Hey, hope you're all enjoying the story!
Disclaimer: All of the characters and original story belong to Ai Yazawa-sensei.
Inbox (4): In Your Arms
Nana's eyes opened and all she saw was the black leather on her arm. She slowly rose and was blinded by a white light, forcing her to shut her eyes again. Slowly, she allowed her eyes to readjust.
"Where am I?" she whispered into the blank space.
She got to her feet and began to walk. Nana looked down, her heavy combat-style boots felt weightless, in fact all of her felt weightless, not even the heavy leather jacket held her down. She stared down at her fingertips and let her eyes wander over her body. Everything seemed to glow, from her porcelain skin, her Vivienne Westwood ring, the studs on her cuff, and even the cloth of her clothes. She touched her face, it was soft as always.
"Nana?" his voice rang soft and sweetly in the air around her, taking her breath away.
She stood there, shaking, afraid to turn around and afraid to break down. Before she could form a thought his arms slinked over her shoulders, his hands joined together by her collar bone. Nana closed her eyes, taking in his essence. He put her hand on his.
"Is this real?" she asked, voice breaking and betraying her pride.
"Yes," he cooed, his cheek leaning against the top of her head.
Nana winced at the memory of Ren being on the slab in the morgue, his face covered by that damn cloth. His body limp and lifeless was never to look the same again. She feared what he looked like now, if she had to turn around and see a living version of that body she'd break down right there.
"Don't be afraid," he reassured her, almost as if he had read her mind. He lightened his grip on her. "I'm okay. I promise." She quivered. "Turn around," he encouraged, taking his arms completely from her.
Nana took a deep breath and in a quick, fluid motion she turned around and before she could change her mind she looked up. Ren was there, his face just as she remembered it with his milky brown eyes, strong nose, and those soft lips that had brushed against hers so many times before. She reached up and ran her fingers through his soft, spikey charcoal hair and pressed her body, hard, against his. She could feel the cold metal of the lock around his neck chill her bare skin. She pulled him down and their mouths collided in a heated passion. The next thing she knew they were on the floor, kneeling in front of each other, breathing hard.
"Dammit!" she yelled, pusing against his chest. "Why? You promised you wouldn't leave me behind! Dammit, dammit, dammit!" She pounded against his chest in frustration and to her dismay, her tears flooded from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. She could feel herself growing weak with grief.
Finally, she slumped, silently weeping. Ren leaned over, putting his arm around her. "I'm sorry," he whispered, running his hand up and down her back. The motion stopped and he sat back on his heels and clenched his fists. "I didn't want to go! Right after I talked to Reira and fixed things with Trapnest I was going to come and get you!" he exclaimed, his own tears now streaming. He took her by the chin and lifted her head to see the shock in her eyes. He shifted his position to stretch one leg out and the other was bent, but he still stayed close to her. "I love you so much that it hurts… I tried, I really did, the last thing I wanted to do was to leave you…" Ren explained calmer now, looking off to the side as if remembering those final moments he had in the car. "You were my very last thought."
Nana pulled her knees to her chest, looking at him. "I was?" she hiccupped. He nodded, still recalling the painful moment when he knew he was leaving Nana behind, the love of his life and the only one he could ever really give his all. "What now?" she asked, unsure if she really wanted to ask this question.
The air between them grew tense and the words hung there. Ren was quiet for a long time. "Why's he taking so long?" she wondered, half impatient and half thankful that he hadn't spoken. She took this moment to really look at Ren. He was a man. He understood her, he loved her, and he was going to marry her. She missed him so much. From the feeling of his presence next to her in bed and when they held hands and walked the streets. The smell of Seven Stars cigarettes comforted her because if she smelled that it meant he was there.
"You can stay here," he said at last, his voice heavy with longing, his face twisted with sadness. Ren stood up and reached down to her. "Let me show you."
Nana sat still, staring at that hand she longed to hold and never let go of. But, something tugged at her and she suddenly looked guarded. "What happens if I let you show me?"
Ren's hand dropped to his side and the two stood there in awkward silence. "I-I don't really know." The pain in his eyes struck her hard because she felt it too.
"Can I really leave him?" she asked, her mind fighting with her heart. "Ren is all I had for so long. Without him…" The realization hit her and her eyes widened, "I'm alone. Oh God, I don't want to be alone again!" She got to her feet and stood closer to Ren, so close that their jackets brushed together. He took her into his arms and breathed in and out heavily. Nana remembered Hachi, Nobu, Yasu, Shin, and everyone else. "Is it worth it to leave all of them just for this one guy?" she thought, "They've already lost Ren. I've lost Ren…" She had to ask, "If I leave… Will I ever see you again?"
She could feel Ren's breath as he sighed, "I don't know. You'll be old; I might not recognize you anymore." He chuckled as he gripped her tightly.
Ren's body was hard and slim, just like always and it molded to her form perfectly. If I leave I will never find anyone like him again. Tears fell from her eyes, "Dammit! Why does it have to be so hard! It's not fair," she looked up into his face. His eyes were understanding, warm, and he was smiling down at her. She gripped him tightly and shouted, "Say something! Say something to make me want to stay!"
Ren brushed the back of her head with his hand, "It's lonely without you. It's not fair, they get to have you and I had to die!" He pulled away and squatted down, one hand covering his face, the other hanging limply over his knee. "This… It isn't what I wanted!" He began to tremble like Nana had never seen. For the first time in a long time he looked so vulnerable. Ren's voice quivered as he said, "I wanted everything to be perfect."
Nana was frozen to her spot, shaking even more and her heart hurting as she watched this. The two seemed to be in completely different places, the space between them acting as two different worlds. "I-I want to see your Paradise," she told him at last, swallowing hard and staring at his back.
His ears perked up, hearing the sweet, honest sentence and he slowly turned around, afraid that if he moved to quickly she'd run away like a scared cat. He rose to his feet and held out his hand to her, "Are you sure?" he asked in a delicate way as she gingerly took his hand.
With another hard thump of her heart she said, "Yes."
They walked together to the front door of the warehouse where they didn't know what to expect. Nana put her hand on the handle and twisted it, the door seemed to open the rest of the way on its own. The white light blinded her once more and she felt it pull her forward, Ren just an arm's length behind.
Once the light had vanished confusion, frustration, and disappointment filled her. Letting go of his hand she wandered into the space before her. The band set up was familiar and she found her way to the mic stand, the one with the scarf tying a rose to it. She touched it gently and tried to look out through the blinding red, blue, and green lights to see the audience. Ren was next to her now, not holding a guitar, but a bass. He swung the strap around his shoulders and smiled at her.
Without even realizing it she began to sing, her voice more powerful and beautiful than ever before. As she sang the words to a song she'd forgotten that she'd known things began to make more sense:
Gone but not forgotten are the frozen,
Tears of our soul, the one,
We made together to make each other whole.
Embrace me!
Take me!
Drown me in your scent!
Scent of cigarettes, smoking,
Through the frozen air,
Rock and roll compelling us,
They don't know where we've been,
The heartbreak that lead us here,
To this always winter place,
Where warmth can only reach,
Us in a soul mate's embrace.
Nana's voice faded away as she knew what she wanted to do. She passed the mic stand and stepped off of the stage to see it. Ren's Paradise. If… Ren's Paradise is the same as mine then… With eyes wide she knew it. This was it. His Paradise was exactly how she pictured it. It was a large room, now big enough to fit a stage that held the Black Stones banner proudly above it. The room itself was a warehouse with a bed, a kitchen, Sid and Nancy posters, and a tiny bathtub. On the far side of the room she couldn't help but feel her heart squeeze when she saw something she'd never seen before.
Encased in an intricate silver frame the size of a window stood a woman. Her hair was short and charcoal underneath the soft white veil. The veil was attached to a gorgeous white gold tiara, just as intricate as the frame. With cat eyes decorated in bridal make-up, cheeks flushed from the embarrassment she felt when he told her she was beautiful. Her floor length gown was silk in a silhouette that complimented her tiny frame. A slit from the top of her right hip revealed the garter on her thigh, travelling down her slender leg, to the pearly white of her heel. The bouquet she held contained pink lotus blossoms and other tinier flowers. The onlooker could see the gleaming of her engagement ring, the one that matched her best friend's along with a wedding ring on top of it. The wedding ring had a diamond shaped like a heart encrusted with two smaller rubies to either side and the engraved look of whisps.
Next to this woman, looking handsome and proud was a man with spiked black hair. His face was strong and clearly the happiest it had ever been. He wore the traditional suit for this auspicious day and also had a ring gracing his left hand. It was more masculine, but beautiful all the same. He had his arms around her as they looked at all of their friends.
Nana collapsed to the ground again with a hand cupping her mouth and more tears found their way down her cheeks. "…Oh my…" she choked before she could say anymore. She turned over to see the back of her left hand. Surely enough, it was still there, the engagement ring, her final gift from a living Ren and it gleamed in the light. She cried so hard that she couldn't hold herself up. She'd looked into a picture of something that would never be now that Ren was dead.
Ren's face fell into sadness, realizing what all of this had done to her. I've trapped you here… There's no way you can go back now… He felt the guilt rise in his chest as he stared at this picture that he hadn't seen before either. He put a hand on it and part of him felt the glee of that moment. He turned around to look at Nana, all crumpled on the floor. He picked her up and put her on the bed next to him and whispered, "I'm sorry." He then kissed her and left her to herself.
Nana was about to fall asleep from the exhaustion when she heard a chorus of voices calling out to her.
"Nana!" Hachi was crying hysterically.
"Don't give up, Nana! Just hold on!" came Nobu's choked voice. "Yasu, you have to do something!"
Nana looked at the door that she and Ren had stepped through together, it was glowing. I can still go back…
Hey everyone, thanks for waiting for the new chapter! I was trying to decide what Nana should do. So, I will leave it up to the readers. The next chapter will most likely be the final one. If you go to my profile page you can vote if Nana stays with Ren, returns to the world of the living, or if you would like me to write both endings. I will write the ending that is most popular. Until then, read and review. ~Hatori's Snowdrop Princess
