Bless you all for reading.


He allows himself to think about her.

It is late and most of Garrus' team is asleep in their bunks around the room. After such a stressful evening, they deserve their rest. The Blood Pack fallout after Garrus' tangle with Garm had been brutal, to say the least. The only one awake is Weaver, but she is downstairs watching the eastern side of the base for any activity. Meanwhile, Garrus sits on a hard sofa overlooking the bridge through a large northern window. Too exposed, he always says to his team. Tonight, though, it gives him comfort. The stars remind him of his days on the Normandy, travelling far and wide to fight Saren and the Reapers. He misses Liara, Tali, Kaiden, Joker, and even Ashley. Most of all, though, he misses the Commander.

Shepard.

What would she say to him, if she were here right now? Would she be proud of him? Probably not, he concedes, knowing her strong dislike of reckless justice. Then again, she always strived to be a mentor to him. Maybe she would offer him advice on the situation.

In his head, he hears her voice. What you did was stupid and you could've gotten yourself killed. Or worse, you could've gotten someone else killed. You need to think of these things first, Vakarian.

"I know," he whispers quietly. "Going after Garm was pretty stupid, but it almost worked. How else am I supposed to deal with him?"

Trust your team, Garrus. There's power in numbers, even more so when the team trusts you completely. The glue holding you all together is thin at best. The only way they'll follow you is if you trust them with the things you know. They feel like they're following a leader they know nothing about.

"I can't," he stammers, dropping his gaze from the stars down to his glowing omnitool. Without thinking, he pulls up a news report about Shepard's death from last year. Her picture stares up at him and he suddenly feels guilty. "I should've been on the Normandy. Maybe I could've done something to keep you alive. I…I should've been there."

"Should've been where?"

Garrus jolts to a standing position, his hand halfway to his rifle before he realizes that it's Weaver. She looks tired and stressed, no doubt from today's exciting clash with the Blood Pack. She frowns and tilts her head in confusion, a human reaction that Shepard used to do after she asked a personal question. Relaxing, Garrus shuts down his omnitool and sighs, quietly answering, "Nowhere important. Time to switch out the watch?"

"Yeah," she whispers, laying down a datapad on a nearby table and stretching her arms upwards. She yawns. "I think it's Vortash's turn."

"I'll go wake him up. Get some rest, Weaver."

Garrus turns and steps toward the bunks, but freezes when Weaver clears her throat in preparation to say something. He turns back and looks at her expectantly. She shuffles her feet nervously and bites her lip before quietly asking, "If I tell you something, will you promise not to be mad?"

"No promises. What is it?"

Weaver takes a deep breath, mentally preparing to admit it all. Before she can lose her nerve, she replies hurriedly, "I looked up your records, sir. I know it was supposed to be classified and everything, but I hacked into your file. I just wanted to know a bit more about you, that's all. I haven't told anyone else what I found."

She was curious, Shepard counsels in his mind. Curiosity is a big human thing. Don't be mad—it's just our nature. Garrus sighs, his frustration with human curiosity reminding him of past days on the Normandy. "I'm not mad."

Rocking back and forth on her heels, she rushes out, "I know you served under Commander Shepard and that you were there during the geth attack on the Citadel."

There is no point in lying. "I did. I was. What of it?"

"I know that she…died. Last year, I think. Earth made a big deal about losing their only Spectre representative, which is why I remember. One of my brothers had a poster of her in his room, too. I always thought that was a little weird. He enlisted when he turned eighteen, just like she did." Weaver gives him a pitying look. "It must be hard to lose a leader like that, especially since she sacrificed herself to save you and the rest of her crew. I know that I would be upset if you ended up dying to save us, at least."

Garrus stays silent, refusing to acknowledge the painful memories that are slowly rising to the surface. "She was a mentor and a friend. It was very difficult."

"Do you miss her?"

Every day, he thinks. I think about messaging her when I have a problem, even though she'll never respond. I still have the Spectre-class sniper rifle scope she gave me for my birthday. She always remembered my birthday. She remembered every else's birthdays, too. She was an icon and a role model, not just a commander. She was my mentor. There's no one I respect more than her. I wish she could be here right now.

"Yes," Garrus finally answers, surprised at the raw tone of his voice. "Yes, I miss her."