"This is as far as the road goes; the rest of the trip we have to do on foot to avoid damaging the fragile ecosystem. It's right over there" the professor said, pointing towards some stunted tamarind trees on an eroding bluff.

The excavation site itself was interesting to Brennan, but not more so than the man heading the dig. There was almost no one who met him who wasn't immediately won over by Professor Aguri Ayamii's intelligence and his personal magnetism. She remembered him well from several conferences they'd attended together, and lectures of his she had sat in on many years ago, when she was still a student.

The opportunity to work with one of her personal heroes was yet another reason to stick with her current plan-one more check mark on the "stay where you are and don't panic over nothing" column.

"So, what are your thoughts on our amateur attempts?" Ayamii asked as he emerged from the van. "Be honest now."

She surveyed the rocky, windswept landscape. A single tent shielded a portion of the gridded digging area, but otherwise, the volunteers that were already beginning their tedious work with small shovels and brushes had to make do with hats and sunscreen.

"I would hardly refer to your efforts as amateurish, Dr. Ayamii. Given what I assume must be the minuscule budget at your disposal, I believe you have made great strides in preserving the remains of this ancient culture. Until your discovery, no one thought the Arawak tribes had made it to this part of the Caribbean earlier than the late 12th century."

"Not entirely my discovery. A group of bird-watchers found the first object-a mortar-jutting out of the ground about 9 months ago. With hurricane season approaching, I got our local St. James Medical School to fund the first phase of the excavation before any objects were lost. This outcrop is slowly starting to fall into the ocean, which is probably why the mortar originally came to light. Our Institute largely depends on the largesse of St. James. The members of their Board of Trustees offered to help as soon as they heard of our plight; they understood the great historical importance of the find."

"Naturally, they would defer to you; you're brilliant, Professor Ayamii" she said, still somewhat of the star-struck acolyte. "You were the head of the Anthropological Studies Department at Boston University, and a leading expert in the field of anthropology."

The professor seemed pleased by the compliment.

"That was over ten years ago, Dr. Brennan; who thinks about those things now? But thank you for your kind words and your far too forgiving memories of me."

"Frankly, I was surprised to find that you were here, working in Anguilla; I knew you had left your previous post voluntarily, which I must confess puzzles me to this day. It was a highly coveted and respected position. I can't understand why you would give up such a prestigious title at the height of your career to work in such an inconspicuous setting."

"I've always liked your directness, Dr. Brennan" Ayamii replied with a laugh. "None of the empty niceties so many people today count as acceptable conversation. You're wondering why I left relative fame and a fortune of opportunities behind to come here and start this practically anonymous, always struggling organization in Anguilla, which must seem like the end of the world to you compared to a large cosmopolitan city like Boston."

"It was must have been a dramatic change in lifestyle not only in terms of salary and resources available at your disposal, but also in the inherent curtailment of your research opportunities. You could have easily overseen this project while still remaining affiliated with the University."

"Yes, I guess I might have. And oh, it certainly was a change for me; that part goes without saying. When I was in Boston, the world was my oyster, as Americans say. In fact, I got to do almost everything I wanted, except for the one thing that meant the most to me-being out in the field every day, digging up" he stretched out his hand over the barren terrain, "this. Not just overseeing someone else's work; actually doing it myself."

He squinted up into the sun and smiled knowingly, as if he'd just remembered something pleasant.

"There was also another reason for the unexpected detour in my career. I met my future wife at a conference where I was a guest speaker. She was only there to accompany a friend, which is rather amusing considering how just about everyone else there had a doctorate in anthropology. Somehow we started talking after my lecture was over. We continued meeting regularly after that, and before we realized what was happening, we'd fallen in love. Amelia's family is from Anguilla; she was planning to go back some day and settle down because she missed the island so much. When I came here to meet her parents just before our wedding, I too was struck by the beauty of the place, and-strange as it sounds to most people-I decided almost immediately not to return to my job in Boston."

Brennan's eyes widened in disbelief.

"You must have given such a major decision a great deal of consideration; it couldn't have been as simple to make as it sounds," Brennan said.

"Actually, it was. I can't really say what compelled me to do it; only that it felt right. After some lively discussions with Amelia and my coworkers back at Boston, I resigned my post and started looking for ways in which I could put my skills to work here. It's how my little foundation got its start, with the help and support of former colleagues and new friends and the indefatigable assistance of my wife. I can hop on a boat or a small plane and go to the other islands without much trouble, so my life is fairly exciting. As our name implies, the Institute serves the entire Caribbean region. If you decide to join me here, you won't have a single dull day ahead of you, I promise. Give it time, and the place will win you over too."

Ayamii could see that his former pupil was still baffled by his explanation, and his head cocked to one side as he looked at her curiously.

"It's funny that you should be asking me about why I'm in Anguilla and how I could have turned my back on my life in Boston, with all of its material benefits. You're here in Anguilla too. In essence, you just did the very same thing. The Jeffersonian is a world-renowned institution, and you one of its biggest luminaries. Yet, you left."

"That's true, but I'm only taking a sabbatical for a year," Brennan replied defensively.

"A day, a week, a year, ten years; the amount of time doesn't matter, as long as you're pursuing what you love surrounded by the people you love. I'm assuming you're currently doing that, and if that's the case, it's a wonderful thing. Titles and material benefits aren't important when you're happy."

"Yes" she answered, without much conviction.

Was she really doing what she loved, or what Sully loved? And more to the point, was she doing it with someone she loved? She liked Sully very much, that much she knew, or she wouldn't have left with him in the first place. They were sexually compatible, for sure. But love? She didn't think she was anywhere near being able to put a label on what she felt for him, it seemed like so much of a commitment.

And then there was Booth, and the complicated feelings she was only now discovering she apparently had for him, maybe had had for a while without realizing it.

"You do seem happy here" Brennan told the professor, skirting around the subject of her own lack of contentment. "Not only professionally, but personally as well. You must have a lot in common with your wife."

Ayamii laughed.

"No, actually, we don't have much in common at all. Remember, she was only at that conference at the request of a friend-she has very little interest in either anthropology or archaeology, although she helps out at the Institute because she likes to indulge me. She's a painter, an artist-it's her calling; I'm not ashamed to admit that a good part of our current income comes from the sale of her beautiful watercolors at local and international galleries. I, as you know, am a scientist through and through. She operates with her heart, I with my mind. But what we do share goes much deeper than such superficial commonalities. Our joint passion for what we're doing at any given time no matter what it may be, our desire to make life a little better for others, our incessant need to bring meaning to what surrounds us, whether it be with a paintbrush or a shovel."

He looked at Brennan, capturing her gaze with his bright eyes.

"And something else; something much more mysterious and almost impossible to describe. A connection between our souls, if you can believe that I would be arguing on behalf of the existence of such a thing, it sounds like such new-age drivel. It's a concept I would have scoffed at when I was younger, but which I have come to terms with in my twilight years. Maybe I've grown old and maudlin" he chortled, and with that the spell he'd woven around Brennan was broken. "Whatever it is, I consider myself to be a very lucky man indeed to have found it. I imagine most people go through life unconsciously searching for this very same thing without much success. I can tell you with complete conviction though, that the bond I share with my wife is far more meaningful to me than any title or academic honor ever was. Status symbols and professional accomplishments can only take you so far; heart and mind have to intersect at some point for life to be lived well."

Brennan didn't know how to respond to the professor's comment, but his words had definitely hit an exposed-and very raw-nerve. Rationally, she couldn't relate to any of it because she didn't believe in souls or magical connections, but something about what he said still resonated within her as she stared at the sharp, blue horizon far off in the distance.

Doing what you love with someone you love...

"Sometimes, you have to act purely on instinct and impulse in order to get the most out of life, not just stick to what, on the surface, seems like the most logical option. It certainly worked for me. Perhaps that is why you are here."

Brennan shook her head.

"I'm unable to operate on instinct," she stated resolutely. "And I seldom do things on impulse. It's almost impossible to guarantee specific outcomes if you neglect to take all variables into account beforehand. When I began to contemplate the possibility of distancing myself from the Jeffersonian and my work with the FBI, I weighed the pros and cons of my decision very carefully. Leaving was the most rational, intelligent choice for me at the time. There was little to lose, and yet the prospect of a large intellectual and possibly emotional reward as a result of my journey."

Even as she gave her impressive speech her words sounded hollow in her ears. Little to lose? She had lost what amounted to her family by saying goodbye to her friends at the Jeffersonian. And Booth, had she lost him too? The mere thought caused her heart to constrict painfully-that he might already be starting to forget about her, moving on with his life as if she'd never been a part of it...It was hard to accept that their years-long partnership, so full of big and little moments, all of them incredibly important to her, might be reduced to a few yellowing articles in a scrapbook for him.

The professor nodded approvingly. "Well, then your instincts and your logic happened to coincide on this occasion. It's always a wonderful accident when that happens. If you felt you had to leave, then it means you must not have been entirely satisfied with where you were at in your life-it must have been your heart speaking to you."

Brennan remained silent; she couldn't think of a single thing to say to her former mentor in response. Contrary to the conclusion Ayamii had just erroneously reached, she'd always been very satisfied with her work and her relationships at the Jeffersonian, especially her relationship with Booth; maybe all that this trip with Sully had actually accomplished was to make that fact crystal clear. And maybe the turmoil she was currently experiencing was the result of her not listening to her heart enough-if at all-before she left.

The old adage, you never know what you have until it's gone, rang so loudly inside her head that it made it nearly impossible for her to concentrate on what the professor was telling her about his future plans for the Institute.

She needed to change the tenor of the conversation as soon as possible, because rather than providing to be a soothing distraction from her troubles, Ayamii's words were making her even more restless than she already was. How could she be lacking in self-awareness to such a degree that she was now suffering from buyer's remorse after only four weeks into her new life? She'd caused a significant disruption at the Jeffersonian by taking her sabbatical, and in the process filled one man with false hope while reneging on her partnership with another, and all for what? How could something so obvious to her now have been so obscure only a month ago? Not even her absurdly high IQ could have prepared her for the smarting blow to her pride that was admitting she didn't know a single thing about herself when and where it mattered most.

And if she changed direction once again, so many people to have to explain her actions to...

It was far too much to digest in one sitting.

She stood up a little straighter, and forced herself to smile with interest.

"So please, tell me more about your plans for a local museum."

I have to mention that there's a certain line in this chapter which is very close to something said in the "Honeymoon" episode. Honest, I posted this weeks before that episode aired!