Hey! I'm finally updating again. I've changed my plan for this so much since I last updated but I'm now settled on a final decision for where I'm going to go with it, so hopefully I'll be able to do it justice and you'll enjoy reading it. Also, in case you didn't know, I'm British so I apologise in advance if there's any typically British stuff in here. I'm trying to sound as American as I can, I swear.

Don't forget to leave me a review; they are very much valued :)


The clock on the dashboard flashed 02:48 and Shane slowed to a halt, staring gloomily at the empty street in front of her. The night was jet-black. A streetlamp behind the car flickered feebly, barely managing to cast sufficient light within a metre radius. Droplets of rain glistened under the glow of the headlights and splattered heavily against the windows. Switching the wipers on, she squinted through the dense darkness to read the road sign. Yes, this was the place. Suddenly she felt nervous and considered turning back home. No, she needed to see. Just a quick look and then leave, she repeated to herself. Somewhere to her right, she could hear the muffled sound of a party in full swing – loud music, laughter and ladies. For once she didn't feel like following the noise and joining the party. In fact, the last thing she wanted was to take some pretty little nobody for a meaningless fuck, especially not when memories of her relationship with Carmen kept floating around her mind. Her fists clenched on the steering wheel as she drove cautiously down the deserted street, instinctively sinking lower in her seat. She counted nine houses as she passed them before coming to a stop outside a house she had visited so frequently a few years back.

The house looked exactly the same as she remembered it, as if she had visited just yesterday. Yet, having seen the household buzzing with activity, packed with Carmen's many relatives and smelling of whatever Mercedes had been cooking, it was strange to see it so quiet and dark. She remembered pulling up to this exact spot with Carmen and feeling the nausea rising in the pit of her stomach. Meeting Carmen's family had terrified her at first; not knowing much about what it meant to be a family, but she soon grew to love the Morales just as much as she loved Carmen. They made her feel like she belonged somewhere, like she mattered. All you have to do is be yourself and they are going to fucking love you. Shane smirked at the memory and turned the ignition, preparing to leave.

Before she could drive away, a light flicked on inside the house and she froze. She didn't want to be seen sat outside but a part of her really wanted to know that Carmen was still in LA, and hadn't left again as soon as she had finished her set at Hit. Shane stared at the window, her foot hovering above the gas pedal ready to floor it if she was spotted. The dark haired Latina finally sauntered into view, drinking from a milk carton and stretching her free arm above her head, her tank top riding up her stomach as she did so. Shane sunk lower and couldn't help but smile affectionately as Carmen wiped her mouth and yawned widely. Noticing her bare stomach she quickly pulled her top back down and to Shane's surprise, she drew her hands up to her eyes and her shoulders began to shake violently. Shane automatically reached for the door handle to get out of the car but hesitated before opening it, realising how awful it would look if she ran into Carmen's house at three in the morning to comfort her, especially when Carmen thought she was crying in the privacy of her home. Just then Carmen dropped her hands, tears streaming down her face and glanced out of the window, frowning as she spotted Shane's car in front of her house.

"Fuck!" Shane shouted, realising that her concern for Carmen had made her forget that she would need to get out of there and quickly. She slammed her foot onto the gas pedal and sped away from Carmen's house, not stopping until she reached her own driveway.

... ... ... ... ...

A soft wind rustled through the trees. The sky was clear and Shane placed her shades over her eyes as she sauntered down the winding path, listening to the gravel crunch under her sneakers as she did so. She stopped at a crossroad in the path before sharply turning right and proceeding down a gentle hill. She walked in a mechanical fashion, her face expressionless, silently counting the rows of tombstones as she marched. After reaching the seventh row she turned left and walked between the graves, absent-mindedly reading them when she passed. Nancy Redcliff, aged 92; Robert Fletcher, aged 41; Sara Naylor, aged 17. God, this was depressing. Shane ruffled her hair and came to a sudden standstill when she reached Jenny's grave at the end of the row. Her eyes slowly roamed over the ridiculously fancy tombstone, sighing at the stupid verse written on the stone. As if Jenny could be summed up in four rhyming sentences. Bouquets of various sizes and colours were arranged meticulously in front of the grave; some already turning brown and limp. Shane laid a small bunch of flowers with the rest and sat on the grass, still slightly damp from the recent bad weather. She stared at the name in front of her. Jenny Schecter. It was bizarre how empty that name now felt to Shane. She opened her mouth slowly and closed it, looked around the cemetery and tried again.

"Hi," she began, wincing at how absurd she sounded, "I thought I'd come by and give you those. I don't know what they are exactly, but I suppose that doesn't really matter now... Jenny, this feels stupid. Why do people even bother doing this, speaking to graves? You can't hear us." She looked around her again, feeling self-conscious, but she was completely alone. After a long pause, she mumbled, "We were best friends, why didn't you talk to me before you jumped into that fucking pool? Why did you hide so much from me?" Shane pounded her fist into the ground in frustration and angrily wiped away a traitorous tear. She sighed and continued, "I miss you, Jenny. It feels like a completely different world without you here, even though everything else has remained the same. I feel like everything about me is different too; I'm changing and it scares me. I'm lost in a city I know so well."

Shane heard someone move behind her and turned suddenly, offended by the interruption. Her angry words stopped short in her throat, however, as Carmen walked slowly along the row of graves and hesitated just before she reached Shane. She pretended she hadn't accidently overheard the last part of Shane's speech.

"I didn't know you were going to be here, sorry." Carmen crossed the last few steps until she reached Jenny's grave and indicated a bouquet of flowers in her right hand. "Just bringing these," she explained and placed the flowers next to Shane's. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

Shane blinked and quickly forced her eyes away from Carmen's figure, directing her next words to the grass she was picking out of the ground. "Do you want to sit?" she asked, not expecting Carmen to accept the offer.

On the contrary Carmen immediately sat on the ground, not caring about the damp feel of the grass, and stared at Shane. She watched as Shane's eyes flickered uneasily from the grave to the ground to Carmen and back again. The two women did not speak for several minutes.

"Are we just going to sit here in silence then?" Carmen asked acidly.

Shane turned and looked into Carmen's eyes, reading her expression, before whispering, "I'll get out of your way."

She stood and straightened her shirt before walking towards the exit. As she passed Carmen, she felt a hand suddenly wrap tightly around her bony wrists; in a flash the hand was gone again. She turned to see Carmen looking shocked at herself. The latter lifted her eyes to Shane, flashing a pleading look as she stuttered,

"Wait. Stay, please?"

Shane stared at the woman in front of her. Her ex-fiancé, the woman she had torn apart, was asking for her company? She didn't dwell on it though and obeyed in an instant; fearful that Carmen would change her mind just as quickly as she had made it. She made sure she sat some distance from Carmen to allow her some space. Again, the Latina initiated the conversation.

"So can I ask what you were doing outside my house at 3 a.m. a couple of days ago? Don't tell me you weren't; I saw your car drive away when I looked out of the window, and you were inside it. It's a little bit creepy, don't you think?"

Shit. Shane was silent for a moment, trying to find a way out of this without simply getting up and running. She was sick of running. She pulled her fingers through her hair, removed her shades and cleared her throat.

"Carmen, I don't know how to answer that."

"At least you're honest," Carmen snickered.

"I don't know how to explain. But I'll try," Shane continued, disregarding Carmen's remark, "I was pretty freaked out when you suddenly appeared out of the blue, after all these years. What did you expect? I was even more confused that you acknowledged me. I've been in a bad shape since… since Jenny; everything is so strange and I'm not sure what I'm doing here anymore. I was stupid, with some girl," she explained, pausing here as Carmen flinched at her words, "But all I could think about was you, and the fact that suddenly you were back in LA. I ran from the girl and went home but the next thing I knew I was in my car, driving towards your house." Carmen ducked her head and Shane was worried she was crying again but she continued anyway, wanting her to understand. "I just needed to know you hadn't left."

"When you call them 'some girl'," Carmen snapped, lifting her head suddenly and revealing fresh tears forming in her eyes, "You make them sound like they are nothing, as if they don't matter and don't have feelings that you can easily crush." Her voice broke slightly at this but she regained control and glared at Shane.

Shane understood they weren't really talking about Lily at this point. She put her head in her hands and spoke into her palms.

"I know, and you've got to believe me when I say it's something I'm not proud of."

Carmen laughed curtly, "Don't give me that 'it's just who I am' bullshit, Shane. It won't work on me this time."

The women looked at each other, remembering what Shane had asked Alice to tell Carmen on their wedding day. Shane slowly moved closer to Carmen, until she could practically reach out and hold her. Carmen did not react to Shane's advance and stood her ground.

"I don't know what I can do to make you believe how sorry I am. I wouldn't be surprised if you never believe me. I wouldn't blame you." Shane hung her head, before adding, "If there is one thing I regret, out of all the stupid things I've done, it's leaving you. I hurt and humiliated you in front of our friends and family, and I ran away from the best thing that ever happened to me." At this Shane looked right into Carmen's eyes, "I am so sorry."

Carmen stared back into Shane's eyes, giving the latter the familiar feeling that Carmen could see right into her soul and read it as easily as a book. The Latina sighed; she couldn't deny Shane's apology came from the heart.

Her voice softened as she replied, "I was so mad at you, livid in fact. But I think time allows people to gain perspective and grow. I'm not mad anymore, not really. I'm staying in LA; Kit has given me an offer I can't refuse, for one thing, and I want us to work this out somehow. I want to be able to walk into The Planet or Hit and not feel this awkward tension. I miss having you in my life; I've stopped pretending that isn't true."

Shane nodded, "I miss you too."

"Okay. We both need to work on things. I need to stop being so demanding and you need to stop running away."

"I want to. I'm so tired."

"You need to see what you have and cherish that."

"I know."

There was a final pause before Carmen smiled, "I'm going to hug you now, okay?"

Shane grinned, somewhat in disbelief, and nodded. Carmen leaned in halfway and Shane met her in the middle, embracing her firmly and trying as best she could to put all her remorse into the hug. Carmen allowed the hot tears to spill out onto her cheeks and roll off her chin as she gripped tightly to Shane, whilst the latter stroked the Latina's hair. Both women secretly marvelled in the fact that they could feel the other's body so close to their own again, as though it was where each had always belonged.

They broke apart at the same time and grinned sheepishly at each other. Carmen excused herself to run an errand and said goodbye to Jenny. She squeezed Shane's hand lightly before getting to her feet and walking away. Shane noticed that Carmen suddenly seemed to hold herself more freely, as though a visible weight had been lifted. The former grinned at the retreating figure, before patting Jenny's tombstone lightly and returning up the cemetery path to her car.

... ... ... ... ...

The following day, Shane was walking towards The Planet. It was a beautiful day and she had decided to leave the car at home. She had a strange feeling something wonderful was about to happen. She hadn't stopped smiling since her encounter the previous day with Carmen and she seemed to have adopted a slight spring to her step. Stopping at the corner of the sidewalk and waiting for the long line of cars to pass, she sang into her cell,

"Guess who I was with yesterday?"

Alice's intrigue was immediately captured, "Who?"

"Carmen."

"What?"

"That's right. Alice, we talked and it was fantastic. Like, really talked. She wants things to just be okay between us again."

Alice gasped as though receiving the juiciest gossip she had ever heard, "Did you guys fuck?"

"Wha-no, Alice, we just talked." Shane heard Alice grumbling to herself at the missed opportunity to spread the word to everyone she knew. Shane merely laughed, adding, "Al I'll see you at The Planet okay? I've just got something to do real quick."

"Don't be long!"

Shane hung up, sliding her cell into her jeans pocket and jogged across the road until she reached the store that Lily worked in. Taking a deep breath, and remembering what she had discussed with Carmen, she let herself in and stepped warily up to the counter. A large, built man stood in front of Shane, his thick tattooed arms folded across his chest. He towered over everything, his sharp buzz cut almost touching the ceiling. Shane stared wide-eyed up at him, and asked politely,

"Is Lily working today?"

He nodded.

"Can I speak to her?"

Without answering, he disappeared into the back room, appearing again moments later with Lily in tow. Lily gasped as she spotted Shane and immediately scowled.

"You've got some nerve."

"Everything okay Lily?" the large man asked in a strangely camp voice, contrasting greatly with his appearance.

Shane stared at him with a look of surprise, before returning her attention to Lily, "I just want to talk to you."

Lily ushered the man away and folded her arms in anticipation.

"About the other night," Shane began, "I am really sorry. I freaked out and that's the reason I left; it was nothing about you. I've been pretty fucked up, and not just recently. I treat women like crap most of the time because I'm terrified and I'm sorry to say I did it to you too. I'm trying to change. I'm so sorry," she pleaded, flashing Lily a hesitant smile, "Friends?"

Lily sighed, unfolded her arms and nodded. Shane grinned instantly and thanked her. Her cell began to ring and she excused herself for a moment.

"Al, what's up?"

"I just got a call from the hospital. It's Max."

Shane's face turned white. Lily frowned at her, worried and not sure what to do.

"What? What's wrong? Is he alright? What happened?" Shane blurted out quickly.

"Oh, yeah everything is fine. Shane, Max has gone into labour. Get your ass to the hospital right now; we'll meet you there. Isn't this exciting?"