Author's Note: I do not own The Loud House or any other story depicted. I also make no money from it.
Chapter 4
10:30 P.M.
"You think you can just play with me like I'm some kind of… TOY! I'm not! I'm not!"
Lincoln is seen pacing back and forth at the store, looking like a madman. Getting more and more crazy after having just met me.
Omar walks into the store, with Lincoln's car keys in hand.
"Hey man! You'll never believe what happened!"
"They didn't carry the movie you wanted. You see, that's what's wrong with movie stores today. They have all these movies from the 1990s and the one I want is NOT one of them!"
"What? No. It's not that. They had TWO copies of 'Clerks,' but they both got rented out TEN MINUTES before I came in the store!"
By now, Lincoln is numb to the realizations for the night.
"Must have been Robert and Jim. Spoke with them earlier about the film. Sorry."
"Well, since I wasn't allowed to look at any other films, how do you plan to make it up to me?"
That's when an idea popped up in Lincoln's head. He didn't care WHERE this idea came from.
…
…
But he's gonna go through with it.
"I just got this great idea. Instead of me doing what I'm SUPPOSED to do, I'll do what I WANT to do!"
"Awesome! Where are we going!?"
"The karaoke bar. It's about time I do something different. Why don't you wait in the car.
I gotta make a phone call."
"So how's Jordan?" Questioned L.
"He's fine. We've been talking about opening up a barbershop together after our time in the infantry."
"Sounds like fun. You have a way to bring in customers?"
"Nothing's set in stone yet. For the time being, I'm just glad to be fighting with him against those damn space bugs."
"The only good bug is a dead bug; I believe that's how the saying goes."
L stuffs a handful of Frosty Flakes into his mouth while Mellark and Rocket sit quietly.
"You two are lucky that you have someone to go home to. Just last week, I stumbled across a Lincoln Loud with three girls wanting him. One bakes cookies, another bakes brownies, and the third one bakes cupcakes… every single day. I ended up throwing a temper tantrum in my room. I wanted to be that Lincoln. Ah well, what am I gonna do? You got any stories to share with us, Rocket?"
Rocket scratches his head.
"Okay. Here's one. You guys know about that older sister of ours in another universe? Lynn, the sporty one?"
"Yeah." "What about her?"
"Well, I stumbled across this version of her where… get this… she cut off the head of that Lincoln Loud and stores it in a plastic bag."
"Whoa." Said L. "That's fucked up."
"Now why would she do something crazy like that!?" Questioned Mellark.
"I guess love is the main reason why she does… anything. Also, I gotta mention her eyes. It's like… no matter how much I want to turn away… I just keep looking at them. They seem too… hyper realistic."
"Did you do anything to her? I think you're a firebender now; if I recall correctly." Said Mellark.
"As much as I wanted to do something… I got the Overseer to get me out. Are there any more pretzel sticks!?"
Just ran out, buddy." Said L, holding the empty bag with two fingers. "The only food left in this place is a box of whole wheat pasta that expired a month ago."
"Darn."
*RING* *RING* *RING*
"AH! That must be Kronos! I'll get it!" Shouted L.
He picks up the phone and answers in his social voice.
"You are calling the Loud's residence. Lincoln Loud speaking."
"Hey, L. How you doing? Listen, I can't make it tonight. Something came up."
That was when L drops the social voice in surprise.
"WHAT! NO! You can't DO this to us, Kronos! We can't do this without you! I've waited all week for this and now I can't beat a Lincoln up with you!? Fuck!"
"The fuck did he say?" Said Mellark. "Let me talk to him!"
"Huh? Oh, sure. Hold on, man. Mellarky wants to talk to you."
"Cute. Hand it over."
Ignoring L's smug expression, Mellark grabs the phone.
"L's right, Kronos! We're not doing this shit without you! I have Katniss's bow with me and I plan to strangle that bastard with it while you three hold him down!"
"YEAH!" "THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENIN!"
"Damn, Threebranch has some weird fantasies." Thought Lincoln.
"Well I don't care what you all think! I'm gonna do what I want to do! So get out of my apartment! I'll see you all later."
Lincoln hangs up.
"Oh, you WILL see us all later!" Shouted L. "WE AIN'T GOING ANYWHERE! MELLARK, TURN ON THE T.V. ROCKET, SEE IF YOU CAN FIND SOME MOUNTAIN DEW BAJA BLAST ANYWHERE!
"You got money?"
"Yeah, here, take it. I did SOME things in this universe."
"Damn… this motherfucker got no cable." Cursed Mellark.
11:00
"Here we are, Omar. Limelight Stage Karaoke. An entire night of debauchery is ahead of us!"
"Alright! You lead, I'll follow!"
Author's Note:
Debauchery- Excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures.
Synonyms include: wickedness, sinfulness, shamelessness, iniquity, unchastity, lewdness, lustfulness, promiscuity, and lack of restraint.
That was Threebranch's word of the day. Taken by Spongebob Squarepants, 'Mid Life Crustacean.'
I'll now return you to your regular story, 'Lincoln's Gonna Get Beaten Tonight!'
11:15
"Do you know your place!?
In the big charade!
Are you more than dead!?
Leaders and followers!
Leaders and followers!"
Lincoln and Omar are seen speeding away from the bar, a crowd of people chasing and shouting after them.
"Lincoln, I can't fucking believe you!"
"I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault!"
"YOU PUKED ON THE STAGE FOR ALLAH'S SAKE!"
"Images were… popping in my mind!"
"You were singing 'Nice For What' by Drake. What could be running through your mind when you tried to sing 'make that jump jump!'"
"OHHHHH! GODDD!"
"Come on man, let me help you!"
"I… I saw my older sister, Luan, from like… 2016…"
"AND!?"
"I… I saw her… shove a… shove a baseball bat… down the throat of my childhood friend, Ronnie Anne."
"Wow. Umm… I don't know what to say."
They remained quiet until Lincoln pulls into the parking lot of his workplace.
"Hey man! What are you doing!?" Questioned Omar.
"Going back to work!"
"PAST ELEVEN!?"
"YEAH!"
"Whoever heard of a Seven-Eleven that opens PAST eleven!?"
"I won't even clock in! I just need a quiet place to rest my mind!"
"What about your place!?"
"Hey, L? Why exactly are we beating other Lincolns up and just leaving them there? Shouldn't we be killing them so that they wouldn't have sex with underage girls?"
L finishes the rest of his Baja Blast and answers Rocket's question.
"If we do that, we'll only put the Sin Kids at risk."
"The Sin Kids?" "Why?"
"Three of the four child molesting inbreeder Lincoln Louds have shouted innocence while we stomped them while they were on the ground. We already know that much, please keep that in mind… and listen carefully to what I have to say next.
(Death Note Anime OST 2 - Suiri)
It has been said by the Overseer that there are 4 sextillion Lincoln Louds in the multiverse that are guilty of the same crimes as the previous four.
Let it also be known that there is a significant increase of the RATE at which new Lincoln Louds are added into that ridiculously large number, from 6 per minute two years ago back when we first met, to 10 per minute as of this moment.
If we completely ignore the growing rate of the new sex offender Lincoln Louds and just deal with the ones from two years ago, with a 75 percent chance of them pleading 'not guilty,' as if that changes anything, that's still 3 sextillion Lincoln Louds that think they have done nothing wrong since they claim all the children came up to THEM!
Also, please note that the one we beat up last week didn't claim to be guilty OR innocent, he just stayed silent. Meaning the REAL percentage could be higher.
Now, what do you two think would happen if we actually DO kill them instead of beat them up?"
Rocket and Mellark put their heads down. "I guess…"
"All it really takes is access to the multiverse and sister-wives and Sin Kids can spread the word that there are a group of Lincoln Louds that kill child molestor Lincolns for fun.
Those Lincolns that would RECEIVE the message, however, would have a unique reaction.
You see, if they know that they might POSSIBLY die because of us, couple that with the fact that they view themselves as victims and not predators, they'll blame the wives and kids for everything that's wrong with their lives and kill them."
Mellark raises his hand.
"But what about the Overseer!? He kills inbreeders and turns them into sand zombies! He shown us the outside of the Overseer Manor!"
"That's what I'm TRYING to figure out. My best guess is that those Lincolns just vanished without a trace in those universes so there's no reason to believe he's dead. Just missing. Since there's no body."
"Okay, L. No more questions."
With that argument settled, the three went on to more… light hearted conversations.
"You know, now that I think about it, I think the woman who lashed out at me earlier was actually a man."
Lincoln has his head down on the counter while Omar is seen looking at a pornographic magazine.
"Yeah… I know. Like in the movie… 'Clerks.'"
"Oh, come on! Would you stop referencing that movie? You already know I can't rent it!"
Lincoln looks up with a small smile on his face.
"Hey man, you know how much money the average jizz mopper makes per hour?"
"What's a jizz mopper?"
"He's a guy who…"
"HEY!"
Omar quickly throws the magazine over the counter while Lincoln turns his attention to the woman at the store entrance.
This is the type of woman who would talk loudly then while on the phone with a friend.
The type of woman who would lie to get money to get her hair and nails done.
The type of woman who would crash into a parked car then find some way to blame the person who parked there for the accident.
She would clap her hands in your face before fighting you, there are videos on Worldstar.
That's right. This is a ratchet girl.
She is a woman that Lincoln couldn't take his eyes off of. She is beautiful in every way. He doesn't give a fuck about what anybody else thinks. He'll pull the teeth out of anyone who insults her.
He doesn't even know her name yet!
"Well, look who it is! Standing behind a goddamn Seven-Eleven counter PAST ELEVEN! The guy who couldn't keep all his excitement in while singing Drake and puking on the fucking stage. You're lucky you didn't puke on a person! YOU'D GET SHOT!"
"I… I… I…"
He takes everything in. Her skin. Her face. Her hips. Her breasts. Her butt. Her clothes. Her dreads. Her nails. Her earrings. Even the rose tattoos on her arms.
Maybe after ripping the teeth out, he would use his powers to crush their eyes since they don't know beauty when they see it.
"Hello!? HEEELLLLLOOOOOO!?"
Lincoln snaps out of his trance.
"I… I'm sorry. You want me to go back there and…"
"YOU! GO BACK THERE! HELL NO! What I want to know is why your ass is back at work instead of at home!? You've embarrassed yourself in public."
"I… just… feel… out of place sometimes."
"Out of place? Out of place. Okay, white boy. What's your name?"
"Uhh… Lincoln. Lincoln Loud."
"Look, Lincoln. Why do you think I was at that karaoke bar? I feel out of place sometimes too. And that's okay. I get to meet YOU, didn't I?"
Comforting words. If he wasn't infatuated with her before…
"You work Monday?"
"Uh… yeah, I open."
"Then I'll see you at seven on Monday morning! Try not to feel out of place. Just let me do the talking!"
As she was about to leave, Lincoln shouts out at her.
"Wait! I… I didn't even get your name."
"Well… if you MUST know… it's LaRhonda. LaRhonda Jackson."
LaRhonda smiles at Lincoln. Then leaves.
"That smile. I want to see it everyday until I die." Thought Lincoln.
Having witnessed the whole thing, Omar relaxes himself.
"Well, Lincoln. Looks like you got a lot to look forward to."
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and the rest of my life."
"Hey, how about we ditch this joint and play some 2k until we pass out."
"YOU'RE WRONG, L! THERE'S NO WAY GARNET CAN BEAT KRONOS!"
L, Mellark, and Rocket are still at Lincoln's place.
L and Mellark are having an argument.
"GARNET CAN BEAT EVERYBODY IN THIS ROOM!"
"HOW!? WE HAVE SKILLS!"
"AND THEY DON'T!?"
"Just how can Garnet beat us? All she has are those gauntlets!"
"If you are measuring offensive potential by just weapons, you're going to die faster. Garnet and the Homeworld Gems can are thousands of years old and can beat all of us in under a minute. It doesn't matter if we're members of a council."
"What about Ruby or Sapphire by themselves? I'm sure Rocket could…"
"Rocket won't be able to do anything and that applies to the rest of us! Ruby OR Sapphire can kill us all if we make them mad."
"I don't need you to respect me; I respect me.
I don't need you to love me; I love me.
But I want you to know you could know me.
If you change your miiiiind." Sang Rocket, in a soft tone.
"If you change your miiiiind." Sang L, who joins in.
"If you change your miiiiind." Sang Mellark, who just gives in.
"Change your miiiiiii-"
"GUYS! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!? GET OUT!"
Lincoln, or 'Kronos,' as the others like to call him returned home. Omar looking at the three guys in shock as he discovered other Lincolns.
"Come on, Kronos! We want to do this and we know you want it too! In and out! Five minutes!"
"I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE MULTIVERSE FOR FIVE SECONDS! GET OUT OF MY HOME!"
Mellark speaks to L.
"Maybe we should just call it a night and…"
"Hold on! Kronos, I'll have you know that we are members of the Council of Lincs. The Overseer wouldn't have appointed us if we weren't the best of the best. This is carried out by beating those sex offenders!"
Lincoln looks at Omar. "Hey, there's an unopened bottle of water in my car. Could you get it for me?"
"Umm… sure."
While Omar runs off, Lincoln continues his argument with L.
"So your argument is that title dictates behavior?"
"What?"
"The reason why you and your cronies hang out around my joint… EATING UP ALL MY FOOD, is because we all have a title and a job description. And we're supposed to follow it, right?"
L takes a second to look at Rocket, then Mellark. They nod in agreement. L then nods too.
"Exactly."
After waiting a bit, Omar returns with the water bottle.
"I thought I would have come back to an empty apartment."
Lincoln twists the cap off the water bottle.
"So I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than say… the people we beat up?"
L raises his hands up in defense while Omar takes a step back in surprise.
"What's this I hear about beating up sex offenders? CAN I JOIN!?"
"No! Lincoln Louds only! As to answer your question, Lincoln, you're putting words in my mouth. We're not being asked to molest children!"
"Yeah, we're not being asked to do anything." Lincoln then takes a huge gulp of water.
"And that's another thing I need to talk about! I was just talking with Rocket and-"
Lincoln spits a lot of water in L's face, interrupting his speech.
"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?"
L tries to attack Lincoln, but Rocket and Mellark stop him.
"I just proved my point. Title does NOT dictate behavior!"
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"
"If title dictated my behavior as the second strongest member of the Council of Lincs next to the Overseer, I won't be allowed to spit water in your face. BUT I DID!
So my point is that people dictate their own behavior.
Even though I beat up child molesting inbreeders, I choose to play 2k with a friend.
Agreed?"
"Hmm. I got nothing to say to you. Come on guys, let's get out of this… joint."
Mellark follows L out while Rocket looks at Lincoln.
"You know, I agree with you 100% Lincoln. I should have been nicer to you these past two years."
L voice echoes in the room.
"COME ON, AL BUNDY!"
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."
It was just Lincoln and Omar now.
"So Lincoln, umm. The Infinite Multiverse you keep telling me about is real?"
Deciding he should think of LaRhonda later, Lincoln sits down on his chair.
"Well, Omar… I hope you like long stories."
Author's Note:
LaRhonda Jackson is an OC that I came up with while I was writing 'Things Are Happening.'
So what do you guys think of this story? Was it good? Bad? Average?
In exchange for getting this far. I'll let you off with this.
Yu-Gi-Oh! Wrath of the Gifted is coming out in less than a week!
Any Yu-Gi-Oh fans excited? I know I am!
Thank you all for reading and have a great day!
