Hi!! Tis me again!! ok, so it took me a while to write something but here it is!
Thanks for all your reviews, I am very grateful, and my friend commented on the fact that I know the wedding vows, I'm not desperate for marriage or anything, I just happen to know a vicar!
disclaimer: I don't own harry potter (wish i do though) Nor do I own any of the characters, apart from the odd few that I make up, Oh, and I'm not J.K Rowling!
The great hall was packed with students, and confetti was falling from the enchanted ceiling, Sirius smiled inwardly, this had to be one of the best yet, it had to be, he stood on top of a stage, which had pink banners strung around it, and a deep red background, which was covered in hearts
"Roll up, roll up!!" He screamed at all the students "Get ready for the best date of your life! Its Sirius' Strong Sense!" The students frowned, okay, thought Sirius, so it wasn't exactly the best of names for his wonderful idea, but still at least they all knew that he could alliterate!
"Mr Black, what do you think you are doing?" McGonagall's voice screeched in between the students
"Ah!! Minnie, my dearest friend!" Sirius yelled back to her
"I thought we were your dearest friends!!" Yelled a bunch of girls to him,
"Yep! But after what we did last night, well… friendships out of the question…" He winked at them; McGonagall went beetroot red, and stormed onto the stage,
"What in Merlin's sweet world is going on?" She shot daggers with her eyes at him, Sirius smiled at her, and turned to the audience, noticing that Dumbledore was also in the crowd, with a twinkle in his eyes,
"Well, Minnie, that's what I was just explaining! This is my date… line… thing?" He trailed of, frowning "This is the chance in a lifetime for you, yep you! To get a fantastic brand spanking new girlfriend or boyfriend!" Sirius turned back towards McGonagall, who looked faint, and was starting to make strange noises in her throat,
"So, My darling Minnie, would you like to go first?" He asked her, First she looked at him, them to Dumbledore, who was laughing, along with the rest of the crowd, and then merely walked of stage, with her hand clutched to her chest
"Okay, so here's what happens, for only two galleons per person, you… get a makeover then blindfolded, and then have your voice magically changed to sound different, so that the person does not recognize you, and there you go! Start talking, and by the end of the five minutes you get with that person, you could have a new boyfriend or girlfriend!" The crowd cheered, it was mainly a bunch of desperate girls, and Sirius prayed, with all his heart that her friends had managed to drag Lily down there "So who wants to go first?" Peter and Remus walked into the crowd, each having to choose a random boy or girl, Remus came up first, dragging behind him a busty brunette, of whom Sirius had slept with several days ago,
"So! Whats your name and where do you come from?" He asked her, praying that she wouldn't mention the romp in the deserted charms classroom,
"My names Amanda, and I'm from Whitby!!" A few cheers came from her friend that were squished in with the packed audience
"Ok Amanda! Give us your cash and go behind there! You'll be made up to look even prettier!" Sirius winked at her, and eyed her up, Amanda simpered at him, "And now for the lads! Amanda will not know who has been chosen! So off you go love!" The audience cheered as Amanda walked off, ready to be made beautiful, Sirius only hoped that his plan would work, the girls behind the curtain weren't exactly skilled in the art of beauty, but they only wanted a bit of cash, so they were his best shot, Peter came onto stage next, dragging behind him... Severus Snape ,Sirius snorted out loud, not quite sure what to say
"So... err... whats your name, and err... where do you come from?" Sirius snickered to him, Snape glared at him, it was obvious that he was cursing Sirius in his mind,
"My names Snape... Severus Snape" He snarled, Sirius put his hand in his pocket to hold his wand... just in case, of course,
"Okay!! Well, sit at the table, the girls shall do you up! And then we'll get ready to go!"
"Can't I go behind the screen?" Severus asked him, but nope Sirius wanted to see him squirm in humiliation,
"Err... no, you wouldn't want the lovely lady to see you now, would you? Anyway! Whilst hes getting done up..." Sirius turned his back on Snape, who yelled out as one of the girls pocked him in the eye with the lip gloss (Though what it was doing near his eyes, Sirius had no idea) "And I shall explain what happens! Amanda shall come out, blindfolded, Mr Snape here shall have his voice magically changed, so that she has absolutely no idea who it is, and then she shall ask him 3... no! 5 questions!!" Sirius hands were starting to shake, this was just a tester couple, if it went totally wrong on James and Lily, then Sirius would have a bad reputation, and he couldn't have that now! Peter and Remus were gently walking Amanda out, who slowly (blindfolded) wobbled out, it was true, she had been done up, wearing a deep red lipstick and had had all of her spots magically removed, and also having her dark hair tamed into a long plait, she looked very pretty, Snape looked at her, shocked at how close he was to getting a girl...
"And now to change this mans voice!" Sirius took out his wand, and having to resist hexing him, magically changed his voice "Now speak!" He ordered him
"Hello!" A squeaky voice emerged from Snapes lips, Sirius burst out laughing, and Snape blushed as he was followed by the rest of the audience,
"Your first question Amanda..." The hall went silent, and all staring at the blindfolded girl, who was shaking, she said
"If you had to choose: Who's your favorite Smurf, and why?" The hall all laughed loudly, Amanda squeaked, Sirius moved away from his spot, to see Snapes reaction, he was blushing fiercely
"I would have to say... Jokey" Snape blurted out
"And your reasons why?" Sirius asked him, Snape glared at him
"Because, I would say that i'm a bit like him..." Snape looked around him expectantly, every person in the hall had a frown on their face,
"Okay... whatever you say..." Sirius muttered "And question 2. Miss Amanda!" Amanda was frowning in concentration, and Snape had beads of sweat trickling down the side of his face
"Say we were in a transfiguration class, and someone turned my nose into a cheese grater, one of my boobs into a smaller size, and make me have clown feet, would you dump me or stay with me and protect me forever?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, this girl has some serious issues, it was not normal for a brain to be full of these type of questions, sweat dropped of Snape nose, and his hands were shaking as he answered
"I would stay with you, but also try to help you find a cure for your... abnormalities" Snape hesitated at the last word, and the hall went silent as they waited for Amanda's reaction,
"Fine..." Snape breathed out deeply, the girl nose twitched as she was almost forced to smell his bad breath "Question 3... Have you ever had second thoughts about your sexuality?" The packed audience all seemed to lean in as they waited for his answer, "And tell the truth!"
"Err...well... you see... it was a difficult time..." Snape stuttered, the audience gasped, Sirius ran onto stage, desperate to get a proper answer out of him,
"have you?!" he yelled to him, the sides of his mouth twitching, Snape gave him the finger quickly,
"Yes... once... but for like a second!" He yelled as the pupils and teachers all started chattering quickly
"Anyway... onto question 4... " Sirius said in between laughs, this had to be his best day at hogwarts... apart from the day they blew up the school toilets
"Amanda... your question?" He asked her, she sighed, her head looking up as she thought of what to say next
"Marmite, do you hate it... or do you love it?" She asked, Snape frowned at her
"Love it!" He exclaimed happily
"Thought so... I could smell it on your breath!" She laughed
"And for the last question M'lady?" Sirius hurried forward and asked her, Snape bit his lip as she started to think again
"Um... err... Out of all the Marauders, which one do you think is best?" She asked him, Snape started to snarl, and there were gasps coming from the audience
"None... I hate them all!" He banged his fist on the table
"Nope! You have to answer!"
"Never!!" He yelled at Sirius, Amanda gasped,
"My! Mind you, I do like a man with force!" She reached over and stroked Snapes face, Sirius walked up to them and ripped of her blindfold,
"And now! Your Knight in shining armor!" He smiled, Amanda opened her eyes to see who she had been talking to, and gasped as she realised who it was,
"Holy crap!" She slapped him sharply and walked off, Sirius ran onto the stage again, this was just too good to be true, watching Snape be humiliated, and making his best friends dreams come true
"Next up!!" Lily was pushed onto the stage and forced to walk over to Sirius "So... what your name, and where do you come from?" Lily growled at him
"My names Lily Evans, and I refuse to tell you where I come from, I've had enough of James trying to find out where I live!" She snarled, and was pushed by Sirius behind the curtain to get done up, then James walked on stage, with a giant smile on his face
"Hello James, what brings you here?" Sirius asked cheesily
"I don't know whats going on here, I just got pushed onto the stage to get set up with someone! Whom I do now know!" The amount of cheesiness in the air was overpowering, and James was all to happy to be forced down, have his hair faffed around with, and have his voice changed into a womens voice
"OK!! Bring on the girl!" He yelled to the girls behind the curtain, Lily was brought out, she looked stunning, her usually wild hair had been straightened into submission to be a long flowing mass that move down her back, she had a pink blusher on her cheeks and a pearly pink lipstick on her full lips, James gasped and sat back, Sirius smiled, this was going to be all to easy, Lily still didn't look happy, she sat down moodily and started to speak hurredly,
"Question one, In your opinion, what would be the best way for James Potter to die?" She said fiercly
"What is with the girls in this audience today? Why are they all asking such strange questions?" James asked Sirius, still saying it with a girly voice, Sirius shrugged and beckoned him to continue "Fine, To die of heartbreak, which he would if he knew you were doing this" He smiled at her
"Whatever, Question 2." Lily rushed on "Why is James Potter such a bighead" James rolled his eyes, and desperately searched his mind for a good answer,
"err... because he... hasn't yet reached... puberty?!" He stuttered, confused at the strangeness of these questions
"Question 3. Do you see me as a teachers pet?" James raised his eyebrows, and hesitated before he answered
"I see you as a person who works hard too reach her goals, but not as a teachers pet" He said, the audience waited, and they all held their breaths
"Good enough... I suppose, question 4." This time James started to sweat, and furiously wiping his forehead he waited for the question
"My question is... Have you ever dumped someone by saying "Its not you, its me!" and then telling the school that she's a controlling bitch?" Beats of sweat dropped down James' face face
"Yes, but then I realised what I said and fixed the situation!" James closed his eyes as he waited for Lily to slap him, scream at him, or worse, she hated it when people spread rumors or dumped people badly, but the strangest thing happened, she said:
"Well, thats good then" Sirius' eyes almost popped out of his head, and James seemed to be having trouble breathing
"Moving on, question 5" This was it, the last question, the one that could decide his fate, change his life forever
"do you always get your homework in on time?" She asked him, all the teachers in the hall let out a loud snort, and James goggled at her, not sure what to say
"Well, I've never been good at the whole er... deadline... thing, but with your help, I will pick up!" He smiled at her, still blindfolded Lily considered her options, to stay with him or go? She looked around
"Can I take off the blindfold now?" And before anyone could protest she ripped it off to see her date
"Potter!" She screeched, James whimpered at the tone of her voice "How many times do I have to tell you to leave- me- alone!!!"
"But- but, a second ago, you were liking me!!" he whimpered, still in a girlish voice, Lily pulled out her wand to hex him, but decided against it, and ran out of the hall, James sat there, looking heartbroken,
"Another one of your bright ideas was it?" James asked Sirius
Hope you liked it!
Please R & R! And make any suggestions! I'm starting to lose faith in my ideas!!
