I will try my best not to leave any more chapters with a cliff hanger…but sometimes I just can't help myself! Lol Thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in this story – all of your reviews make me smile. I'll try to write a few more chapters, but I will have to take a break to write a research paper – even though I'd much rather be writing this story! Mucho love!

Chapter Four

I stood on the back porch, looking stunned at the transformation of my backyard. I was speechless. I just stood there for a few minutes, taking everything in, every little detail. When I glanced over to Eric, I could see that he had an expression on his face akin to that of Lewis Carroll's Cheshire Cat. Well, he had every reason to be pleased with himself. I felt a bit of the ice that was encasing my heart melt.

The tree branches were strung with tiny fairy lights that illuminated the garden in the dark night. Surrounding the table in a semi-circle in the middle of the yard were pillars with lit candles with a path leading up to the stairs of the porch. There were three heat lamps around the table to provide warmth – I guess he planned to be out there for awhile with me. Rose petals were strewn on the ground around the table and along the candle-lit path and I could see a vase with white and red roses sitting in the middle of the table. It looked like a scene out of a cheesy chick flick and it took my breath away.

I turned to Eric and looked up into his deep blue eyes and he smiled down at me – the smile he used to give me when he was my Eric. A torrent of emotions swirled through my body but when he held out his hand this time, I placed mine in his and let him lead me down to the table. I was still looking around in wonderment as he held out the chair for me and I sat down. In an instant he was sitting across from me, his eyes searching mine for an indication of how I would respond. This was, without a doubt, the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me – not that I'd had a lot of experience. And yet, there was a little tug at the back of my mind that wanted me to be skeptical of his grand gestures. Eric had had over a millennium to practice the art of seduction and I wasn't sure if this was solely an attempt to curry favour with me so that he could continue to use my telepathy.

"Lover, why do you not say anything? Do you not like it?" he asked, searching my face for a clue of what I was thinking.

Really, what girl wouldn't love this? Was I so damaged that I couldn't enjoy a gesture – or had I been around vampires and the rest of the supe community to be wary of any acts of kindness, knowing that they always came with a price?

I decided to be honest with him. "It's beautiful, Eric. It's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. I just can't help wondering why you're doing it. What is it that you want me to do for you, what are you trying to soften me up for…what's the end result going to be?" I could hear the bitterness in my voice and I knew he did too because he sat back and studied me for a minute before speaking.

"Sookie, you've been honest with me and I should be honest with you. I do have an ulterior motive for this evening," he said carefully. "Yet, it is not what you think it is. What I want is for you to be happy. Pam has informed me, as has the shifter that you have changed. And I see for myself that it is true. You have developed a hardness in your heart, in part from the experiences you've had with the were tiger and with Compton. I fear that it is in part from how I've treated you. I realized last night that it would take a lot for me to find myself back in your good graces. Sookie, we need to decide how we are to precede, one way or another, because it is driving me mad."

I took a deep breath in and released it. So…this whole thing is driving him mad…well, that's just great. I crossed my arms over my chest and I felt his confusion come through the bond. I pushed it back through the bond at him, tinged with a bit of my anger.

He tilted his head, deep in thought for a moment. "Sookie, you did it again. You're doing something to the bond. You actually pushed my thoughts back at me and coloured them with your anger. How long have you been able to do this?"

"What? I'm not trying to do anything. You're abusing the bond – you're trying to make me feel things that I don't want to feel. I don't care if you're confused about my response. I don't want to feel you through the bond so I stopped it. What's the big deal?"

"Most peculiar, but we can discuss that later," he waved his hand dismissively. "We need to discuss this…thing…that is between us. I can feel your anger for me and I can only assume that it is due to the lack of contact I've had with you. But you must realize that there has been much to be done since de Castro took over. My hold over Area 5 is tenuous at best with Sandy and Victor constantly around me looking for a reason to depose me. It has been a matter of safety; not only for myself, but for all those I employ, to ensure that they have no reason to doubt my fealty to the new king. I have looked out for you and tried to ensure that you felt that I still wanted to be involved with you by having Pam call you…"

"Or Bill stalk me or Bubba stand guard outside my house…yeah, yeah, yeah," I cut him off.

He slammed his hand down on the table forcefully and roared, "Dammit, Sookie!" I jumped, startled by his reaction. "Do you think that I would do these things if I did not have feelings for you? Do you think that I want to have these feelings for you? You have awoken something in me that I had long since forgotten, and I do not relish the idea of such an exposed weakness that Victor and de Castro can exploit. It would be easier for me if I could just kill you, but I can't," his voiced softened. "Since recovering my memories of my time with you while I was under that wretched witch's curse, I can think of nothing but you. I was in love with you. I believe that I am in love with you. And I believe that you love me too – if only you weren't so stubborn, you'd admit to yourself that you are."

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to someone who tells you in one breath that he wishes he could kill you because it would make his life easier, and then in the next that he loves you? It was true that I hadn't really thought of what he was going through since the change in power. Pam had alluded (Word of the Day from last Monday) to some difficulties with the new hierarchy, but hadn't really elaborated. If Victor and Sandy were constantly present, then it would have been nearly impossible for her to say more. She had probably taken a risk telling me what she did. Still, I was stuck on the killing me part. That isn't really what a girl likes to hear even if it's followed with a confession of love…He loves me. He loved me. I looked up at him; I could see his anger and frustration with me lingering on his face. But I couldn't feel anything in the bond. I couldn't feel the bond. I was confused and a little scared. Where the bond used to be, there was only a cold void.

"Tell me that this is what you want and I will do it," he reached over and held my face, staring into my eyes, preventing me from looking away. "Tell me that this is what you want to feel for the rest of your life and it is done."

Tears began to well up in my eyes. It wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want that feeling of cold touching my soul for the rest of my days. Despite having railed against it, hated it and resented it for the past few months, not having it was worse.

Eric let me pull his hand from my face and I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I don't want to feel like that. I want it back," I whispered.

He sat back in the chair with a satisfied look on his face and I felt a rush of warmth and comfort come through the bond. He had taken this as a sign of my submission to him, a signal of me wanting to be his.

"You are mine, Sookie, do not forget that," he said.

"I am mine. I belong to no one. Don't think that I've forgotten that you've just said that it would be easier if you just killed me. I may have feelings for you, scratch that, I do have feelings for you. But do you really want me to hate you? If you ever do that to me again, I will hate you. You will be the cause of my soul icing over, and I will not just hate you, I will hate everything. If I had to exist like that for too long, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, and if I couldn't live with myself…well…there's not much you can do with a dead telepath," I hissed at him. Was I being a little melodramatic? Maybe. But there was no way that I wanted to live for the next fifty years like that.

He gave me a serious look. "Lover, do you not realize that that is precisely what you did to me not once, but three times this evening? The fact of the matter is, is that we will have to come to some sort of understanding that is acceptable for the both of us before we end up despising one and other. I fear if we do not, it will be the death of us both."

I sighed. I'm glad that he had the presence of mind to put heat lamps around the table. It was going to be a long night.