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I haven't got internet as I type this so I can't write in pennames etc but to the reader who asked if Embry imprinted on Leah its a no, it's not an imprint story as I thought I would try something different :D
To the reader who asked if Becca knows about the wolves , no she doesn't,. Leah has only given her a human version of what happened with sam, she hasn't said about the imprint etc just that sam left her for Emily.
I have a feeling there were other questions ... damn...ummm ask me anything and I will PM or reply via next chapters :D
Oh and before I get bombarded with messages about anything that doesn't add up to the real twilight story I have changed a few things. In my version Leah left after the Newborn fight and wasn't around for the Renesmee drama. I'm not sure what the SM version is on how Emily got scarred but obviously I did my version, some ages may be different too but I try to keep to real names and background stories :D So if anything differs then it's most likely on purpose.
I do not own Twilight.
Enjoy! And leave a review you amazing people xxx
The soft snores of Max travelled through the barely lit house as I sat in a ball on my sofa cuddled into a blanket and the TV flashed in silent images in front of me illuminating the room.
My hands were shuffling through the little box I kept secret under my bed, it was the only part of La Push I had left, I had made sure to grab it before I left and every now and then I would take a look. Today would have been my dad's birthday, but he was gone. I still loved him and missed him and so I did my annual ritual that I did on any loved ones birthday and sat comforting myself while looking through old memories.
My hands shook as my eyes washed over a picture of me and my dad at the beach, we were building sand castles, I was only little and in the back ground I could see Seth running around with my mom he was barely a toddler. A smile was slipping from my lips and tears stung at my eyes as my index finger brushed over the laughing face of each of my family members, faces I hadn't seen in so long. Every ounce of me longed to go back but I didn't have the strength, I once got as far as packing a suitcase to go home but I chickened out, I couldn't do it.
I let the picture drop to my lap and my hand found the next photo, this was a painful one, the fresh way it tore at my chest brought my tears slipping down my face. It was Sam and I, only weeks before he phased. He was holding me from behind, the memory of his touch was warm and loving and the smile on his face so familiar. I didn't love him, I just missed him, I missed the touch he gave me, the feeling he stirred from within. I was a kid when we were together, I thought it was real love, I thought we were invincible. Only weeks after that photo was taken I found out we weren't. Only months after that photo I realised that Sam wasn't the guy I thought he was, he wasn't loving, not to me anyway. He was horrible, selfish, and hateful of me. For a while I thought he felt guilty for what he did, when I was phased I could feel his hurt at my hurt, I knew he didn't like hurting me, at least I thought he didn't but then there was that day, the day my world truly crashed around me. I remembered it so well.
I had found out I was pregnant that morning, it was cold and raining, it mirrored my mood perfectly the way the thunder rolled overhead and the rain lashed down like the tears I was refusing to shed. I had run to Emily's house, I didn't know what else to do I needed someone. The memories washed over me and I shut my eyes letting myself slip back to that moment.
"Emily" I yelled before I reached the front porch, my eyes scanning around for a sign of any of the wolfs but none were there, I could smell Sam faintly but he wasn't in the house. Only Emily's heart beat from inside and so I barged in without knocking. Emily's worried face appeared at the top of the stairs, her scars fresh and angry; Sam had done it only a few weeks before. Not long after I phased from what I was told Emily had freaked out about everything, she had known before I phased but she was having second thoughts, she felt bad about what she was doing and they got into an argument over everything. He got angry, phased and her pretty face was ruined. Although she was still beautiful.
"Leah the guys aren't here they are at the beach" She called out and the quiver in her voice was loud and obvious, I scared her.
"I need to speak to you" I lowered my voice, whispering as such and luckily she heard me because she edged her way down the stairs until she was on the bottom one looking down at me.
"What's happened? Is everyone ok?" She cocked her head to the side and again her voice shook with fear and anticipation of what I was doing here. She was so perfect, so loving of all the guys she had been adopted as pack mom. It made me sick how glorified she was when all I had been able to think about her was man stealing whore. I shook the anger away though knowing it would get me nowhere; I was here because of me not the pack but me.
"There fine. It's me. I umm, I just need someone to talk to. I need help" I hated admitting it, I hated that I had come crawling to her like this, she after all was the cause of my pain but she was the one person who knew me inside and out, she was responsible she would know what to do. As I said the words she stepped down from the stairs and walked toward me stopping short but close enough for her to feel the heat from my body because she became flushed from hotness in minutes.
"It's bad. I don't know what to do. What to say. Everything's bad enough without this adding to it" I began rambling as part of me quivered away from the words itching to break free from my throat. She cocked her head slightly and frowned in confusion, her hands were twitching and I knew she wanted to take hold of me but she stopped herself.
"You can tell me anything Leah" She said the words she always said, I once believed them, part of me still did but I tried not to. Even so I needed someone and she was older and wiser than me, she would know what to do.
"I don't know how it happened. Or when, I mean I know how but I phased, I shouldn't be but I am" I rambled again and Emily stood quietly just listening, not pushing or being too cautious she just listened and waited.
"It's going to cause problems Em. Everyone's going to be so mad at me. At him. I don't know" I stopped again right before the words reached my throat and Emily's body fell rigid, she knew I meant Sam and I could only imagine the scenarios running through her head right now. There was caution in her eyes, she wasn't sure what I was getting at but I guessed she thought I meant me and Sam had done something. I nearly laughed at the idea myself, it was ridiculous Sam hated me now.
I walked around her to the kitchen grabbing a glass and filling it with water before gulping it down.
"What are you talking about Leah?" Emily finally spoke and I turned my head to see that she was still in the place I had left her, her body tense and on edge as she watched me with interest. "What happened? Did you?"
I really did have to laugh this time. Ridiculous, she actually thought I had done something, it was only what she deserved but no, not in a million years would Sam Uley ever look at me like that. "Come on Emily don't be stupid. It's worse than that Em. It's so much fucking worse. What am I going to do?" I said the last bit to myself, mumbling it in self question but as I said it my hand flew to my stomach, my thumb smoothing in circular motions that must have triggered something because Emily let out a gasp and her eyes darted to my stomach.
My rubbing stopped, I had blown that. Why had I even done that? I had been doing it all morning, I felt like when I touched my stomach that I could feel the life inside, feel the glimmer of hope growing within me and Emily seemed to notice it too because she paled so much I thought she would faint.
"You're not" She whispered as her body swung and she fell into a chair by the table her eyes still locked on my stomach. She knew.
"I'm pregnant" I whispered back but the whispers we spoke were being elevated around the kitchen as if they were being screamed and Emily's body fell into a slouch and I could see her eyes brim red. She was obviously worried about what it would mean for her and Sam. Selfish tears.
"But you're a wolf, can you? Are you sure?" She perked up after a few minutes but she was still red eyed.
"I didn't think I could but I am, I've done ten tests Em, I've tracked my period back to around four months ago which works out with when I was last with him. I didn't plan this" I felt the need to defend myself and she shook her head at me telling me she didn't think I had.
Her tears were forming now, her shoulders twitched in a building sob. "Oh god, this is bad Leah, what will happen?" She mumbled and my defensive streak twitched within me.
"Don't worry Emily, your safe I don't want him back" I did want him back but I was trying to be strong and show her I wouldn't let them hurt me even though they did hurt me, every single day.
She shook her head at me as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm not saying that Leah, but what will happen? I have felt like shit for so long, I can't do it to a baby, I can't, I felt bad enough for what I did to you but now your... Oh god Leah I am so sorry. Oh god I'm a horrible person. What are you going to do? You have to tell him" She stood up suddenly not giving me a chance to hear her words properly but I sprung toward her desperately.
"No don't tell him. I don't know what I'm doing, I can't tell him. I can't" I was begging, I felt pathetic but I had this overwhelming fear she would tell him.
"Well what will you do? You can't get rid of it Leah you just can't it's a part of you"
My stomach churned at the mention of abortion, my hand flew protectively to my stomach and a growl escaped my throat. The little thing inside me was mine, it was my little sparkle of hope, of life, there was no way I was getting rid of it.
"I'll help you, Sam will help you. Leah you're going to be ok." She cooed at me, stirring anger in me that I was trying to keep at bay, I wouldn't phase again. I knew why it hurt so bad, because it hurt him and I wouldn't do it anymore.
"No Emily, I'm not. I will never be ok. I am alone, I am hurt and to top it off I am fucking pregnant. I have to sit by and watch the man I loved so much be with you while I stand there pregnant and alone? I am anything but ok Emily" I didn't shout but I was sharp and mean. Tears streamed down her face and she was rocking with sobs all while I kept mine in, I barely cried these days, I was just angry.
"I am so sorry; if I could take it back I would Leah. Believe me when I say I am sorry. But we can do this together; we can be a family again. Please just let me help you. That's why you came here isn't it? We can make a plan, we can tell Sam together, we can do this together" She offered her hands to me but I just backed off and fell into the chair she had just raised from.
"What am I going to do? I can't be here" I knew it, I felt it, I felt trapped here. I didn't want this to be my reality, I didn't want to be here and the girl that was stupid and pregnant.
"You can't leave, this is your home we can do this, we can figure it all out" Emily whispered but I think she knew how I was feeling and my reasoning for what I said. Since the imprint happened I wanted to leave, I felt tied here because of the pack but right now I felt like I could leave if I wanted to. I felt like I needed to for the baby because this was a place that turned me into such a bitch. I couldn't be a mother when I was the way I was.
Minutes passed in silence, Emily stopped crying but her face was red and her eyes puffy, she didn't come closer to me we just stared at one another both of us trying to figure it out. It was the most confusion situation; I had all these mixed emotions and feelings. The only one I knew was that I loved this kid, I wanted this kid.
"What's going on?" A rough voice erupted from the doorway and I turned to see Sam, Jacob and Embry, all three of them shooting their looks between me and a tearful Emily. My head snapped to her and her eyes were still trained on mine; I tried giving her a signal, anything to tell her to lie. I wasn't ready for this, he couldn't know.
"We were just talking" Emily spoke through a hoarse voice and she turned her back on everyone in the room but that just made it worse because Sam went storming past me to where she was stood and she instantly shunned from his hold, squirming away which sent Sam into a glare at me.
"Let me guess what about" He snapped and Emily quickly shook her head at him and pulled on his arm. This was getting risky.
"Sam leave her alone, it's not like that we were talking and I got upset you know what I'm like" She tried to plead with him but it was a fight she would lose, there was anger and protection in his eyes as he thought I had upset her. I guess I had but for once it wasn't the way he figured I had.
"And I know what she's like" He spat out and Emily gasped, her hand dropping for her arm and she shuffled away from him her own eyes aflame with anger. At least she still had some loyalty to me.
"Sam" Jake warned from behind me and I stood up from where I was sat to walk away, I had been trying to do this lately, walk away from the fights because it got worse if I fought back but as I went a hand grabbed my upper arm and span me around. Sam was glaring down into my face, so much anger there, he had bottled it up but I guess the thought of me upsetting Emily was too much.
"Leah I have told you to stay away from her. Why can't you do what you're told?" He growled down and both my pack brothers were at my side in an instant pulling him off and shoving him back while Emily stood frozen behind him.
"Fuck you" I said it so simply it sounded pathetic but it felt amazing, I hadn't talked back to him before, I usually just took whatever he said and sulked to myself but right now I felt blazing. He stared at me for a second unsure of what to do while Jacob raised his eyebrows in amusement and Embry shuffled from side to side but both boys backed off knowing I could handle myself by this point.
"You know what Leah, I am so fucking done with this bullshit. I've put up with your bitching and you're moaning up till now because I felt like shit for what I did to you but don't come into my own house and make Emily cry. You've had your time to bitch about what happened now move on because it's getting boring and quite frankly no one fucking cares" He finished sharply, his flaming eyes dimmed and his mouth dropped as he realised he had just been way out of line. My heart felt like it was physically breaking, a lump grew in my throat and for a second I thought I would crumble but I stopped myself, as no one said a word I stopped myself from falling apart and took in his words. No one cares. No one cares. He was right, I knew it all along but I still carried on being a bitch. No one cared what happened to me, no one would care when I came out as being pregnant.
"Sam" Emily finally piped her, her voice small but firm and I blinked as I let myself come back to reality. Sam was staring at me while both his pack brothers stared at him in a mixture of shock and disgust and what he said. They weren't my pack brothers anymore, I was done with this, I was done with them and him, all this shit was too much. I wanted one thing, my baby, I was gone. I didn't want this life.
"You need to leave" Sam spoke softer this time but his words leaked at me with something more than a simple advisory warning. I needed to leave. I needed to leave this place, I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't be that Leah anymore. I needed more; I deserved more, this baby deserved more than parents who hate each other.
"Sam" Emily spoke again and stepped forward but not to Sam to me. I glanced at her, my eyes fighting the tears I knew would make me weak.
"No it's fine. Thanks for your help but I think I know what to do now" My voice was quiet and her face paled even more as she took in my words and the look that was leaking from my eyes. She knew. She was smart, she knew what was I thinking and she went to walk for me but I turned and left before anyone could say another word.
"Leah don't please don't" She called out anyway and I ignored it, walking harder toward where my car was parked. "Sam you asshole. How dare you, you don't understand you utter asshole she wasn't upsetting me. Get off me, get away from me" I could hear Emily's shout inside, the bitterness in her voice was something I never thought I would hear her aiming at Sam but she was. It didn't make me feel good though.
I climbed into my car and glanced back to the house were Jacob was pulling Sam out as he shook with anger, Embry lingered at the bottom step, his eyes locking on me for a split second before he turned to run after his alpha. He wasn't looking at me like Sam did or the others, he was actually seeing me, his eyes giving me no pity just concern.
But I knew what I was doing, I was leaving and no amount of sudden love from my ex pack brothers would stop me, I had to leave, I was going to leave.
My eyes watered at the memories that washed through me, the picture in my hands burning at my flesh and I stood up and walked to the kitchen, my trembling hands turning on the gas cooker and holding the picture over the blue flames. It singed away, burning away at the pain I had hung on to for so long. I couldn't let it go even now but I would start, this picture would no longer serve as a reminder because Sam wasn't that guy, he hadn't been for so long, he was a dick to me in the end. He showed no love to me, he hated me and now I kind of hated him too. I wouldn't go back, the decision I had made those years ago was the right one.
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