appropriate for dealing with drunks and crazy people.
Mal rubbed his face to try and wipe away his confusion. "Who's the father?"
Zoe raised an eyebrow with an incredulous look on her face. "Are you serious right now?"
Mal gave a start, standing as his brain seemed to kick back in gear. "Right, no," he said. "Wash and you..." he didn't like to think about Wash and Zoe and baby making all at the same time. Did weird things to his stomach. "What can I do to help?"
Zoe smiled. Some things Mal just didn't know how to handle. The baby wouldn't come for months yet and he was already flabbergasted. "Just take it under advisement if you would."
"Right, okay," Mal said. That he could do. "I'll uh... keep my bar fights and explosions to a minimum in your presence then."
"Much appreciated, sir." Zoe sighed. "I'd also appreciate it if you let me tell the others when it's time."
"I'd never dream of denying you the pleasure," Mal said.
Down in the cargo bay, Victor was bench pressing a standard 225lb load with Jayne spotting him. Jayne was talking while he was trying to count. Victor knew he was over fifteen, but couldn't concentrate. Between Jayne's ranting and River playing ball with Snow, he'd pretty much given up on getting a good workout.
"I mean, Mal already got us to take one suicide mission," he was saying. "Now he's saying 'Hey let's do those every day from now on?'" Jayne snorted. "He's finally gone off the deep end. I'm out. This is one too many for 'ol Jayne."
Victor finally slammed the bar back down and sat up. "I'm surprised at you," he said.
"Why?"
As he and Jayne traded places he said, "Well, first of all he never said anything about suicide missions, this is going to be real smoke and mirrors style stuff," Victor said. "You know, guerilla warfare. Maximum psychological impact with minimum effort."
Jayne started lifting. "Yeah?" he asked. He didn't know about the maximum gorillas or whatever, but the minimum effort part sounded right up his alley.
"Besides, there's going to be so much loot," Victor continued. "And girls love war heroes. All those exciting stories and whatnot."
Jayne thought about it. Being with Mal had just started paying well. Selling valuables from Miranda had put some real cash under his mattress. If there were more easy jobs that paid well coming... "Maybe I'll stick around for a little longer, but I'm not doin' anymore suicide missions!"
Victor turned his head slightly and made sure Jayne couldn't see him grin. "Cool," he said. "I was hoping you'd show me the ropes, anyway."
Kaylee lay in a tangle of clothes on the engine room floor. Being naked in the engine room had become almost normal since she and Simon had finally gotten together. Kaylee always like being here. It was the most peaceful and soothing place she could imagine. Simon was standing and pulling his clothes back on. He like the engine room okay, but the grates on the floor had been digging into his bare backside.
"You're not thinking about leaving are you?" Kaylee asked, suddenly. She could tell Simon was in a bad mood.
"What?" Simon asked, spinning around. "No!"
"Then what's wrong?" Kaylee asked, sitting up. The clothes she'd been laying under/on/around fell away, revealing one hundred percent bare Kaylee.
Simon forgot why he was getting dressed, then he remembered: cold steel grating and red marks in his butt. He and Kaylee could continue when they made their way to a nice soft bed. "River."
Kaylee's eyes narrowed. "You were thinking about your sister while we were having sex?" she stood and planted her hands on her hips. "That's a little weird, Simon." Then, "My eyes are up here!"
Simon kept his eyes planted firmly on Kaylee's body and shook his head. "That only works if you have clothes on."
"I'm trying to be serious here," Kaylee said, hugging Simon close. She wished she had Inara's way with men. "What's wrong?"
"River said she want's to fight."
"So?" Kaylee said, looking up at her boyfriend. "We're all going to have to do our part if were gonna stay on Serenity."
"I know, it's just..." Simon didn't know how to put it to words. "It bothers me that she's willing to... I don't know what I'm trying to say." He sighed.
"I get it," Kaylee said.
"You do?"
"Sure," Kaylee said. "Your sister's all grown up and your worried about the person she's become."
"What?" Simon asked, dumbfounded. "Grown up? I just barely found a medicine that can keep her from dreaming so she won't have nightmares and wake up. That eliminated the side effects of sleep deprivation. She's on anti depressants and anxiety meds just to help her cope with the psychological trauma of what happened to her and, oh yeah, those have to be switched out every forty eight hours so her body doesn't quit absorbing them which I'm pretty sure is something they did to her at the Academy. And let's not forget I still can't figure out how much of her mental state is due to psych trauma and how much is constructed for whatever gorram reason her 'teachers'-"
He'd begun talking faster and faster in an increasing pitch. Kaylee clamped a hand over his mouth. "Shh... breath through your nose." When he did take a deep breath, Kaylee continued. "You done great by your sister. Noone else coulda' done what you did. What I'm saying is: what was the point of rescuing her if you won't let her chose how to live her life?"
"She's a special girl who needs special care, not to go off on a fight which is likely going to blow back on people we know and care about on the core worlds-"
Kaylee clamped her hand back over Simon's mouth. A lump of ice formed in the bottom of her stomach at Simon's mention of how "special" another woman was. I'm not jealous of my boyfriend's baby sister, she told herself angrily. Even if he never talks about me with such passion. "Simon," she said sternly. "She's not just your patient. She's your sister."
A seed of what Kaylee was saying finally broke through the fog of worry in Simon's mind. "Your right," he said finally, resting his chin on her head. "I love you."
"I love you too," Kaylee said. She still couldn't stop from asking herself if he'd ever put her first, though.
Mal spent the rest of the day and most of the night in the pilot's chair. Around "midnight", River breezed into the helm, barefoot.
"Hello, Captain," she said in a dreamy, distracted voice. Mal had thought she'd lose that as she started to get better, but it turned out being a natural born super genius tends to make one a little spacey sometimes. Who knew?
"Hello, little Albatross," Mal said. "Couldn't sleep?"
River finally quit looking all around the helm and focused on Mal. "I slept. Four hours, every night. I think it's normal. I feel quite rested." She breezed on over to the copilot's chair and sat, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "I meant what I said, before."
"I believe you," Mal said. "If you want to stand and fight, you've got a place with me. Always."
"Okay," River said, as if the matter were settled. Just like that, she stood up and pranced out of the room, looking for all the world like a little girl practicing ballet.
"She's a hoot," Mal said, getting up and going to his own bunk. It was getting late. Serenity would make landfall in about ten hours and he wanted to get some sleep. "The tough conversation can wait until tomorrow," he assured himself.
He still hadn't heard from Inara.
Inara made her way to Mal's bunk. She tried to keep her center, but it wasn't working for some reason. Her heart wouldn't stop racing, but her hands were steady. This had been a long time coming, so she was fairly confident in her course of action.
She climbed the ladder down into his bunk where he was already asleep. She dropped her robe and climbed, nude under the covers with him. "Mal," she whispered at just the right volume to make him wake up slowly. She knew he was prone to jumping out of bed, gun in hand. It wasn't particularly uncommon for those who fought in the war.
As she'd planned, Mal woke slow and fixed his eyes on her. "I'm dreaming?" he asked.
Inara smiled. "Yes." She kissed him, soft and slow. To both their surprise, there was nothing awkward or hesitant about it. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.
As their lips were pressed together, Inara rolled over on top of Mal. Mal noticed for the first time she didn't have any clothes on. "What-" he began breaking the kiss.
Inara put a finger on his lips, silencing him. "We can talk tomorrow," she said. "This has been hanging over our heads for too long. We'll never be able to speak plainly until we come to terms with how we feel about each other."
Mal grabbed the back of Inara's neck and pulled her down to kiss him again. This time it was hungry, not soft. In the middle of it, she ripped Mal's boxers off, kicking his bedding with it. She knew she should take it slow at first to make the eventual release more powerful, but Mal's hunger for her was infectious and she was pawing at him just as frantically as he was at her. Inara didn't mind. They had all night to get it just right.
