He hadn't called back. Why was she surprised? She had dumped him. She couldn't expect him to forgive her that easy. And she was happy here – so why was she crying?

"Ms. Davenport? The protocol copies for the Derrington-case have just arrived, get them over to the jury, right?" The blond lawyer didn't even look at her as he gave the order. Sydney quickly wiped her eyes and cheeks tear-free. "Sure, Mr. Brown."

At the muffled sound of her voice, Matt turned around. "Everything alright?"

"Sure, Mr. Brown." Sydney stood up, grabbed the files and walked towards the elevator, trying to ignore the beating of her heart that told her to move faster. She would not let her past ruin her future!

Then again, she couldn't help thinking, what future was she heading to?

Sydney bit her lips as fresh tears welled up. Jamie. Five months, and it still hurt. It hurt so much he hadn't fought for her.

"Ms. Davenport? You know you need to press the button so the elevator knows where you want to go." Matt had followed her, a mocking smile on his face. He wore that smile every day, and still Sydney didn't know when it was fake and when it was real. She had a guess, though, about this time. "Thanks for the advice, Mr. Brown."

"Pleasure." They fell silent for a minute, then the young lawyer asked, "how comes we never changed to our first names in all this time? I'm Matt. And I get it from the plate on your desk that your name is Sydney. May I call you by that name?"

Sydney opened her mouth to speak, but only a sob came out, so she shook her head. Matt sighed. "That's a pity, you know. Not only because it will keep our working climate on a rather cool level but also because no man is worth so much pain. If he hurts you like that, he hasn't deserved you. Just saying", he shot her a last smile that seemed almost earnestly encouraging, then grabbed back the papers Sydney had just taken and left the elevator. "Go up and take a break, Ms. Davenport. I'll see you in the afternoon."

"Sure, Mr. …Matt." The doors closed, and Sydney took a deep breath. Matt had been flirting with her since she had started working. And she had always pushed him away because of – of what, really? She had left Jamie. She had put the ring a lawyer gave her back into a rookie's hand. She had had her reasons. Jamie. The name still sounded so familiar, so real. Sometimes when she woke up at night in the small apartment she shared with another former law student it seemed to her as if everything was a dream, and that she would soon be woken up for real by her fiancé.

But that option was gone now. As she slowly walked back to her desk at the back, Sydney felt more alone than she had even been.

Had this been her dream? Was this meant to be her home? A working place so small and crammed she could barely turn around? A boss who molested her? A small bed and a never-filled fridge in an apartment only half as big as the one she had lived in with Jamie? And missing him, missing him every single day?

"I couldn't", she whispered to herself, "I would have died there."

"Then it's good you've left!" Hannah Wood stood before her, smiling. The black, stout private investigator had been the first one to greet her. Sydney smiled. "Nothing. I mean, yeah…it's good. It's good." She closed her eyes as she tried to convince herself. Hannah sat down before her. "It's not Matt again, or is he? I swear one day I'm gonna kill that babyface!"

"No, it's not him!" Sydney opened her eyes just in time to stop her friend from rushing away. "He seemed to be… he was really nice today, actually."

"Nice? Matt Brown? Girl, you got it bad." Grudgingly, Hannah sat down again. "But okay, for the looks of him, you're forgiven if you fall for him. Once! Second time I'll close you up somewhere till you get your senses back together."

Sydney shrugged. "Just do it, then. I don't know where my senses have been lately. Or my brains. Or my heart. I guess I…"

"You guess what?"

"I guess I was so afraid of… of fearing for his life every day that I… I was scared of being scared, Hannah. And I was disappointed. It was his mother's last wish that he should not join the family business, and he seemed happy about it and then…" She shook her head. "Why don't we ever matter? Just because we're women? His mother wanted him to be a lawyer, his sister wanted him to be a lawyer. I wanted him to be a lawyer! And then his big brother dies and suddenly everything else gets irrelevant! I couldn't, Hannah! I couldn't go on like that. He wasn't the man I fell in love with any more."

"I see"; Hannah slowly nodded, "I got no idea whom you're talking about, sweetheart, but I see. Mafia does change everyone."
"Mafia?" "You said family business!"

At this, Sydney had to laugh. "Not exactly. But there is a lot of weapons involved, and a lot of broken rules and death and fear. And danger." She took out her cell phone. Still no calling back. Maybe she had waited too ling. Maybe Erin had warned her little brother that his bitchy ex-fiancée would call him. Then again, would Erin really do that?

"You miss him"; Hannah said, not a question. Sydney nodded, then shook her head. "I don't know. I don't know if I miss him or his family or just my old life. I wanna go home, Hannah. And London's not my home. It's New York."

"Okay." Hannah straightened up. "Then you better go and tell Matt, for he wants you to stay as his personal assistant… or so I heard him say to Mr. Fenton." She hugged Sydney as she stood up. "Go home and find out what you've been really missing. Nobody says you can't have his family only because you can't have him."

Sydney smiled at that. How could Hannah know! The Reagans were like fingers – you take one of them, you gotta take the whole hand. And it was a heavy hand to shake.

Her phone rang. Break was over. With a sigh and without thinking, Sydney took the call. "The Attorney's Office, London Richmond, what can I do for you?"

"Hey, Syd, it's me. Jamie."

"Hey…. How's it going? Glad you called back."

"Yeah, I thought I… I'm good, thanks. How are you?"

"I'm fine, too."

"Good."

"Yeah."

"So London is a good job?"
"Yes, it's loads of loads of work and a very tiny desk but it's okay."
"Good. I hoped it'd be worth it."

"What do…"
"Sorry, I didn't mean that, I just… you know with all the stuff moving to Europe, making a living here. I'm glad you like it."

"Oh. Yes, I do. Actually my boss wants me to be his personal assistant, I heard."
"That's great news."

"Isn't it? Yes… so… Jamie…"

"Syd, it's okay. It's your right to change your opinion. It's your life and you should only make decisions that get you happy. Everything else would be a lie to the world and to yourself."

"Thanks."

"I've learned that out there. I've learned that there are no second chances in life, not for the really important things. And there's not nearly enough time. You gotta believe in what you do, cause life's damn short. And sometimes it's better to try and regret something than to never have found out if you like it."

"You mean…"

"I mean I think I understand you, Sydney. I think you were right to go. It was my fault, I was… not ready to give up any of my dreams. I had this one imagination about honoring Joe."

"Jamie…"
"And I wanted to make Dad proud of me. And Danny, but I still don't know if I will ever gte to that."
"He is proud of you, Jamie. I…"
"I understand you couldn't do it, Syd. I wish it had turned out differently."
"It still could, Jamie! It still…"

"I don't think so. We are who we are."
"But you said you' understand me. You said it was you. But Jamie, it was both of us. And we can…"

"We can't, Sydney. You know that. We would never get over what's happened. I live my dream now. I am right where I belong, and you can't follow me, and that's not your fault. I really hope you get the job, and I hope you'll be happy. And I'm sorry for wasting your time, if you see it that way. I really believed we could do this, but… we couldn't. We can't, Sydney. I'm thankful I met you. But I… actually, I'm also thankful you gave me back the ring. I wish you all the best in the world. But I can't change who I am, and you can't change who you are, so…"
"Jamie!"

"I'm sorry, Sydney, I gotta get back to work. Get happy, okay? You really deserve it. And I'll always be glad to have had you in my life."

"Oh… okay. Yeah, yeah, me too. I'm very very glad you were in my life, Jamison. Go find someone who loves you the right way."

"Syd, I didn't mean to…"
"I gotta get back, to. Tell… say your greetings to your family, okay? Tell them I'm sorry, and… that I'm good, if they're interested. And that I… won't call them again."

"Call them? What do you mean?"

"Be happy, Jamie, just like I will try to be, okay? Bye."

"Okay, bye. Thanks."

Sydney threw the phone away and pressed her hands over her mouth to keep the sobbing at bay, but it didn't work. There was not enough air in the room. She jumped up, blinded by tears, and ran over to the Ladies. There she broke down in a cabin, crying hysterically. Game over.

When she left the restroom half an hour later, she found Andrew Wood leaning against the wall. Hannah's brother worked as a surgeon, but he was also responsible for any autopsies that had to be done for court. That way, him and Sydney had spent some evenings together – first staring at corpses for ages, then he used to drive her home. Somehow dead people were not really improving her appetite.

"Hannah said you'd need some cheering up."

"Oh god!" Sydney closed her eyes in shame. "And she made you doing it?"

"Actually I asked her to let me." Andrew smiled. "Hey, no corpses today. You owe me some dinner!"

"I can't." Sydney shook her head. "I know I look like a mess, but I have to work in… oh no, in minus two minutes! Damn it!" She stormed off, again followed by a good-looking guy. That was kind of ironic.

"You sure you can work right now?"
"I have to." She did press the right button this time, and the doors started to close. Andrew stood outside, looking at her closely. Sydney took a deep breath. "What about after court?"

"Wow… now that's what I call – an idiot!" Renzulli glared at the rookie in front of him. "I thought you with your Harvard degree were more mature than that? Just telling her it was all your fault but that she never can come back? Don't they tell you something about behaving at all?"

Jamie shook his head in confusion. "What do you mean? I thought it would be the best to make a clear end to it."
"Yes, Harvard, for you!" Renzulli pointed at him as he finally put off his uniform and closed it in. "You were so eager to get your version of what is right out that she never even had a choice to say something. That's not making a clear cut, that's cutting off! Did you ever think about how she feels, hum?" He stretched. "Let me tell you as a married man: We can never, and I mean never totally understand women. They don't even understand themselves. But we can and we must treat them with respect. And the best thing to do this is by listening to them, got it?" He waited for the shocked rookie to nod. "Street wisdom strikes again. That's everday's knowledge, Harvard. Mark my words. See you tomorrow."

And with that he left, leaving Jamie in the checkroom alone, overwhelmed with emotions.

Next chapter will be the last, dealing with Jamie's emotions (and probably the rest of the family's, too).