I'm beginning to wonder if there's a difference between the reality and the dream…?
I can hear crying…
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,"
…and singing…
"You make me happy when clouds are gray,"
…there's something in the words…
"You'll never…"
…more than just a melody… …
"...know…just how much I love…"
…the words…break off..
into
pieces.
"…you…so please don't…t-take.."
It ends.
I can feel my insides, pressing and compressing beneath the skin. I can feel the cracks, silvery and broken creeping up and down my arms, splitting the cells from the core. I can feel the wounds open, geysers of puss and blood.
I'm deteriorating from the inside.
…But I can't feel…
It's getting tighter; I'm running out of room. The walls are closing in. How do I run away? I want to run away! How do you run from the inside?
An incessant clock ticks away the hours.
Beep…
I pray for the end.
Beep…
It's so bright.
Beep…
I'm drowning from the inside.
Beep…
I can feel it, the final pinch, in my chest.
It's finally here.
Beep…
Maybe…
I'm falling.
It won't be so bad…
Backward…
Maybe…
into…the…light…
it's okay to die.
"Patient is stable, doctor," Light fingers trace the edges of a tattered hand. Across the wrist, pale imprints fall alien against spidery blue veins. Veins in which life flows steadily through. Oxygen comes through the mouth, down into the lungs, and finally, befriends the blood. The daughter of nature and the father of life dance through the circuitry and everything they touch turns to gold, red, and brown, the colors of the dying leaves. Wind has danced with the autumn child and with it brings the spirit of the dead youth, tainting the cheeks a rose-red.
"Ms. Bell, be sure to keep a vigil on vitals for the rest of the night. Have family and friends been contacted?" The astute man screamed authority as he towered massively above a blurred woman in pink. Squeakily she replied,
"Yes. There was only one contact on the list though. No answer at home," Suddenly, the man shifted, moving closer to the motionless body.
"I wonder what kind of life he's waking up to." A door closed and fluorescent lights were flicked off, leaving the scene in a familiar darkness.
Body to body, warmth left her lips, staining his pale cheek. Then, as if in apology, the cool caress of a solemn tear slid down, mending. Her breathing fell into an erratic rhythm, steady, sharp, steady, sharp, steady. She was waiting; anticipation eating away at her inside. She was breaking; hope only lead to sorrow. She drummed her fingers against the rail of the bed. The plastic drum made for little company as it sounded its melancholy war cry. Hopelessness was winning out. The little drummer boy, first into battle, would be the first to perish. Accompanied by her right hand on the drums, her left hand drew circles across the rim, scratches joining the painful song.
"S-stop," Her heart skipped a beat, her fingers drummed faster, anticipation breaking into a solo, calling out victory.
"Agh, stop," The words were hardly audible, grunted more than spoken. The lips barely parted, pink chasing away a long endured blue. She held on edge, finally, the fingers were restive, enjoying the bounty of a long fought battle. And, her heart stopped. Her breath caught in the back of her throat. The brilliance of two green eyes, welcoming in the streaming sunlight, reflected in her soft blue.
"Reno," The words came out in a whisper. He didn't move. He didn't respond. He just stared at her, blank. And just like that, it was over. He fell back into slumber. But she didn't move. She watched his motionless body. Waiting? Adoring?
"Miss?" The stout pink-clad nurse shook the woman's shoulder gently. Before the nurse was prepared, before the girl had caught her breath, she spun on her heal, staring downward into the woman's eyes.
"He woke up. He spoke to me," She could feel the tears, but she couldn't stop them. A river of held back feelings fell in a water fall. "I'm just so happy."
"She said he woke up," The nurse, peered over her half-moon spectacles at the doctor. And the doctor, back turned toward the nurse, peered in through the window of patient number eight, Reno Milford. A woman, not younger than twenty but not older than twenty-five, held perfectly still beside the patient's bed, staring too, at his serene face.
"His vitals?" It was something he couldn't understand. It was something he'd never had. She was so devoted to him, even in slumber. In her eyes, there was limitless hope. In her eyes, his reflection became alive. It was as if the slumbering man was awake and staring, through her eyes.
"Improving still," The woman flicked through a record sheet.
"Good," There was an absence in his voice; he spoke, yet he wasn't truly there. He was in the room, watching the girl. She was like a child on Christmas day, anxious to open her presents. Yet, a soft mildew held steady on the film of her eyes; sorrow dwelled deep within.
"Visitation is almost over, sir," The nurse, tapped the doctor on the arm. Her brown purse was slung over her shoulder, leaving fine indents where the weight relented. A folder full of patient reports accompanied the other hand. She was a picture of a soldier at arms, waiting for her commander's dismissal.
"Is it?" She nodded and nodded to the two, the girl and her sleeping prince. She paused, waiting for more, a word of good-bye? He didn't even turn back to her; he just remained still, eyes trained on the solemn room. The nurse shrugged her shoulders and with that, was off. The doctor pushed off of the wooden station, paused before the door, and left. It wouldn't hurt to give them just a little more time.
She held his hand in hers, tracing every wrinkle. "Reno," The named rolled off the tongue with warmth. She spoke it as if it was all and everything in the world. It was entirety. The slumbering man remained stagnant. She didn't talk anymore; she just stared. Prior anticipation and hopes gave way to calm and knowledge. He would wake up. There were no doubts in her mind about that. It was a just a matter of waiting and if she had to, she would wait an eternity. He shifted. The girl held her breath. This could be it! She felt his fingers flutter beneath hers. Then, they were gone. His fingers had been ripped from her hand, scratching the palm. It all happened in a blur. The next thing she was aware of was the pounding of her heart.
The man's eyes burst open, the pupils small and obscured; every light, however small, burned. He tore at the sheets, at his clothes. His breathing came heavy and burdened. The beeping of the pulse-ox meter intensified, playing like a bar of a thousand sixteenth notes, one after the other after the other after the other. His hands turned into clawed weapons, digging at plugs and machines. The IV on his right wrist stared back him, taunting him from within and from the outside. What was it? Why was it? He wanted it out! He lounged for the cable and tore. Then, came the screams. Pain, the man could feel it tainting his flesh. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced. He was one fire. His entire body was on fire. His eyes, bending to the darkness and light, focused on the hospital around him and the screams came again. The human cries and mechanic beeping filled the room with a horrid melody. The girl shook from head to toe, her eyes widening in fear.
Then, he turned on her. His eyes cutting into hers like knives. She couldn't breath.
"Reno," Her voice squeaked out, barely audible. Her hand still hung in the air, where he'd left it. Now, he grabbed, digging his violent force into her flesh. He pulled her toward him. Her chest hit against the metal awnings, rivulets of pain descended from her torso. His eyes accused her, burned her, cut her.
"Who are you?"
But despite her failed attempts at breathing, despite the bruises forming on her chest, this hurt most of all.
Author's Note: I have to fix something in a prior chapter. I didn't really make Roxas very Roxy. I forgot he was so…angry. I don't think I edited that much. Maybe a line or two. I fixed it, but haven't submitted it yet. Also, pulse-ox meter…my mom is a nurse so I asked her what to call the machine. She told me that's what she calls it. Also, this has nothing to do with Final Fantasy Seven (I haven't even played that game. I think it's seven…). Just so we're clear. Some of the things I did with spaces gots messed up here. I made the beeps staggered and the into pieces staggered as well. : ( I liked it that way. Oh...well...
